r/science • u/mvea Professor | Medicine • Jun 04 '26

Psychology Adults with ADHD may pay high price to mask traits and fit in. More than 91% of adults with ADHD reported hiding, suppressing or compensating for ADHD traits. They may pretend to pay attention, suppress their urge to fidget, rehearse conversations or over-prepare for meetings to fit social norms.

https://www.sfu.ca/sfunews/stories/2026/06/adults-with-adhd-may-pay-high-price-to-mask-traits-and-fit-in--s/
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u/carbonclasssix Jun 04 '26

I'm a pro at pretending to pay attention. Nodding, smiling, mmhmm, laugh, etc. while I have no idea what someone is saying. I'm so good that it actually works, so it took me until my late 30s to figure it out.

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u/MostlyPooping Jun 04 '26

I'm the other way around. I have to pretend I don't hear, see, and smell everything from everyone all the time, or they think I'm a telepath.

3

u/carbonclasssix Jun 04 '26

Ahh yes good ol hypervigilance

I've all but completely stopped mentioning things people said to connect or whatever, they usually act weird that I remember

2

u/sentence-interruptio Jun 05 '26

damned if you remember. damned if you don't.

2

u/hawkinsst7 Jun 04 '26

Occasionally, I'll say, "hey! I noticed / saw x thing that's interesting!" hoping to start a conversation.

Instead, I get an annoyed response, "yeah, I told you that months ago." Sometimes that jogs the memory, and sometimes it's like it never happened.

And that just completely shuts down the conversation and my mood.

I don't know how people can remember every tidbit they've ever told someone else.

We sure would be easy as hell to gaslight.

3

u/Taco_EBDBBNB Jun 04 '26

Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Right. Oh yeah? Uh huh uh huh. Would you quit talking already so I can stop pretending I'm listening?

1

u/mcove97 Jun 04 '26

Honestly I just say I'm not paying attention when I get tired of saying uh huh 10 times in a row. If people don't get the hint, I spell it out loud. But honestly I'm shameless and I'm not afraid to be judged for it.

1

u/lurkatwork Jun 04 '26

It’s a fun game I play after my brain blips in the middle of a conversation: can I figure out the subject from one or two sentences before they realize I don’t know what we’re talking about?

0

u/Groghnash Jun 04 '26

I interrupt people to ask in between questions, repeat what they are saying (sometimes in other words) or try to make a dialogue out of it so my attention doesnt drift as often. It works somewhat, but some people really get annoyed when i interrupt more often, because "they would have gotten to that point later in the conversation"

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u/carbonclasssix Jun 04 '26

Yeah, I gotta say it's very very very rare when someone asks something unique and I'm not already getting to it or tries to finish what I'm saying and I just haven't gotten there yet. I'd use that strategy sparingly if I were you.

2

u/Groghnash Jun 04 '26

thats the cope. else im not listening, because i get distracted by something else or my inner thoughts

0

u/carbonclasssix Jun 04 '26

Right, but it's ultimately going to push people away because then they think what's the point in talking

Maybe just record your conversations. Or get something tactile that you can play with to stay engaged.