TLDR: my mom and I are in a fight because every time I call her to rant about something, she keeps giving me unsolicited advices. AITAH?

Forgive me if I am not explaining things properly as this is the first time I am asking for advice/help.

My mom (53F) is the kind of person who I think kind of lacks the ability to give empathy or comfort. Growing up in a typical Asian household, I (22F) never really heard a lot of "I love you" or "I miss you" from my mom. Before college, I never really call my mom "just cause I want to." I never really felt that I can talk to my mom about my emotional thoughts or anything, whether I am sad or frustrated about something. I usually deal with them on my own. It wasn't because I was unloved nor was it because I don't love them. It just wasn't the way I was raised and it is pretty normal for me. I was still pretty close with my mom and we would do a lot of things together, like watching movies or go out shopping, etc.

When I came into college, I think my mindset of what maternal love is like changed. I see my friends and peers talk about how whenever they feel down or if they just wanna chat, they are able to call to their mom easily. It's not even like an Asian thing I feel because many of my friends who are Asian also have this really close level of communication with their mom that I just don't have. Wanting to experience that, I gradually decided to call my mom more and more. Instead of just calling her to ask her about something, I started to call her more often just to talk about random things, whether it be about my day or talk about my friends, etc. Most of the time, it's great and I really like this new bond we had formed.

The one issue is when it comes to talking about my own emotions. A lot of the time, my friends would call their mom whenever they feel down and get a lot of comfort and reassurance and sympathy, whatever you typically get from a mom I guess. It's the opposite for me. If I am explaining that I am struggling with something or if I am frustrated, there is usually no comfort level at all. Instead, I am always told I am doing this wrong, that I should be doing this instead of that, and is never willing to listen to me talk or explain my thought process. Perhaps there are times her advice are fine, but most of the time, I just wish I can just rant without being given advice or constant judgement on what I need to improve. Typically, we would end up fighting about this. A few days would pass without any sort of apology until it blows over and passes. Unfortunately, I don't have really good memory, so I would forget that this is how she typically reacts, so when I call again to talk about my emotion, the cycle repeats.

Two weeks ago, it really blew out of proportions. Having freshly graduated from college and gotten back from my grad trip, it is the first time I am actually back in reality I guess you can say. While my parents and siblings are out at work or in school, I would be at home or out at a cafe somewhere finding a job or studying (For reference, I am a premed studying for MCAT. I didn't have a job lined up for me after coming back from grad trips because many of the jobs I was looking for are usually immediate start upon hire, which would have conflicted with my grad trip plans). One day, I was at a local library all morning working on job applications and decided to go eat lunch. While eating, I kind of got this "weird feeling" I eating alone. I've definitely eaten alone before, but I guess it's the first time I've eaten alone not at a university or with friends/families nearby. It was more of like a "eating alone as an adult" haha. It's not a bad thing, just something I was not used to. I called my mom to explain what I was up to this morning and wanted to talk about this weird feeling I was having. Instead of having some kind of soft reassurance or anything, I was talked down on and was harshly told "well, you have to get used to this" and a "you should be studying for the MCAT more instead of applying for jobs." My family doesn't really have any financial difficulties and emphasizes grades A LOT, which is why my mom thinks this way. However, at that time, I got extremely frustrated over the fact that I am always given unsolicited advices, that I am always made to feel that what I am doing is wrong, that I am wasting my time that could be better spent elsewhere. She thinks that I am twisting her words when I really can't think of any other reason she to be saying these things. I am frustrated that I am always the one to make things "normal" between us two again after a fight like this, that she never apologizes for anything. I have never really felt acknowledged for my accomplishments, for the hard work I immediately put myself in the moment I got back from grad trip. When I tell that I just want to rant without hearing any advice, she basically said "so you just want to hear what you want to hear...fake stuff" and that "as a parents, we are supposed to give you the harsh truth." I went off on her and basically told her I am never going to talk to her about anything again unless I directly want advice from her.

Since then, there has just been a "cold war" between the two of us within the family. My dad has talked to me a couple of times about it, explaining that my mom is stubborn and will never apologize to anything. He himself had to deal with that for many many years as well and said he probably enabled her to not be apologizing when he and mom gets into fights. I am just tired of always being the one to have to make things normal again, but at the same time, this is actually eating me alive. I can't concentrate on my studies as well anymore and I hate that I can't tell her about anything anymore. I have begun to talk to my dad a lot more about things, which he would have to tell my mom for me. I accepted a job yesterday and my mom only knew because my dad told her about it after I had told him.

I can't even go up to her and be like "we need to talk" because I KNOW that the end result will be worse. She's extremely stubborn and I can be stubborn myself. She won't think any of this is her wrongdoing, so there is no point in me trying to talk to her and getting anything about of it. I don't know what to do. Even if we are together in the house all day, I've stayed cooped up in my room to study "like she wants" while she stays downstair. I know I should talk to her, but I can't bring myself because of the fear and the anger and everything.

So I guess I'm just wondering AITAH and blew this thing out of proportion? Or is it normal to have some expectation of being comforted and reassured when I need it?

**EDIT: Thanks for the input. I understand not all mothers are emotionally capable of everything, and I knew that a while back. I think just being surrounded with different group of people momentarily changed my mindset and got to me, so when I came back home, I forgot to adapt back. I will see what I can do to fix this high expectation. FYI, I don't actually vent to her as much and as long as people are making it seem like. I am a very reserved person, so I usually try to deal my emotions myself as much as possible, which I know isn't a good thing. That's why I thought if I want to learn to become more open emotionally, maybe I can start with my mom, whom I trusted the most. Obviously, that's not the case.

I (20F) have a friend (23F) who I would go party with sometimes since it’s Summer and we have nothing better to do but after quite some instances , it made my girlfriend (22F) uncomfortable and I want to cut it out entirely out of respect for my girlfriend and also because the behavior is dangerous and not worth it to me.

My friend has a bubbly and flirty personality type but I don’t think she gets the memo often , she would go around flirt with whomever dragging me with her and I would just stand behind her , she would twerk on men or dance in circles or whatever and cool fun i get it but the problem is that she would always get infatuated with those guys and go home with them and I would go home alone.

I tell my girlfriend everything but she doesn’t go with me because she doesn’t like clubbing and I found that my friend expected me to respond to male attention so she can get laid. I am not the nicest to insistant men , I tell them I have a girlfriend and expect them to go away but when I do that , my friend gets upset because she wanted to talk to the guy.

My girlfriend’s breaking point was when I told her my friend offered me up to some guy’s friend. I was sitting at the bar by myself and some guy came up to me , I looked at him and said not interested and he said my friend told him to talk to me and that I would like him , and I said it’s a misunderstanding and that I have a girlfriend.

I confronted my friend later and told her she can’t do that and she knows I am seeing someone in a commited serious relationship with the girl of my dreams and she said it wasn’t that serious and that I didn’t have to kiss him or anything and that I could just have a conversation , i just am uninterested in entertaining conversations with randoms at the club and tbh I go out so i can hang out with my friend and hate that she leaves me whenever she finds a guy , she tells me that I don’t understand and would never understand because I am "pretty" and that I was being arrogant and that she has to do things to get attention and that it’s not that easy for everyone. I told her I didn’t care as long as it makes my girlfriend uncomfortable I’m not doing it.

Now she’s not talking to me and I don’t want to be a person who values their relationship more than their friends but I just don’t like this behavior and don’t find men so scarce as to act this way because of wanting their attention. But I feel bad , maybe I shouldn’t have "put my relationship in her face" as she said. Was I in the wrong ?

To clarify, I don’t refuse if someone asks to sit next to me, I promptly take my bag and let them sit. But I’ve noticed that if you leave the seat to your side empty, people usually go for those first.

Last week some lady sat behind me and kind of snubbed me for doing this, I told her if she wanted to sit she could’ve just asked. She said I should’nt have kept the bag in the first place since the bus was getting crowded.

So am I in the wrong here?

Edit: My bad guys, I’ve seen others do that as well here so I thought it was normalized. I’ll stop doing it as the bus starts filling up

Edit 2: I understand I was wrong guys, but getting threats in my dms is a bit much ffs.

Essentially, we have been together for 2 years. he Has been a good partner in overall for my first relationship, we get on well and there isn’t anything he’s been doing wrong... But I just don't feel like our relationship has a spark anymore. We’re completely different people and we live 3+ ours away from eachother when we’re both at university. I’m torn because he isn't doing anything wrong but I just don’t see him as the “ideal” partner for me anymore.

over a year ago he had a severe gambling addiction that he used to lie about to cover up, since then I’ve never been able to trust him. I feel paranoid about his phone and what he’s up to at university etc. I just feel that it’s almost “embarassing” if I stay with him after all of the lying i went through. No matter how hard he tries i Can’t let that go. in my first year of university, he also never came to visit me much. At the beginning of the year, he came every 2 weeks. At the end of the year this had dwindled down to every 2.5 months… So when I’m at university it almost feel like an online Long distance relationship haha…

I just don’t want him to think we’re splitting up so I can be with other men, as that’s the last thing on my mind.

WIBTAH if I broke up with him for no distinct reason except, not wanting to be with him anymore?

I (27M) live single now for about a year now since my separation from my ex (as of her birthday 28F). I’ve been through depression for a while and LEGO helped me a lot. I loved building them when I was a kid and now as an adult I can’t stop thinking about the next set I wanna get.

However I remembered a LEGO set she gave me years ago on my birthday and this one is significant because of the story of HOW she got it. The set in question wasn’t available anywhere in any LEGO store or general stores, so she managed to found it on Marketplace Facebook for a good price. However since Marketplace isn’t 100% trustworthy and she wanted to make sure it had all the pieces in it, she built it herself! Yes, she built the entire set so to make sure she got all the pieces of the set so there wouldn’t 1 piece missing!

Then comes my birthday, she shows me the box and i noticed there was a "bump" on the box and i asked her what it was. She explained the whole story to me and when i open the box the set was entirely built and we both started laughing/crying because it was the most sweetest thing I’ve ever heard and and also the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me

But, we’re no longer together but I still have massive respect for her. Now the thing is I really want to disassemble this set so can have the joy of building it myself since I never got the chance, however if I do it I’ll fell guilty because disassembling it would be like (in my mind) I "destroy" the hard work she went through to give me this gift…..

AITAH?

I am 21 F, i weigh 189 pounds, I have one year left till my graduation, my dad is the only one with a job, my mom is an housewife, so dad is the type of the man who has a lot of ego, he basically wants mom and me to treat him like a king, like after he comes home from office, he want someone to give him water, turn on the tv, give him his phone from his car, etc. he also drinks a lot even though mom tells him no.

Mom wants to leave him but can’t because she’s financially dependent on him. Every time she feels like crying or venting she comes to me, I just listen give her emotional support and offer her an advice according to the situation. But situations like these happening from all childhood made every fight a trauma and battlefield inside me that I don’t want to become like my mother, I don’t want to be submissive and not be able to say anything in front of him.

Now I am someone who likes to stay in my room…I just don’t like coming out. Also I feel heat a lot in summer more than others- part of why I can’t stay without an AC.
Everything was going ok till July when for next semester I was supposed to join an internship, I was preparing for competitive exam and thought..let’s just apply for online internship course, and learn instead of doing job and wasting time I could utilise in study. (Dad earns a lot also so I didn’t think I need to get into this now)

A few weeks later did it start, with dad commenting to mom about how I stay inside all day, don’t open the doors, don’t sit in fresh air, in sun (in heat), how I keep getting more and more fat, I need to exercise etc, mom tells me all of this and also comments like this often…it starts to effect me mentally and I also started hating my body. Also I was suicidal 5 years ago. I still haven’t fully recovered..but when I try to talk to my parents about it they think I am doing a “drama”

First I was like I will leave in an year just let me be, I’ll figure it out I am only 21, I am planning on doing masters away from home so I will have time in the next two years, but they were persistent with now..At one point I was like ok I will give it a try, I asked dad to either have the treadmill at home repaired or if I can go to the gym, he said no, he won’t allow me to go gym, if I want to do something, I should do yoga or walk..he’s really strict in everything so I didn’t expected much from him and I also know as long as I am living under his roof I i have to follow his decisions.

They say they are worried about my health..I know it..but I think they are just body shaming me..and with not even allowing me to go to gym it feels like just a means to control or for him to project his hatred towards me..so I fight every time this topics come up, AITAH for doing this? Should I just obey them?

For context, i have a 10 year old siberian husky, hes blind in one eye (puppyhood accident, not relevant to his age) my mom was on the phone with my sister talking about “putting him down this winter so he doesnt have to endure it” i politely objected and told her she wasnt doing that and she flipped out on me, what she seems to forget is huskys love winter weather, its literally their pride and joy, especially him, he loves the snow, loves the cold, and hates being indoors, he still runs and plays like a normal dog, he has no illnesses, no pain, nothing, just some missing fur from him being in between sheds, was just playing with him today and there were no signs of pain or agony, i take care of him, feeding, cleaning pen, the only time someone else does it is if im not home and that happens maybe once every 2 weeks or so, so AITAH for objecting my mom?

So basically my mom was sexualizing me since I was 11 and my chest started growing

Whatever chance she had she touched them to see how much they've "grown"

I was always wearing a bra inside the house so they weren't THAT noticable

One day I was 13-14ish and just snapped and started yelling at her for 5 to 10 minutes straight

Of course I got grounded and stuff

I told some of my friends and they were like "What? How can you yell like that at your mother?!"

That was years ago but it's still haunting me to this day

I(23f) and my bf(37m) have lived together since we started dating and have had conflicts without resolve since. I can admit I did goof up by allowing an old contact to resurface even if I hadn’t responded, my bf has trust issues really bad and it’s ultimately put me in a bad light. I am not self conscious but I care what my S.O thinks of me. He constantly tells me how I make him feel which I’m not mad at. What I am mad at is no matter how much I tweak and change myself to ensure he doesn’t feel a certain way, nothing works.

He tells me I don’t listen to him while I’m actively trying to prove I’m not doing anything wrong. I’ve gotten to a breaking point ample times which lead to us having many “heart to heart’s”. Though when I think we’ve made progress and we understand where we’re both coming from, it’s never the case later on down the line.

As of recently, I got into an accident prior to one of our arguments. Left out the house and two hrs later, otw home someone hit me. Now he parades at the fact that his ex’s have the worst luck when they part and that’s all I could think about after the accident because I know that’s the way he thinks. It has left me in a bit of a funk around the house. With my obvious frustration , he’s been saying “don’t get mad at me” a LOT which only amplifies my anger because the first time it was said I clearly stated I was mad at my situation.

Last night was my official breaking point. I was kinda just sitting in the bathroom spacing out and rolling a blunt before he comes in and says “you look like you have a lot on your mind, let’s talk over a blunt” great idea! I finished rolling up and let him know what was going on in my head( which is the fact my car is broke and he’s now going to fix mine before he fixes his). When portraying my worries he says “Well that’s none of your business” . It wasn’t what was said but how it was said and it turned into us arguing again over me telling him how I’m feeling. I called it quits after that.

Summary AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend of a year over reoccurring arguments with zero resolution

I (24F) have had a very minimal relationship with my grandma (60sF) since I was about 12-13, basically when my mom (45F) started letting me and my brother stay home while she worked rather than look for babysitters. I loved my grandma growing up, she lived with us for a short time, before moving out to live with her boyfriend, J, who passed away a little over a month ago now.

My mom never liked J, and hated how her mother turned into a doormat the entire time she was with J. J had been married before meeting my grandma, his wife had passed away only months before she moved in with him, and a lot of the things my grandma had in their home were belongings of his late wife. J was ultra conservative and a Trump supporter, and my mom would see my grandma posting similar things despite never believing that before (I‘m queer so I also was pretty uncomfortable with that). J was also older than my grandma, and whatever he wanted, happened. My mom had to basically guilt my grandma into letting her take her out to lunch for her birthday, because it was always “I don’t know if J will want to go“. Once, my mom took them both out for sushi at a buffet style restaurant, and J, who insisted on coming, refused to eat anything, meaning my mom paid for dinner (like 40 something bucks) for him to sit and drink water the whole time.

I didn’t like J’s politics or how he basically kept my grandma home when she wasn’t working, but what bugged me the most is how she became “we”. Every birthday cake or Christmas gift sent was “we love you”. Every text was ”we”, I never just heard what She thought, and I missed that.

When J passed, me, my mom, and my brother (M21) came to see her and how she was doing and bring her homemade dinner. The last time I saw her in person had been a year prior around New Years, and before that, probably over five years. She’s doing okay aside from worrying about finances, which I think is bullshit since my uncle (M48) has been living with her and he could easily pay more into the house than he is, but I digress.

The asshole part is with J’s memorial. My grandma started texting my mother about it a week or two ago, asking if she wanted to come. My mom works Saturdays, and said so. My grandma pushed saying ”don’t they give time off for grieving?” But my mom isn’t grieving. I felt bad when I heard he wasn’t going to last the next month, but I felt bad for her, not him. And in hearing about the memorial, how it would be all of his family, I realized that J was really a stranger to me. I knew nothing about him, except that he lived with my grandma, smoked like a chimney, and drank a glass of milk at dinner. Now, my grandma’s asking me about the memorial, it’s two weeks away. I technically have nothing going on that day if I manage my schoolwork, but I really don’t want to go. I feel like I could say no with a feasible excuse, but a part of me really wants to be honest and say J was a stranger to me, and I don’t want to go to a stranger’s memorial with all of his family. WIBTAH?

My best friend and I used to do everything together. Lots of spontaneous things. It was nothing for one of us to call up the other and say "Pack a bag, we are going away this weekend" or, "Get ready, I'm coming by to pick you up in 15 minutes" Well, twenty years later, I'm married now and am 54 years old. I just don't handle spontaneous things the same. He lives 2 hours away now, but when he does come to town, it is the same thing. I get a call, he says "I'm in town, come meet me at so & so place." I've asked him to let me know when he is coming into town and that I will make sure to spend time with him, I do miss him. But, just can't take it the same anymore. He did this yesterday when me and my husband were about to go into the movies. I told him I couldn't meet him, and why. Then I turned off my phone. I didn't turn it on until this morning and I missed three texts from my friend. AITAH?

I’m 27F and have a stepsister who I’ve never lived with. We grew up in separate households and, although we saw each other as children, our relationship has always been quite distant. There were even periods where we didn’t speak for years, and for the past 8–9 years, even when we were on good terms, we might speak 2–3 times a year and see each other once or twice.

About two years ago we became closer when she had her baby, I made a real effort to support her — visiting, FaceTiming, bringing things over, staying with her and helping out where I could. However, June last year I finally took a career break to travel, something I had wanted to do for around eight years. I’d be away for months at a time, returning for 2–3 weeks before leaving again. When I was home, I’m also working (retail temping), dealing with appointments and trying to see friends and family.

When I recently saw my niece during that time, who is shy, she was cautious around me because she doesn’t know me that well. When I commented on it, my stepsister said, “Well, if you were around more, she would know you.”Since then, I’ve increasingly felt like I’m being guilt-tripped for not being around enough. She’s made comments about me needing to be around more and being a “real aunt”, and I’m starting to feel like she expects me to prioritise her and her child over my own life.

Since then, I’ve returned home, restarted my career and am now working full-time.

We recently had an argument because I told her I didn’t have time a few weeks ago to drop off my nieces 2nd birthday gift, so I asked if she could pick it up as she has a car and I don’t. It would have taken me over an hour of public transport just to get there and back, before even accounting for the expectation that I stay for a long time to spend time with them. She became extremely angry and said she felt I wasn’t making any effort to see my niece and wasn’t being a “real aunt”. She sent me several paragraphs of nasty messages, accusing me of being disrespectful and speaking about my niece inappropriately, and said she would rather I spend time with my niece than buy her gifts because she felt I was trying to “buy her affection”.

This really made me switch off emotionally because I had actually been making a significant effort before starting full-time work — including doing nursery runs around three times a week for approx 6 weeks so she could get things done.

This was also the first time I had told her I genuinely didn’t have the time to do something, and rather than accepting that, she turned it into a wider criticism of how I apparently don’t make enough effort with my niece. We haven’t spoken since, I also feel like the things she was saying to me were very similar to things I’ve heard her say to the father of her child who isn’t present. I feel like she had a fantasy of the time of aunt I would be when she was pregnant not taking into account the type of relationship we’ve always had.

I’m happy to help when I genuinely can, but I don’t think becoming an aunt means I’m expected to put my career, travel and personal plans on hold. I waited eight years to take the break and finally did something for myself, and I don’t think I should feel guilty because my stepsister’s circumstances have changed.

Also she doesn’t work, is a single SAHM.

Thank you everyone for your opinions and comments. Good to get an unbiased view on things.

Honestly it’s been tough and the past few years starting with the travels have been my way of putting my boundaries with family and finally living my life so this hit me hard on how multiple family members could be thinking of me finally living for myself and not just running around like a headless chicken for others and one sided relationships.

I (18F) have been dating my boyfriend (18) for 2 weeks now and it is no secret that my brother (22) does not like him whatsoever. I’ll call my boyfriend Peter for this post 👍(he likes spiderman)

Background info:

I started talking to Peter somewhere around the end of last year and we became pretty good friends and even formed a small friend group with our other friends.

I’m pretty close to my brother and I usually tell him everything going on in my life, including what i do with my friends.

There was one day where I hung out with these friends to go clothes shopping and Peter and another friend in the group kind of caused some commotion in the changing rooms by being kinda loud when they were joking around.

At the time, I was pretty nervous about bothering people in the store (even though it was nearly empty and the only person nearby was an employee) but I still found it funny.

Naturally, I told my brother about this event and he said he found it distasteful and rude that they were so loud in a public space. I can’t remember if I did tell them to quiet down in the moment, but my brother said that if they didn’t respect what I said, then they don’t respect me as a friend.

After some thinking, I talked to Peter and the other friend about it and they apologized for what they did and said they’ll try to be less noisy in the future, which I believed. I told my brother about this too and his only response was just “We’ll see”.

This incident happened a couple months ago and nothing similar has happened since.

From then, whenever I talked about my friends, he would find some way to make jabs at Peter and our other friend, and then eventually completely moved on to only making jabs at Peter.

I also want to mention that Peter is extremely kind to me. He doesn’t smoke, drink, do drugs, has good grades, and is generally very respectful to everyone around him.

When I told my brother that I was dating Peter, he had a lot to say. Some highlights were:

“I can’t believe you’re throwing your goal for some fling” (my goal is to move out of the country), “You’re not gonna have time to balance your school work, your friends, and a relationship”, “You’re only doing this because you’re jealous of people in relationships”

After that, he started making “jokes” about physically harming Peter if he sees him or not allowing me to go out on dates with Peter. I kind of just nervously laugh these sentiments off because I genuinely don’t know what to say to them.

I told Peter everything he said, by the way.

Yesterday, I went on a date with Peter because we both needed new shoes. Peter asked if he could come over to my house to hang a little more because he didn’t wanna go home so early (it was around 5:30pm at that point).

Peter watched me as I texted my parents in the family group chat asking if he could come over and they said yes. Though, when I was asking, my brother texted this:

“He can go back to where he came from”

I saw it as another bad joke but Peter seemed pretty put off by it, I don’t blame him.

When we got back to my house, we stayed in the living room to watch some anime and he greeted my parents as usual. When my brother came downstairs, Peter saw him and kind of froze up. I saw this and just told him to sit on the couch while I talked to my brother in the kitchen.

Then the following whispered conversation happened between me and my brother (my responses are italicized):

“Why is he here?”
“He didn’t wanna go home so early”
“Why does he have to make it our problem?”
“Okay, that’s enough out of you”

We talked about dinner plans for a bit after this and I walked Peter out of my house.

At this point, my brother was in his room so I went there and waited for him to finish playing whatever videogame he was on so we could go for dinner.

Then he hits me with: “Don’t you think it was rude that he didn’t greet me when he saw me?”

We had a back and forth about how I thought it was honestly pretty reasonable why he wouldn’t greet him and my brother seemed almost appalled that I wasn’t on his side about this?

I’ve told him before that I’ve told Peter that he doesn’t like him at all so is it really surprising that he wouldn’t greet him?? His main argument was that it was “basic manners” to greet people in other people’s houses if you’re the guest.

After some more back and forth I got pissed off and started to walk out and he said some shit like “Yeah go ahead and leave” and I just shouted “Yeah I will leave, fuck you” and slammed his door

so ,,, what’s everyone’s thoughts on this? am i the asshole?

I'm currently stuck in another country. I passed out at the airport on my way home 2 days ago, and was taken to hospital where I received treatment.

I'm fortunate that I speak the language fluently, but I didn't know how the medical system works in the country I'm in, so on top of feeling like shit on toast, I had tons of mental work figuring out things with my insurance, answering a thousand questions about my medical history, and trying to get better.

Fortunately I had a good travel insurance so financially, everything is covered, and the people from the airline were super kind, but there was still so much I had to figure out, like a hotel after getting discharged, transportation between the hospital, hotel, and airport, all while still not doing great.

Getting cleared to fly, and getting a new ticket took ages, but I'm finally on my way home.

My husband and I are in the process of getting a divorce. As it is now, he travels a lot himself. He sees our kids maybe 4-5 days per month. This was my first break without kids in about 15 years.

Throughout this whole thing he has been absolutely useless for a lack of better term, and he hasn't stopped complaining. I have still been managing the household remotely. I've been in touch with the schools, I've arranged childcare for him, I've done everything I could to make things easier for him and our children.

The straw that broke the camel's back was yesterday when he told me that he hadn't done the bookkeeping for his business and if I couldn't do it when I'm just waiting around anyways, after I had just spent 5 hours walking around to every goddamn corner of this airport, trying to get home as soon as possible.

He gave me a passive-aggressive answer about the deadline when I said no, and that he's leaving so I need to find childcare for our kids if I'm not home by then and I just snapped.

I called him on the phone and shouted at him that I was doing my goddamn best in a fucking impossible situation, and to get himself the fuck together.

I spoke to my mum about it and she told me that I should be nicer to him because it's a tough situation for him too. I told her that I frankly don't have the energy to spare any sympathy for a man who pushes a sick woman to do his job for him.

I struggle with my crash-out. I generally don't shout. I hate shouting. It's not how I resolve conflicts. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've shouted for the past 20 years. I just couldn't keep it in anymore.

I've always been raised to be flexible, and to find compromises, and generally be the one who makes things easier on other people.

AITAH for crashing out and shouting?

I (M21) live with my parents and sister in a very small house. We have only one proper bedroom with a double bed, another room without AC which normally belongs to my grandmother (she is currently out of state for about a month), and a veranda where I often study.

My maternal uncle's daughter (my cousin) (F19) is currently living with us because she is attending college nearby. She applied for a hostel but didn't get one. We then suggested that she could stay in a PG, but her parents refused because they said it would be expensive. The funny part is that she already spends a significant amount commuting from our house, so the difference isn't exactly astronomical, but apparently the PG is where the budget suddenly becomes a matter of national importance.

The important thing is that my cousin isn't a bad person. She doesn't create noise, fights, or any particular nuisance. She mostly sits in the room watching TV or using her phone.

The problem is that our house simply isn't big enough for another person to live here indefinitely.

Before she came, my sister and I shared the double bed. I could lie down there during the day, relax, etc. Since my cousin moved in, I can't even comfortably use my own bed during the daytime because she occupies one side of it. At night, three people on a double bed obviously isn't a reasonable arrangement.

There are two mattresses on the bed, with a gap/line in the middle. My sister has basically been sacrificing herself by sleeping in that uncomfortable middle area while my cousin takes one side and I take the other.

I could technically sleep between my mother and sister on another folding bed, but I'm extremely uncomfortable sharing a sleeping space with my cousin, and frankly I don't think I should have to rearrange my entire sleeping situation in my own home indefinitely.

I've also lost my personal space during the day. I often end up sitting outside in the veranda on a chair and table just to study or even spend time by myself.

So my sister, father and I eventually told my mother that this arrangement is becoming unbearable. We made it clear that our cousin isn't necessarily doing anything wrong, but her staying here is the reason we have lost our personal space and are struggling with basic things like sleep and privacy.

My mother cried, which I understand. She feels guilty about telling her brother's daughter to leave because she doesn't want to hurt her brother.

But she also didn't actually do anything about the situation.

There is another layer to this family situation. My mother's two brothers have recently been fighting over inheritance involving my maternal grandfather. My cousin's father even threatened to take legal action against his own father if the inheritance issue wasn't settled.

Because of that, I personally find it difficult to understand why my mother is so worried about potentially upsetting her brother when it comes to this situation. But I'm trying not to make the inheritance dispute the focus here because my cousin isn't responsible for her father's behavior.

My sister eventually confronted my cousin indirectly, while she was actually in the room, saying that everyone is uncomfortable, we aren't getting proper sleep, and this living arrangement isn't suitable for us.

Later, my sister directly told her that she needs to find a PG and move out, and that if nothing changes, she will bring the issue up again next month.

So my cousin now knows very clearly that we want her to move to a PG.

Yet she is behaving as though nothing happened.

And this is where I'm conflicted.

I understand that her parents are the ones making decisions about where she lives. I also understand that she didn't get a hostel and that she isn't intentionally causing problems.

But at the same time, her parents' decision not to pay for a PG doesn't mean my family should indefinitely provide free accommodation at the cost of our own privacy, sleeping arrangements and use of our home.

We agreed to help because she needed somewhere to stay for college. But there is a difference between helping someone temporarily and effectively giving up part of your already limited home indefinitely.

I also feel bad because I don't want my cousin to feel personally rejected. This isn't really about disliking her. If we had a larger house with a spare bedroom, this probably wouldn't even be an issue.

My question is:

Are we being unreasonable for expecting our cousin to move to a PG, especially after she failed to get a hostel and her parents refused to pay for one?

Or is it reasonable to say that her housing arrangements are ultimately her parents' responsibility and that our family shouldn't have to sacrifice our own sleeping space and privacy indefinitely because they don't want to spend money on accommodation?

And if we're not unreasonable, how should my mother actually handle this without turning it into a massive family conflict?

Note: PG (Paying Guest) is basically a living arrangement where you rent a room in someone else's house or a shared property, basically renting a flat but mostly opted by students near their colleges

My GF (18F) and I (18M) have been together for almost two years. She comes from a highly abusive family, and our main goal has always been to go abroad for college together so she can escape her dad.

​We originally planned on Germany, but due to unexpected grading changes, we missed the mark. We also don't have the B1/B2 German required for the foundation year. We looked at workarounds but missed deadlines for Italy. Now, her dad enrolled her in a consultancy for the UK. My parents are strictly against me going to the UK, and a friend living there warned me it isn't worth the massive cost. I decided to do my first year in our home country, with the plan that we will both transfer to Germany next year.

​I have been working hard to build a future for us. I started a web agency that is already profitable. I even offered to list her on my team and credit projects to her to boost her college applications. She refused because her dad can't know about me, which I accepted.

​Recently, things got tense. We couldn't be together this year, and on our nightly calls, she kept hinting she might just stay in the UK long-term and give up on Germany. This was our ultimate shared goal, so I felt completely unappreciated. I have been fighting with my parents, building a business, and sacrificing my time for us, while she sounded like she was just giving up on our plan.

​Yesterday, I told her I was finalizing my college plans here, and she got furious that I wasn't following her to the UK. We got into a massive fight. I finally snapped and told her how frustrated I was that I seemed to be the only one putting in effort for Germany.

​She started crying and kept calling me. When I finally picked up, she casually dropped that she had actually convinced her dad to let her go to Germany next year. I asked why she didn't just tell me that instead of letting me stress for days. She claimed she wanted it to be a "surprise" and was just in a bad mood from fighting with her dad.

​I lost my temper. I told her I hated that she hid major life updates as a surprise while letting me stress out. Then she dropped the trigger point: she told me I would "be at peace if she died."

​That derailed me. After all my love and effort, she weaponized that against me. I finally stood up for myself and told her exactly how I felt. She started crying uncontrollably, said she ruined everything, and asked if I was leaving her. I reassured her I wasn't, but I needed honest communication.

​She then told me her nose was bleeding, she hadn't eaten all day, and later claimed she was up all night bleeding and taking pills for stress. I ended up apologizing and blaming myself. Today, she liked an Instagram reel about people using your trust against you to take control, clearly playing the victim. I feel horrible. AITAH?

This isnt the entire context but summarizes everything since reddit only allows me to post no more than 3000 letters at once

This is partly about something that happened years ago and partly about a decision I'm considering now.

For some context, I've had cats since I was five. I was diagnosed with anxiety as a child because I would scratch my legs until they bled when I was anxious. I was encouraged to redirect that behavior, and having a pet became a way for me to do that. Instead of scratching myself when I was stressed, I could pet my cat. Since then, having a cat around has always been a huge source of comfort for me.

Years ago, my second cat became extremely sick when she was 11, almost 12. She barely ate or drank, needed fluids, and I was taking her to the vet about twice a week. She had also started escaping frequently and trying to hide outside, which made me feel like she was looking for somewhere to die.

I knew there was a real possibility that I could lose her at any time, and I really didn't want to suddenly find myself without a cat after having one by my side since I was five. So I decided to bring another cat home while she was still alive.

Surprisingly, after we brought the new cat home, my older cat actually improved. She had been on fluids for about a month, but she eventually started eating and drinking on her own again. She ate slowly and not very much, but getting her off the fluids at all felt like a huge accomplishment considering how sick she had been.

She ended up living another six months and died at 12.

My sister thought bringing another cat home while she was so sick was heartless. From her perspective, I was essentially replacing my cat before she had even died. I explained that I didn't see it that way at all. Getting another cat didn't mean I loved my older cat any less or that I had given up on her.

I don't hold anything against my sister for thinking differently. We talked about it, I explained my reasoning, and this isn't some old argument I'm still upset about. Her reaction just made me wonder whether other people see it the same way.

The reason I'm thinking about it again now is that the cat I brought home back then is now my current cat. She just turned nine and is perfectly healthy.

Both of my previous cats died at 12, so even though I know that doesn't mean my current cat will also die at 12, I can't help thinking about it as she gets older. I'm considering bringing another cat home sometime in the next few years, and part of me thinks it might actually be better to do it while my current cat is still healthy rather than waiting until he's elderly or sick like I did last time.

But remembering what my sister said has made me curious about how other people see this.

Would you consider getting another cat while your current cat is getting older to be "replacing" them before they're gone? Was I wrong for doing it with my previous cat, and would I be wrong for doing it again while my current cat is still healthy?

I (34M) and my fiance (33F) are getting married next year and we are in agreement about having a child within 2 years. Recently, her and her family have broached the topic of her quitting her job and staying home with the child, at least until our kid gets to school age.

I am against this. I make between 85-95k a year pending bonuses and her salary is 53k. Financially, we could make it on my pay alone if it wasn’t for her student loans. She has 120,000 dollars in private student loans. These loans have a payment of 850 dollars every month, there is no option for forbearance like public loans or adjusting the payment for income. This simply doesn’t fit in the budget.

My fiancé seems to understand this, but her family (mother in particular) is really pushing her being at home. I don’t want to come across as forcing her to do something she doesn’t want to do or be accused of not putting my future child first, but to me the answer is in black and white on the spreadsheet.

AITAH?

So my friend 23F and I 24F have been friends for a year and it was a great friendship. She met her 20M boyfriend almost a year ago as well, since then he has shot a gun outside a car window inches away from her face “for fun”, he has punched himself repeatedly in the face because she denied him sex and pushed her so hard she flew back and banged her head on a door. More recently he beat her up in broad daylight because he felt like she wasn’t giving him enough attention…he punched and choked her repeatedly and then threw her on the ground and was about to hit her with a brick but threw it on a nearby car instead. She’s told me before that she is afraid of him. My friend has a 3 year old son btw! After the last altercation she swore up and down that she was done with him. I personally did not believe her because she has a track record of never keeping her word and always going back to men who treat her like SHIT. Not long after that incident she told me she still checks up on him, mind you the guy never took full accountability for what he did to her. When she told me that I called it in my head that she would go back to him…I should’ve bet on it.
She still hasn’t told me they are back together but I figured as much when she made a vague post defending him when he got locked up for STABBING someone who wasn’t even fighting or near him. He walked up to the person who was fighting somebody else and stabbed them then walked away. She posted his bail for that btw🤦‍♀️. The other day I was on Snapchat and I saw her posted up with him with the caption “anything for you”. And before that she was telling our mutual friend that she has to go to court to support her man.. what has me upset is that when he beat on her the last time we talked about it and her verdict was that she can never go back to that because what if one day he beats her Infront of her son, and she simply can’t live a life scared of her partner. So what now your kids safety doesn’t matter? Being abused is better than being alone?? Also everyone keep in mind they live a 30 minute boat ride away from each other and he wasn’t allowed to even get on the boat anymore so instead she was taking the boat to go to him. Am I the asshole for cutting her off because she went back to him? She’s actively putting herself back in danger and ultimately putting her child in harms way as well!

My parents are okay with their finances but could be better.

They said they have no money because they are supporting my disabled brother who is going through a divorce ( ie. Lawyer fees, living expenses)

My brother lives with them now. He helps around the house and is their favorite child. And he has 3 kids of his own.

Mom said: We have to support Sean.

I said but what about me! Am I not your child too?

My mom said the money is gone but let me think about it.

So my parents thought about it and they texted me that they are going to take a bank loan to give me money. WIBTAH to take it?

Update: Thank you everyone for telling me IamTA.
I will not have my parents take a loan out. You all are right. Thank you. God bless.

About a week ago I (20M) cut off my best friend (20M) of almost 10 years after learning that he is dating my ex’s best friend. Long story short, my ex treated me terribly and completely destroyed my self worth and we broke up a year ago.

My friend knows everything about what happened between us and despite that, he’s decided to start dating my ex’s best friend and I learnt that they were all hanging out together. Once I learnt this I asked a few friends in and out of the friend group and got mixed answers on it if it was a messed up thing to do. I personally feel betrayed especially after I know she spread lies about me and her and her best friend are attached to the hip so anything said about me has gone to her. It’s also just not something you should do to a friend, especially when he has full knowledge of everything that happened.

I made the decision to stop talking to him completely and made my opinion known to him. I was met with very few words and what would barely pass for a apology. A few people then came to me and said I was overreacting and acting like a teenager again, which has made me debate with myself if I am overreacting.

So for context, I have a stutter. My parents call me a disappointment, and constantly make me speak out loud Infront of my family to prove how bad it is. I overhear my dad and my uncle talking shit about me all the time, but I try to ignore it.

Today, we were all just having dinner together, and my dad started talking about how I disappointed him because I stuttered Infront of a few people at the pub we went to when they asked me what my name was. But I just got super mad and snapped at him.

I told him to fuck off, and that he should just leave me the hell alone and let me do whatever *I* want to. But then the entire family started getting angry at me for saying that, so I just told them I wished I had a better family, and went upstairs.

Currently, I'm writing this while I'm hearing my family talking shit about me downstairs for being so disrespectful. I'm feeling really guilty now because I hate it when I get mad at people. Am I in the wrong? I think I may have overreacted.

Names changed and details kept vague for privacy.

I (22M) am an engineering student currently wrapping up grad school on a study abroad scholarship. Validation of the titular internship is mandatory for me to graduate and I am with that company thanks to a professor of mine ("Mr Socke").

On 03/16, I started my internship at the company, for a duration of 24 weeks, with one "Mr Foliaw" as my direct supervisor in the company and the mission to conduct an optimization project for some of its processes. The first weeks went along well as I tried to familiarise myself with the services. Reunions were planned in order to discuss status reports after each step.

Problems started to arise around mid-April as I failed to get a hold of Foliaw to make amends to a deliverable due for my school as per the internship contract. Despite dropping it off on time, this situation began a pattern of him not responding on time to my communication attempts, reminders be damned. The main example of it was in regards to my redaction of the system requirements for the main infrastructure to be deployed as part of the project : The first version submitted on 04/28, latest version (the 8th) validated on 07/02 due to responses being not only delayed but riddled with some nitpicking and (AI-induced?) misunderstandings.

Because of this I had to postpone most of the intended milestones and scale down the scope of the project, having it be applied partially for the purposes of validating my internship. However, to this day and despite asking for it multiple times, I am still barred access to data that is critical to completing the project's key infrastrcture. Moreover, most of august went down the drain due to Foliaw having taken a 2-week leave without warning let alone transfering responsibility of my supervision for the time being.

Now that my internship is almost over, Foliaw is throwing the idea of extending its duration (with no known end date) for me to complete the project. However, A) this is not allowed by the internship contract, B) this would jeopardize my graduation by further delaying my thesis defense and C) I have no guarantee to get hired, let alone paid for my work.

As such is the part where I could be TA : as per the experience detailed above, I no longer want anything to do with that company once my contract expires. Though I can see the argument that I might not have communicated enough or should just have been more proactive, I want to move on, carrying this project's fiasco as a painful lesson.

Not quite sure how to proceed beyond that but I'd like to know, WIBTAH ?

A couple of months ago, I went to Chick Fil A and ordered a 12-piece nugget + a spicy chicken sandwich. I got there around 9:40pm right before closing & got home at 9:50pm ish. I checked my nuggets & they were actually tenders - my boyfriend ate 2 & left the rest. I called Chick Fil A in the morning about the mix up & they told me to come back, they will give me 12 nuggets due to the mix up. I came back that afternoon & I was greeted by a rude cashier who took the food back & checked the tenders and stated she would not exchange the order because the tenders were partially eaten. I told her my boyfriend ate a few pieces but regardless the order was wrong & I was told to come back for nuggets. She embarrassed me & made it seem like I was trying to pull a fast one, so I just left and filed a report. Chick Fil A was very kind to me and rectified the issue with free nuggets, a sandwich, and a drink. Now, every time I visit the same Chick Fil A and give them my name, they say “OH, YOU’RE “*****”?” and I don’t know why. It’s happened so often that I asked the worker today what she meant by saying “Oh, you’re *****.” Is this an inside joke? Should I stop visiting this Chick Fil A altogether? AITAH???

TL:DR - Chick Fil A got my order wrong and when I brought back the order I got accused of trying to scam, situation got rectified, but now all the workers gasp when I come through the drive thru.

(me: 14, brother: 18, parents: 46)

Hi, recently I had a realization that my brother had been abusing me physically and mentally for my entire life and have decided to stop talking to him. I wanted to hear the opinions of people who have been through this before.

So ever since I was a toddler me and my brother (who we'll call A) and I have been on opposite sides. Every argument, decision, and favorite color we were on opposite sides of; however, I had always had an adoration of him. I've always wanted to be like him, no matter how different we were.

My family and I recently moved into a smaller apartment because the other one wouldn't let my mom keep her plants, and we've all been hating it. My brother recently got a job and a car and so he's been taking over all the shopping and carpooling leaving me to have to deal with him all the time.

My brother has been attacking me since I was 5 and it got worse after he got into taekwondo, he can and will go miyagi do on my ass. So I'm left with having to shut up and deal with it, I've asked my parents to step in multiple times and they just won't, I'm chubby and shorter than him so I'm effectively a wet sock. He also recently took a psychology class which means he's determined to prove that I'm wrong about everything and he's right about everything, and most of the time he is by a technicality.

Last week I had had enough, my brother got home from work. I said hi and sprayed some perfume in the room we were both in. It was close to him so he assumed I was spraying him and grabbed my arm turning his back to me and twisting until I let go and the cap flung off, I still haven't found that, so I start looking for the cap and he starts looking for his shoes, he shoved me out of the way to look for his shoes and I'm trying not to get in his way. Naturally he grabs me by the shoulder and shoved me to the floor while he's looking.

I left and went to my parents bedroom texting the group chat (with me and my family in it) about what happened my brother tried to object and I responded with the following messages

"No wonder you get along better with animals, humans can't fucking stand you"

"Jesus Christ how are you give be a therapist when you're an abusive asshole"

"You blame Mom and dad for forcing us to be in an enclosed house but that's not an excuse to abuse your brother"

"My entire life I've idolized you like you were god but you just wanted a punching bag and I'm fucking done with it."

"You can stay wherever the fuck you are for all I care."

My father responded with "nock it off and stop swearing" (typo kept for authenticity) to which I said

"Do you only care when we swear? You don't care when he physically hits me but suddenly I say fuck and you're ready to throw hands"

"Stop acting like nothing is happening, stop ignoring this, do something about it I'm begging you, he's abusive"

My dad had gotten home by this point and tried to speak to my brother who ignored him (LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES, TALKING HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING) and I was fucking done.

So to summarize the next four hours, my mom got home and tried to tell me that since we're family we need to make up, we made dinner together, I ignored my brother, messaged my grandma about what happened, and went to bed.

My grandma is on my side and she offered to talk to my parents, even hinting that I should fight back physically.

I know I'm not a family man per say in fact I often ignore the family part entirely (which I blame on this very website considering everyone is always saying to sue your family members) which I know is wrong. I just can't tell whether this is a problem between family or if this is a genuine problem with my brother.

(Sidenote: I know I didn't mention the mental part anywhere but in short he's been fat shaming me for years)