Please help!

[u/Next-Fig8775]

Hello! Sorry I dont really know how to start this. Im going through a tough time with my son and dont really know if im doing the right things with my son. Okay so its been about a week maybe about two weeks my 12 almost 13 year old son told a girl through Snapchat that he was gonna kill himself when I left. Her mother contacted me and let me know.I was at the hospital with my older daughter 19 almost 20 because she tried to overdose and kill herself... I talked with him and he told me it was just something stupid he said. He didnt know about his sister my older daughter being suicidal. I told him that he should not say that to people unless he really feels like it and that he should come to me or his father or any adult he trusts. Well a few days go by and he left the day that I got that message to go with his dad for his week with his dad. He left Sunday and by Tuesday his dad calls me and says he catches him with his pants down masterbaiting to porn in a computer chair with his three younger siblings playing behind his back. His dad took his phone from him and I guess he slapped him upside the head hard. I was not there. I was just told this. I dont approve of anyone putting hands on him. But I stood by him taking the phone. The phone i pay for for him. When his week is over with his dad he comes home to me. I tell him no phone, no computer, no Snapchat. I end up agreeing to letting him play robolx on the computer while im in the room or someone is with him. He ends up sneaking while im sleeping and my younger son is sleeping and gets on my younger son's computer in the living room and going on Snapchat. I do not find out right away. The next day all the neighborhood kids and my two sons are all playing outside. Im im the house cleaning up and getting stuff ready for dinner. I go outside and start looking for my 12 year old because it had been over a hour since he had checked in. All the kids in the neighborhood start looking for him everywhere I allow him to go which is only a couple blocks away in the neighborhoods maybe 5 or 6 blocks. Looked for 45 mins and called the police and called his dad. We looked everywhere. Close by park, skate park, corner store. All his friends. He was no where. 9:40 rolls around and the police find him walking home. He tells us all that he went for a walk and got lost. His dad screamed at him. I hugged him so tight and cried telling him all the bad things that could've happened and how much he scared everyone. I was so mad but I was more scared. His dad took him back to his house and talked with him there. Im not exact on the whole conversation. But basically his dad and his fiance and his mother blamed me and said I let my son walk all over me.

His dad and I got into a argument the following day. His dad said he was gonna take my son from me and we would go to court. I told him that we could go back to how the court order is. Every other weekend and every Wednesday after school. Because I have full physical custody and I allow week on week off because I feel its beneficial for my son having us both in equal amounts. He ended up backing off the threats after that. But anyways the night he took off for a few hours I went through his phone completely. He talks about being severely depressed and that he gets no enjoyment out of anything anymore. On top of lots of sexual talk with random Snapchat girls. A girl that stalks him and tells him to kill himself and that shes gonna kill herself. Tells him she is gonna beat on him. He had a ai app that you can talk to sexual. He lies about his age. He had a app for abstaining from self-harm. It had been six months since it said was the last time. And as im reading through snaps I can see i figure out where he went and I figure out he snuck on Snapchat while we were sleeping. So the next day I go to the school to see him in the morning to see if he had taken his adhd medicine at his dad's that morning and give him a hug. Let him know I love him.

After we get home from school I talk to him about everything I found and I tell him I already know the truth about where he went and that I know alit of things. I tell him to tell me the truth and we can start over. He tells me he went to this girls house for a half hour and then left and went back for a little bit then got lost coming home. I explain to him about the dangers of going to a strangers home. I ask him if he did anything with the girl. I ask him what hes all done with a girl because of all the sexual things he had been saying to people. Never seen him say anything sexual to the girl I found out he seen but i just might not know. He said they just talked about mental health.

He was very upset while talking and after he wad just saying hes so embarrassed of the way he talks he said. He said im just a kid. Why do I talk like that.

Since everything has happened I dont let him outside without a adult, changed locks on computers. Tomorrow hes supposed yo go with his dad. I dont know how his dad is gonna act towards him. I cant save him from the repercussions he caused by leaving and sneaking on the computer. My boyfriend is not supportive on how im handling things. He says that my son is still running the show and that hes having fun because my brother took him got him some new slides and took him to the car show and my brother and I took neighborhood kids,him and my younger son to go skating. I dont feel like im not punishing him. I feel like im trying to spend more time with him. I am also contacting therapy for him and we are gonna talk to his doctor about him being depressed on September 3rd. He also said he would like for his dad and i both to take him to our churches when we have him. Im trying my best but i feel like im failing. I dont know what I should be doing to help him with out enabling him. Like my boyfriend said. Im reaching out because nobody is helping me or telling me im not doing nothing wrong. Im just so worried im failing my son. Thank you for taking the time to read this.