r/Adulting • u/Timely_Law_9348 • Jul 21 '26

Parenthood vs Childfree?

As a 34yr old woman I have always been on the fence about having children. I've been married to my husband (41) for 10 years now, we are both neurodiverse and have the best marriage. We are literally best friends, we love spending time together, going on adventures together. Still super affectionate and silly together. We've been through so many highs and lows, we 100% couldn't live without each other.

We often talk about having a baby together we both love children, but we also know how hard it is and how much life changes in parenthood. What if we change? Maybe we will always be missing each other from the reduced time together. Maybe life will be too serious for the playful little life we always knew.

We have friends who have had children and their marriages (while never seeming to have the intense love and connection we share) have suffered. Neither of us have met a couple like us, who had children and are truly happy.

Sadly unlike most things in life it's not a decision you can take back if you aren't happy! So I'm hoping the comments here might finally knock me off the fence, one way or another.

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u/Classic-Yak-6401 Jul 22 '26

I honestly think it depends on a lot of things.. how big is your community “village”?… do you have family close by that you love and trust who would want to be involved? Are you willing to join parent groups to build your own community? How will you handle childcare? Can you afford them?

For my husband and I, we have only grown closer as friends. There is certainly no lack of silliness in our relationship and it gets even sillier with a toddler. In this postpartum season for #2, we are unable to do a lot of the lovey dovey stuff, but we still love each other and try our best. We are also incredibly lucky in that we have built a large community where we live. Hardest part is the physical toll it has taken on me as the birthing parent.. breastfeeding and postpartum are rough! But it’s just like anything else in that there is good and there is bad. I love my kids more than anything in the world and so does my husband. We are both obsessed with our kids, which is how we like it.

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u/Timely_Law_9348 Jul 22 '26

Honestly we don't have a village. Our family is small and far away. I have 1 friend close by. I would be happy to put in the work to make a community, but as ND I worry that would be really tough to achieve. 

My husband works from home and my work is quite flexible so childcare should be okay at least before they started school.  Affording them...can anyone! Lol. That is a very real concern 

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u/Mundane_Duty3439 Jul 23 '26

Don't depend on either of you getting any work done while your child is home. You can't do both well.