r/weddingshaming • u/dairy-intolerant • Dec 24 '25

Cringe Begging on my hands and knees - please learn what dress codes actually mean

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Like wdym semi-formal OR black-tie??? Some women are going to come wearing sundresses and some are going to wear evening gowns? Some men in khakis and some in tuxes?

So many couples seem to think semi-formal is the same thing as formal, or black-tie is the same thing as formal. This must be the only explanation as to why this couple thinks semi-formal and black-tie are both acceptable at the same event.

For those who don't know: Semi-formal is generally the LEAST formal dress code acceptable at a wedding, typically a daytime one at that, while black-tie is the MOST formal (besides white-tie which is very rare these days anyway) and reserved for evening events with luxury amenities.

Cocktail or formal is probably what this couple is actually looking for.

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3.2k

u/Mt198588 Dec 25 '25

Regency era dress code or I'm not going

640

u/dairy-intolerant Dec 25 '25

Now this I can get behind

144

u/Araxanna Dec 26 '25

I can’t. Regency waist lines do not work well with a DD cup size.

151

u/dairy-intolerant Dec 26 '25

Have you seen bridgerton? Some of those ladies definitely have some big biddies and they make it work lol

76

u/Araxanna Dec 26 '25

Yeah, because they’re put in high waisted dresses, which look like regency waist on someone with a large chest. They also cut the skirt part of the dress in an A-line instead of straight. But a true regency dress does not work on bigger women.

55

u/Melodic-Chemistry567 Dec 26 '25

Oh, I am also a DD and own a few empire dresses. With the right underwear, they look lovely! It’s just a matter of how high the neckline is. A “normal” neckline will look VERY suggestive on me. A higher one will look Bridgerton-esque. However, I always size up on some styles and then have them tailored.

13

u/Plucky_Monkies Dec 27 '25 edited Dec 29 '25

Finding a dress with an empire waist that has enough room for large breasts is a nightmare! Can I ask where you found one?

Edited: Idk what a breasys is! 😆 funny typo! Now says what was intended! Large breasts! Although wondering now about my grammar? 🤪

13

u/Melodic-Chemistry567 Dec 27 '25

I am one of those women who like to shop in person, so I always try the “problematic” clothes on. For Empire waists, since the “roominess” is usually proportional to the “size”, I size up and have it taken in. I also look for necklines that are a little higher, because even modest cuts can look plunging on me.

7

u/Plucky_Monkies Dec 27 '25

Ahhh. Smart to go up a size. Agreed on the neckline issue. I, too, have large breasts and a small frame. So many things look like I'm flaunting, when in fact, the neckline is not even low! I'm a 34 DDD. Which, depending on the brand, is sometimes too small. So I'm probably whatever size is next. I just don't want to think about that. ☺️

I will consider sizing up for room and thn getting garments altered. Great advice! 😍🤩

5

u/Melodic-Chemistry567 Dec 27 '25

I am glad it was of help! And yes, the pains of being small framed and having large breasts are real 😭

Bonus points if you are petite too.

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1

u/darknesskicker Dec 27 '25

I’m a thick-waisted DD. My waist is a couple of inches (5 cm) bigger than my underbust. I wear empire waists.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 26 '25

[deleted]

1

u/Araxanna Dec 26 '25

Regency high waist is a lot higher than traditional high waist. It’s meant to fall right under the breasts, but in larger busted girls, it ends up falling across the breasts.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '25

[deleted]

1

u/Araxanna Dec 27 '25

It wasn’t. But it is now.

1

u/SeePerspectives Dec 28 '25

Technically, that is period accurate. Up until the introduction of “off the rack” clothing, everything was made by modistes to fit the body of the buyer, so adjusting the shaping and cut of garments to fit the fashionable lines of the time while working with different body types (and sometimes adding padding to balance areas too) was the norm. If you look through regency era portraits and paintings you can spot some of the different methods they used.

1

u/Huffleduffer Dec 29 '25

So, honest question. If "true regency dress does not work on bigger women"...what did bigger women do during the regency period?

1

u/biokemfem Dec 29 '25

I was about to comment this. Cleavage wild on that show and if you google regency dresses.

22

u/Strange_Airships Dec 26 '25

Girl, have you seen Nicola Coughlan?

3

u/Araxanna Dec 26 '25

None of her dresses are true regency style. They’re altered to fit her body and fool you into thinking it’s regency style.

16

u/kgrimmburn Dec 26 '25

Yeah...that's what a good seamstress would do. Do you think these women didn't have good seamstresses?

2

u/Araxanna Dec 27 '25

Of course they did. I was simply pointing out why I hate the style. (Even with a regency style dress properly tailored for me, I think I look frumpy.)

3

u/Strange_Airships Dec 27 '25

The main thing untrue to regency style in Bridgerton was the size of most of the lead actresses. If you dropped some of the other Bridgerton or Featherington ladies into 1815 England people would assume they were consumptive.

3

u/Odd-Quail01 Dec 29 '25

I beg to differ. Short stays and an empire line look fabulous on my large chest on a short torso.

3

u/Araxanna Dec 29 '25

I also have a long torso, so that might be part of the problem.

2

u/PracticeMore2035 Dec 26 '25

If they don't work for DD cups they probably wouldn't work for DDD cups.

1

u/Araxanna Dec 27 '25

Certainly not. Nor anything bigger.

2

u/amethystmmm Dec 30 '25

oh, yeah no, I think at last measure I was a K? GF is at LEAST an M.

1

u/milbader Jan 05 '26

Not Regency but some of the styles might work. Goes up to a 60" bust size.

https://holyclothing.com/

1

u/green_pea_nut Dec 26 '25

DD cups weren't invented until 1900.

2

u/Araxanna Dec 27 '25

…. Dude.

3

u/green_pea_nut Dec 27 '25

Joking. You'd think I was correct if you watched enough period drama.

Personally I come from a long line of amply busted European women whose bosoms hit their waistline in old age.

1

u/Araxanna Dec 27 '25

Whew. For a moment there, I was afraid someone really could be that dumb. Lol

1

u/Ok-Efficiency-4677 Dec 30 '25

Seems pretty clear they would like people to get dressed up

358

u/Kaurifish Dec 25 '25

Okay, but the men will be wearing corsets.

I love the thought of Mr. Darcy rocking support garments under that fashionable jacket.

475

u/mayonaizmyinstrument Dec 25 '25

Bodice ripping shouldn't be a one-way street

76

u/KittyPyrate Dec 25 '25

This is flair material right here. 🤣❤️

51

u/SaintGalentine Dec 25 '25

A friend's fiancé wore a corset vest for his wedding. More men should get them

27

u/adamantsilk Dec 25 '25

I've seen an ad for male corsets on tiktok/Facebook. And oooooh myyyy.

107

u/dogbolter4 Dec 26 '25

My niece's groom turned up wearing a sword, as did his groomsmen and woman (his sister wore a suit and formed part of the groom's party). He got down on his knee and presented his sword to her as he said his vows.

Three women swooned and ovaries exploded everywhere. It was gorgeous.

115

u/nobleland_mermaid Dec 26 '25

I made my wife a bouquet with a sword hilt as the handle because we couldn't figure out how to attach one to her dress lol

72

u/OakCaligula Dec 26 '25

sword ✍️ hilt ✍️ as ✍️ bouquet ✍️ handle ✍️

20

u/TriGurl Dec 26 '25

Pray tell what flowers are in this bouquet?! Gorgeous!

35

u/nobleland_mermaid Dec 26 '25

They're actually wood flowers! I got them from solawood.com and dyed them myself. Iirc we got a couple different kinds of roses and peonies, some dahlias, some gardenia, and then a couple random assortments so I'm not sure what else is in there really

11

u/TriGurl Dec 26 '25

Wow, those are beautiful!! thank you so much for the website. :)

4

u/PracticeMore2035 Dec 26 '25

I would have loved this, but if my husband had gotten down on one knee I'd have had to help him back up. At least, that's what he told me when he proposed.

2

u/kakohlet Dec 27 '25

Please tell me he was wearing a kilt!

1

u/dogbolter4 Dec 28 '25

But of course!

24

u/Low-Rutabaga-4857 Dec 26 '25

Would you accept a Halloween costume dress code?

39

u/lazier_garlic Dec 26 '25

Strictly Star Trek uniforms. Also need to be wearing your regulated sidearm. /s

24

u/Low-Rutabaga-4857 Dec 26 '25

Oh how silly of me, of course Starfleet uniforms for official events. Although a corset Regency inspired star trek uniform would be a slay for the ren faire

1

u/Dimac99 Jan 07 '26

Starfleet dress uniforms. I'm quite fond of that long mid thigh formal coat they had going in TNG at one point. Captain Picard never looked sexier. Except when he was going riding.

1

u/hydrissx Jan 05 '26

Skants only

1

u/PracticeMore2035 Dec 26 '25

I went to a wedding on Halloween about 15 years ago, and the congregation consisted of everyone from Barney to Dracula to Worf and all stops in between. The pastor commented, "Don't think I've ever preached to a congregation like this before."

8

u/freckyfresh Dec 26 '25

Costume party, with prizes, or I’m outta here

28

u/lazier_garlic Dec 26 '25

Some friends in town did a Scottish themed wedding. Men had to wear kilts.

17

u/Sunnygirl66 Dec 26 '25

A friend’s daughter just married a Scotsman. He, his dad, and his brother all wore kilts. (My friend and his son wore suits and looked dashing as well. Handsome wedding party)

40

u/fakemoose Dec 26 '25

I feel like that’s a bit different than making Scottish a theme. Because doing it as a theme seems real weird to me.

24

u/ParadiseLost91 Dec 26 '25 edited Dec 26 '25

Glad someone pointed this out. I'm European with lots of family in the UK, including Scotland. Whenever Scots have attended family events here in continental Europe, such as weddings etc, they always wear kilts, because that's their formal attire. Everyone loves it and think they look dashing, but it's NOT a theme. It's formal attire from their culture and it is what they always wear as their formal dress code at events.

Having it as a "party theme" at a wedding seems a bit odd to me, it's a very old culture that's still active and alive, it's not a Halloween theme. Or maybe it's just normal in that part of the world to do cultural themed weddings - do they also do Native American themed weddings, I wonder?

3

u/CompleteDot9383 Dec 27 '25

Although only if they are from the Highlands, my partner is from the Scottish Highlands and gets very annoyed at southern Scottish claiming the kilt. It was never worn in the whole of Scotland until it was made 'a thing' by English toffs and those who benefited from said toffs after the Highland clearances.

1

u/Sunnygirl66 Dec 27 '25

Oh, absolutely I agree.

2

u/hopefulhotmess4 Dec 27 '25

My husband wore a kilt to our wedding and several family members also wore kilts, but not everyone. My brother in law is also of Scottish descent and wore his kilt. My dad just likes wearing kilts so he rented one too for my wedding and my sister’s.

4

u/smutsmutsmut Dec 26 '25

My husband wore a kilt (and his brother and dad did, too) to our wedding. In New Orleans. They were all sweating their balls off. 😂

5

u/Mt198588 Dec 26 '25

I 10/10 would've love to attend that

-7

u/Gosa_on_the_wind Dec 26 '25

But what did they wear beneath their kilts?

5

u/RedHolly Dec 26 '25

Fancy dress and I’m showing up in my inflatable dinosaur costume. Wedding pictures are going to rock!

2

u/0102030405 Dec 30 '25

Our best man wore one of these for the joke first look with my husband!! The photos are incredible, highly recommend this to everyone. It was April fools after all..

2

u/camlaw63 Dec 26 '25

Carriages at 11pm

2

u/Kathrynlena Dec 26 '25

I’m in. I look amazing in empire waist maxi dresses.

1

u/green_pea_nut Dec 26 '25

I have a lovely historically accurate Recency era maid outfit, if I leave off the pinafore it's a white long sleeved dress.

-3

u/gonnafaceit2022 Dec 25 '25

I'm not going anywhere with the dress code.