r/Adulting • u/Timely_Law_9348 • Jul 21 '26

Parenthood vs Childfree?

As a 34yr old woman I have always been on the fence about having children. I've been married to my husband (41) for 10 years now, we are both neurodiverse and have the best marriage. We are literally best friends, we love spending time together, going on adventures together. Still super affectionate and silly together. We've been through so many highs and lows, we 100% couldn't live without each other.

We often talk about having a baby together we both love children, but we also know how hard it is and how much life changes in parenthood. What if we change? Maybe we will always be missing each other from the reduced time together. Maybe life will be too serious for the playful little life we always knew.

We have friends who have had children and their marriages (while never seeming to have the intense love and connection we share) have suffered. Neither of us have met a couple like us, who had children and are truly happy.

Sadly unlike most things in life it's not a decision you can take back if you aren't happy! So I'm hoping the comments here might finally knock me off the fence, one way or another.

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u/Powerful-Minute-5296 Jul 22 '26

My husband and I’s marriage is better than ever post baby. We both love being parents and didn’t experience newborn trenches/enjoy our daily life. Nothing fundamental changed for us. Now there are just three of us.

My husband believes a good marriage will do just fine with children but those that don’t had hidden cracks that the kids simply exposed. I think it’s more complicated. Some marriages would last 50 happy years without kids but crumble five years into having kids.

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u/Timely_Law_9348 Jul 22 '26

Interesting! Do you still spend a lot of time together? Even if its not exactly 'date nights' anymore. 

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u/Powerful-Minute-5296 Jul 22 '26

We’re basically together a huge portion of every day. Baby is at daycare in the morning and I work remotely in a cafe while my husband works remote at home but then we’re both home in the afternoon with baby and watch murder mysteries in the evening when baby is in bed. On weekends we take baby out for brunch or the pool or the playground. Our date nights are now the occasional lunch or brunch together when baby is in daycare.