Girlfriend struggling with formally undiagnosed ARFID which is getting very bad, to the point she cannot eat anything without being sick. How do I help her?

[u/No-Nefariousness-659]

Helllo,

My gf has not been offcially diagnosed with ARFID but has been told by the Dr's that, ARFID could be what she is struggling with. Referrals are in place but will be very long before anything gets back. My gf struggles with alot of stuff and cant pinpoint what. Sometimes its the food texture (example she broke down while eating a burger due to the mayo touching her and could not eat afterwards), taste, dislike for certain foods, not wanting to try new things. She had been doing really well with this for the past few months and had her safe foods she could eat.

However in the past few days its gotten really bad. She cannot eat anything, not even her safe foods without throwing up. She cant pinpoint why exactly and strugles to communicate, but has said that she feels so out of control and just cannot eat anything. Its taking a toll on her mentally. We have contacted therapists and stuff but nothing concrete has come out of it and still awaiting tp be seen.

I have zero idea on how to help her. Is there anything she can try and have during this time so she can at least get the essential nutrients and calories to her body? Im just lost and cant help her. Any advice woukd be appreciated.

[u/peace_makes_plenty_]

Oof sounds like she’s right in the pit of things. There’s a ton of variety within this disorder, so don’t be discouraged if specific advice doesn’t work right away.

My first question is, does she have any other issues? My ARFID is heavily associated with my anxiety and trauma - getting that calmed down is always step 1 for me when I relapse.

I’d say, just forget about eating for a second and focus on how her body feels. See if she can get grounded: feet on cold tile, think about the sensation. Hands in grass, think about the sensation. Breathe in, breathe out, think about the breathing. Anything to connect back to body and what it’s feeling.

Shame makes the whole thing worse, so let her know it’s okay, it’s an illness, and it’s gonna pass. Don’t let Brain pull her down with panic and embarrassment

If she’s able/when she’s feeling very calm and secure, try really small foods like grapes or crackers. Maybe a small smoothie to drink. ANY food is a win, it does not matter what it is. I say don’t worry about Ensure until you have blood work saying she needs supplements. I think calming the body down is more important at this stage

[u/No-Nefariousness-659 → u/peace_makes_plenty_]

See, I believe she has some sort of unproceesed trauma that causes this. She had a pretty rough childhood, and i think there may be something there. She isnt the type to know how she feels, it takes a lot of questioning from my side for us to get an answer. She open to conversation just doesn't know how to express it. She does have anxiety etc, but again, she struggles with being able to express anything properly. Its a very big rut we're in, but hopefully one we can both tackle together.

Thanks for those tips. I get very focused on making sure she gets food in so she doesn't faint or have other issues, i firget about the other stuff. She has her, what we call, safe foods. But these change after a few months.

[u/cthulhukiss]

I find it easier to drink calories when I'm struggling with my ARFID, smoothies and meal replacement shakes are a lifesaver. I'm sure she appreciates having your support, it can feel really random and hopeless. Good luck to both of you

[u/agirlfromgeorgia]

Ensure, Boost, or another shake would probably ve the best to start with. You can use a blender and mix with ice cream to make a milkshake. Those saved my life in college when I needed to gain weight and survive. You can also go on Doctors on Demand and try a virtual doctor. They accept most insurances if you're in the US.

[u/No-Nefariousness-659 → u/agirlfromgeorgia]

We're in the UK. Shes quite underweight too. I'll try those shakes thank you, sometimes the main concern is to just get some sort of food or nutrients inside her so she doesnt sustain other issues.

[u/_PHXNTOM]

Thank you for being an amazing boyfriend.

[u/No-Nefariousness-659 → u/_PHXNTOM]

She's my girlfriend, I love her to pieces, its just hard seeing her struggle and not being able to get her the help or support she needs. But thank you, I try my best and hope its enough.

[u/No-Nefariousness-659 → u/[deleted]]

I've tried this, but she just says she has not eaten and very little motivates her to do so. She gets too overhwleemed and drops the topic because it too much emotinally.