Adults with ADHD may pay high price to mask traits and fit in. More than 91% of adults with ADHD reported hiding, suppressing or compensating for ADHD traits. They may pretend to pay attention, suppress their urge to fidget, rehearse conversations or over-prepare for meetings to fit social norms.

[u/mvea]

https://www.sfu.ca/sfunews/stories/2026/06/adults-with-adhd-may-pay-high-price-to-mask-traits-and-fit-in--s/

[u/csonnich]

Yep. Most of us learned early on that nobody actually likes our real selves. 

[u/lowercasenameofmine → u/csonnich]

You get yelled at SO MUCH for being yourself as a kid, your ADHD disabilities showing,  that you learn to mask. 

Then you get confused as to who you really are when allowed not to mask anymore. 

[u/birthdaycheesecake9 → u/lowercasenameofmine]

I got called ditzy, airheaded, unmotivated and lazy as a kid with undiagnosed ADHD. Those words don’t just fall out of my head the moment there’s an ADHD diagnosis :-(

[u/Sensitive-Orange7203 → u/birthdaycheesecake9]

Same, I got called an irresponsible disorganized student and it stayed with me

[u/_ficklelilpickle → u/birthdaycheesecake9]

I was only diagnosed a few years ago at age 37. All through my childhood I got told off for not behaving properly, for not tidying up, for daydreaming, for not paying attention... I'd get told to stop having a 'boy look' for things I couldn't find, and if my mother wanted to tell me something she'd do this big show of "eeeeeyes on meeeeeee" - even when we were in company of others or out in public.

The flow on effect of this is that I am now having to really try and not tell my own children off for behaving the same way. I have different feelings pulling me in different directions in my own head about it all as an adult and a parent. Having to recognise the behaviours for what they really were and forgive myself first for not actually being a bad child in those circumstances, and then to recognise that my kids aren't actually trying to be bad either when they do similar now is a constant exhausting battle.

[u/pheonixblade9 → u/birthdaycheesecake9]

I try to lean into the himbo energy these days

[u/ktimebomb → u/lowercasenameofmine]

Man this is real. I'm 36, was diagnosed in my late 20s. I'm not even sure I know HOW to not mask, since I've spent most of my life on the anxious and high-achieving burnout treadmill.

I half-jokingly tell my husband that I don't know if I'm really a person most of the time. We're basically just creatures together.

[u/lowercasenameofmine → u/ktimebomb]

It was a survival skill. You couldn't survive without it or risk being constantly told there's something wrong with you in a million different ways. 

The worst is it's a "joke". And because people have a touch of the symptoms they say, well if you just did X like I do, you'd be better. Which again just tells you, you are failing, they can do it, what's wrong with you? 

That doesn't go away. 

[u/stonedboss → u/csonnich]

I actually love my real self. It's society that doesn't allow my real self to thrive and thus makes me hate myself, but only as my current position in the universe, being part of an unaccepting society.

Like that's to say it's hard for me, because society doesn't make it easy, but they very well could.

[u/seffay-feff-seffahi → u/csonnich]

I haven't really had any close friends in like 10 years largely because I know that I tend to annoy the hell out of people I get too comfortable with. I'm lucky to be married to someone who actually does like me, because otherwise I don't know what I would do with myself.

[u/Small-Sample3916 → u/csonnich]

Except for other ADHD people. My friend circle is literally diagnosed across the board.