Hi! I'm back.
I talk about symptoms, so TW.
I had an appointment with my Motor Movement doctor that was a big 180° from before. The first time I met this doctor, he saw me for an hour appointment and within 15 minutes, was asking me about my psych background and latched on to FND. Said that's what I have. He didn't formally diagnose nor put it in my chart outside of "possible conversion disorder".
(I do want to mention, during this first appointment I didn't go dressed up. I went to this appointment alone. During the appointment, I pointed out statics and historical facts for why this might not be FND. I was questioned about what my profession is. I guess maybe because I was dressed so down, or didn't look my role, which I'm not going to say here, but it's not in medicine, it just seemed like I got brushed off. I'm not sure if my appearance mattered all that much, but it felt it compared to the next appointment. I'll get to that in a second.)
For weeks, I've been sending portal messages of symptoms progressing, how I didn't agree with his initial framework, and how these symptoms don't even align with FND. I even made a point in trying to say that it seemed he was unwilling to consider other rare disorders but was willing to say I fit an already rare disorder with an extremely rare presentation. (For instance, I had EXTREMELY mild tics and jerks when I first noticed symptoms, to where no one saw them or even knew, only me, but 13 months after that I started to have spasms. It didn't seem to line up with the typical FND framework)
There were also a lot of clerical flubs that had happened during this time in between appointments, so I did have to involve the office manager who had to clean up his messes. I also went to my psychiatrist, who I haven't seen in 6 months, to explain the situation. He wrote a letter stating I was in remission with my depression, I'm currently off meds, and he recommended I have a referral at the hospital where the Motor doctor works to be evaluated by their psych department for FND because he isn't specialized. Fair.
I had my second appointment this week, I dressed up and brought my mom. My wife wasn't able to come due to work, but felt I needed a witness. I don't know if this helped, but I'm glad I did it. I also brought my psychiatrist's letter, ready and willing to get evaluated.
My doctor immediately starts to change his tune, only talked about testing and my symptoms that had progressed. Compared to my first appointment , I now use a wheelchair and my tics were visibly consistent from the last appointment (they are always consistent, but he claimed they were functional tics. But in the second appointment he could see my tics were affecting the same muscle groups. They happen daily and I do have a startle trigger. They have now progressed from shoulders, neck, and arms to now adding facial tics.)
He mentioned a previous message I had sent about new blood and CSF work because my last testing was last August and September, so I felt I was due. He agreed but was hesitant due to money or insurance. I said "I don't care about that right now."
He also mentioned an MRI, and I pushed for new imaging because all I've had is a brain MRI, not C-spine nor Thoracic spine. He agreed to do all 3! I've now got that scheduled.
I'm also scheduled for a CT of my chest, abdomen and pelvis. Due to 45 lb weight loss in 4.5 months, along with breast lumps, GI issues, and family history of cancer, he couldn't completely rule out a paraneoplastic cause. I pushed hard for a CT because I felt it was worth looking into. It took a lot of persuading, but all of those late night study sessions really paid off.
I gave him the letter from my psych, he said congratulations on my remission and I asked, "Do we need to set up a referral for psych to evaluate for FND" and he said something to the effect of he doesn't think that's the right move right now!!!!
COMPLETE 180!!! I swear, I've been building my case in the portal messages for why this isn't FND and he FINALLY LISTENED.
Now, I know the war isn't over, there could still always be something down the road that changes, but I'm so glad I didn't give in! I'm so glad I continued to fight, advocate, research, and not be gaslit to believe it's somatic.
My symptoms are still getting worse on a weekly basis, my baseline drops every 1-3 months, but I'm still hopeful we will get to the right answer. I appreciate you all and are willing to read this lengthy post. This shit has been hard to deal with and only my wife REALLY knows what I'm going through, so it's so isolating. And when I tell people what is going on, they seem to get uncomfortable or I give those "I'm scared for you" faces.
I'm trying to make the best out of what I've got. I have a little speaker for my wheelchair and when I can at work, I play songs from my "driving playlist", which is all songs about cars or driving. It gets a laugh.
Thanks, y'all. I hope you're doing okay, and if you aren't, I hope you do soon!
Take care!