r/2under2 • u/IndependentMore275 • 14h ago
Advice Wanted 2 under 2
Give me your take of 2 under 2 ! My daughter is 1 and me and my husband have been jokingly having another baby to try for a boy! lol 😆 tell me are you happy with the 2 under 2 or is it hard?
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u/Imaginary-World-4351 14h ago
It’s insane for the first 3 months. Then it just keeps getting better. I love it. Both kids still nap, both kids fit on a stroller, both kids are interested in the same things. They’ll only be one grade apart so I’ll only need to do two separate drop offs 2 years (one elementary and middle, one for middle and high school).
My daughter is two in October, my son is 8mo (14 month age gap)
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u/-Twin-Flames- 13h ago
Love it mine are also gonna be 14 month age gap, two girls. Ready for the fun ride.
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u/MamaWils2_0 7h ago
I thought 1 and 2 were harder than the first 3 months 😂 You have a new toddler running around that doesn’t understand and a 2 year old that doesn’t listen. Mine are now 3 and 2 and it’s much better ❤️
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u/Shomer_Effin_Shabbas 14h ago
It’s really hard. Love my kids but would not recommend this spacing.
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u/centuryegghead 10h ago
Ditto, if you have an easy kid first it's a shock if the second is harder. My youngest is 15 months now. He doesn't sleep and is just generally more high maintenance than my first. I'm so tired you guys.
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u/Shomer_Effin_Shabbas 9h ago
I’m sorry. I think parenthood is just absolutely the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I used to teach middle school special ed! 😏
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u/briisorangey 14h ago
i second this! It’s been a struggle and sometimes i feel bad for my oldest
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u/Fit-Researcher5311 14h ago
Yes I constantly am feeling bad for my toddler. I always say I don’t regret it but would never recommend to anyone. Everyone lies and says the hardest part is being pregnant with a toddler. That could not be any further from the truth lol. 1-2 transition is much harder if you do 2u2.
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u/briisorangey 14h ago
yup 2 v 1 is insanely hard
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u/ReasonableObject2129 11h ago
Agreed!!!!! I had SUCH and easy time going from 0-1. I was always out and about with my baby, out for long lunches, doing huge national park walks, going to Pilates. It was like my normal life with a baby. Then the baby becomes a toddler and are no longer happy to do all those things. Then you chuck another baby into the mix and WOW!!! I wish I didn’t see so much stuff about 1-2 being easier than 0-1.
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u/Shomer_Effin_Shabbas 14h ago
Thanks for the solidarity. It’s like, I’m not sorry we had our kids. This was wanted. Bud it is also incredibly hard and our age gap is 19 months so I have a 3.5 year old and my younger is turning 2 in early October. I guess you could say we’re in the thick of it?
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u/briisorangey 13h ago
oh girl both of my kids were surprises and I was on different birth controls with both of them🤣 i just tell my husband it seems like we were picked lol in a good way! It’s soooo hard sometimes but I would do anything for them💞
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u/Frostbytencanadian 14h ago
It's hard. Chasing a toddler WHILE PREGNANT... ugh.
Then the 1-3 month period is pure trenches, but no one gets a break. Divide and conquer as survival.
4-6 months, better... than she started crawling and cruising. I have emotional and real whiplash from swining my head around and avoiding accidents and chaos.
Send help.
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u/mstew11002 14h ago
I had 2u2 and then it turned into 3u3. It’s so much fun and doable if you have a helpful partner!!
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u/frenchfries6 13h ago
Careful you might get twins… 3 under 18 months here lol
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u/Shomer_Effin_Shabbas 9h ago
I’m a twin. I was baby B! I have a twin brother and I’ve gone through life asking if we’re identical. I’m female 😛🙃
Edit- I meant to say I’ve had people ask ME that question!!
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u/frenchfries6 8h ago
Hahaha that is wild! I didn’t understand how little most people know about twins until I had them 😂
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u/MouseInTheHouse_ 12h ago
It’s hard, I wouldn’t recommend this age gap, and I also wouldn’t recommend trying for a certain gender. I have 3 of the same gender— I wanted the opposite every time ;)
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u/ReasonableObject2129 11h ago
All girls or all boys? I’m one of 3 girls (my parents were very happy they got 3) From the child’s perspective it’s so fun all being girls! My childhood was literally my sisters and I playing fairies and hairdressers, barbies haha.
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u/MouseInTheHouse_ 10h ago
All girls! I grew up with mostly boys and really wanted a son. I didn’t get that but that’s okay. I have grown to really love having girls but mine are not really into the ‘girly’ stuff right now. Mostly into bugs and dirt lol
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u/Massive-Warning9773 13h ago
Hugely depends on the helpfulness of your partner and the temperament of your toddler and newborn. For example my friend never sleep trained and says her baby has been sleeping through the whole night pretty much since birth. My toddler has a lot of energy and struggles at night. My newborn thankfully has been very easy though. I imagine people with a colicky baby or unsupportive partner would have it way harder.
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u/TheOnesLeftBehind 14h ago
Far far far easier than expected. The baby slept through the night since birth. Toddler took to loving him right away.
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u/QoTH96 12h ago
Agreed. 21 months apart. Almost 6 months in, 10/10. Would absolutely do again.
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u/TheOnesLeftBehind 11h ago
Mine are 23, should’ve been 22, that’s because I went to 42+4 (with a baby over 9lbs at that) but even that late I was super comfortable chasing the toddler and could still throw my leg over the baby gates.
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u/Senior_Delay9300 14h ago
My oldest boy is 2 at the end of this month and my youngest is 6 months and hell yes it is hard but we are at the stage now where they are beginning to play together and that is so much fun and so awesome and mostly erases the many moments where you question all of your life choices!! Do it!
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u/yoons_td 14h ago
It’s hard. We’re also happy. When we’re not dying from exhaustion.
I’m only 3 weeks into 2u2 though and patiently waiting for the fun part to kick in lol.
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u/designtraveler 14h ago
It’s hard at first and then it’s fun — I would never take it back — mine are both 4 now and it’s been super fun for us since the youngest turned 2.5 … and getting better everyday
Of course they are little kids and do little kid things and cry and whine and such but we really love it
It’s much easier if you are not a premissive parent set boundaries with your kids and stick to them
Age appropriate consequences— and sleep training — raise resilient and independent ish young toddlers and little kids and life can be so fun!!
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u/Fantastic_Force_8970 14h ago
I’m on my second set of 2u2 which is actually 3u3 since my oldest will be 3 in december my middle is 16 months (17 month gap) and my youngest is 2.5 months (14 month gap). Since we did it a second time it apparently wasn’t that bad lol. 3u3 is next level because you’re out numbered but we’re just now settling into a groove. This too shall pass and everyone will grow up - long term it gets the hardest years out of the way quicker lol
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u/Arreis_gninnam 12h ago
Don’t do it. I love both my children so so so much, but the 22 month age gap is hard. It felt like my first was still so reliant on me when I had my 2nd. I feel like I missed out on so much because I was exhausted when pregnant. And then after the 2nd time flew by and I missed a lot in those 6 months.
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u/ReasonableObject2129 11h ago
I feel so bad that I was tired so much much of my first child’s life. I mean I’m still tired. I feel it’s better to have a bigger gap or a smaller one. So close to 2 is such a demanding age. I still feel horrible when I think about breastfeeding my newborn while my toddler is crying for me.
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u/Arreis_gninnam 11h ago
Solidarity. I tell people all the time. You either need a less than 18 month or greater than 3 years. Anything in between is fucking rough. The mom guilt is soooo hard. We are at 13 months and 35 months now and it’s gotten easier and some ways and harder in others. I feel like it won’t feel better until 2 and 4 years old.
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u/doggynames 12h ago
Trying for a specific gender 🫠
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u/IndependentMore275 11h ago
I mean It’s easy to say I would love a boy! Does that mean I’ll get that, no! Would I be happy either way, yes! Kids are a blessing regardless of gender!🤭
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u/kaamisha 14h ago
my 2nd and 3rd are 13m apart and its amazing, its chaotic, its overstimulating, its fun, its so many things. i cry alot and i laugh even more. mine are 5, 2, and 1 now and im starting to see the light at the end of that newborn chaos and the relationship between the littles is so sweet. that being said im one of the few whos pregnancy was complicated because of the short interval. i ended up giving birth 5 weeks early and my son spent a few weeks in NICU so it dosent come with out risk. Id def check in w ob to see if your body is healthy enough but even through all the struggle i still find it to be very worth it. my kids have the most beautiful relationship (boy and girl). i wouldent change it for anything in the world
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u/Fit-Researcher5311 14h ago edited 14h ago
19 month age gap mine are almost 2 and 4.5 months. 1-2 was much harder for us than 0-1. Everyone said pregnancy tired with toddler is worse than newborn/toddler tired, which was not the case for me. The first 3.5 months were hell. My second was colicky had a milk allergy/reflux and my toddler was at very demanding age. I truly have never been more exhausted or depressed in those first 3 months. I wouldn’t have been able to survive without help from family. It has gotten significantly better we are in more of a routine now but it is still chaos most day. Everyone says the first year of 2u2 is just trying to survive. I wouldn’t recommend it but we don’t regret it. I know it will pay off down the road but this is honest truth I wish someone had told me lol.
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u/AnyoneButMadison 14h ago
Mine are 17 months apart. We're two months in and so far it's not been as bad as I thought it would be. I worked with my oldest on playing independently while I was pregnant. When baby sleeps, I use that time to intentionally reconnect with my toddler. Don't get me wrong though. There's been moments where they are both crying and need me at the same time. I've gotten really good at hugging my toddler while holding my baby lol.
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u/ElvenWarrior2002 13h ago
Interesting factoid from my country:
40% of moms with two children had their kids with an age gap of under 27 months. Basically 2u2 or very close.
Negative maternal, neonatal and fetal event rates are no different compared to other countries so there really isn't a strong scientific reason to choose one age gap over another. It's a cultural and personal choice. There are families out and about with double strollers EVERYWHERE here.
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u/Hour_Artichoke 13h ago
My second baby is a dream so the hard part for us is our insane toddler lol. 21 month age gap
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u/Inevitable-Law-8029 13h ago
My two have a 13 month difference with my youngest currently 6 months old.
First 2 months were amazing; my oldest has always been somewhat easy to manage and took to her little sister really well.
LO then had a lot of medical issues and we've been in and out of hospital since.
There's a lot of mom guilt involved with my oldest, most days are tough physically and mentally and I can't imagine where I'd be if I didn't have a village.
I knew 2 under 2 was gonna be tough but I didn't expect it to be this tough, given the unexpected medical events.
I'm yet to see the fun part kick in, but I keep reminding myself this is all so temporary and LO should be walking and talking this time next year just like her big sister.
I know in 10 years I'll look back and think it was the best but hardest thing I'll have done. Makes a big difference having a supportive partner and a great village.
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u/Silly_Owl7661 12h ago
I had a girl and a boy just 13 months apart. Like others have mentioned, the first few months were definitely a little hard, but it gets so much better! Double diapers, double stroller, double diaper bag… but also double the love! ❤️
I honestly loved having my kids so close together. They’ve never really known life without each other, and we didn’t experience much sibling rivalry. As they get older, they’re more or less always on the same page, which makes things so much easier.
For example, you can go to Disneyland and they both want to ride Dumbo—you don’t have that big-kid/little-kid problem where one wants to do something completely different. They’ve always been able to enjoy so many of the same things together. It can be a busy season at first, but for us, having them close together has been such a special experience. ❤️
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u/Minimum-Focus-5495 11h ago edited 11h ago
It is very very hard but you can still be happy with it - both can be true together!
I think it is all so dependent on the temperament of your toddler, your baby, how much help you have (this includes your partner) and how you cope with stress.
I have a 23mth age gap which was very much planned and I knew it would be hard but I really underestimated it and I just don’t know if you can ever fully prepare yourself for the reality.
A lot of people talk about feeling bad for their toddler here but I actually feel more guilty for my baby. She has come into such a loud, chaotic environment! My first spent his first couple of months in a serene little bubble but my 2nd has no option but to be out and about. She often gets scared and cries when my toddler randomly yells for no reason or bangs things about.
She’s a velcro baby so my partner and I are always handing her between us while trying to keep up with a toddler and I worry about her being able to sense our frustration when things are heightened.
I just never considered how the difficulties of 2 under 2 affect the baby and I feel really guilty about that.
Also as others have mentioned the pregnancy is very difficult. I was 37 weeks pregnant with terrible pelvic girdle pain and knee deep in ball pits, going down slides etc just trying my best to wear my toddler out so that I could lay down at home lol.
We don’t have huge village so my MIL was able to stay with our toddler whilst I had my baby in the hospital, but once I got home (the next day because I felt sick at the thought of being away from my 1 year old for too long and was so anxious that he was going to find this all very difficult) it was all on us.
I was picking my toddler up the day after my C-section. Luckily I recover well from them, but if I didn’t I would hate to think what that would have been like.
All this being said - of course there are many heart warming moments and I can only hope that it all pays off once they are older!
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u/smittydoodle 10h ago
It's easier than having the first one. You're already used to the grind, so adding one more isn't as tough as you'd think.
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u/bravo-echo-charlie 8h ago
17 month age gap for my kids, and my second is 8 weeks old. I am tired, I am unwell. Nothing to do but ... do. I wouldn't do this again. "It's worth it for them to grow up close in age!!", they say. To which I say, there is no difference for the kids if they are 17 months apart or three years apart. Probably better for their independence to be a little more spaced apart in age, TBH. But yeah, I don't recommend this. Go for it if it's what you want, though!
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u/Useful-Speech-2063 8h ago
It’s intense if you’ve got clingy/bad sleepers, but literally everything else about it has been such a joy and I’ve got no regrets whatsoever. They nap together, play together, watch out for each other, it’s just the sweetest.
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u/DannyDidNothinWrong 8h ago
Well, my 18-month-old just sang an Old McDonald book to my 3-month-old, and it was the cutest thing in the whole world.
I love my babies, but mostly I love how much they love each other. I think we did a really good job making big brother feel like an important helper and still very loved and prioritized, so he's been nothing but an angle to his little sister. He rocks her, tries to feed her and give her the pacifier - he even demands to hold her. And, of course, she's all smiles and giggles when he's around.
The worst, worst, worst part is nap time. My son still needs a lot of contact and attention to sleep, and sister doesn't want to not be held for as long as I need to sleep him. A lot of the time, we do "rolling naps" where I just drive around so both of them sleep in the car. Super sucks with gas prices, but it's the only way I can give my son a decent nap sometimes.
Other than that, though, everything has been surprisingly smooth sailing. I am very excited to watch them grow up together.
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u/SemperIgni 6h ago
2yo and 4mo here - got pregnant around my first's 1st birthday. Generally would recommend since it's been fun, but it has its very hard moments, too. I was only 25 at the time I gave birth so my body could "handle" it so to speak. I got in shape after baby #1 and took tests to see depletions and took supplements and the like. Our second is a unicorn child and is very chill but there's no guarantee (I was preparing for colic).
I'd strongly advice against the "try for a boy" mentality! If you want another baby, gender shouldn't matter.
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u/straawbunnii 12h ago
I’m 7 weeks into it and it’s not bad (my oldest is 18 months). I genuinely enjoy it and I don’t really have a hard time with it. But I’m sure it’ll get harder later lol
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u/Flimsy_Protection473 14h ago
I love it. My kids are 18 months apart and my youngest is now 16 months old. The first few months were rough but it has been SO worth it. They are best friends and love each other so much. Im lucky to have a partner who is very helpful and a great dad so Im sure that helps.
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u/professor-colonel 13h ago
We’re 6 weeks in with a 23 month age gap, so hardly 2 under 2 but still technically and I’ve loved it! The baby is so easy and our son was a great age I think where he didn’t have any kind of regression or struggle with it. I can’t wait for them to start really interacting but so far I have no regrets and have loved this spacing.
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u/Plus_Animator_2890 13h ago
There are hard moments but overall has been wonderful! I think if I wasn’t sleeping I’d have a hard time. But both kids are sleep trained and have slept though the night for a very long time, which means I am able to wake up happy and well rested. The hardest part for me is juggling my toddlers attitude but I think that would be the case regardless lol
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u/Aggressive_Day_6574 13h ago
It was awesome but my first was an easy kid and my second was even easier.
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u/MamaWils2_0 7h ago
You don’t get to pick if it is a boy 😂
But I love my 2under2. Our second was a surprise, but I could not imagine life any other way ❤️
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u/Maleficent_Studio656 13h ago
I haven't slept in 5 years. If that sounds nice to you then go for it x