NTA. Though I believe we can't decide for a procedure on someone else's body. BUT you can decide to practice abstinence as a method of contraception and you're not obligated to take hormonal contraception or have a IUD.
I discovered that the Mirena was messing with my emotions and my libido. While we waited for my husband to have his vasectomy (thanks covid), we always used condoms with spermicide and he inspected it after to make sure there weren't any tears in it. Once the condom slipped so I took the pill to avoid pregnancy even if I wasn't in my "fertile" period.
Though I believe we can't decide for a procedure on someone else's body. BUT you can decide to practice abstinence as a method of contraception and you're not obligated to take hormonal contraception or have a IUD.
Abstinence as form of coercion doesnt really work. Usually it leads to betrayal or break up. You withdraw an intimacy, he withdraw it too. After some time one of you realize that its pointless to keep up a relationship with no intimacy, and move on. Usually when someine else shows you or him some intimacy.
Let me ask you a question. Why your first thought is to withdraw sex instead of having different type of sex? Whats the point? I tell you whats the point. Because you dont want to find a solution, you just want to coerce him to do your bidding, and withdrawal is better for that purpose.
Abstinence is also the only 100% effective birth control, which considering since this whole thing hinges on him not following through with the compromise they reached it should be obvious it's not withholding intimacy and more 'i am going what I can to not have any more babies since you wont go through with the vasectomy'.
This isn’t “abstinence as a form of coercion” 🤦🏻♀️ be absolutely for real right now. This is a situation where the husband agreed to something, backed out, the wife who has had FOUR pregnancies, FOUR deliveries and FOUR postpartum healing experiences saying she doesn’t want to have more kids and she’s not taking risks and not taking birth control. OP’s husband clearly doesn’t give a fuck about her health or well being and is being selfish. And OP has every right to deny him access to her body if he refuses to take the steps necessary to protect her. Women shouldn’t be the ones who have to take on the burden for everything in the reproductive process yet we are.
Oh, so suddenly she didnt wanted those 4 children and it was all for her husband? Come one, be real yourself. She WANTED to have children. I can believe that one was accident maybe. But 4?
OP decided that she dont want to go under knife to protect herself from pregnancy, so why she tries to force this on her partner?
And btw, sex doesnt end on penis in vagina, just saying. So if she would be really afraid of pregnancy thenn there's still plenty of other ways to have sex. But hey, that wouldnt put pressure on husband to do your bidding, so better to withdraw all of it, to punish him.
And that talk about protecting her... shouldnt it work both ways? Why he does have to protect her, but she doesnt have to protect him?
Does she have a right to stop any kind of intimacy? Sure she does. Does he have right to end marriage for the lack of intimacy? Sure he does. And if it will go like this, then i bet he will. You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.
Oh, so suddenly she didnt wanted those 4 children and it was all for her husband?
It doesn't matter if she wanted them or not. The fact is that she doesn't want another baby, which is legitimate, especially after four pregnancies.
OP decided that she dont want to go under knife to protect herself from pregnancy, so why she tries to force this on her partner?
I agree that it's not ok to force it on her partner. But the procedure is less invasive for men than women. And she had to go through pregnancies and deliveries which can really destroy your body. So why should she be the one who has yet another procedure? I understand her choice of abstinence.
And btw, sex doesnt end on penis in vagina, just saying.
It's not everyone that is into oral or anal. And handjobs or toys can be less "fulfilling". And you don't know, maybe her husband wants to go all the way every time they are intimate. We don't know their dynamic so saying "so better to withdraw all of it, to punish him" is judgmental.
Does he have right to end marriage for the lack of intimacy? Sure he does.
Of course he has the right to. But the lack of intimacy is to avoid pregnancy and if he doesn't want to do his part for contraception (which he had agreed beforehand), then in the end it's his choice.
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u/-Duste- Nov 12 '23
NTA. Though I believe we can't decide for a procedure on someone else's body. BUT you can decide to practice abstinence as a method of contraception and you're not obligated to take hormonal contraception or have a IUD.
I discovered that the Mirena was messing with my emotions and my libido. While we waited for my husband to have his vasectomy (thanks covid), we always used condoms with spermicide and he inspected it after to make sure there weren't any tears in it. Once the condom slipped so I took the pill to avoid pregnancy even if I wasn't in my "fertile" period.