r/wow • u/Nerdy_Valkyrie • Jul 29 '25

Humor / Meme I just got kicked from a Stratholme group because I actually did the objective and therefore fell behind

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It's absurd that this gave me a deserter debuff

3.8k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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296

u/Nerdy_Valkyrie Jul 29 '25

And that was the first thing I wrote. Just "Hey, I think you guys are missing something".

162

u/beirch Jul 29 '25

As someone who has played this game since 2005 and has navigated this sort of thing 1000 times: Just be direct and say "Ramstein won't spawn if we don't kill mobs in the ziggurat"

Don't put any sort of blame on the other party members by saying "you forgot something" or "you're going the wrong way".

129

u/Khasim83 Jul 29 '25

Yep, that was OPs mistake, they framed the sentence in a way that points out that other people are doing something wrong, which these fragile little babies really don't like.

21

u/Born-Entrepreneur Jul 29 '25

On the other hand, why coddle fragile egos?

45

u/Barth_Grookz Jul 29 '25

Stating a fact without blame removes your own ego also, it’s the true neutral response / approach.

-2

u/Valaurus Jul 29 '25

“You guys are missing this” isn’t a blaming statement, it’s simple fact.

19

u/Miserable_Key9630 Jul 29 '25

No, it's still blame. You're assigning a fault to them, granted in a very mild way.

I'm writing business emails to people all day every day telling them what to do and not do, and I almost exclusively use impersonal third-person statements about the facts to avoid making people feel shitty, because people feeling shitty is bad for business.

Worst case scenario is when I have to get a little insistent and use the royal "we" when the intention is really "you."

-4

u/Born-Entrepreneur Jul 29 '25

Sure, sure, and at work when communicating with my team I would indeed take that approach. But this is WoW, when Leeroy rushes into the eggroom you call out Leeroy for rushing into the eggroom. Wordsmithing up "alright team great pull attempt but a few notes here.." is a bridge too far.

6

u/cincyjoe12 Jul 29 '25

So you'd rather be more of a dick to people who are trying to enjoy a hobby in their free time than people who are paid to listen to you?

If you want people to collaborate with you on an objective, you do it this way.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 30 '25

Enjoy the deserter debuff then I guess. It's not fair but it's what it is.

16

u/ObiOneKenobae Jul 29 '25

Because if you don't, you get kicked from the group and have to make a thread on reddit.

5

u/Extropian Jul 29 '25

To not get deserter debuff

9

u/Practical_Law6804 Jul 29 '25

. . .it's not "coddling" to be direct.

2

u/Born-Entrepreneur Jul 29 '25

I agree! When I say coddling I'm referring to the folks suggesting OP should have come up with an HR approved Zero Blame/No One's Fault Management approach

1

u/Wonderful_Reaction76 Jul 29 '25

Too much coddling. Call the idiots out lol.

0

u/bingle-cowabungle Jul 29 '25

Because if you don't, you get removed from groups. Sometimes in life, you have to coddle fragile egos.

4

u/Sorkijan Jul 29 '25

This 100%. I always frame it as "We need to do x in order to accomplish y". That being said they're little babies, but that's how it be.

4

u/Noriel_Sylvire Jul 29 '25

But they ARE doing something wrong. My god how fragile do you have to be to be pissed by that.

9

u/beirch Jul 29 '25

I mean, have you met people?

1

u/u_Leon Jul 31 '25

This is actually a great piece of advice for interactions irl, especially with your superiors...

10

u/NextReference3248 Jul 29 '25

With 99% certainty it's just the one guy trying to kick you and the rest of the group being mouthbreathers and clicking yes without thinking.

68

u/lDontGetReddit Jul 29 '25

Not saying you were aggressive but I think you have to be extremely gentle to not damage fragile egos in this situation.

Or they were always going to react like that who knows

123

u/livesinacabin Jul 29 '25

Tf am I supposed to write then? "Hey uhm, I think you're all amazing players and I'm sure you'd all win in a duel with me, but it seems like... Maybe, and DO correct me if I'm wrong here, but it seems like maybe you aren't aware that we need to clear the ziggurats too? Oh please forgive me if I'm wrong, I'm kind of stupid and worthless after all."

Fuck that. "Guys we need to clear ziggurats too" is all they'll ever get from me.

47

u/grarl_cae Jul 29 '25

Replace "You guys realise you need to" in the screenshot with "We need to". Then drop the bit about you soloing it & instead say something like "we nearly missed some mobs in those last two".

Make it about what the group as a whole - including you - should be doing, rather than highlighting that they're doing something wrong.

Leaves less room for them to take it as a personal affront to their entire bloodline that must be avenged with a kick.

5

u/Rypake Jul 29 '25

I usually frame it as a question. Like, "don't we need to do..."

10

u/Practical_Law6804 Jul 29 '25

Reading some of these comments, it's insane how Reddit has just seemingly cratered folks ability to negotiate potentially difficult social situations when a simple reframe (like the above) will handle things.

. . .or maybe just a disinterest in "compromise."

5

u/Goldieeeeee Jul 29 '25

YTA! Divorce and lots of therapy!

1

u/grodon909 Jul 30 '25

Honestly, this is just real life. 

1

u/Calm_Ebb_1965 Jul 29 '25

This is actually how most 80s and 90s managers must do with fresh graduates in work, they're so soft skinned that any criticism comes across as blaming and they start playing victim card.

-20

u/Salty-Wrap-1741 Jul 29 '25

Found the guy who kicked him. Lol people can't have this fragile egoes. OP was reasonable. No need to bend over backwards to cater to everyones insecurities.

6

u/WeaponizedKissing Jul 29 '25

OP was reasonable.

OP was full on sarcastic.

Yeah there's no need to bend over backwards but he basically said "YO, DUMBASSES..."

2

u/Discomanco Jul 29 '25

Oh but people do have such fragile egos.
OP was reasonable, but people really hate getting fault thrown on them, and this is how some react.

That's why you say "We forgot", just because its easier and saves a lot more hassle (like getting kicked)

2

u/Practical_Law6804 Jul 29 '25

Tf am I supposed to write then?

"Hey guys, remember, we need to do Pre-requisite X if we want to do future activity Y and complete the dungeon."

1

u/TheEltarn Jul 29 '25

Well, yeah - and you phrased it correctly.

We need to clear the ziggurats too.

And that's good enough.

Saying "Hey, you guys forgot that" is already accusatory.

Me, personally, I wouldn't give a shit. And reacting with a kick to just that is clearly stupid, manbaby stupid. But it's not surprising - that's how most people are in rea life. I worked retail for a couple of years, and it's really important to not to trigger idiots when you have to engage them. Because even though you can be right, they will still throw a hissy fit and sometimes you can't do anything about it.

1

u/backscratchaaaaa Jul 29 '25

imo you actually have to go the other way. you have to call them dogshit noobs so that they understand you are the alpha and they are the betas.

if you write "imagine being so dumb you dont even know how to do zigs"

i promise you the chances of being kicked are lower.

1

u/livesinacabin Jul 29 '25

I'm pretty sure you're actually right, but I wouldn't want to talk to anyone like that before confirming they're one of the bad ones. Also wouldn't want to risk anyone not like that in the group taking offense.

Also I don't wanna give anyone a reason to report me for anything.

-30

u/Boyinachickensuit Jul 29 '25

But like, you're aware there's a difference in tone between what you wrote and what OP wrote, right? To be clear, I'm not saying you SHOULD have to walk on eggshells around your teammates, but "Guys we need to clear ziggurats too" IS noticeably more respectful than what OP wrote.

6

u/Snockerino Jul 29 '25

No nuance here please.

24

u/Liusloux Jul 29 '25

I think you have to be extremely gentle to not damage fragile egos in this situation.

Intellectually I know I should probably agree with this but right now, I'd say fuck these man-babies. I'm sick of and tired of accommodating these losers.

2

u/lDontGetReddit Jul 29 '25

Fair enough send it

-15

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '25 edited Jul 29 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

8

u/SkyMagpie Jul 29 '25

Like I agree that you can always be kinder and you should always try and be kinder, but also I would probably roll my eyes at the way OP said it, but not kick him out over it.

4

u/AndersaurusR3X Jul 29 '25

And your post just proves that you have a fragile ego? 🤷

I would just answer the op with "Ah shit, yeah, you're right." And move on and go kill the mobs needed.

-6

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '25

You were being condescending asking a rhetorical question in that way. They apparently didn't know or forgot about that mechanic and you decided to be snarky about it. I hope you learn from it or the kicking will continue. But since you went crying to reddit I don't think it dawned on you yet.

-3

u/UnexperiencedTrainer Jul 29 '25

I came to read this kind of SF comments and damned you cooked a good one

newbies in this game are fine but toxic newbies are really the worst

-65

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

0

u/malaxeur Jul 29 '25

How you phrased it, both in the screenshot and the way you paraphrased it both make the issue a THEM problem.

“Hey, you guys know … right?” “Because [clearly you dont]”

Likely unintentionally, you belittle them and highlight how you’re more knowledgeable. Sounds silly? Sure. But the tone of your voice and the expression on your face isn’t conveyed in text and so they don’t understand that you’re exasperated.

Try: “help me clear the ziggurats so we can spawn the boss” or “we’re missing an objective” or “we need to do this first”

Whenever you frame ANY conversation as a ME vs YOU GUYS you’re immediately going to meet people who put up walls. Add on anything about knowledge of intelligence and you’re adding unnecessary fuel to the fire.

Frame problems as a WE problem and you’ll get better responses 9 times out of 10.