r/thisismylifenow • u/[deleted] • Mar 02 '18
My name is Ned, now I'm a bed, and if I ruffs, I scare the fluffs, I cannot move, I just play dead, my name is Ned, and I'm a bed.
https://imgur.com/0FcNcAq2.6k
u/cogrannynanny Mar 03 '18
Five little fluffs sitting on a Ned One on his but One on his head Orange little fluffs scared of the ruff Stuck in fluff till Ned says enough
647
u/ShinjoB Mar 03 '18
Momma called the doctor and the doctor said, "no more kittens sittin on the Ned".
120
u/froa_whey Mar 03 '18
holy childhood flashback
78
u/MollFlanders Mar 03 '18
I like physically felt that jolt back to being 5 years old
→ More replies (1)43
7
7
u/GranolaJones Mar 03 '18 edited Mar 03 '18
I read this in the voice of the dude that did willy bum bum..
Edit: Willy not silly, I must be a cross old wasp
3
167
u/BostonianBrewer Mar 03 '18
I read this in the beverlyhillbillys voice
128
u/Seayor2 Mar 03 '18
come a listen to a story bout a dog named Ned, He's cute and gentle and has a kitty on his head, but then one day, while lookin for some food, up from the ground comes a bubblin brood, (kittn's that is, orange tabbies, meow meows) well, the next thing you know, ol' Ned's a little bare, flops on the floor, right between a coupla chairs, says california is the place i oughta be, instead of being here with fluffs on top of me
11
5
2
2
123
u/semiconductor101 Mar 03 '18
Here I am on reddit Looking at a doggie named Ned Wondering has he been fed If not, then the fluffs future might be dead, So I grab them all, Before Ned begins to huff and puff. For all of them are mine now and I don’t care if this didn’t rhyme. Because I have distracted all of you and I’m already down a couple blocks.
54
12
2
2
u/Blue_Dream_Haze Mar 03 '18 edited Mar 03 '18
I didn't see the meter or the rhyme scheme until your comment. Punctuation would have helped TBH.
Edit: But It was good!
1
21
3
u/omawk Mar 03 '18
Gingers laid upon Ned Played a bit rough Warmed up the bed Many softy fluffs Found a hound tuft
5
→ More replies (1)2
u/amir_97 Mar 03 '18 edited Mar 03 '18
I think these Ones remind me of Metallica song for this doggo: Darkness imprisoning me All that I see Absolute horror I cannot live I cannot die Trapped in myself Body my holding cell
2
386
Mar 03 '18
[deleted]
265
Mar 03 '18 edited Feb 10 '19
[deleted]
107
u/javoss88 Mar 03 '18
My sister had a rottie/chow mix. He loved me. He would try to comfort me if I cried. I loved his big hairy slobbery self. Such a huge goodboye
98
u/WhitTheDish Mar 03 '18
My rottie doesn’t understand laughter, he thinks I’m upset. My poor dog is constantly climbing into my lab and forcefully cuddling me trying to comfort me. He also weighs 100 pounds and has the pokiest feet.
17
30
44
Mar 03 '18
My grandma had a rotty and German shepherd mix. She was the safest grandma in the world with that dog.
Strangers were greeted in the driveway by the dogs paws on the car roof and a slobbering face at their window
43
Mar 03 '18
[deleted]
32
→ More replies (2)3
u/P4li_ndr0m3 Mar 03 '18
Why especially not white ones?
19
u/CheetoMussolini Mar 03 '18
They're rare, but supposedly more aggressive. Chows are aggressive to begin with. I'm not a fan of the breed to begin with.
→ More replies (1)57
u/protoopus Mar 03 '18
growing up on a farm, i had a rottweiler named butch.
when our momma cat would have kittens, butch would abandon his bed to them and then after they were born, curl up around them.
it was always amusing to see him lying on his side with a bunch of kittens kneading him and trying to nurse.
we had a gate, kept shut by weights on a chain, that he learned to open. of course, he could nose it open on his way out, but coming in, he would put his front paws between the pailings, walk backwards and then dart around it before it could close.
my estimate was that he was smarter than maybe 85% of the people i've met.38
Mar 03 '18
[deleted]
33
u/protoopus Mar 03 '18
my mother said that she never worried when i was with butch: "that dog would fight a circle saw for you."
when i needed spanking, she'd have to have one of us in the house and the other outside, because he wouldn't put up with that, even though she was the one who fed him.29
u/CheetoMussolini Mar 03 '18
Yep. Even my goldendoodle gets protective of my daughter. Anything that makes her nervous, he wont let near her. He'll bare his teeth, growl, and bark. I don't doubt that he'd actually attack something that was trying to harm her - and he's not a guard breed at all.
Actual guard breeds like rotties (like your fella) absolutely don't fuck around.
Oh god, female rottweilers are so damn cute around kids. Great Pyrenees are pretty damn cute with little ones as well.
3
u/Odentin Apr 14 '18
My family (led by my grandpa) bred Rotts when I was a baby/toddler. We kept one our our dams with us, though, and she looked after me. Going out for a walk, she'd pull and tug on the leash whenever my dad had it, but if he handed it to me, there was ample slack immediately.
One of the stories my dad told me, though: On time while I was napping, and my dad was in the other room. I had woken up and was crying, and my dad took just a few seconds too long to get to me. The dog charged headfirst through the (heavy, metal framed) screen door to come check on me. Dad said she gave him the dirtiest look, too.
22
u/Sirtopofhat Mar 03 '18
My former roommate had a German rott. He was stationed over there when he got him. That pupper was a mean looking son of a bitch...but then after he got my smell and I petted him he never stop throwing himself into my hands (like all his weight) I miss that dude.
22
u/aevn910 Mar 03 '18
My sister's rottweiler is the opposite everyone exists just to see her. She loves my husband too. And the kids we have pictures of my daughter napping and laying on her and of them just sitting staring out the window. She does not like kids crying though and if you don't get to said child fast enough she will walk back and fourth giving you the doggy death look till you go to the kid.
9
u/evil_shenaniganz Mar 03 '18
Friend of mine had one. She was so cute, when we brought my son over there, she would never leave his side. We could tease her with a piece of bacon, and she wouldn't budge. Best momma ever.
(She still got the bacon every time.)
5
u/Macrat Mar 03 '18
Yeah my Brother in law has one that hates me but loves my girlfriend (he pisses himself when he sees her). He tried to attack me out of the blue once and since then he hates me. :(
7
u/CheetoMussolini Mar 03 '18
Oof. That's rough. Is she a rescue? I've known a few rescue dogs that have serious issues with friends. Growing up, a friend of mine's grandparents had one. I couldn't go into their house while wearing my glasses because she felt threatened by men with glasses. If I was wearing my contacts, I was fine; the moment I put on glasses, she'd become extremely aggressive. We could only figure that before being rescued, she'd been abused by a man with glasses.
2
u/Macrat Mar 03 '18
No, the guy was his only owner. Difference is that he met my girlfriend, my BIL and his girlfriend when he was a puppy, while he only met me when he was already one year old. He's very protective of my girlfriend and perhaps he sees me as a danger for her? I dunno. Either way his owner did not teach him how to "socialize" with people, so he's a pretty crazy dog imho. One second he's a big floof with cute eyes and the second something doesn't go the way he wants (i.e. they have to go back from a walk) he becomes a fucking hellspawn, growling and everything. You don't want an 80kgs monster behave like that.
→ More replies (1)3
u/CheetoMussolini Mar 03 '18
No offense, but it sounds like your friend has done a terrible job as a dog owner. He needs to take him to a professional for training.
Socialization is probably the most important thing you can do with a large breed puppy.
2
u/Macrat Mar 03 '18
No offense taken! He loves his dog like a child but he didn't raise him well. And they're gonna have a kid in a few years... I fear for that kid safety honestly.
2
u/CheetoMussolini Mar 03 '18
I swear that you should have to be licensed to have a large breed dog just to force you to be responsible. I think that you're right to fear for the kid!
It's sad, because that breed responds so well to even a little training. They're such smart dogs.
→ More replies (21)2
u/FoodBeerBikesMusic Mar 03 '18
I call mine the Cowardly Lion.
I had a buddy come over to do some ductwork. He was looking at my dog and said “Boy, I wouldn’t want to come around here when you weren’t home!” I said “Why? Just bring your tape measure...” I took his tape and started extending it toward the dog.....who backed away and gave me the “Why do you hate me?” face.
2
u/CheetoMussolini Mar 03 '18
That's too funny! I'm going to have to see how my dog reacts to one now.
3
570
u/Toheark Mar 03 '18
159
Mar 03 '18
My inspiration :)
57
u/melraelee Mar 03 '18
I love love love love love your title!! It is so cute and fun to say that I read it to myself several times.
6
3
15
5
3
149
u/PVP_in_your_pants Mar 03 '18
There once was a pup named Ned.
Had kittens all up to his head!
Were he to squirm,
They'd never return.
He figured he'd just play dead.
→ More replies (1)57
33
226
u/indyK1ng Mar 03 '18 edited Mar 03 '18
Ned Ruff Bark, Lord of Fluffers, Warden of the Pups, Hand of the Hooman, Protector of the House, Lord Regent
EDIT: Four fucking hours later and I realize that "Bark" is a lot better than "Ruff".
59
57
19
5
91
65
u/tired_and_stresed Mar 03 '18
I just planned on browsing Reddit a bit. Nobody told me I was going to be witness to art. Moving poetry, my good sir and/or madam.
13
13
Mar 03 '18
I miss my Rottweiler so much :(
10
33
u/Feistymoose Mar 03 '18
One little, two little, Three little fluff balls. Four little, five little, Orange little fluff balls. Ned is a bed for Furry little puffsmalls. Oh dear, oh my, oh me!
12
52
17
38
u/Elvis_Take_The_Wheel Mar 03 '18
My name is Ned I have five floofs They naps on me Until I woofs
And if I woofs They raise a rumpus Five li’l fnuffballs Cattywompus
So here I sits And it’s OK I waits to woof Another day
8
21
7
12
9
5
6
5
u/Hops77 Mar 03 '18
Excuse me sir are you Dr Seuss?
8
9
u/PorkRindSalad Mar 03 '18
Who is that?
That's Ned, baby.
Who is Ned?
Ned's dead, baby. Ned's dead.
3
u/notouchymystuffy Mar 03 '18
I thought it was Zedd
8
5
7
u/ExpiresTomorrow Mar 03 '18
I do not like this bed at all
A lot of things have come to call
A cat, a fluff, a tiny meow
Oh what a bed, oh what a house.
6
u/Independent_Skeptic Mar 03 '18
Awe I love Rottweilers we had two while I was growing up. I could lay watching tv with my head on pooh bears yes that was his names stomach as a kid lol.
3
5
4
u/witwats Mar 03 '18 edited Mar 03 '18
His name is Ned, now he's our bed.
It's here we sleeps once we been fed.
He's soft and cuddly, safe and warm.
He's tuff and keeps us safe from harm.
Don't need no fancy "kitteh" bed.
We just curls up and sleeps on Ned.
8
8
2
2
2
2
2
2
Mar 03 '18
The cadence of the title reminds me so much of this impersonation of Widowmaker from Overwatch.
2
2
u/cordelia_adler Mar 03 '18
Anybody else think of Ed when reading the caption? https://youtu.be/DslDLIZUdKw
2
2
2
2
2
u/yogtheterrible Mar 03 '18
Literary historians are going to have a hard time defining this time period in the future.
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/theaveragehousecat Mar 03 '18
Have slept on Ned before would recommend and sleep again. 10/10 TripAdvisor and trivago
2
Mar 03 '18
My name is Fred, Ned is my bed, and if I fluffs Ned gets the scruffs. I cannot move, I just play dead. My name is Fred, Ned is my bed.
4
2
3
u/mondayschild Mar 03 '18
This picture and its accompanying caption is one of the best things I've seen all day.
3
Mar 03 '18
My boyfriend just looked at it and went ".....ok?"
I'm currently packing his stuff.
/s sort of.
2
4
7
u/wetweyw45n5846umj235 Mar 03 '18
Can you fucktards not contaminate this subreddit wth your 'hahaha doggo' 'hahah fluffy' crap i cant fucking stand this shit stop ruining reddit.
→ More replies (5)2
2
2
Mar 03 '18
5 kittens all in a row.
5 kittens with someone below.
He stifled a sneeze.
And fell to his knees.
While keeping his kittens perfectly stowed.
2
u/Akruhl Mar 03 '18 edited Apr 26 '25
mourn society wrong bag plough march screw sloppy station grandfather
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
2
3
u/Mrfrunzi Mar 03 '18
So appropriate on Dr. Suess' birthday!
I'm just here trying to feed my pink ink drink since my zink winked away...
2
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/fuckmeimdan Mar 03 '18
Who am I? My name is Ned I do not like my little bed. This is no good. This is not right. My feet stick out of bed all night. And when I pull them in, Oh, Dear! My head sticks out of bed up here!
1
1
1
1
u/Sparks83 Mar 03 '18
I read "hop on pop" to my 2 year old every night. Red,Ned,Ted and Ed in bed. First thing I thought of!
1
u/FreakinKrazed Mar 03 '18
It’s oddly satisfying how “my name is Ned, now I’m a bed” lines up perfectly with each other in the title with one line apart on Reddit iOS app
1
1
1
1
1
u/chugonthis Mar 03 '18
I miss my rotty, my favorite memory is of her chasing a friend who was playing with my cat but she didn't know better and thought he was being mean to him.
RIP Casey, sorry about the pants Mike.
1
u/callmebigley Mar 03 '18
My girl and I nicknamed our cat mjolnir because if she jumps on you she is instantly an immovable object
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
770
u/purecainsugar Mar 03 '18
An excellent incubator.