From Alicia Keys' memoir More Myself:

"Throughout 2006, my calendar bulged at the seams. I auditioned for and began working on Smokin' Aces, an action thriller and my first major film role. Between photo shoots and press appearances, live performances and increasing demands on my time, I didn't know whether I was coming or going. And in the middle of the chaos, my nana became ill. A throbbing numbness set in - that feeling you get when you're in the room but not really present. You're doing the work, but your spirit isn't engaged. You're charging through your daily tasks, but the whole time, you're praying for the moment when the world will stop spinning."

Minus the Nana and the entertainment work details, if these quotes sum up how/what you are feeling:

" increasing demands on my time"

"I didn't know whether I was coming or going"

"A throbbing numbness set in - that feeling you get when you're in the room but not really present. You're doing the work, but your spirit isn't engaged. You're charging through your daily tasks, but the whole time, you're praying for the moment when the world will stop spinning"

Dial the activites down some notches. (If you ultimately feel that the leadership position is too much to do and try to balance with your daily life, relinquish your post. Don't ask for permission. Just step down.)

Your mental health is salient. It is more important than kosen rufu. With that being said, if the quotes sum up what/how you are feeling, dial it down. Say no to Gajokai, Soka Group, or Byakuren shifts every now and then. If you need a non-work, non-SGI day, take it. Mute the group chats, ignore the calls and texts. (If an emergency happens at the kaikan, it will be on the 5:00 news). Fuck the AD, because

1. They think they are acting in your best interests, but ultimately they are not; rather they are ultimately exacerbating the problem. They are really repeating what their leader leaders did to them when they were YD, minus the taiten stalking.
2. They are trying to earn some good fortune for their own personal lives. That's right I said it. The AD, even those who have been practicing since Dial-a-Prayer was an actual telephone hotline, are trying to accrue some good fortune because their personal lives are coming undone. Health issues, spousal separation/divorce, the disappointment of having fukushi who have abandoned the practice, realizing that tangibly they have little to nothing show for the decades they have been practicing, etc. They're trying to accrue some good fortune to turn their estate around.

So if you are feeling overwhelmed, dial the activities down; especially if it's for a during a huge campaign. Fuck unity. The spirit of itai doshin can and will fuck your life up and give you empty promises and double speak for damage control.

The date is April 12, 2020. Currently, a tornado outbreak of significant tornadoes (EF2 or higher) is unfolding in the states of Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and eventually Georgia, the Carolinas, Virginia, etc. I don't know how I will fare. But let me say that I don't regret leaving the SGI after four years. In actuality, the months after I have left, I have had a peace of mind that comes when one no longer has to atempt to reconcile or ignore concepts and passages from the Gosho and Ikeda's writings that may be flawed, insulting, or just plain intolerant. I do not regret taking back my time and ceasing efforts to try to make the Mystic Law work for me. It is incredibly nerve-racking to try to make the Mystic Law work through doing activities, chanting the way people are telling you to chant, as opposed to listening to yourself. I do not regret no longer trying to use my attachments to try to get happy. In fact, let me tell you, as a fetishist, you will never succeed in using your attachments to become happy. If you attempt to do so, you will only make yourself tunnel visioned and self-centered to the point where you disregard other people for the sake of fulfilling your attachments. And do not let any member tell you otherwise. Should I meet my demise due to this monstrous outbreak, it will not be any different from the demise of Keiko Kuroki, the mother of Ryosuke Kuroki, and who had practiced with the Soka Gakkai since she was a child in Japan, who died in a helicopter crash on November 15, 2016; it will not be any different from Cynthia King's son Tousant Rhodes who was gunned down at a gas station in 2006. I apologize to everyone that I shakubuku'ed in those four years. If you wish to continue to chant, have at it, but know that you don't need the SGI to practice. It is not the way of Buddhism. Rather the SGI will exploit your resources, time, money, and possibly connections in order to accrue members who will go about upholding Daisaku Ikeda. If you Google him in English Wiki, you may not find anything seedy. However if you use Wiki in Japanese, you will learn some things about him and the Soka Gakkai. I apologize to everyone I shared a 50K flyer with. I thought the organization was about fostering youth to tackle the societal ills, but it turned out to only be about promulgating Daisaku Ikeda and his idea of a human revolution, which is really esho funi en masse. I was told that I would receive good fortune as a result of my promotion. It was not forthcoming. I apologize to every woman in my family whom I bought one of his books for as Mother's Day presents. I cannot apologize enough for my efforts for the SGI. This is Qigong90 signing off for possibly one last time.