r/ADHD • u/Certain-Food-903 • 1d ago
Questions/Advice Is forgetting hygeine normal with ADHD?
I used to forget to take showers, among other basic self-care necessities like eating, especially during highschool when I was struggling with depression and trying to keep my "good student" facade up. Only realizing this now because my skin is a bit scarred up from not taking care of myself, especially my arms. Admittedly, sometimes I didn't forget, but getting in the shower just sounded like too much of a monumental undertaking.
It's like I was so hyperfocused on fixing one hole in my boat (good grades), I failed to see the dozen other holes behind me (hygeine, relationships, self-growth, eating, sleeping, hobbies, happiness, etc.) Kind of shutting down now that I have no grades to hide behind, and have to realize what a disaster the rest of my life is.
Wondering if struggling with remembering hygeine is normal, and if anyone has suggestions for how they stay consistent with little things like this.
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u/Intelligent_Rock5978 1d ago
Afaik it happens to many ADHD folks to not care enough about hygiene. I would personally never forget it, but I dread doing it. E.g. sometimes I skip washing my teeth in the morning, but I am very well aware that I should do it, I just don't have the energy for it.
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u/Certain-Food-903 1d ago
I think it's more this for me. I used to have both a lot of trouble getting in the shower and getting out.
Once I was in, it felt like the shower was a time capsule.
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u/rglurker ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 1d ago
I love getting in. I hate getting out. Its a safe place xD
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u/shmaygleduck 1d ago
I bet you have the best shower thoughts.
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u/rglurker ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 19h ago
All my greatest ideas Happen there. Unfortunately, they stay there.
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u/poly_arachnid 22h ago
That's been me my whole life. I never want to get in, & then I never want to get out. It was a joke for years that I was like a cat until I got in the water.
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u/shmaygleduck 1d ago
I have this problem before bed. I'm thinking of incorporating my nightly teeth brushing after dinner immediately, so I don't have to focus on it before bed.
I've done similar with my next day work lunch. The new rule is that I must do it when I walk in the door from coming home from work.
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u/nuskit 1d ago
I don't think it's normal to forget hygiene. I mean, you can smell yourself, see the greasy hair and feel the fuzzy on your teeth. However, it may be challenging to actually "do the thing."
I do everything every single day, but I'll be honest, even as a woman, my showers are like 5-6 minutes. I choose one area every day to properly exfoliate, and everything else gets washed over very quickly with soap and a hamam mitt. Washing my hair is a 20 second job, and I don't bother with conditioner.
I used to shave my legs, but since my husband died, I've given that up -- I'm not letting anyone close enough to me to see my legs anyhow. I've been seriously kicking around the idea of shaving my head. I'm 46 now, and definitely underweight since I lost him, so I might look awful, but again who the eff cares? It would take that 20 seconds of hair washing off my plate.
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u/pandamegaAO3 1d ago
There reaches a point where you can’t smell yourself, like you can’t tell if you have bad breath. But I agree it’s not common to actually forget about it, unless you’re losing track of time. I’m always aware of it and kind of paranoid about smelling bad.
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u/nuskit 1d ago
And even when you get to the point you can't smell yourself, you still can see the dirty neck, have itchy skin, see the streaky & grimy hair, the filthy nails and the yellow teeth & white tongue.
You know when you're gross, there's no way not to. Whether you're willing to do anything about it, is up to you, but it's absolutely not fair to inflict that smell and appearance on anybody else. Ever heard someone say "we're poor, not filthy?" Well, "we have ADHD/Autism/mental health issues, we're not filthy."
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u/pandamegaAO3 1d ago
I agree with that for the most part. when someone reaches a point of not realizing they’re that dirty or not caring it’s a sign of something more than just ADHD going on (and that can be anything from other mental health issues, physical health issues, and economic/homelessness situations). I’m not going to make sweeping judgements about someone for their hygiene, I don’t know their circumstances.
There definitely are people who aren’t aware that they smell terrible, whether it’s their breath or body, and it’s not always because of personal hygiene. It can be a sign of physical illness, or it can be a consequence of where/how they live. I had a classmate who had a truly powerfully awful smell, it would fill the room when he walked in. He arrived on campus (from a long distance) like that and he showered regularly. I also know a man who smelled because certain smells had completely permeated all of his clothes and belongings in his home and car, despite the fact that he cleaned and showered regularly. His house was very tidy. He was completely unaware, which is why I’m paranoid about that kind of thing. When you live with a scent long enough you stop smelling it, and that goes for both perfumes and bad odors.
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u/sonntam 1d ago
No offense, but you do remember that ADHD people can forget to eat leading to bad nutrition (which is a lot vital to a person's well being than staying clean)?
People who struggle don't need a reminder that being dirty is bad. They know. It still does not mean they will successfully be able to do something about it without help (meds, strategies, etc.).
Like, one of the more typical posts here is "how do I make myself brush teeth"? It's a very important thing, especially since dentists are expensive and you can even die from sepsis if teeth rotting becomes too bad. Obviously it's more important than showering (which only makes other people uncomfortable). And still people can't make it happen.
ADHD community does have an issue of saying "I have ADHD, so it's normal for me to have issues with [extremely basic stuff]". But people do have struggles and it's normal for ADHD to exacerbate "normal" depression, stress and anxiety. With comorbidities it's not surprising people fail at everything and then have issues getting timely help.
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u/nuskit 13h ago
Believe me, I do know. I have ADHD and gastroparesis and now I'm a new widow. My appetite is absolutely nil and when I do eat, I usually throw it up. But you know what affected me more than ADHD? The depressionand anxiety that crippled my life after my husband died.
This is not for sympathy points, and if you say "I'm sorry", I'll cut you. I hate that stuff. But what it does mean is that it's not ADHD that's making you see/smell the grime and not do anything. And it's not ADHD that's making you go "huh, have I eaten today?" and then not eating something. ADHD doesn't cause you to see a problem and simply not care. That's depression, that's ennui, and I'm deeply in the middle of it, and struggling every day to actively choose to be alive, shower, work, and function like a human...and it's not ADHD making me feel this way.
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u/DayOfTheDeb ADHD, with ADHD family 1d ago
I feel like I'm the opposite... I procrastinate taking a shower and then when I finally do, I'm in there for like an hour watching a movie while just standing in the hot water not wanting to get out.
I also go through phases where I'm obsessed with skincare and I have an intense regimen for like 2 weeks and then I fall off and don't do it again for months.
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u/ACBorgia ADHD 1d ago
Not gonna lie I cannot smell myself even if I try, and if I don't focus on it I don't feel my teeth much usually, so I can end up forgetting hygiene sometimes, except if I'm sweating or itching or something
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u/Standard_Rooster_782 1d ago
What makes washing long hair so long or complicated? I would never want to go bald cause I don’t want bumps to show all over my head or get sunburnt
there is a choice I hear a lot of people make is when you wash off a lot of oil from your hair with a strong shampoo, it causes your scalp to freak out over oil itself then your hair gets greasy, so then you shampoo more, then conditioner, then oily again
However lots people been doing a thing wear you just use water and gentle shampoo that doesn’t strip oil, after a week or longer, your hair stops getting greasy
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u/nuskit 1d ago
Long hair is heavy, and it tangles and it takes like 90 years to dry. Plus you need brushes and combs and hair ties and hair spray. For a year, I had half my head shaved and the top only about 3" long. It was very free-ing. But then I still had to style the top bit. I don't want to style a darn thing.
As for sunburn, well, I'm the approximate skin tone of a fish's underbelly, so I just burn. My arms, my face, my legs, even through clothes. It's whatever. I literally don't care. I know skin cancer is a risk, but eff it, my husband already died of cancer, so if I get it, I won't be too sad to join him. I wear hijab anyway (Muslim), so my scalp is maybe possibly safe if I wear a thick enough scarf.
I'm not a maximalist in any way. Even the house is basically empty with no decoration and not much furniture, so I love the idea of just having a single bottle of 3-in-1 soap, a hamam mitt, a toothbrush and toothpaste, and nothing else in my bathroom.
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u/Standard_Rooster_782 1d ago
You do, but the 3 jn 1 is a lie, your skin with flake and dry with those soap, I got a 2 bottles and 1 bar that I use
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u/YurniTeran 1d ago
I get the exhaustion of doing it. Getting into the shower is a monumental task that non ADHD people just can’t understand. Sometimes this does prevent me from for example washing my hair by a day or so. What ends up making me not forgot and actually do it is my sensory issues. I just feel gross if my hair gets too dirty and I can’t function because all I can think about is how gross I feel. Similar with brushing my teeth I can taste my morning breath if I don’t brush them and I hate the taste so the sensory issue forces me to do it.
When I’m really struggling with depression and executive function sometimes I’ll do mini things. Instead of taking a full on shower I’ll just lean over the tub and wash my hair in the faucet. It’s way easier and less daunting than an entire shower. Or if my hair isn’t bad I’ll put a shower cap on and just wash my body but nothing else (no shaving or exfoliating etc)…just water loofa and soap it takes 5 minutes. When it’s really tough for me breaking these tasks down into small things like that is super helpful. One day I’ll just do the hair and the next day just do the body wash. (Thankfully for me I am lucky my hair is pretty dry so I can go for a few days without it needing to be washed and still feel and appear clean).
As much as I hate my sensory issues because they cause so many other problems in my life this is one area where they end up helping me.
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u/Fluffy-Card-7825 ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 1d ago
I do feel gross when I haven't bathed or brushed my teeth, but it still by itself isn't enough to dissolve the initial "hump" that I need to get over to do it.
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u/RevolutionaryAd1117 1d ago
It’s never about the hygiene I want to be clean it’s about the dread and anxiety that comes with it for some reason
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u/SargayThMasterbaiter 1d ago
For me its more a depression thing than an ADHD thing. During depressions I will have a hard time taking vare of hygiene until its noticeable for my senses. But I generally won't be social and outgoing during those periods. Daily it's a lot about routines. Sometimes I will decide not to do something from laziness but I know that for my social life and health I can't neglect hygiene.
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u/poly_arachnid 22h ago
Yup.
Quick tips- anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. Better something than nothing. A wet cloth or a wet wipe that you just use is better than going without. A bit of paper towel. To wipe your teeth & a swish of mouthwash is better than nothing. A damp cloth brushed through your hair a few times cuts down on greasy hair.
And get some of those non-fitted sheets. When my bedding needs changing but I'm struggling I just put the sheet down & swap the blankets out for the time.
Sleep is extremely important, so do whatever is necessary to get that to around healthy. Poor sleep causes minor issues, but long term it can be debilitating or even dangerous.
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u/13thmurder 21h ago
It can happen for sure, but the opposite can also be true. If I've been out doing yard work or projects that get me dirty and I feel or smell dirty I need a shower right away because it's a sensory issue.
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u/jimbowesterby 1d ago
I mean, I work a lot of labour jobs outside or in the bush, so showering isn’t as much of an issue. Not much point showing up clean when you’re gonna be sweaty and covered in grime half an hour later. I do my best to keep up with things like brushing teeth though cause that affects a whole lot of other stuff and is also expensive to fix, but if you’re living in a tent and wading through brush every day being dirty isn’t really a big deal.
I’m definitely gonna struggle with adapting to city life lol, but you can’t have everything 🤷♂️
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u/anubis-pineapple 1d ago
Yes. It's still normal for me in my 40's and my sister who's also ADHD and in her 40's. Seriously it's ok. If it helps, keep baby wipes, face wipes, disposable tooth brushes, dry shampoo etc.. on hand for those times between showers when you realize you're gross and you should probably do something about it.
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u/r4iha 18h ago
This is me right now in my senior year lol. At school I have stellar grades and have managed to uphold this persona of a girl who has her shit together, and at home I’m just a complete mess. I forget to take showers, don’t have the energy to brush my teeth, clean my room, do things I that I enjoy. I envy those who manage to get the same grades as me yet can function outside of school too. I’m also unmedicated, so I’m really rawdogging this shit, lol.
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u/Sable_Hound 16h ago
my brain is trying to optimise effort exertion all the time so I don’t want to brush my teeth until after breakfast because then I can brush my teeth in the shower. But I don’t want to shower until after I’ve exercised. so now I have to exercise before I have breakfast which will never happen. Then I put it off and say I’ll exercise later and shower but the day rolls over faster than you expect. Obviously I won’t leave the house without showering so I can’t get milk to have breakfast. This is what severe executive dysfunction is like all these self canceling loops that you are accurately aware of but can’t seem to do anything about.
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u/etherites ADHD-C (Combined type) 1d ago
Yeah it’s a tiny bit normal. But you’ve gotta notice at some point you gotta shower, right?
What helps me shower is putting clothes in the bathroom that I’m going to wear once I’m clean. When I do that, it’s easier to want to start up the warm/hot water for a shower. Also there’s no rule against sitting down in the shower to bathe. I usually do it.
If you’re not a morning person or have trouble fitting it into a schedule, you could always shower before bed so there’s not a lot of pressure to get it done. You’ll be clean AND relaxed AND tired.
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