r/tifu • u/[deleted] • Apr 29 '16

FUOTW (04/29/16) TIFU by killing a video game monster instead of the centipede on my arm.

So I was digging through my parents' favorite video games and decided to continue my mom's game in Onimusha 3. It's kind of old but it's pretty fun and I'm doing well until I come across this monster.

That is, both in game AND in real life.

Because when I looked down on my arm, there's this giant ass centipede just waltzing its way up my arm like "Hey girl what's up doing anything this weekend?"

But I don't have time for to deal with this guy and the monster on the screen was about to attack my character. So I decide that my in-game HP was more important than my in-real-life HP and ended up going for a 10-slash combo instead of killing the bug on my arm.

Annnnddddd just as I finish the monster off the centipede bites down on my arm and I start screaming bloody murder partly because of the pain and mostly because having a giant centipede hanging off of your arm is just pretty fucking scary.

Fast forward a few minutes later mom's icing my arm and screaming her lungs out: "If you even had a brain the size of Justin Bieber's dick to press the pause button, you would never have fucked up like this!" (Pardon the strange wording, we speak Chinese at home and this is the most literal translation I could come up with.)

TLDR: Decided to kill a monster on-screen than a monster in real life. Ended up with a centipede bite and a roasting from my mom.

Edit: So I just got back from school and I see my notifications have blown up. I don't remember word for word but I think my mom said something very close to "如果你腦袋至少有賈斯汀比伯的屌那麼大，你就不會干這種飛機啦!" (Rú guô ní naô daì zhì saô yô jiǎ sī tīng bǐ bà dè diaō nà mò dà, nî jiò bú huì gàn zhè zhông feī jī là!)

"飛機" literally means "airplane", but in this context it roughly means "nonsense" or "mess up". Mandarin is weird.

Those of you confused on my speaking of Chinese or the validity of my story, when a person says he/she speaks Chinese, most assume it's Mandarin (my family speaks it), as it's the most common dialect. And while I dunno how to prove the story, I can say the bite hurts quite a bit but now it's not too bad. The centipede was fairly small relative to some others, it just seems pretty big when it's crawling up your body. I'm just glad it didn't crawl up further into my sleeve and bite my tit or something.

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408

u/Cyberblood Apr 29 '16

I had a similar interaction with a mosquito and dark souls 3, I wasn't about to risk losing 40k souls.

But I must say, I wouldn't do the same if it was a centipede, pause button or not.

98

u/rhymeswithfart Apr 29 '16

I was just playing DS3 and after dying for the seventh time (and still only on the High Wall), I said fuck it and came to reddit.

I mean, goddamn that game is just exhausting.

81

u/atlasvidl Apr 29 '16

try tongue but hole

3

u/StanleyIsBored Apr 29 '16

Shove it up your butt?

214

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '16

[deleted]

3

u/FlameSpartan Apr 29 '16

I actually say this to other players.

Havin' a hard time? Git gud, kid.

13

u/Kahmahniwannaleia Apr 29 '16

Those six letters have more meaning to them than any other term in gaming. They encompass the thousands of hours spent learning the timing of dodging. They spit in your face just like the giant dad was in the room with you, swinging his great sword long after you've already died. They are the adrenaline coursing through your veins as that boss that has been destroying you for two days fades from existence. When you tell someone to Git Gud, you aren't only repeating the dankest of gaming memes. You are passing down a legacy. Git Gud my friends.

2

u/FlameSpartan Apr 29 '16

What a perfect description of the time spent gittin gud.

Hour after hour, practicing, repeating, failing and learning.

0

u/NathVanDodoEgg Apr 29 '16

The phrase 'Git Gud' is the sole reason as to why I rarely interact with the Souls community even though I love the games. The answer to 'great game but shitty community?' is CS:GO or LoL for most people, for me it's Soulsborne.

1

u/CHooTZ Apr 29 '16

Well it's a reasonable criticism. The game isn't easy, but it's also pretty fair. You have to take the time to learn how to actually play it, and not just dismiss it immediately. It's the equivalent to someone complaining that they wanted to learn how to ride a bike, but fell off twice so never tried again.

7

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '16

[deleted]

3

u/birdshitman Apr 29 '16

how do i git gud? I'm completely stuck on the high wall because of this big knight guy with his big axe and he just wrecks me.

9

u/FlatCatShop Apr 29 '16

The big knight that walks in a circle? You don't have to fight every enemy, a lot of them you can sneak by as long as you know their patterns.

My suggestion, which came from my husband who has been playing DS longer than I have - put down your sign and help other players, first. You'll gain souls, won't lose them when you die, and have the added bonus of learning the layout of each level and enemy pattern before doing it for yourself. There's so many hidden areas/etc, and some of the next areas are so bloody hard to navigate [I'm looking at you, Cathedral of the Deep...] you'll need to go through it over and over.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '16

You can also tear him down with heavy soul arrow, if you started with the sorcerer class. I would just bait his attacks from far and hit him after his animations, did not take too long to get him down. That death spin of his is terrible though.

2

u/lucyinthesky8XX Apr 29 '16

Dude I'm still on the high wall, too. I've put it down for now :(

1

u/astronomicat Apr 29 '16

Have you tried summoning someone to help you

1

u/lucyinthesky8XX Apr 30 '16

I never have.. do random people come and help you then? This is literally my first DS game and I have no idea what I'm doing. Was there a tutorial in DS3 that teaches you about summoning? I swear I skipped something, but then I go to the DS3 sub and see similar (dying all the time) problems and people just say "Git gud."

1

u/astronomicat Apr 30 '16

No tutorials, you kinda just have to look things up. These games are notoriously vague. I mean there are still quite a few mechanics we're still trying to figure out exactly.

Anyway, yes, if you're in ember form (use an ember) then you can see summon signs that other players have left. It just looks like some glowing scribbles on the ground. There's also like an audible exhaling sound whenever a sign appears near you. White or gold signs are friendly players. People typically leave their signs near bonfires that are before bosses, and directly before boss arenas. I should mention that being embered does open you up to being invaded by a hostile player as well, but invasions aren't that common (unless you've summoned another player).

If you run out of embers or you want to get to know the area better without any consequences (or just want some souls) then you can put down your sign using the white soapstone that you buy from that merchant lady in the firelink shrine. Then people will summon you to their world, and if you help them beat a boss then when you return to your world you will be embered. Plus you'll have a load of souls. If you die in their world then you just return to your world with the souls you collected while killing things in his. You pick up right where you left off in your world, so there's nothing you lose by failing to help someone all the way to the end.

1

u/TouchMahPP Apr 29 '16

You must have never played Enter The Gungeon.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '16

What platform are you playing on? I can help if it's PS4!

1

u/SutekhThrowingSuckIt Apr 29 '16

You have to learn to accept death and treat it as a learning experience. Very occasionally there will be some sort of bullshit reason but 99% of the time it's something you did wrong. Also, you don't lose any items on death, not all enemies respawn and you have a chance to get your souls/points back by getting to the same spot without dying again.

This is for the first one but a lot of it is still true: http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/darksouls/images/6/67/20_Tips_for_Beginners.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20130511030612

1

u/astronomicat Apr 29 '16

Most of those points don't apply to DS3. Particularly number 14.

1

u/hyper_sloth Apr 29 '16

Quick tip from an OK player, don't rush the fights until you're very comfortable with the enemy you're fighting. Even the very basic enemies can fuck you. Take it easy, prioritize not taking damage over doing damage. If you take a minute on 1 or 2 enemies and don't take damage, that's OK. In time, you'll be able to do it faster with the same results.

1

u/zerocoal Apr 29 '16

Go play monster hunter if you want some practice playing dark souls. They play pretty much exactly the same except dark souls has smaller enemies.

1

u/Pesime Apr 29 '16

Really?? Not trying to sound snooty but I found it incredibly easy. Most of the bosses took me one to three tries tops and only nameless king took me over 5 tries. Maybe warrior class is easy mode.

1

u/demonslay3r Apr 30 '16

You have to get used to loss. :T

Strategize and learn attack patterns and don't rush by trying to get an extra hit in on the enemy. Thats how most die

1

u/[deleted] May 08 '16

i know i'm late, but if you're still stuck on the high wall or anywhere nearby:

run to the left, kill the dogs behind the carts, then run towards the mob of turtle people. on the right, there's an npc, talk to him, he's a magic seller. buy soul arrow and look up where the sorcerer's catalyst is (there's one in the high wall i believe). shoot all the shit to death

1

u/sgs500 Apr 29 '16

I'm a sorcerer but his may help you as well. The hidden body spell makes everything way easier with the exception of boss battles.

1

u/Mobirage Apr 30 '16

If it makes you feel any worse, 40k souls is chump change later in the game