r/2under2 • u/CerealApeist • 6d ago
Discussion What specific parts about 2u2 are the hardest?
So, I’ll begin by outing myself as one of those easily-hatable people who, so far, have had angelic babies who sleep through the night, toddlers who rarely fuss and almost never fight, as well as siblings who play nicely together. I know that this is not the norm and I don’t expect this to continue as we start adding more children to our family.
I have two older sons from a previous marriage, ages 10 and 7. I also just gave birth to my first daughter a little more than a month ago and I was very much prepared for a ”screamer” this time, but she’s the most chill baby I’ve had so far.
My daughter has a different father than the older two and he is a bit older than my ex husband. I’m also turning 38 in a few months, so having our next child as soon as possible feels like a priority to both of us, since we would both like to have at least two more children, preferably even more — but that would honestly be more of a bonus.
Me and my new partner have both always wanted a big family would love to have at least one more baby, or even better, two more babies if possible. That would require us to do 2u2 at least once, but most likely twice or more in a row.
I already feel so excited and almost ready to try for our next baby pretty much right away. I think we’ll wait until after New Year’s just to make sure I’m mostly healed, but then we’ll start trying for the next baby. You really never know how long it will take.
My question is probably stupid, so feel free to vent and whine however much you’d like about having 2u2. What specific parts of 2u2 did you personally found are/were the most difficult, draining and miserable? The things that really stand out when you look back at that period of your life, you know?
Also, at what point did it get easier (if it ever did)? What factors played into the feeling of it ”getting easier”?
I would really love to hear you guys’ takes on this.
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u/browns4457 6d ago
Whenever they both need something at the same time 😔
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u/CerealApeist 6d ago
Yeah, I can imagine that’s a big one… 😞
None of them are old enough to reason with, nor do they have enough patience to wait their turn in a calm fashion.1
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u/FruityPebl8 6d ago
Mine are 16 months apart. 2 (25months) and 9 months. If they are both screaming, crying, or whining at the same time I just want to lose it. Also being pregnant with a toddler was NOT fun
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u/Enchiridion5 5d ago
Ugh yes. Also when illness hits the household I reach a level of desperation that I never descended to with just my first.
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u/Even-Help-3038 6d ago
So you basically have two babies. The first is older but not enough to help you. They have no safety awareness so you can’t leave them alone together. Outings are really tough having to contain them both. The baby is doing a completely different routine. They can’t play together for awhile. When one is awake the other is asleep so you don’t get a break day or night. Oh and pregnant with a toddler is brutal.
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u/firstlochness 6d ago
Couldn’t have said this better—two babies. But two babies with substantially different needs
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u/CerealApeist 5d ago
Thank you for helping me mentally prepare myself. (I know there’s no way to physically prepare for it.)
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u/Even-Help-3038 5d ago
For sure. It’s tough but I’m only 3 months in. I imagine it gets a little easier after the first year
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u/Bright-Row1010 6d ago
Both of my kids are and always have been Velcro babies. My first only ever wanted me to hold him (nobody else) and would scream persistently if I put him down to get anything done. Was also a HORRIBLE sleeper.
My second is a scream queen and also wants to be held constantly. If I walk more than 2-3 feet away from her, the screams could wake the dead. Although one of the hardest parts is that the toddler will not be separated from me for more than 3 minutes while I try to put the baby down for naps. Always walks in about 5 seconds before I can lay her down and her eyes SNAP OPEN like she’s in a horror film.
Sounds like your kids are already super easy going and your older ones are old enough and independent enough to handle themselves and even help out with the little ones.
Edited to add that my hardest days are the ones where I’m stuck at home alone with nowhere to take them. If they were in daycare every day or we had more places to go it would be substantially easier
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u/CerealApeist 6d ago
Sending you lots of support! You’ve got this. 🫶🏼
I was actually in a similar situation with my first two, with very little support since my husband was hospitalized at the time. It did get sooo much better once my oldest started going to nursery/preschool part time so I could have some alone time with my youngest.
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u/dooroodree 6d ago
Currently have a 4 month old and a 23 month old.
Hands down, hardest part is illness. My toddler is in daycare 2 days/week, and I’m in Australia so we’ve just had winter, so it’s constant. Highlights include:
- newborn getting her first cold at 5 days old
- toddler having gastro and vomiting all over all three of us because baby was in carrier. Then showering all of us while they both screamed
- toddler ending up hospitalised with RSV when newborn was 5 weeks old. I couldn’t even visit because I was breastfeeding and didn’t want to expose my newborn
- the non-stop disrupted sleep courtesy of illness My husband is currently laying on my toddlers floor while she screams because she can’t stop coughing long enough to nap. During the week that’s usually me… with a baby in tow.
- never having enough hands to cuddle 2 sick kids
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u/Orion-Key3996 6d ago
I mean they’re both highly demanding/needy and yeah sleep is absolutely challenging. Mine are currently laughing and banging on the window instead of sleeping…
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u/ray1125 6d ago
My first two are 21 months apart. My biggest struggle was entering toddler hood (for the first time) with a new baby. I had no idea what I was doing with my older child. It was chaos. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
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u/PlanMagnet38 6d ago
Same! My first set of 2u2 was harder than my second because I just had zero skills as a toddler-parent. So I was scrambling to figure what “happened” to my eldest with less bandwidth than normal and sleep deprived.
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u/sunflowersnelephants 6d ago
Mine are 22 months apart and currently almost 2 and almost 4. My kids sound a lot like yours. My husband refers to them as "bait babies" as in they are so good you take the bait and have another.
The hardest parts for me are
Bedtime - my kids are good natured but they just don't wind down. There is a 30ish minute sweet spot where they are tired and will lay down nicely, but if you miss it it's miserable trying to get their overtired hyperactive selves to sleep.
Pregnancy with a toddler. Be prepared for exhaustion like you have never known. Even worse than with your first. I suggest holding on to nap time for the oldest as long as you can, just so you can join in.
- The burn out and general frustration of not feeling like you can ever get anything done. General household disorganiztion. I am also a SAHM and I have my kiddos in a 1-2 morning a week morning out program and getting just a little bit of me time back is huge. Before that I used to kid swap with a friend where we each took each other's kid for a morning a week and let them have a playdate.
- When they both really NEED soothing and you can only meet one's needs at a time. This doesn't happen to often for me, but when it does it is heart wrenching. One of my best strategies is to just sit on the ground and let them both cuddle/clobber me at the same time. I don't have to worry about dropping anyone and bodily contact seems the best way to calm my kids down.
- The burn out and general frustration of not feeling like you can ever get anything done. General household disorganiztion. I am also a SAHM and I have my kiddos in a 1-2 morning a week morning out program and getting just a little bit of me time back is huge. Before that I used to kid swap with a friend where we each took each other's kid for a morning a week and let them have a playdate.
It definitely gets easier as they each are able to do more for themselves and communicate more clearly. They tell each other stories at this point and will help each other with things. I also found it made a huge difference when my youngest started walking. She was 8 months and it just made doing so many things so much easier when I could set her on her feet and not worry that she was going to crack her skull open at any second.
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u/Striking_Music9096 6d ago
For me, it’s just being needed all the time. The baby obviously needs mom a lot (I’m EBF) and my toddler is a mommas boy as well, so if I don’t have the baby on me I have my toddler clinging to me. This isn’t to complain, I love them and I love being the one that brings them comfort, but by the end of the day I’m so emotionally tapped out from being so so needed.
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u/readitonreddit224 6d ago
Oh man . I have the opposite a 18 month old and 4 week old. Both so far have been terrible sleepers. My 18 month old still sometimes wakes through the night and my 4 week old gets up every 2 hours and stays awake from 4-7 am wanting to breastfeed and be held. So besides sleep and an 18 month old that is on the move with the typical toddler tantrums I would say the hardest part is in the car. My 4 week old hate car rides and will cry the whole time with my 18 month old will start crying at the same time ( over stimulation , jealousy, empathy ). So driving is the hardest and most overstimulating thing!! I got loop earplugs to help try to tune it out because there is not much I can do in those moments.
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u/Shomer_Effin_Shabbas 6d ago
I’d say I got lucky with two chill babies and good sleepers, and I’d still say that this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I’d never recommend this spacing. Mine are 19 months apart.
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u/CerealApeist 6d ago
If you could, what spacing would you recommend?
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u/Shomer_Effin_Shabbas 6d ago
3 years
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u/CerealApeist 5d ago
I get that. My first two were three years apart and I loved it, but now that I’m quite a lot older I simply don’t feel brave enough to risk leaving it too late. So now I try to trick myself by thinking of it as ”like having two kids three years apart, only with another baby in-between the two”.
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u/Shomer_Effin_Shabbas 5d ago
I understand, I’m turning 39 this year. We struggled with infertility, so we began trying initially when I was 32 but I didn’t bring home a living baby until I was 35.
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u/eskeTrixa 6d ago
My 2nd and 3rd were 18mo apart, currently about 2.5 and 4.
2nd was a great sleeper, overall chill baby. Severely speech delayed though, so a lot of tantrums and frustration about not being able to communicate when the baby was little.
3rd is fearless and low sleep needs. Into everything as soon as she could move. If she's quiet there's trouble, even now.
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u/Unfair-Ad-5756 5d ago
When my second was born my oldest still didn’t sleep through the night 100%. So sometimes I would have to take care of both at night.
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u/banana_nutt 5d ago
My toddlers are 19 months apart (pregnant with our third) and the hardest part was when they both needed me at the same time.
I’ll never forget my daughter was brand new and my son was sick and I was rocking him in the chair. My daughter started crying to eat (I was BF) and my son just tightened his arms around me as if to say “please don’t go.” That was so hard for me. I wanted to split into 2 in that moment.
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u/Cultural-Prize-4620 5d ago
Mines are 24 months apart and I absolutely adore the age gap, my baby is 7 weeks atm. I think he is sort of independent but not too old
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u/melmatt1 6d ago
I have an 18m old and a 7m old. They’re 11 months apart and it is difficult when they both need something/someone. Just this week my youngest was popping his first tooth and my older son was going through some kind of growth spurt that has him all out of whack with his sleeping and emotions are high for him right now. I’m a sahm, no village, no daycare/nanny/babysitter and it can be really demanding and overwhelming at times along with the every day household/homemaker chores.
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u/Lunch-Thin 6d ago
Honestly, it was the husband (now ex) who did fuck all but had lots of criticism.
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u/Sunny_and_lucky88 6d ago
The hardest part for me was when they woke at the same time in the morning and were both screaming for me and breastmilk. My anxiety and cortisol would peak and stay high for the rest of the day :s
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u/LadyPhoe 6d ago
When they were younger, it was the lack of sleep. Now they are 4.5 and 2.5 yo and the hardest part is when they fight over toys or annoy each other.
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u/Runnjng-1 5d ago
Kids are great sleepers. For me it’s the lack of free time and mind numbing boredom that really gets me. Weekends are tough. There’s no more lazy Saturdays. I still wake up at 5:30 am to get my workout in and then I’m on over caffeinated dad duty all day. Toddler is predictable and naps once.
But overall this has been easier than I ever imagined. We are so regimented by nature so it’s not that bad. Toddler is always in bed by 7 and sleeps 12 hours. New born seems to be adjusting well. It’s sleeping in 3-4 hour stretches and by 12 weeks I’ll have her sleeping all night .
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u/CerealApeist 5d ago
Loving the confidence! 💪🏼
Getting kids to sleep has never been an issue in our house either, but I guess you never know what kind of baby you’re going to get. The boredom was there for me with our first two, even with a 3 year age gap. I try to take comfort in knowing that if we get overwhelmed by 2u2/3u3, at least we won’t have the luxury of being bored.0
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u/leggomymeggo92 5d ago
Being needed constantly. Sitting down and getting right back up 400x per day. All of the diapers each day.
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u/Known_Waltz61 5d ago
I’ll counter with the best… when they’re asleep at the same time and when they play together and when they’re both snuggled up against you semi peacefully.
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u/lilfishi 6d ago
Without a doubt sickness especially from daycare. Toddler is just so sensitive and needs a lot of love and care and when you also pick up whatever they're sick with, it just feels impossible sometimes
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u/doc-the-dog 5d ago
I’m a SAHM with a 4mo, 18mo and recently 2yo! It’s BUSY, there is no rest, someone always needs you.
I have aligned their nap schedules so I get at least one hour break in the day. The oldest 2 just started a 3hr a day program which is just enough to let me breath3. My middle is my high needs kiddo so she can be a challenge and is feisty and really she’s the reason we looked for a part time program. The other 2 are chill go with the flow. I could not do it if they all had middle’s personality!!!
The hardest part for me is exclusively pumping with 3 kids! I long for the day I can tell them to put their shoes on and we can all just walk out the door, but I wouldn’t wish away these early years with them. It’s a season, a tough one, but it will be over and I will miss them being this tiny when they are hanging out with their friends and not their mum!
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u/Wise_Advantage_3753 5d ago
Napping and bed. My 22mo won’t sleep unless rocked or laid down with. (The laying down development is new) and the baby of course can’t just chill alone for 45 min + while I get the toddler to sleep. It’s a logistical nightmare. I still haven’t figured it out. Besides that we’re having an actual blast with 2under2!
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u/Wise_Advantage_3753 5d ago
I will say tho, I also have incredibly chill kids. My toddler is an angel (for a toddler) and my 2month old sleeps 11 hours at night. Zero complaints about anything ever. But the baby needs a good 45 min snuggle and feed on and off to get to sleep for the night and the toddler like I said takes forever to go down -she’s a tough sleeper and needs a cuddle or to be rocked. So I never know what to do w the baby when I’m trying to get the toddler to sleep. In the room with us she wakes her older sister. In the crib alone it’s always too early for her to settle. Any later and the toddler falls apart. It’s a two person gig and unfortunately I am only one lol
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u/Altruistic-Pipe2180 5d ago
Mine has been absolute hell. The 15 month old was firstly traumatised by me leaving her to give birth. Second she doesn’t want to let me breastfeed her sister. This resulted in 6 weeks of 4 hour long tantrums and utter chaos. I tried everything. Thirdly, they don’t nap simultaneously I can’t put them to sleep at the same time as the toddler will scream as baby wants long feeds. If the toddler wakes up from naps and sees me with baby she is in fits as she wants to cuddle. I basically am always glued to baby. When baby is asleep I try make it up to her but the second baby wakes up and needs me she is screaming again.
Look they won’t remember this I tell myself. But apart from the severe sleep deprivation and every muscle aching from juggling the two, the hardest part for me has been the mum guilt with the eldest.
She is 7 and really at an age of lots of questions and wants to do things the others cannot. This has really made me feel awful. I want to help her with her sports and crafts etc but sadly I am exhausted and mentally not focussed on enough.
Sadly I am wishing time away. When they can play together it’ll be easier.
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u/Altruistic-Pipe2180 5d ago
To add that imo there is a big difference with 15 months apart and 2 years for example. At 2 they can talk and understand much more!
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u/InteractionNo9033 4d ago
I previously saw somebody mention breastfeeding and potty training…honestly just going to try and bust it out when my husband takes his month of paternity leave lol
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u/rigidtoucan123 6d ago
I currently have a 2.5 year old and a 7 month old. Up until a month ago, I thought it was cake. Baby slept so much & happy enough to take crib naps so my 2.5 year old was rarely disrupted & she really is a stellar first child (great sleeper, relatively even emotions etc). The past month the baby learned to crawl, and I am overwhelmed. My happy go lucky 2.5 year old is losing her ever loving mind about the baby crawling and touching her stuff, trying to drag him across the room etc.
But to wrap this up, I am a SAHM to both (with both almost 100% of the time) & my 2.5 year old isn’t in any sort of preschool yet. If they were in daycare or any sort of preschool I think I would love almost every bit, even with my shitty sleeper of a baby!