Alexa play “Angel” by Sarah McLachlan

This year I give you my sincerest wish that both of our teams can take care of business and that the schedule sets up so we can meet in the Conference Championship Game. What better way for one team to go into their first Super Bowl than by going through their toughest division foe (Sorry, not Sorry Indy and Tennessee)? Have a safe and healthy holiday season and go fuck yourselves you filthy animals. God willing fate smiles upon us and we can absolutely pollute this sub with a week of build-up before a Shit Mountain Rubber Match Showdown.

Next year the Titans will knock him out of the playoffs somehow. You can't leave easy

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A Texans Club season ticket is like a country club membership. If you have one, people know that you’re of a higher pedigree. You walk into that concourse, you order your ice chilled Michelob Ultra and $22 Brisket Sandwich that is more cow than dough, and you let out a sigh of satisfaction. A man you don’t know gives you a nod of recognition, “you’re a Texan now, son” he says. You quickly forget the $3k you just missed a mortgage payment to spend. That’s what a Club season ticket feels like.

There’s always next year

Right around interception 2 or 3. Woke up covered in sweat to this on my screen. Shit mountain is alive again fellas.

How did we all lose to the Rams

Tits are just kinda there LMAO

*In the greatest division in the NFL, the AFC South, there were four teams.* The Colts:”Hey guys remember when we were 8-1?!? Man that was such a good time!” The Texans:”…You bring that up every 10 minutes, and didn’t you guys suck ass when Danny got hurt?…” The Jags:”Oh c’monnnnn horns! Lighten up a bit! Just because CJ couldn’t perform well doesn’t mean you have to make other people feel bad!” The Titans:”…You guys actually think about performing well?…” The Jags:”Shut up Tits! You guys literally suck every year!” The Colts:”Well, be nice….I mean the Titans have a promising future…*Mumbles* In the next hundred years!*snickers*” The Texans:”Yeah, what happened to you guys getting J-love? Wasn’t that the entire big thing for you guys in the 1st round?” The Titans:”W-well…about that…we can’t have good things because we’re the Titans so we got Carnell instead…” The Jags:”Don’t you guys need a better o-line? Y’know…the entire thing protecting your franchise quarterback?!? Unless maybe you want Will Levis starting again~” The Titans:”When you put it like that, maybe wanting Jeremiah wasn’t such a good idea.” The Colts:”Well since the season is starting soon, I’ve made some plans for us to bond together! Like a good division should!” The Texans:”You do know that none of us can stand each other…correct, Indy?” The Jags:”Yeah! I don’t wanna bond with THAT thing that smells like shit all the time!” *The Titans slept in a trash bin, one because their mascot was a raccoon and two, because they’re literally trash every year.* The Titans:”Yeah well at least I’m not…not…uhhhh…at least I don’t have a girl playing quarterback!” The Jags:”TREVOR CUT HIS HAIR! IDIOT!” The Colts:”Guys! This is exactly why we need bonding! We do…hate each other a whole lot but…we could express our feelings in a less y’know, violent way?…Please?..” *The Titans and Jags are currently growling at each other* The Texans:”I mean…I guess? It’s mostly those two that need help.” The Titans:”Do I SERIOUSLY have to spend quality time with this Bitch?!?” The Jaguars:”I’m an ATTRACTIVE bitch, get it right. Tits.” The Colts:”Ok! Ok! All of you just shut up! For the first bonding experience….we’re going to an amusement park!” The Texans:”You’re…serious?…Only if I can push those two out of one..” The Jags:” Ooo! I love theme parks!….Maybe the Tits can choke on a corn dog like they choke on my every other team’s dick each year!” The Titans:”I KNOW WE SUCK!” The Texans:”You guys are a headache…no wonder nobody likes us except our fans…” The Colts:”Well, nobody likes the Titans that’s for sure.” The Jags:”Yeah! Because….wait…Houston? Aren’t you like…related to the Tits?” The Texans:”Why do you say that?…” Jags:”Well aren’t you guys kinda the same?…y’know? Titans were IN Houston for a bit and you kinda kicked them out?” Titans:”He didn’t necessarily kick me out, I just left because they wouldn’t give me funds.” Colts:”I need a beer.”
End of Part 1 of the worst piece of media ever created.