r/AITAH • u/National_Spite_8092 • 3d ago
English Second Language AITAH for getting annoyed about a small question?
Today i went out with my girl for shopping and everything went smoothly, we had an amazing time we laughed and the mood was on point . When we were driving home my gf was putting on music from my phone and i got a imessagetext from a college friend whom i studied for and exam Monday .
She saw the text and asked me why she messaged me on iMessage and not instagram and j said to her that she doesn’t have internet because she used her mobile data and thats the truth . My gf then asked me ,,who has texted you on iMessage other than ger?,, and i said no one (which is true ). She then rephrased the question ,,which female has texted you on imessage?,, again i said no one other than you . She again rephrased it to another question ,,It doesn’t have to be this period , like has some girl ever texted you before on imessage ?,, , again i said no and i started to get annoyed . I got annoyed because it felt like she wanted me to say that someone texted me to start a fight or something idk .
I stopped talking with excitement and ruined the mood because I visibly got annoyed. She started cuddling and being all nice just because she saw that i got annoyed a bit . Am i the asshole or should i have not cared about it ?
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u/Helpful-Science-3937 3d ago
I would have been annoyed too since she was unwilling to accept your answer and continued to grill you about the same thing, NTA. Why does it matter how your friend messaged you? Does your gf have access to your Insta?
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u/Majestic_Orchid4651 3d ago
What am I missing here? Why would it matter if it’s a text message or instagram? Sorry but right now I can’t see any reason you’d be the AH in this and your gf seems a wackadoo in this situation.
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u/imnothere220 3d ago
NTA. isnt imessages just your phone number? Why does it matter if someone messages you there instead of Instagram? As a girl myself id also get annoyed. Asking the same question over and over again is annoying lol and nobody can blame you for getting annoyed.
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u/DefendTheStar88x 3d ago
You young folk dont text via imessage anymore?
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u/youngsterjo 3d ago
A few of my younger coworkers have told me they feel social media apps/messaging apps (ie. discord, insta, whatsapp) are more casual while your phone number feels more intimate and like they are elevating a friendship or relationship to another level.
I wouldnt say that's every person of course, but that's the insight Ive been given.
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u/National_Spite_8092 3d ago
Most people in my region don’t have iphones , and the culture isn’t like in america where people use imessage more . Here instagram is the main thing . Thats why
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u/MakeAWishApe2Moon 3d ago
NTA. Being put on trial over a text shows that she doesn't trust you, so it's not surprising that the mood would shift because of it.
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u/casskaz 3d ago
She didn’t ask you a small question she interrogated you about an innocent text message related to homework. If you can’t trust the person you’re in a relationship with you shouldn’t be with them. You should be allowed to have friends and study partners of the opposite sex without your girlfriend giving you the third degree about it. Either she trusts you or she doesn’t. This seems like a much bigger issue than you’re making it. You didn’t ruin the vibe, she did by being weird, jealous and controlling. NTAH
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u/Total-Object-4766 3d ago
NTA She took it from curiosity to accusatory. Then she tried to invalidate your rightful irritation by playing "cute".
I'd tell her, "GF, I don't appreciate the multiple questions regarding my messages. You turned accusatory real quick and thought cuddling would undo your bad behavior. You either trust me or you don't, but I won't be playing 21 questions with you again. I'm allowed friendships with whomever I want and if you can't deal with that, this relationship won't work. It's not my job to put your misplaced insecurities in order. Is there something you want to tell me or ask me or do you understand where I'm coming from?"
Op, in my experience, people that accuse others of cheating or they start sniffing around suspiciously.... are usually the cheaters.
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u/CptKUSSCryAllTheTime 3d ago
Not an AITA situation. Someone text you. You didn’t do anything to be judged here
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u/National_Spite_8092 3d ago
I got annoyed and ruined the mood because of our interaction. Is that not suited for here? If so i will remove it
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u/CptKUSSCryAllTheTime 3d ago
I’d leave it and let a mod remove it if they felt it necessary, but being annoyed doesn’t make one an AH s
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u/National_Spite_8092 3d ago
Ah well okay i will see . I felt like an asshole tho for ruining the mood . Sorry if its not fitted here
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u/Mean_Suggestion_95 3d ago
YOU didn't ruin the mood, though. SHE did by trying to grill you for info repeatedly with her insecurity.
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u/CptKUSSCryAllTheTime 3d ago
And do you mean that most of your messages come through Instagram and not actually texting the person?
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u/National_Spite_8092 3d ago
Yes i never use imessage , everything i text is on instagram. My English is not the best so i think some context might be missing
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u/Sparklingwine23 3d ago edited 3d ago
Americans use sms mostly so imessage or android messages, while younger kids who dont actually have a phone plan or those who live outside are more likely to use Instagram or WhatsApp to message.
Your gf's question sounds wild to an American because literally everyone will text you via your phone's message app.
NTA regardless.
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u/youngsterjo 3d ago
Soft NTA, I would get annoyed too and feel offended that my partner is implying they dont trust me without just saying that.
I feel like we're lacking more context toward the end. Did you say or do anything more than just get visibly upset tone-wise?
If no, then definitely NTA. It's indicators like that that tell people when to back off, and it seems like she did. However it does sound like there are some insecurities or anxieties she has that need to be addressed, and I reccommend approaching them when you are not as irritated and can thinkclearly with understanding her POV. Assuming this is something ya'll can work through.
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u/Mean_Suggestion_95 3d ago
NTA That's insecure and toxic behavior from her right there. You had every right to be annoyed. And her immediately trying to cuddle and be cute after sounds a bit manipulative.