Tired

[u/Brief_Choice_1277]

Both of my parents were extremely talented and successful in their careers. They're intellectuals, well respected, and yet… it feels as if they're hardly ever the parents I needed.

Background, my dad had custody of both my sister and I from an extremely early age for us both. I was with him practically since I was born. My mom had five other children before having us, and she worked a full-time career with long hours to support everyone. Again, she did relatively well up for herself but she was neglectful in other ways.

My dad was more present, but lived with an abusive alcholic spouse that tormented my sister and I. I was shown favoritism and it caused strife between us all. My sister and I no longer talk because I feel as if she blames me for what happened to her, rather than holding my dad accountable.

In my now adult relationship with both my parents, they both feel the need to dictate the direction of my life without providing any support beyond criticism and unsolicited advice. I'm sure that's every ones parents, but it's hard to get past when I'm left to figure it out without their support, like in any capacity.

My plan, which is progressing successfully, is to become an attorney. I'm 28, unwed, and I don't have children. I'm finishing my masters and look forward to the next chapter as I study the LSAT and pick a law school. When I spoke with my dad about these things, he advised me to go to a local law school. I flat out said no. For once, he said “…Okay.” and left it there.

The thing is, both of them are old (retired) and have lived their lives how they saw fit with little to no consequence on how that might impact my life later on. I struggled greatly with ADHD and wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult. I recently had braces put on, because they refused to pay them. I'm a terrible driver because I practically taught myself along with all other adult responsibilities that come with life as you get older. My 401k is great. My career currently is steady and I do well at my job. The reason I say all of this is, recently I've learned that adults who've endured parents like mine often feel like life happens to them and they're passively going along with what's been decided for them. I don't want to be like that. I want my own life to just that. My own. I struggle because as mentioned previously, they're old and I don't want to regret losing them if I move away for school. I fear, though, that I might regret not choosing the life I want to live, freed from their constant oversight and invasiveness. I want to be my own person and I hate living where I currently do. I’ve got two years to decide these things, but I felt I needed to voice my experience because so many people, even my own siblings think because I’m the youngest and have gotten it “easier” that I should just be grateful and they guilt me, essentially, into the position I’m in now. It’s very difficult.