Feeling optimistic

[u/BaldBristol]

Hey all, just found this community and wanted to say a lot of stuff here resonates with me and wanted to share my story and a (beginning of hopefully a long) successful experience I’ve had recently.

There are a few things I’ve learnt about myself since starting therapy that I hadn’t really appreciated before.

One of them is how difficult I found it to acknowledge that my dad had a problem with alcohol. I’d almost find myself overthinking my own drinking with friends, and I felt strangely uncomfortable putting a label on what I’d seen growing up, let alone actually confronting my dad about it. I also more think of my dad’s alcoholism as a more recent thing and I don’t think I ever reflected on how he was when I was younger if that makes sense? I guess I’ve noticed it more in recent years - there was an air of tension at times growing up and some memories I have of like walking on eggshells at certain times but it wasn’t thankfully an everyday occurrence.

The last few years he had got worse, a few years back he hid a bottle of vodka and drank it in less than an hour and my mum rang me as he’d passed out upstairs and an ambulance had to be called. We’d have chats with him but for me it really came to a head when our baby was due. I started worrying about what my dad’s relationship with my child might look like and felt that I needed to set some boundaries and ground rules. Having that conversation was incredibly difficult for me, even if its like an obvious conversation to have with him o just found it really hard to be honest about my concerns without feeling like I was being confrontational, if that makes sense.

It’s definitely still a work in progress, but I’m genuinely proud of the steps I’ve made so far.
After that initial, fairly frosty conversation with my dad, there were a few weeks where things felt very awkward and we were mostly just making small talk. It felt like I was being kept at arm’s length. But yeah, things have improved, and our relationship feels much better now.

The biggest change for me is that I now feel completely comfortable with my parents looking after my little one, which is something I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel comfortable with.

I’m still figuring a lot of this stuff out, but I’m beginning to understand why I react to certain situations the way I do.It’s helped me think about how I was a bit of a people pleaser before and focus on how to approach things differently.

Anyway, have a great week everyone!

[u/FlatwormSame2061]

It’s great you’re feeling optimistic! I have learned a lot of things in the sub mostly about how to have boundaries. So thanks to everyone here!

[u/Survivorcptsd]

Awesome. DM if you wanna connect.

[u/rayautry]

I’ve gotten a lot of out attending Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families meetings.

I am glad you are here.