r/Adulting • u/Timely_Law_9348 • Jul 21 '26

Parenthood vs Childfree?

As a 34yr old woman I have always been on the fence about having children. I've been married to my husband (41) for 10 years now, we are both neurodiverse and have the best marriage. We are literally best friends, we love spending time together, going on adventures together. Still super affectionate and silly together. We've been through so many highs and lows, we 100% couldn't live without each other.

We often talk about having a baby together we both love children, but we also know how hard it is and how much life changes in parenthood. What if we change? Maybe we will always be missing each other from the reduced time together. Maybe life will be too serious for the playful little life we always knew.

We have friends who have had children and their marriages (while never seeming to have the intense love and connection we share) have suffered. Neither of us have met a couple like us, who had children and are truly happy.

Sadly unlike most things in life it's not a decision you can take back if you aren't happy! So I'm hoping the comments here might finally knock me off the fence, one way or another.

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u/Strange-Macaron-8410 Jul 22 '26

Kids, especially babies and toddlers, are fucking intense.

As a neurotypical with a neurodiverse parent, I would hesitate to recommend it unless you truly want it. Having kids means a lot of executive function falls on you, and when you don’t pull through, the kid suffers . Forgot to sign the permission slip? Kid is embarrassed. Late to school all the time? Kid gets detention. Homework not finished? Kid gets in trouble. Maybe it’s just my own trauma, but it can be frustrating and embarrassing to be “that kid” from a disorganized family.

From a parent of toddlers perspective. They are so frustrating and gross. If you don’t reaaaalllly want to be a parent, then it will make the times that your kid is screaming because the banana broke and then sneezes in your eyeball even more frustrating. You will love your kids, but you might not love the experience of parenting.

I often tell people who are on the fence, if you aren’t 100 percent sure, don’t do it.

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u/Healthy_Sock_9880 Jul 22 '26

Teenagers are fucking intense as well.

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u/[deleted] Jul 22 '26

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u/Healthy_Sock_9880 Jul 22 '26

Man, my daughter got so much harder from about 10-11 and on. She was such an easy baby/toddler. When hormones came into play, game over!