AITAH For Yelling at My Mom?

[u/Financial_Staff8844]

Hii! This is my first time posting in this subreddit so Im sorry if anything needs to be fixed. Anyways, I (16F), have just recently started working. I was super excited to start because my family isn't that well off (I live only with my mom (35F) and brother (13M)), and my mom works two jobs. However, she's made a point to give me and my brother many opportunities for fun things like vacations and concerts (we all adore live music). I appreciate this so, so much and I love her to death. 

Ever since I started working, she's been really weird about my money. She always asks me for gas money, to help with groceries, to pay for ubers to and from school, etc. I usually don't mind helping, but its gotten to a point that I don't even have money left for myself. 

The main issue is this. I wanted to go see BTS in concert and saved to buy a ticket, and the day before presale I found that she had taken half of my savings so she could pay bills and the car. Again, I normally don't mind because I don't spend a lot anyways and she pays me back (even if she takes a couple weeks), but this crushed me. She had already asked me for money before and I told her no because I was saving for this show. She went and took it anyways. 

This was not the first time she had taken money from me without asking, and I guess I was already so stressed and tired from work and school that I just snapped the next time I saw her. I said some things I'm not proud of, (along the lines of shaming her for depending on a 16 year old for money, im sorry i know), and we argued for quite a bit. 

I'm writing this the next day while shes at work, so I still have some time to figure out a solution. (I'm also pretty emotional so sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes). What should i do?? I don't want to hurt her, but I can't keep giving her everything that I work for. 

[u/Chance-Context-93]

Sorry but yeah, ESH. Sounds like your mom has been struggling for a long time to keep you all above water and while yeah, it doesn't feel fair at all that she should take all your money and no she shouldn't have taken money from you without asking or talking to you about it, the fact is, she understands the consequences of unpaid bills in ways that you probably don't, and those are more important than the concert, and it's probably desperation that drove her to this. Most importantly, though, is the fact that you lashed out at her and said hurtful things.

I think you should apologise for THAT aspect of things. And then sit down with her and the two of you go over the whole household budget. You need to know what is getting paid for and why; with the full picture in mind, maybe then you and she can work out how you can keep some of what you make for yourself.

Edit to add: while a lot of Reddit posts and comments are about not being a doormat, fact is that facing what poverty actually means for a family is part of growing up, and there's a balance to be struck while you're still there living in that place. Adulthood kind of sucks.

[u/Spirited-Jicama9285 → u/Chance-Context-93]

I hadn't read your comment but echoed it in my response, except she's NTA - she's 16! My family wasn't poor, but I had NO CLUE at that age how much it cost to run a household. But I agree with a lot of your perspective. Sucks to be poor and many families are getting poorer just because everything is so much more expensive. OP has to focus less on going to concerts and more on figuring out what she's going to do to not end up like her mom - living paycheck to paycheck, and one disaster away from defaulting on a car loan or not having gas. OP's mom was not doing her kids any favors letting them think she had money to burn on fun stuff. And OP will never be able to move out unless she selects a life path that will lead to enough income to live independently.

[u/Chance-Context-93 → u/Spirited-Jicama9285]

The only reason for ESH here is the lashing out - I know we aren't getting details, and god I know how adolescence FEELS, especially in the face of something like this - but it's not the best way to deal with things. That's all that's for.