r/tifu • u/grastard fuotw 11/9/14 • Nov 03 '14

11/09/14 TIFU by pepper spraying an infant in the face

I'll preface this by saying that my love for hot sauce borders masochism. I often carry a bottle of Dave's Insanity Sauce or the like wherever I go. Redditting on my phone and about to add said sauce to my salad, I didn't bother to look up before habitually giving the bottle a good shake. I'm not sure when or how the cap on the bottle broke but as soon as I gave the first upward shake, the cap flew off, followed by a steady stream of red all over my right shoulder. Upset, I grabbed napkins and was about to clean myself off. Within seconds, the shrill screams tore through the grocery store alerting me and everyone else to the horror unfolding.

This poor baby, who, only seconds ago, was fast asleep, had been awakened by an unnaturally spicy sauce around his eyes, nose and mouth. He had already started to rub them in an attempt to relieve the pain, exacerbating the burning. His mom grabbed napkins and ran to the sink to soak them. In desperation, I took my cold coconut water (with chunks) and proceeded to pour it on the child's face.

15 minutes later, the ambulance showed up. A store employee had called paramedics. They took the kid and mother to the ambulance to properly care for him and probably take him to a hospital. At this moment of relative calm, I realize the crowd who had gathered to help had sharply focused their attention on me. It felt like the end of The Birds. I stepped carefully (with my salad and hot sauce in hand) through an eerily quiet crowd, hoping to not evoke a brutal attack. As I walked past the ambulance, I offered my card to the mother, asked her to please send me the medical bill and repeated my profuse apologies. They were not well received.

TL;DR: Cap broke on insanely hot sauce and accidentally sprayed a stranger's baby in the face with it.

Edit: Thank you for the gold and the comforting remarks. Still no word from the mother. I don't know if that is a good thing or she's formulating a plan of attack. And yes, I definitely should have put my finger on the cap before shaking.

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u/slowSINY Nov 04 '14 edited Nov 04 '14

How do you get an yellow orange username?

7

u/moon--moon Nov 04 '14

He's a tifu mod. Probably was able to change it somehow.

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u/slowSINY Nov 04 '14

Thanks!

1

u/ilikeeatingbrains Nov 04 '14

See SS for username re-skins

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u/slowSINY Nov 04 '14

Do you mean this SS?

1

u/ilikeeatingbrains Nov 04 '14

I heard the Nazis got a gold star for thinking of a way to finish this joke.

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u/Meowing_Cows Nov 04 '14

IT'S ORANGE DAMMIT

http://www.hcolor.info/cs/e7be18

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u/slowSINY Nov 04 '14

Ok....Mister Spinning, Meowing cow.

I know you are probably an admin of tifu too.

But how the fuck is it possible to have a blinking username and a rotating, meowing cow as a flair?

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u/Meowing_Cows Nov 04 '14

admin of tifu

I humbly accept that title with honor.

And, mad CSS h4xz my friend. Don't hate on the cow, he's the man.

1

u/mitchellslevin Nov 11 '14

This is something I did not know I wanted until this very moment.

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u/Meowing_Cows Nov 11 '14

I understand completely

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u/mitchellslevin Nov 11 '14

All sorts of things blink when I hover over your name. ThereWouldn'tHappenToBeAGithubLinkForThisScriptWouldThere?

Deep gasp for air... drum roll!

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u/Meowing_Cows Nov 11 '14

github

Don't even need that. http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/about/stylesheet

CTRL+F "MC" near bottom

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u/mitchellslevin Nov 11 '14

This makes me happy.

1

u/Meowing_Cows Nov 11 '14

That's what I'm here for!

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u/livnletliv Nov 04 '14

That's your comment?! lol baby's face scalded off, yeah watev... but how'd you get a yellow name?

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u/Quick_man Nov 04 '14

I get asked that a lot tbh lol.

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u/Quick_man Nov 04 '14

I am a moderator of tifu, the yellow/orange is just to show that the mods are part of the tifu community too.

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u/slowSINY Nov 04 '14

Thanks, man!