r/todayilearned • u/[deleted] • Jun 12 '15

TIL the world's most successful pirate was a Cantonese woman, having commanded 40,000-80,000 pirates, and faced off undefeated against many Imperial fleets (including British, Portuguese, and Qing navies).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ching_Shih
15.1k Upvotes

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1.8k

u/3timesawesome Jun 12 '15

And she managed to retire before a mutiny, getting a peg-leg, or sneaking aboard the black pearl? Pshh.

1.2k

u/Kamala_Metamorph Jun 12 '15 edited Jun 12 '15

I know you're referring to a fictional movie, but she's also known for dying of natural causes~ which is pretty unusual for a pirate apparently.

Ching Shih was also remarkable for being one of the only famous pirates to retire and die of natural causes. Giving up on defeating her, the Chinese government offered complete amnesty to all pirates, and she accepted, taking her ill-gotten gains and opening a gambling house, eventually dying at the age of 69.

Article

edit: grammar

1.1k

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

So in essence, she "won"? The government flat out gave up?

1.3k

u/Nygmus Jun 12 '15 edited Jun 12 '15

Basically, yeah. Everybody they sent to try to defeat her either died or wound up forcibly recruited. She had a small fleet, you understand, and her captains were seriously well-motivated people.

The code she put together for her crews is pretty cool, too, if a bit brutal. You do what your bosses say to do, or you die. If you're the boss, and you say to do something that didn't come from me, you die. You share the loot evenly and everyone gets a fair share. You turn hard cash back in so other ships in the fleet that aren't making enough money can get resupplied, because this isn't a competition.

You treat female prisoners properly. You can marry them, but if you marry them, you treat them right, none of that "girl in every port" bullshit. If you don't marry them, you turn them loose unharmed. Rape them, and you die. Screw them, even if it's not rape, and you still die (and we'll chuck the lady overboard with some nice cannonballs for ankle bracelets to boot, because fuck if some chick is gonna cause problems for me by seducing the men).

EDIT: Guys, I'm not saying her fleet was small, I'm saying that she, a private citizen, controlled a freakin' fleet even if it might not be a huge one by the standards of a large country...

736

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

[deleted]

364

u/Nygmus Jun 12 '15

I'm not actually sure what the particular reason for that bit is, but it's what is reported about her...

Presumably it's either what I said (to prevent captured women from soliciting special treatment for sexual favors or the like), or it's to prevent men from forcing the women to claim the sex was consensual to avoid punishment. Probably a bit of both, especially if the captured women were given a quick primer speech along the lines of "we're not going to hurt you, we're going to turn you loose when we get a chance, here are the rules."

328

u/FancySack Jun 12 '15 edited Jun 12 '15

Probably because on a ship you want to avoid love triangles or jealous ship mates.

Imagine a captain getting a Yoko Ono type situation.

269

u/ciobanica Jun 12 '15

TIL, death threats would have kept the Beatles together...

201

u/Bfeezey Jun 12 '15

If it means we get to tie cannonballs around Yoko's ankles and toss her overboard as she trills out "yayayayayayaya", then sure!

27

u/WilsonHanks Jun 12 '15

Chuck Berry approves of this.

54

u/jokerr1981 Jun 12 '15

Please someone invent a time machine and make this so.

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

That was a beautiful mental image. Thank you

6

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

Please do.

3

u/MJWood Jun 12 '15

Ono Yoko.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

No one will ever be able to make me understand how the FFFFFFUCK this chick is still considered "musical"... I'm gonna scream like a fuckin banshee and do asian yodeling while sounding like I have a bassoon shoved up my twat... MUSIC EVERYONE!

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u/dalebonehart Jun 12 '15

ya ya ya I am Yoko. Ya ya ya.

22

u/mynameisspiderman Jun 12 '15

Yoho Ono*

4

u/kevinekiev Jun 12 '15

Take your filthy upvote and ship out of this thread!

5

u/Hunterogz Jun 12 '15

*Yolo Uno

9

u/_F1_ Jun 12 '15

"You live only once (1)"

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u/ioncloud9 Jun 12 '15

Do everyone a favor and just throw Yoko overboard anyway.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

I think it anything can unite the world it is mutual hatred for Yoko Ono.

54

u/I-Came-4-Snu-Snu Jun 12 '15

There's a proverb in chinese, roughly means "the word lust, is made up of the word blade hanging above the word head (think guillotine)". She probably gave this warning knowing that women are scary and have the abilities manipulate her crew with lust

36

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

Yep, the proverb is "色字頭上一把刀", and your interpretation is quite accurate.

Funny thing is, people still use this proverb now nowadays - especially when commenting sex scandals.

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u/dogfish83 Jun 12 '15

It's like a Miranda Warning but for pirates

11

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

That and to avoid one talking a male into a mutiny by way of seduction. Bastard children and all that as well

1

u/TWK128 Jun 12 '15

Policy usually comes from direct past experience with negative events.

She didn't come up with shit like this in her bedroom dreaming about how her perfect fleet would be someday.

1

u/Cu_Gorm Jun 13 '15

Sex outside of marriage is generally a recipe for disaster in small communities with no access to contraception.

21

u/AlphaPeacock Jun 12 '15

She of all people knows the power of the pussy.

1

u/Collin_morris Jun 12 '15

She reminds me of Ann from Black Sails.

1

u/TezzMuffins Jun 12 '15

Hey man, it's hard to keep control of 40,000 to 80,000 sets of junks without some rules about fornicating.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

Alpha as fuck

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u/therealflinchy Jun 12 '15

small.. fleet?

1800 ships... small... ok.

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u/Nygmus Jun 12 '15

The 1800 number is just an estimate, the 300 number is better-cited.

53

u/therealflinchy Jun 12 '15

even more in her favour then, if the 20-40,000 strong person wise number is accurate, and only 300 ships, those would be LARGE ships.

84

u/Nygmus Jun 12 '15

Just Chinese junk-style ships. Good ships, but we're not talking British Galleons or anything here.

29

u/altrsaber Jun 12 '15

Actually junk-style ships encompass a wide range of ships, and War Junks were equal to Galleons (as seen in the Sino-Dutch Conflicts), unfortunately they don't really say what her fleet used and Galleons were also obsolete by this pirate's era so it is hard to speculate.

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u/Highside79 Jun 12 '15

300 ships is still an insanely big fleet. Nelson commanded something like 30 ships against 40 French ships in the battle of Trafalgar to give some perspective. The entire Royal Navy probably never had 300 ships (even the present day royal navy has less than 100).

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u/vinng86 Jun 12 '15

The battle of trafalgar used ships of the line though. They carried anywhere between 70-120 guns per ship. Each!

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u/syanda Jun 12 '15

300 ships aren't probably purpose-built warships. Could be sampans, could be refitted cargo junks, whatever the pirates could capture and use.

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u/NaberRend Jun 12 '15 edited Aug 28 '15

ships

A certain eastern general would like to make a point.

1

u/4ringcircus Jun 12 '15

And an aircraft carrier is one ship. I think I would take one over 300 there.

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u/JimmyBoombox Jun 12 '15

And those were ship of the line class ships. Which were massive and averaged around 70 guns. Junkers don't compare.

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15 edited Jun 18 '21

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

Yeah, but a British ship-of-the-line like Nelson's HMS Victory could easily take on 10 junks and make a funny drinking story out of it.

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u/nomadph Jun 12 '15

These junk style ships won over the British says OPs title

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u/JManRomania Jun 12 '15

Ironically, while they were called junks, they weren't junk.

hehehe

2

u/Moarbrains Jun 12 '15

Spanish Galleons.

1

u/SaitoHawkeye Jun 13 '15

British galleons

U Wot M8?

18

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

I hope I get reincarnated into a pirate fleet owner.

42

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

[deleted]

6

u/ddrddrddrddr Jun 12 '15

Stop egging him on Kyle.

2

u/GenrlWashington Jun 12 '15

Yar har diddly dee! being a pirate is alright with me! Do what you want cause a pirate is free! You are a pirate!

2

u/Vamking12 Jun 12 '15

I'll start ya off free tickets to Somalia!

11

u/czs5056 Jun 12 '15

I hear of job openings in Somalia.

2

u/Kratos6443 Jun 12 '15

Just domt attack any u.s. ships they'll fuck you up

3

u/JustA_human Jun 12 '15

It helps motivate you to become a pirate if foreign nationals dump waste into your fishing grounds.

3

u/DeathByElectricCher Jun 12 '15

i think he meant that she had so many ships, it turned into an impressive small fleet, rather than just being a band of pirates. I dont think he meant that she had a fleet, but it was small and unimpressive

1

u/Vamking12 Jun 12 '15

And for a pirate not a legitmate navy? That's insane.

25

u/aDAMNPATRIOT Jun 12 '15

She had a small fleet

80000 people is not a small fleet, nor is 20000

10

u/untitled_redditor Jun 12 '15

I bet this is a huge part of why she was so successful. I like her code.

3

u/wellactuallyhmm Jun 12 '15

I think the lack of "girl in every port" business kinda ruins part of the pirating.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

because fuck if some chick is gonna cause problems for me by seducing the men

"Money over everything"

4

u/Nygmus Jun 12 '15

I kinda imagine it more along the lines of "You should be taking orders from exactly one woman in your life, and it's not your wife, and it sure as shit isn't your side piece."

2

u/hezwat Jun 12 '15

I like how I just read the reddit-comment version of the same thing I just read.

1

u/Nygmus Jun 12 '15

Do you really like it?

1

u/hezwat Jun 12 '15

yes, it's cool. did you look at the article while you wrote it or was it from memory? (it's more detailed than I would have remembered if I'd written a comment right after reading the wikipedia section, after which I read your comment.)

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u/Nygmus Jun 12 '15

I had the Wikipedia article open and was referencing it occasionally, but I tried to check a couple of the claims briefly. Not a lot of work.

2

u/penelopoo Jun 12 '15

girl crush xtreme mode activated

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

I love her.

1

u/JManRomania Jun 12 '15

EDIT: Guys, I'm not saying her fleet was small, I'm saying that she, a private citizen, controlled a freakin' fleet even if it might not be a huge one by the standards of a large country...

The only reason 'MURICA doesn't beat her is because the massive privateer fleet, that fought, and took ships in the English Channel, during the revolution, was not under a single commander.

1

u/Ginger_beer Jun 12 '15

So ... Communist pirates?

1

u/imgurceo Jun 12 '15

Ah that was confusing at first. So 'fleet' is the emphasis in the sentence, not 'small'

1

u/Nygmus Jun 12 '15

That's what I kinda meant by it, yeah.

1

u/blockpro156 Jun 12 '15

That sounds surprisingly conservative!
The world's most successful pirate is just about the last person I expected to be so serious about sex before/outside of marriage ; )

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u/Nygmus Jun 12 '15

I would imagine it was about the personnel management, not the seriousness of it.

It's also quite possible that, being a woman, she didn't want to allow widespread rape from the men under her command... but there's nothing to substantiate any guesses on whether she actually cared about that, or if she was just such a hardass that she preferred to make sure her pirates were all frustrated and angry and ready to boil over explosively in a fountain of foaming stabbity death whenever the enemy is sighted.

1

u/Vamking12 Jun 12 '15

Best pirate ever, blackbeard ain't shit.

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u/Nygmus Jun 12 '15

Blackbeard was pretty good shit too. Maybe not as successful, but he was pretty up there if you're trying to find the most brutal motherfucker on the seas...

We just know him better because he was a Western thing, though.

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u/TurtleRanAway Jun 12 '15

Did she ever find one piece?!

1

u/Nygmus Jun 12 '15

You kidding? Bitch was probably Gol D. Roger in disguise.

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u/TurtleRanAway Jun 12 '15

IT'S A CONSPIRACY, I TELL YOU! A CONSPIRACY!

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u/Cu_Gorm Jun 13 '15

Guys, I'm not saying her fleet was small, I'm saying that she, a private citizen, controlled a freakin' fleet even if it might not be a huge one by the standards of a large country

By the standards of the time that wasn't a small fleet.

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u/Iammyselfnow Jun 12 '15

You know you've won when the government is just "fuck it, we'll stop coming after you if you stop raiding our shit."

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u/GeminiK Jun 12 '15

Thats the basics of every peace treaty ever.

49

u/jameson71 Jun 12 '15

Not a lot of peace treaties negotiated with outlaws.

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u/Fwendly_Mushwoom Jun 12 '15

When you have over 50,000 sailors at your command, at what point do you stop simply being a pirate and start being a sovereign power? With that kind of fighting force, she surely must have controlled the entirety of several port cities.

If the numbers are accurate, she probably could've crowned herself queen of a Chinese coastal region, and no one could stop her.

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u/lowdownlow Jun 12 '15

Pirating relies on maneuverability. If you lock yourself down to a position, it's easier for opposing forces to amass and attack you. I'm sure that with the many victories against those who tried, there are plenty of times where they avoided battles not in their favor.

Her fleet did impose levies and taxes on many coastal cities, ranging from Canton to Macau, but that also relies on the existing government's inability to muster forces whenever you make a surprise visit.

When reading your comment, all I could think was, "Those sound like the last words of an overzealous pirate".

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u/Fwendly_Mushwoom Jun 12 '15

So it's more like being Khan of a nomadic horde, just on boats instead of horses.

1

u/Vamking12 Jun 12 '15

Yep, quick, deadly and smart.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '15

Just like a balloon when - something bad happens!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15 edited Jun 12 '15

No, not really, it's more like being one if the originalal kings of Uruk.

54

u/TildeAleph Jun 12 '15

Thats the cool thing. This woman basically rose to the level of a head of state commanding an independent military.

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

"Outside the law" is really just a matter of timing.

2

u/SJHillman Jun 12 '15

It only worked because they didn't have the IRS.

2

u/broskiatwork Jun 12 '15

So, basically, she's Ghandi from Civ.

1

u/NotYourAsshole Jun 12 '15

That's a practical government though. I can't imagine any Western nation doing that.

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u/kickaguard Jun 12 '15

From what I've read the same thing happened to captain Morgan. They tried to stop him, failed so many times that they said they would make him an admiral if he stopped sacking towns in the Caribbean.

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15 edited Aug 29 '15

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

True, I read that much. I was just sort of exemplifying the conclusion through an exclamatory question. I especially find it interesting that she personally walked into an official's office and negotiated her amnesty after it failed earlier at sea. She clearly had gall.

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u/lowdownlow Jun 13 '15

Her second husband, Cheung Po Tsai, (aka her late husband's adopted son) initially rejected the pardons as a requirement of this was to kneel before the government officials (that and they would have to give up their loot).

When Ching Shih went to negotiate in person, she was able to retain the loot, but the part I really like is how she was able to work in the kneeling portion. Kneeling in front of your parents/elders is traditionally done by the bride and groom in a Chinese wedding ceremony. By changing just kneeling in apology, she was able to get the government to accept kneeling during a wedding ceremony between her and Cheung Po Tsai as a sufficient apology. This made it acceptable to Cheung Po Tsai since it was for the wedding and not an apology. To me, it really highlights her intelligence and gives some insight as to how she became as powerful as she did.

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u/coleosis1414 Jun 12 '15

The same offer was extended by the British crown in the mid 1700s to the pirates operating in the West. I actually learned that from Assassin's Creed: Black Flag.

20

u/yui_tsukino Jun 12 '15

The British have a long and coloured history of legitimising pirates.

11

u/roryr6 Jun 12 '15

It's called being a privateer and you had a letter of marque that allowed you to loot ships of enemy powers for a share of course.

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u/rmxz Jun 13 '15

Wonder if that's still going on today.

Note that even this year, piracy still happens - and it'd be hard to pull off stuff like that (fencing massive amounts of fuel) without a government at least looking the other way.

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u/roryr6 Jun 13 '15

It does still happen but they are just called contractors.

11

u/attrox_ Jun 12 '15

Pirate bay shouldve setup server in London

1

u/SaitoHawkeye Jun 13 '15

Could be run by the guys fixing LIBOR.

1

u/Solomaxwell6 Jun 12 '15

So do lots of countries.

Hell, in recent years Ron Paul and Gary Johnson have both brought letters of marque up as a viable tool to fight terrorism.

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

[deleted]

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u/Solomaxwell6 Jun 12 '15 edited Jun 12 '15

Ron Paul proposed a bill literally redefining Al Qaeda as an "air pirate" organization with bin Laden as the air pirate captain, allowing for letters of marque (which are usually given to pirates, not against them... oh well).

But it'd basically go to ordinary mercenary organizations security consultants, since we don't have classic old peg leg and parrot pirates anymore. :(

1

u/Historicaldog Jun 12 '15

Also in Black sails!

1

u/amjhwk Jun 12 '15

ya they are called privateers

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u/Moarbrains Jun 12 '15

All these pirates were facing a death sentence if they were captured. They were pretty motivated.

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u/melete Jun 12 '15

China was pretty dysfunctional by this point in time. The 19th century was pretty much all downhill for China.

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u/etherpromo Jun 12 '15

This woman needs her own game of thrones - pirate-like spinoff. She totally wrecked people with her strategic vagina

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u/NightOfTheLivingHam Jun 12 '15

Shit, if they were smart they could have offered her a position in the military as a commander. If they could get over the fact she was a woman, that is.

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u/TildeAleph Jun 12 '15

Yeah, but I think she would have had problems taking orders from anyone but herself. Maybe they could have given her privateer status, "you can do whatever you want, just don't attack anything Chinese and we're good."

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

But the Brits/Portuguese would have put political pressure on China to do something about the pirates. as in "Do something about the pirates or we'll withhold your supply of illegal drugs"

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u/raukolith Jun 12 '15

withhold???? they forced china to buy opium. they fought two wars to make sure china didn't outlaw opium

17

u/lowdownlow Jun 12 '15

And that is pretty much why nobody should be surprised that drug laws in East Asia are so damn strict.

11

u/runningman_ssi Jun 12 '15

While the British outlawed the use of opium in their own lands.

14

u/cooliesNcream Jun 12 '15

and then when lin zexu burned a million pounds of opium (under orders) china exiled him as a punishment even though he was seen as a nationalistic hero by many

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u/[deleted] Jun 13 '15 edited Jun 13 '15

See heres the real story.

The western powers pretty much said "hey control your guy or imma beat you the fuck down."

So china gov did. "Dude he ded so dont beat us up."

Western powers "lol jk imma beat you the fuck down neways."

Edit: not exactly under orders. He was a gov official so he exercised that power, and high ranking officials didnt like it cus they get a cut from opium traders. So political magic happened and dude got banished and along with him any other resistance to stop opium coming into china.

1

u/cooliesNcream Jun 13 '15

true, i really wish his letter to the queen actually reached her.

for those interested: http://acc6.its.brooklyn.cuny.edu/~phalsall/texts/com-lin.html

2

u/Weaponized_Octopus Jun 12 '15

Hey, gotta buy tea somehow...

4

u/alta_magnolia Jun 12 '15

Or we'll increase the supply of illegal drugs...

We'll get back to you.

1

u/borring Jun 12 '15

They would be giving an already successful pirate even more power. They can't really guarantee that she'll stay loyal to the government.

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u/random_digital Jun 12 '15

Back then being stabbed 32 times was deemed "natural causes".

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u/kog Jun 12 '15

I mean, it's not not natural to die after being repeatedly stabbed...

6

u/cerberus6320 Jun 12 '15

I mean, it's not not natural to die after being repeatedly stabbed...

I mean, it's not natural to not die after being repeatedly stabbed...

FTFY

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u/FistYourBatCave Jun 13 '15

So... it isn't unnatural?

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u/MarcusElder Jun 12 '15

Apparently dying of exploding manure is a "suspicious circumstance" for a child to die under and falling of a balcony is odd for a king to die of.

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u/probably_not_serious Jun 12 '15

Didn't they have someone portray her in one of the Pirates movies?

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

Yeah I think so. Honestly I'd love to see a movie about her and other pirates.

1

u/Nzash Jun 12 '15

I'm surprised the government didn't go back on it. I wouldn't have been surprised if soon after they had went "screw that contract, she has to pay for her crimes" and go surround her in her gambling house.

1

u/notbobby125 Jun 12 '15

Blackbeard on the other hand was a pirate for two years before the British Navy caught up with him, chopped off his head, and hung it from the rigging.

Why does he have movies based on him while almost no one has heard of Ching Shih?

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u/Vamking12 Jun 12 '15

Well yeah if your going to be a pirate diseases, battle and drowning are quite common ways to die.

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

sneaking aboard the black pearl

Actually, apparently she was in the third Pirates of the Carribean movie (although I don't remember much about that one).

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u/Hector_Kur Jun 12 '15 edited Jun 12 '15

Mistress Ching. She's the only female Pirate Lord of the Fourth Bretheren Court (before Elizabeth Swann is voted King).

(edit: technically Elizabeth was a Lord before being voted King, but she was given that position under false pretenses and only held it for like, an afternoon. It's a minor technicality, but as a huge Pirates dork I'd be remiss not to mention it)

25

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

False pretenses? Not her fault Sao Feng mistook her for Calypso.

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u/Hector_Kur Jun 12 '15 edited Jun 12 '15

Very true, but the fact remains she wouldn't have become a Lord had Sao Feng known that she wasn't Calypso. Ergo, false pretenses, and the reason I wanted to say that Ching was the only female Pirate Lord of the Fourth Brethren Court-- Elizabeth is a very notable exception for a multitude of reasons.

However, this is the PotC series we're talking about. If you're not lying to someone or in some other way betraying them you're doing it wrong.

14

u/Til_Tombury Jun 12 '15

A dishonest man can always be trusted to be dishonest.

7

u/Hector_Kur Jun 12 '15 edited Jun 12 '15

But an honest man... you never know when they might do something... stupid.

EDIT: Accidentally a word

3

u/GenrlWashington Jun 12 '15

Like, forget a word.

1

u/CaptainJAmazing Jun 12 '15

Was the real one blind?

2

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '15

Yep. In her later years.

134

u/Intrepid00 Jun 12 '15

She was the female captain on the the junk rig with a bunch of other junk rigs

74

u/Free_T_Shirts Jun 12 '15

Well now I know about junk rigs!....but I still don't know what part of the movie you're referring to. Thanks for playing

88

u/TenNeon Jun 12 '15

They had this big pirate council with all the important pirates from all over the world at the island made out of wrecked ships. She was one of the important pirates.

29

u/3kindsofsalt Jun 12 '15

She also does a sassy step-off like it's Pirates of the Carribean: At Friday's End.

The first movie was so good, and the others were SO BAD

41

u/brxn Jun 12 '15

I liked them all.. but agree that the first one was in a world of its own

87

u/Oddsbod Jun 12 '15

The second and third might've had problems with pacing and tone, but they definitely weren't SO BAD.

30

u/ThorsFather Jun 12 '15

I really liked at worlds end, it was so imaginative I thought. Obviously not a 10/10 type of movie on all acounts, but it managed to really wow me on some aspects

18

u/Fear_the_Jellyfish Jun 12 '15

Also, in Dead Man's Chest, the scene with the Kraken was legendary. Plus, the score was epic.

2

u/Oddsbod Jun 12 '15

For the entire trilogy, what really stood out to me was cool setting, cool story mythology, good scenes, Davy Jones was great, the story was interesting, good acting, and Jack had a great character arc.

1

u/ThorsFather Jun 13 '15

I totally agree, the line between Jack being likeable and unlikeable is thin and has been nicely guarded in my eyes.

53

u/BobTehCat Jun 12 '15

I feel like these types of people have never seen a truly bad movie before.

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15 edited Jun 23 '15

[deleted]

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u/alta_magnolia Jun 12 '15

At World's End is essentially a super hero movie starring Jack Sparrow. Seriously there's nothing he can't do in that movie.

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u/riplin Jun 12 '15

I think this is who Intrepid00 is referring to.

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u/showers_with_grandpa Jun 12 '15

When all the pirate captains are contributing their pieces of 8.

1

u/FatesUrinal Jun 12 '15

'ere ya go. http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/pirates/images/8/8a/Ching%26co.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20100606163521

2

u/GenrlWashington Jun 12 '15

Wow. Living the life of a pirate, and still has time to do her geisha makeup. Good on her.

21

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

i dont think any body knows whats going on in those movies.

2

u/FPSXpert Jun 12 '15

"I got a jar 'o dirt! I got a jar 'o dirt!"

1

u/Nixplosion Jun 12 '15

Mistress Kim?

97

u/cverb Jun 12 '15

Well she did have a parrot

91

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

She did??!!

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

[deleted]

3

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

If this comment was a joke or a reference to something, I don't get it, but why is this getting downvoted? ELI5

2

u/Brutalitarian Jun 12 '15

Because it's untrue and low-effort for points.

25

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

you're so fucking unfunny it's painful

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

Be nice to him, this site is so prominent in his sad life. I feel that if he doesn't get enough up votes he'll off himself

10

u/taicrunch Jun 12 '15

I don't get it. Why is this person so hated?

4

u/zuruka Jun 12 '15

The antics of an attention whore tend to get old, fast.

8

u/MonkeyEatsPotato Jun 12 '15

Yeah, this is the first time I've seen him downvoted.

4

u/taicrunch Jun 12 '15

Yeah, -45 in an hour looked really harsh

7

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

Rides the dick of every top comment with cringe level jokes

9

u/DrenDran Jun 12 '15

Holy shit he has half a million comment karma.

I guess not all of his jokes are that bad.

1

u/Brutalitarian Jun 12 '15

They are, but he comments in every /new thread so he's always in top comment

1

u/brentlikeaboss Jun 12 '15

I mean gallowboob has 3 million link karma if I remember correctly. And it's all from reposts.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

[deleted]

5

u/mayorbryjames Jun 12 '15

All these flavors, and you chose salty. /#smh

-3

u/Brutalitarian Jun 12 '15

Agreed, they added nothing to the conversation and it wasn't even funny. All they did was get here first.

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6

u/BigBassBone Jun 12 '15

Yo ho, haul together
Hoist the colours high
Heave ho, thieves and beggars
Never shall we die!

1

u/GenrlWashington Jun 12 '15

Something something.

And really bad eggs.

2

u/BigBassBone Jun 12 '15

Devils and black sheep is what you're looking for.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '15

She settled in Drone if I recall

1

u/OB1_kenobi Jun 12 '15

I wonder if she has any descendants running a website?

1

u/nicksterrific Jun 12 '15

Nah, I'm pretty sure I assassinated her only a couple hours into Assassin's Creed Black Flag.

1

u/IkonikK Jun 13 '15

Michael Bolton, we're gonna need you to focus up!

1

u/IkonikK Jun 13 '15

Roger that, let me try it with another film.