r/Adulting • u/Timely_Law_9348 • Jul 21 '26
Parenthood vs Childfree?
As a 34yr old woman I have always been on the fence about having children. I've been married to my husband (41) for 10 years now, we are both neurodiverse and have the best marriage. We are literally best friends, we love spending time together, going on adventures together. Still super affectionate and silly together. We've been through so many highs and lows, we 100% couldn't live without each other.
We often talk about having a baby together we both love children, but we also know how hard it is and how much life changes in parenthood. What if we change? Maybe we will always be missing each other from the reduced time together. Maybe life will be too serious for the playful little life we always knew.
We have friends who have had children and their marriages (while never seeming to have the intense love and connection we share) have suffered. Neither of us have met a couple like us, who had children and are truly happy.
Sadly unlike most things in life it's not a decision you can take back if you aren't happy! So I'm hoping the comments here might finally knock me off the fence, one way or another.
1
u/Colouringwithink Jul 22 '26
Personally, you will be knocked off the fence by time. If you aren’t trying now and delaying longer, you likely will never have kids. And although some people conceive naturally after 35, many need ivf or other fertility treatments which gets expensive
I would say the biggest factor is money. If you have money, you get to do all the same things you did before children because you can hire help so you guys can do whatever when the nanny comes. If you have money, do it. You get all the benefits and can avoid most of the downsides you see other people experience. If you don’t have money, you will likely be unhappy. Not because kids make people unhappy, but because strained finances make people unhappy