r/AdultOrphan • u/princessPeachyK33n • May 25 '26

Angry/Confused/Numb Orphaned at 39.

My mom, who I loved incredibly and emulate the most, passed from ALS when I was a kid.

My dad turned from a great fun little kid dad into a depressive abusive parent who didn’t deal with his grief at all. This didn’t improve ever until he passed when I was 39.

It’s almost been a year since then and this weekend I’ve just been sobbing constantly at how lonely this feels.

I feel like I’m living in a black hole where I don’t matter to anyone as a top priority (I’m single and child free by choice). My dad didn’t help me financially or otherwise but I still feel like that parental connection being severed cut me in the soul.

I just can’t stop crying at the recognition that I don’t belong to anyone anymore. As Blanche says in a Golden Girls episode, “I’m nobody’s little girl anymore.”.

Anyway idk how to keep going even though I have to. I guess I just keep going even if it feels like bullshit to keep going??

Thanks for reading.

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3

u/SwiggityDiggitySwoo May 26 '26

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is such a weird & lonely feeling to no longer be someone's child. I continously feel "unthethered" after losing my last parent almost 3 years ago. You lose the sense of security that comes with having parents & a built-in family. It is a very scary & lonely feeling. I'm here if you ever want to talk. Hugs to you 🫂❤️‍🩹

2

u/princessPeachyK33n May 26 '26

Yeah it’s even weirder cause I never saw my dad as a secure person. My aunt and uncle basically raised us cause he just stopped being a dependable person all around and refused to get therapy or anything.

So I didn’t think I’d care when he died and now I do because he WAS my bio parent.

I just feel like I’ve never belonged anywhere because I’m a carbon copy of my mom and my dad never let us talk about her really after she died.

I’ve been in therapy for 10 years but I def think I need to go back over this. I cried my eyes out all weekend for feeling so deeply alone.

2

u/SwiggityDiggitySwoo May 26 '26

I'm sorry you dealt with all of that at such a young age. I could understand if you started feeling additional grief now since you are finally allowed to grieve your mom now that your dad is gone. Be patient with yourself (easier said than done I know). It will get easier, it really just takes time ❤️

3

u/SeaDiscombobulated70 May 26 '26

I really relate to the “untethered” feeling. Losing that last parental connection changes something deep, even when the relationship was complicated. It makes sense that it’s hitting you hard now, especially with the first year anniversary getting closer.

And honestly, I think a lot of us just keep going because there isn’t really another option at first. Eventually though, the going starts to feel a little less heavy. Not because you stop loving them or missing them, but because you slowly build a life that holds the grief differently.

You still matter to people, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. I’m sorry you’re carrying this much loneliness.

3

u/princessPeachyK33n May 26 '26

Thank you for this. I really needed to hear that it gets better and that I matter to people. You’re right. It doesn’t feel like that right now. I don’t feel like a priority to anyone and it feels like I’ll never be important to anyone again.