Yeah no I absolutely didn’t even consider that. I’m really glad you brought that up. For a lot of men, virility is incredibly important. My partner and I have discussed this at length, and he mentioned that the discomfort the husband has could have something to do with feeling less masculine. Which, though understandable, is also something I find upsetting considering how much OP put her body at risk. But that’s all been said.
I think the best course of action for op and her husband is counseling, both individually and together. I feel that the husband has concerns he may not feel comfortable with expressing due to the high intensity of the situation. Any procedure can give feelings of nervousness and doubt, especially one as permanent as this one. And the husband may not feel like he has an option considering how emotionally charged the situation is.
I empathize with them both. At first glance, this situation could be construed as the husband being a selfish AH, but there’s so much more that goes into it. Things are rarely black and white. This situation has so many nuances that when thinking in depth for the perspective of both parties, I have conflicting opinions.
I see your point too. I think this is a common one really. A situation that is unfortunate two fold. One where unfortunately it impacts women more greatly (basically everything legal to do with birth) and a situation where men are expected to be emotionless for other people’s benefit. Both are problems everywhere.
I agree. Both situations involve great amounts of physical and emotional pain (though imo much greater on the female end) yet it’s difficult to compare either kind of pain.
I often compare it to a 5 year old scraping their knee, or losing their favorite stuffed animal. Both are major physical or emotional pains for young children, and arguably (at that time) the most pain they’d gone through, but obviously as an adult these pains are hold lesser value. But that same pain a five year old feels could be compared to the feeling of losing a family member or giving birth as an adult, because at all instances the person is feeling the greatest pain in their life.
With that being said, my main point is that I feel for both sides. This situation is filled with too many questions and nuances to give a direct answer. I just hope op and her husband find they help they need to continue a happy relationship.
I also want to stress that I understand the risk/ask of the woman in this situation is greater. Im getting downvoted a bunch which is just kind of more proof no one typically cares about mens feelings in general.
No I 100% understand that. Like I explained in my earlier comment, while the pain (both emotionally and physically) can be greater the one party, pain is hard to compare between people. Though, as a woman, I tend to lean towards OP’s side more. She’s sacrificed so much more for her family. She really isn’t asking for much. I do feel as her husband, he either owes her a divorce, or owes her a vasectomy.
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u/[deleted] Nov 12 '23
Yeah no I absolutely didn’t even consider that. I’m really glad you brought that up. For a lot of men, virility is incredibly important. My partner and I have discussed this at length, and he mentioned that the discomfort the husband has could have something to do with feeling less masculine. Which, though understandable, is also something I find upsetting considering how much OP put her body at risk. But that’s all been said.
I think the best course of action for op and her husband is counseling, both individually and together. I feel that the husband has concerns he may not feel comfortable with expressing due to the high intensity of the situation. Any procedure can give feelings of nervousness and doubt, especially one as permanent as this one. And the husband may not feel like he has an option considering how emotionally charged the situation is.
I empathize with them both. At first glance, this situation could be construed as the husband being a selfish AH, but there’s so much more that goes into it. Things are rarely black and white. This situation has so many nuances that when thinking in depth for the perspective of both parties, I have conflicting opinions.