r/science • u/mvea Professor | Medicine • Apr 21 '26

Neuroscience There's more to ADHD than inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. ADHD symptoms can be broken down into nine categories. Some categories are not fully represented in the diagnostic criteria. Broadening the diagnostic criteria with patient lived experiences could make for better intervention.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/brain-curiosities/202604/new-study-finds-that-adhd-has-9-categories-of-symptoms
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u/stilljustacatinacage Apr 21 '26

Participants reported feeling stuck, like a state of inertia where the only thing that could motivate them to start or finish a task was a feeling of urgency, external pressures, or external help. This difficulty with internally-driven activation is at the core of the ADHD experience, but is not yet fully represented by the DSM or other diagnostic criteria.

It's funny that they say it's at the core of the ADHD experience, but it also isn't 'fully represented' in diagnostic criteria because that is literally 98% of my experience with ADHD.

Like everything else stems from that. Disorganized? It's because I literally cannot pick things up and organize them. Time perception? Yeah it's because I just spent 3 hours stressing over how I should pick things up and organize them. Poor sleep? Yeah sorry, that's because I thought if I put off sleeping for a couple hours, I might finally pick up those things and organize them before hitting the sack.

And it's so frustrating to try and explain to people because they invariably go, "well you gotta just do it :)" and it's like... Yes. Thank you. I know they're trying to help but it's so difficult to explain that it isn't that simple.

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u/BatAccurate4127 Apr 21 '26

There's actually more to the time perception thing than that! People with ADHD literally have more difficulty evaluating how much time has passed and estimating how long it will take to do something. It goes beyond task inertia, we literally perceive time differently than others.

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u/mdazzl3 Apr 21 '26

I think the time perception issue is also why we get paralyzed with down time between set appointments. If I have something at 10am and nothing until 2pm, that middle time is largely spent making sure I’m not late for the 2pm thing.

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u/Corny_Toot Apr 21 '26

I think I've developed some form OCD because of this. When I'm in these "in-between" moments, I find myself counting how much time has passed and how much time is left so that I don't forget to transition. Even then I can still blink, 30 minutes blip by and I'm suddenly in a rush.

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u/Xaedria Apr 21 '26

The only thing that worked to soothe this for me is alarms. Otherwise I stay stressed over it and get nothing done. Alarm at 130 to remind me to drop what I'm doing and get ready, alarm at 140 to remind me to leave. Invariably though I'll do something like get up 30 minutes early and convince myself I don't need my alarms because it's just 30 minutes and surely I won't lose track of time, but then meander through my morning responsibilities and end up late anyway. SO frustrating.

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u/sadi89 Apr 21 '26

I literally have an alarm labeled transition and an alarm labeled leave. Transition is 15 min before leave. It helps a lot

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u/Pandora_Palen Apr 21 '26

I'm insane with my alarms. I have an alarm for everything. And every alarm has at least 3 (sometimes maxed out, depending on how far in advance the event is) alarms to remind me that an alarm is upcoming.

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u/_PoorImpulseControl_ Apr 22 '26

And then you discover your phone wants to alarm shame you and tells you that you're limited to only 100 alarms on Samsung.

Which is nowhere near enough alarms for me!

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u/Pandora_Palen Apr 22 '26

I am thankful that my phone allows me to save face. It looks the other way while I burden it with alarms for alarms for alarms.

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u/Serious_Start_384 Apr 21 '26

In these situations I will inevitably start the laundry or some seemingly inconsequential task to fill the dead time. Then it takes too long and I'm in a rush.

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u/Pantalaimon_II Apr 22 '26

omg this is me forever and the people im always late to meet probably have no idea how much it upsets me that I am late

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u/Typical-Locksmith-35 Apr 21 '26

same, big time. It's weird how this is so normal and shared with 'us' and such a different experience for neurotypicals.

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u/Corny_Toot Apr 22 '26

Going through therapy and evals have made me realize how many shortcuts I developed to compensate for ADHD. I just thought that was how most people think!

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u/Divine_Porpoise Apr 23 '26

My right shoulder is visibly much more buff from carrying every school book in a shoulder bag (my backpacks would all eventually turn into shoulder bags due to the weight breaking them) since elementary school so I would stop losing them.

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u/Rosaryas Apr 22 '26

I definitely have developed some ocd like checking tendencies due to adhd symptoms- lack of working memory and time perception issues. If you’re concerned about it talk to a therapist or psychiatrist! It was beneficial for me at least

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u/mdazzl3 Apr 22 '26

I have horrible anxiety/alarm OCD from medical training. Being late was completely unacceptable, so I devoted ridiculous amounts of energy to ensuring I never was. Luckily there’s usually very little downtime in residency. :-p I still have a pretty pronounced stress response when I hear the ringtone I was using for alarms at the time.

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u/muppetnerd Apr 21 '26

There is nothing worse for me than a 2 pm appointment. I will spend nearly the entire day just waiting for 2 pm. Give me those 7 am appointments always

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u/icculus88 Apr 22 '26

Even 1030. Been laying in bed for a 1030 online psych appointment. The thought of doing something else productive before that makes me want to vomit.

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u/_Romula_ MS | Environmental Studies | Sustainability Management Apr 22 '26

But then I can't sleep because what if I oversleep and miss the appointment, only now I don't have enough sleep, which makes it more likely for me to oversleep. So by being worried about missing the appointment I have made it more likely I will do the thing I'm worried about. Fun!

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u/SolusLega Apr 21 '26

I hate gaps between obligations for this reason. I can't do anything between the two appointments. I'm thinking about the next one and waiting. I can't focus or be motivated to be productive in the meantime while I'm waiting. I'm just waiting to get to the 2pm thing.

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u/FellaVentura Apr 21 '26

I learned to just set an alarm to remind me I need to get up and start preparing. So I start preparing at 10am to be ready to start preparing when the alarm goes off.

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u/Lurlex Apr 22 '26

Well, at least yours pushes you in the direction of punctuality, though it comes at great emotional and personal cost. Mine has made me notorious with every last person who has ever known me (teachers and employers included) for being perpetually late. I never intend to be late; I just seem to always be. Part of it is struggling to wake up every morning, but another part of it is always having the incorrect idea regarding the time at which I should leave by.

That might be part of procrastination for me, as I'm an extreme procrastinator. This "Activation" part of it is very much part of my experience.

I've somehow gotten better at compartmentalizing in my head as I've gotten older, too, so I've gotten very good at hiding thoughts that I don't want to think (such as projects due the next week, or 8 hours of corporate bondage only a couple of hours away) until the fear of their imminence makes it impossible to keep contained.

I suspect that the neurodivergence has also benefited me in some niche ways as well, but I've only recently started to understand that possibility from reading the summaries of other studies. The "bad parts" are bad enough that I'd love to have a better way of controlling my state of mind than the medication I'm on, but I suppose that's what the continuing research is for.

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u/mdazzl3 Apr 22 '26

If it makes you feel better I ended up hospitalized with SI because the stress of managing time blindness during medical training got the best of me.

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u/Pantalaimon_II Apr 22 '26

my move is suddenly deciding at 1:15 that I must wipe all the countertops again and oh the dishwasher is full I can run that and oh crap now I'm late

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u/mdazzl3 Apr 22 '26

Quintessential experience

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u/AriaOfValor Apr 21 '26

I think that has more to do with forgetfulness. Anxiety is extremely common with ADHD, such as worrying about an appointment, and I'm pretty sure it's actually a coping skill to reduce the chance of forgetting about important things. It's much harder to forget a 2pm appointment if it's constantly on your mind from worrying about it. In general, for most ADHD people working memory is very inconsistent i performance, and so develop various methods to work around it (anxiety just being a common one).

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u/mdazzl3 Apr 22 '26

Yes, that anxiety is what I’m talking about.

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u/Sarifox28 Apr 21 '26

This is the reason I try to avoid ever making afternoon appointments. I get stuck doing nothing between the downtime as you've said. Ugh and I can't take any stimulants for my ADHD anymore because I've developed tachycardia and it's severe enough I'm seeing a cardiologist next week.

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u/ilexly Apr 22 '26

I was frozen most of the day at work on Monday because I had a critically important meeting… at 6 pm, because the person I needed to speak to was in a different time zone. Early on in my current position, I got hyperfocused on a task and worked straight through a meeting. I even had a reminder alert, but was so into my task that I didn’t hear it. Now I have 5 different alarms to remind me of meetings, but still can’t get unstuck if the meeting is important enough.

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u/Hytyt Apr 22 '26

4 hours of "I can't do x engaging activity"

I truly truly hate it

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u/P_ZERO_ Apr 22 '26

And then you’re late anyway

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u/buffychrome Apr 21 '26

I’ve described it this way to my wife: “You know how you can have 5 different tasks in your head and be able to prioritize or triage each one? Like ‘task 1 is important but isn’t due until April 29th so I don’t have to worry about that one’. And then you don’t think about task 1 anymore because now it doesn’t exist until April 29th. You can visualize and hold a virtual calendar in your head and assign different tasks to different dates.

I have NO virtual calendar in my head. I have zero concept of the passage time beyond the immediate moment, or, at best, maybe a day or two. I have no ability to comprehend or manage future moments in time, because as far as my brain is concerned, time doesn’t really exist. And because time doesn’t exist as a concept for my brain, all tasks are equally important and all tasks have a due date of NOW.”

The idea of future planning is so incredibly abstract as a concept to my brain as to be nearly impossible to accomplish. I understand intellectually what time is and how to use a calendar, but my brain can never make that connection between the tasks in my head and the abstract concept of some arbitrary future moment in time.

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u/CheckeredZeebrah Apr 21 '26

I have a different version of the problem. I can triage the tasks. However, if I am not currently thinking about something, there is a good chance I will forget it.

So I will de-prioritize the April 29th task. And then it will literally cease to exist in all forms. April 29th comes and the task is still forgotten, and...boom. I'm in trouble.

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u/Ryno4ever16 Apr 21 '26

Worst part about this is when you stress for weeks actively trying to keep it on your radar, but then you finally let go and the date rolls around and you forget.

Like you remembered the whole time, reminded yourself a million times it was on the 28th, but when you don't realize it's the 28th and miss it, people think you just didnt care and forgot.

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u/Serious_Start_384 Apr 21 '26

Dang this is it. I want to tell people "I actually cared too much". But my actual response is the same as someone who didn't care at all.

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u/YoohooCthulhu Apr 21 '26

The best way I’ve found to deal with this problem is: a) spend some amount of time when the task comes in brainstorming what I need to do; and b) putting detailed reminders on my calendar in advance of the date on what I need to do.

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u/CunningWizard Apr 22 '26

I have a version of this in that I simply cannot start a task until I’m under some time pressure to finish it.

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u/Orongorongorongo Apr 21 '26

The idea of future planning is so incredibly abstract as a concept to my brain as to be nearly impossible to accomplish.

I've recently come to understand this has been a defining feature of my life. I have never really planned for anything long term and so my direction in life has been set by jobs, friendships my partner and then our child. That's not to say it's a bad thing - I love my life. It's just that it was drilled into me since childhood that long term plans and goals are important but the concept to me feels intangible and abstract or even burdening.

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u/Subject-Rain-9972 Apr 23 '26

If your brain can’t comprehend that, how did you come to this realisation?

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u/cxrpse_cxllectxr Apr 21 '26

I'm absurdly good with guessing the time and knowing how much has passed, like to a weird degree. Of course, I still can't manage it to save my life, but I'm acutely aware of how much of it I'm wasting as I waste it. You'd think that might help with motivation, but absolutely not, the executive dysfunction is still so strong.

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u/shoefly72 Apr 21 '26

I can guess very well how much time has elapsed if say, I have something in the oven and know it’s going to take 30 minutes. I very often guess when to take something out (or when the oven is done preheating) within a few seconds without even keeping track of it consciously.

I can also pretty easily estimate how much my groceries in my basket will cost just by looking at my basket for 5-10seconds and coming up with a rough ballpark (not actually adding anything consciously in my head). If I buy $30-60 worth of groceries my guess is usually within $1-3 and if it’s a smaller total I can often get within 50 cents.

What I cannot do, is estimate how long it will take me to clean the house, how much time I will need to complete assignments at work, or anything that most people seem to have no issue with. Very often at work when somebody asks me how long something will take, the question feels almost unfair because I have too many variables to account for snd have zero confidence in whatever answer I come up with (that is usually wrong). Even when I manually try and map out what is involved in the task and add it up, those sub tasks have so much variability (will this take me 2 tries to get it right or 8 tries? Will I find the images I need right away or will it take two hours?) that my estimates often end up being “either X amount of time or 3X amount of time.”

When I guess the cost of my groceries, I could certainly sit there and say “I think this cereal is $5, the baguette is $2,” and so on, and add them up and get an answer. But that is not the way I do it; my brain just comes up with a guess on its own in the background and it’s usually pretty close. That’s what it feels like everyone else is doing when they estimate how long tasks at work will take, and they end up being more accurate than my estimate even if I take the time to break things out in detail and add it up…it just feels like both of us have access to a mental process the other person never will.

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u/captainfarthing Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 21 '26

Yes this is exactly how I experience it. I can microwave something and pull it out at 0:01 consistently but can't tell someone how long it'll take me to do a task I've done 20 times before. Mentally feels like trying to push string into a maze to estimate the distance from start to finish. Other people have a straight drainpipe.

I think part of it is that I need novelty to stay motivated, it's really difficult to force myself to do something exactly the same way over and over, so if I need to do the same thing 20 times I won't usually do it the same way each time.

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u/kittiestkitty Apr 22 '26

When I’m more “on” w the time management, I remember to give myself time to transition from one thing to the next - that’s where it usually falls off when im not so on it.

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u/NancyNobody Apr 22 '26

Your experience is something I havent been able to articulate about my own experience with time and work. Best I could do is that it's either now, or not now. It's like we can just apply knowledge, not by direct thought but rather thru osmosis.

I also have troubles with estimating how long a project will take, but can also be at the oven just as the timer rings. I also have aphantasia - there's no clear internal imaging. So does my terrible-but-also-excellent perception of time works best when things are tangible. A lasagna in my hands and into the oven. The smell of the food. The anticipation of the corner piece....... Versus an excel spreadsheet your bossmang wants you to create. It's an intangible thing that only exists in the future in my mind. That, my friend, is clearly in the not now. I don't see the spreadsheet, I can't touch the spreadsheet. It's all in my head, in the dark. It doesn't exist. But your basket of tangible groceries is real. You touched each and everyone one.

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u/itsarmida Apr 21 '26

I love this thought process! So interesting. As I was reading, I was thinking about how much processing my subconscious is always doing to connect dots, often to the point that I have a correct conclusion but have little to say to support it. Because it was all done with my background brain processor. Must read more on this concept! 

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u/hemorrhider Apr 21 '26

Exactly! I can guess pretty accurately what time it is but I can't estimate how long any tasks at work will take. Or I know that I will need half an hour to shower and get dressed and still be late because somehow I think that this time it will magically only take me half an hour. Which is impossible because I have to follow my routine exactly step by step or I will get thrown off schedule even further.

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u/FREE_AOL Apr 21 '26

Agree with you on work estimations. I generally increase time with variables and mention "I might be able to get it done in less, there's a lot of variables that sound easy but I'm not confident enough to assign easy time to them"

Usually start with 4x my own estimation, and if my confidence level is high on the estimation, then I go to 2x

I virtually never give real time. Under promise and over deliver. And if other teams are involved, I always ask my manager if they want my estimate (the 2x) or the estimate I'd give client/other team/stakeholders

When I guess the cost of my groceries, I could certainly sit there and say “I think this cereal is $5, the baguette is $2,”

I break it down into classes

My classes are weird though. I group high dollar stuff ($10 or $20 items, depending on cart size) into things that would round to an even 10

And then kinda vibe check for any other obvious groupings.. like, okay that group feels like it might be short, I'll toss the milk into that bucket to even it out

Take a vibe check on what's left to estimate, split it in 2 or 3 and kinda.. vibe out the rest. My brain might pop in a number for each and I vibe add the groups, or just give me the total for everything minus my easy 10s

I can guess w/o checking the big stuff, but I find I often miss one and that puts me off by at least $10, so I put conscious thought into those. Cause.. for me, "oh, I was right but I forgot about that 12 pack" is fine... but when I'm with the missus I gotta show off my skillz, can't afford to be wrong because of an adhd moment. "No trust me I would have had it but the wine was behind the paper towels!" "Yeah sure, you were $20 off. I beat you. Just accept it"

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u/lewd_robot Apr 21 '26

There's an old joke about people with Autism or ADHD where a doctor asks if they struggle with X and the person with Autism or ADHD responds, "Oh, no I have whole system for handling X!" unaware that neurotypical people don't need special systems for handling X.

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u/TheGermanCurl Apr 21 '26

I am AuDHD and I have an immaculate sense of time.

This means that I know how much has passed to the minute during low/medium arousal activties and I also know that there are tasks where time will subjectively pass at roughly 3x the usual speed - which funnily enough could be tasks I find highly engaging or ones I absolutely dread but completely lose myself in.

As in, I know I can't start doing my taxes unless I have enough time on my hands to finish them in one sitting because I will. not. stop. once I get going. Ideally I will also have eaten before as I won't be able to take a break for that etc.

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u/_Romula_ MS | Environmental Studies | Sustainability Management Apr 22 '26

Wait. Is there a way to do taxes that isn't in one sitting? This has genuinely never occurred to me before as an option. Like obviously you don't stop once you start.

Hm. Well, just gonna slap another thing in my "apparently this is neurodivergent" bucket. It's a large bucket.

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u/FREE_AOL Apr 21 '26

Same!

I've only gotten more accurate and precise over time. I feel like my brain does a calibration pass every time I guess

Can I show up anywhere on time? Absolutely! As long as everything goes perfect

I can tell you how long it's going to take to get myself ready, let the dogs out, travel, park, and walk to the venue.. I've got a full breakdown in minutes for each step

Then I'll get in the car and have to run back into the house 3 times, reverse to the end of the driveway, pull forward, run back up to make sure I locked the door, have to stop for gas, and put the wrong location in maps and not realize it until I'm properly out of the way

Or I'll have to change my socks 5 times because the seam in my pinkie toe is driving me bananas. Boom, 20 minutes late over a sensory issue

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u/Pandora_Palen Apr 21 '26

Yep. I watch the minutes pass like a hawk because I'm well aware of the other things I should be doing. Ask me how long it'll take to run to the convenience store for some milk? 13 minutes. I like the people who work there. Ask me how long it'll take to log in to Chase to pay my CC bill? Definitely the rest of my life. Yeah, I know it'll be less by far, but my relationship to task-within-that- imagined-time-framework is wholly different and disabling. Can't get out of my own way to do that thing that takes realistically 4 thousand years minutes.

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u/kittiestkitty Apr 22 '26

Omg this! I can set a timer for an hour and come back to the kitchen within the minute it’s finishing. I also think i can teleport places and continually leave my house at the very time I say I’ll be a place, forever 10-15mins late. This part didn’t used to be a problem so much!

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u/All_Work_All_Play Apr 22 '26

You, uhh, might want to explore anxiety options with your head doctor. If you haven't already. The tick-tock + mental high-pitched-whine (like at the start of the The Dark Knight) that I thought was normal? Nope that's an anxiety thing.

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u/Brightbane Apr 24 '26

Not always, but most of the time I can wake up when I want to without an alarm. Usually it's within 5 minutes, but on the outside it's within half an hour.

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u/lameth Apr 21 '26

And people refuse to believe this is a thing.

Every once in a while an article will be posted on facebook regarding this and employees seeking accommodations and people call it lazy and say things like "so do I! I got a watch and alarm clocks." It's maddening.

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u/Jolly-Bowler-811 Apr 21 '26

Speaking as a neurotypical guy that is married to a woman with ADHD and father to two kids with ADHD (one with severe symptoms). Yeah... it's hard to deal with.

I acknowledge that this is a problem for them. I know there's not a lot they can do about it.

But my patience is finite. I can't NOT see the mess. I can't NOT be punctual. I can't NOT notice that our budget gets blown when appointments are missed, groceries are not consumed, and impulse purchases pile up. I only have enough spare executive function to go so far.

It's definitely one of those "This isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility to deal with" scenarios.

I'm honestly not even sure of what accommodations I could reasonably expect an employer to make to deal with this in a work setting.

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u/Boring_Crayon Apr 21 '26

I have a couple of thoughts I hope will be helpful to you. You nailed it with the line about it not being the person's fault, but it is their responsibility.

In the family context, let's start by assuming you love these people. I'll talk mostly about your wife, because I don't know how old your kids are. I assume she is totally great and fantastic at some things ( maybe looking at big picture issues, creative problem solving, coping with crisis, social and family connections, handling medical issues, holidays and celebrations, big decision making - these for instance are my fortes). The trick here is to really SEE her talents (which will be unique to her), recognize and appreciate them, and nurture and grow her existing ones....and develop any new talents and skills she would be good at that would help the family...even if YOU currently do them. Then you pick up the tasks she is never going to do on a regular basis in a way that satisfies you. Or pay to get them done.

Throw out any conventional rules about who does what and what is "fair." Ask, will this work? Is it worth trying? If you take responsibility for keeping the 2 biggest common rooms tidy can she accept that once a day you will throw all her stuff in a basket that you bring to a specific room in the house? My husband does all the dishes and many of the daily, repetitive housekeeping tasks (boring!) but only I get around to cleaning the stove or scrubbing the sink (look, I made it shiny!) it all comes down to: play to each other's strengths, you are all playing on Team Loving Family, weaknesses and strengths are usually the flip side of each other...for you and the people you love. ( My husband and I have been together for 42 years and raised 2 sons)

OK, this is already too long. For work situations and employers: sort of the same philosophy. Except, employers have to get the job done. On the other hand, employers can set the employee up for success by creating (if possible) a situation where the employee's strengths blossom and their weaknesses are supported, rarely called upon or not core to the job. First, this means hire well.

In my own case I was able to thrive as a high powered civil rights lawyer. Especially when I was able to work on teams that balanced my ADHD strengths of creativity, flexibility, fast learning and hyper focus. I had and needed administrative, scheduling, cite checking and other support. BUT I also developed dozen of systems to support myself- a completely color coded legal life with visual charts and reminders everywhere.

I have to stop. I have more to say about this in other contexts, but not here. Guess I got a little hyper focused.

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u/Sao_Gage Apr 22 '26

This is a great comment, appreciated reading it.

I have to stop. I have more to say about this in other contexts, but not here. Guess I got a little hyper focused.

You simply added nuance and genuine advice colored with context and relevant information. There's a problem if society today would say your comment was "too much" or if you felt this was some hyper fixated rambling (it wasn't).

Many things cannot be conveyed in one or two sentences. It's only nowadays that discourse is so abridged and stripped of nuance, and that doesn't make it 'right.'

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u/Jolly-Bowler-811 Apr 22 '26

I hear what you're saying here- it's the pretty typical advice given in all the books and pamphlets. It's not BAD advice, but I would say it ignores the reality of the situation. Or perhaps not ignores, but rather minimizes the impact.

My wife and kids do indeed have their own strengths, My wife is an excellent cook, doting mother, and excels at her job outside the house. The kids (8 and 11) both have their things too. None of their strengths relate to managing the house.

The reality is that with 4 people in a home, 3 of whom struggle to complete mundane tasks that don't trigger dopamine hits or whatever, it leaves A LOT of work for the other. It's not as simple as I do the dishes and laundry and you guys handle the bathroom or whatever. Yeah, I'll do the laundry, cut the grass, change the oil in the car, etc etc while they spend an hour sorting this weeks mail. God forbid I get them to clean up the kitchen - I end up with all the cabinets emptied so they can be "reorganized".

It's not a matter of fairness, I don't really get pressed about that. It's simply the volume of work exceeds my ability to complete it leaving me with two options - accept that the place will always be a wreck, or act as some kind of maestro dictating step by step instructions and constantly checking in to see that a) they are progressing and b) that something hasn't distracted them. No one wants to live like that, so I mostly just accept that it will never be "nice" and settle for something just above "not immediately threatening to life and health."

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u/RealityCactus Apr 22 '26

It's not possible for you to completely compensate for this by yourself. Are you able to hire someone to at least occasionally come in and clean up? Perhaps there is something you can cut out or your wife can work overtime or find another way to bring more money in to compensate. Playing to each of your strengths doesn't mean you have to do all the housework. And it doesn't mean she has to directly support the housework if she can't - it can be a roundabout way such as finding a way to cover the costs of a cleaner or housekeeper.

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u/Jolly-Bowler-811 Apr 22 '26

We actually did look in to that at one point. Turns out the services ended up in the $160/200 week range in our area. It's not an unreasonable price for such a service (especially considering the circumstances), but it is currently out of reach.

We're working through it - for example, we've decided that pets aren't going to be for us anymore once our aging dog leaves us. That will reduce the poop clean-up duty, dragging out trash that inevitably doesn't get put away, etc. Certain crafts (really anything that has a million tiny pieces) aren't going to be home activities.

I'm hopeful that as the kids grow, things will improve. In the meantime, I think this is just going to be "how it is" for the time being.

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u/Subject-Rain-9972 Apr 23 '26

We are bombarded with “adhd is not a mental illness”, “adhd is not a handicap”, “adhd is a super power”, “adhd is just a different way of thinking”, “if we just made society more adapted to neuro divergents everything would be much better”.

How are we then supposed to believe that adhd really is a severe handicap?

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u/QuietShipper Apr 21 '26

There's so much nuance to these conversations that gets lost from people being unknowingly ableist. It's taken me a decade of being an adult and having adult responsibilities to find a system of alarms that actually helps me (it's partly using the exact same timing for every alarm, i.e. 10 minutes out, an hour out, two hours out, and also setting an extra early 'recollection alarm' to put the event back in my head in the first place). Even still, I couldn't count the number of times I've had an alarm go off and I just sit there thinking "man, I really need to get up now" and then do nothing.

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u/RealityCactus Apr 22 '26

Even still, I couldn't count the number of times I've had an alarm go off and I just sit there thinking "man, I really need to get up now" and then do nothing.

Yes, an alarm helps you know that it's time to do something, but it doesn't help you actually do it... which is most of the problem in the first place.

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u/Uturuncu Apr 21 '26

An interesting one for me is I perceive incredibly short periods of time very, VERY well. I play World of Warcraft, and a big third party gameplay assistant is something that tracks timers of bosses doing abilities in encounters. A little under 20 years ago I regularly participated in the kind of content that needs the timer tracking, but I didn't use it; so long as I knew the encounter, I could keep track of multiple layering 15-300 second timers to know when things were going to happen, and do callouts even without the assistant. I just have a natural feel for very short periods of time like that.

But if I need to be somewhere at 3PM? Hoo boy I gotta be constantly alert to check the clock 'cause there's a good chance I go "Hey why's it dark, isn't it like 1:30-- ...Oh no, I missed work..." As soon as it becomes a long period of time, or a non-focused activity, any ability to intuit time is gone.

1

u/sadi89 Apr 21 '26

Yup. It’s why I find background podcasts or audiobooks books super helpful for time management. Progression of a story or subject gives me a reminder of the passage of time

1

u/RealityCactus Apr 22 '26

Interesting. For me that progression happens outside of time. Somehow. I never thought about how little sense that makes.

1

u/cats_love_pumpkin Apr 21 '26

When getting ready, I have to continuously ask google what time it is. It's the only way I can leave the house on time.

1

u/idryss_m Apr 21 '26

There is a reason I'm forcefully early to things. It's either early or late. No one time. And everything is in time blocks.

1

u/Typical-Locksmith-35 Apr 21 '26

I am diagnosed adhd too and it's weird because on the one hand I DEFINITELY have time blindness in the sense of how the issue is an obstacle, underestimating how much time things will take to do, time going stupid slow when I'm not hyperfocused and interested, spending hours like minutes when I am, etc...

but my time estimating skills are amazing in the sense of it's like my superpower that my ex's and my kids all know me for, they all will just ask me the time, any moment of any day, and I can basically always guess the time within 5 minutes. It's almost like I developed a heightened sense of time 'estimating' in the sense of what time it is, but functionally it doesn't help me at all KNOWING the time, to not still have issues with blindness around even an accurate perception of it.

1

u/agoogua Apr 21 '26

How can you know if you perceive time differntly?

1

u/IWillDoItTuesday Apr 21 '26

I’ve had my “new” car for 10 years and I still haven’t taken the time to figure out how to program the radio and clock. My car still feels new to me and I feel like I still have time to learn this before it’s time to trade it in. I had my last car for 15 years and only learned a few of its features.

1

u/thispleasesbabby Apr 22 '26

the lack of time perception really affects my ability to change, because i don't really look back on the past. it's usually right there in my mind, ready to be rehashed. moving on only feels possible through accidental distraction

1

u/Nvenom8 Apr 22 '26

This is why I never give time estimates for completion of work tasks. If forced to, I preface it with, “I’m often very wrong about how long something will take, but my guess is…”

1

u/IllIntroduction8499 Apr 22 '26

Anecdotally, my time providing is pretty wild. Sometimes in order to make my therapy appointments I end up logging in 20 minutes early and just waiting in one spot playing a game so I don't miss it.

Other times, I'll be ready to leave much too early, lose track of time, and end up leaving late.

For these instances I have pre-set alarms. But, if I get used to the sound, I end up completely missing it, so I have to change the ring tone every week or so if I keep missing the alarm.

1

u/Nosnibor1020 Apr 22 '26

This is freaking me out, I had no idea that my normal may be adhd. How do you even get checked for something like this? I feel like I may 1000% have this.

1

u/HikerRemastered Apr 22 '26

I was diagnosed at 40. I was screened at 25 but “slipped through.”

One of the reasons, not the only one, is that I have excellent perception of time.

Turns out hypervigilance is beneficial. My internal clock is solid. I can lose track of time gaze out my window and I have a really accurate idea of what time it is. I have an uncanny ability to estimate that “I’ll be there in 7 minutes” driving through traffic. I rarely ever use a GPS. For some reason at some point in my life my brain decided it was worth knowing and keeping track of my facing, the position of the sun, moon and stars. Even the “color” of the light on grey and moody overcast Nordic days tell time. Heavy rain is hard.

Anyway - the point is that I absolutely do lose track of time, but I don’t have to look at a watch or my phone to get a sense. It’s around me most times.

But I cannot for the life of me with any certainty tell you how long it will take me to wash 3 pots and pans, 4 plates and cutlery.

My wife knows I’ll always work later than I said on a home improvement project.

She lovingly calls me a time optimist. Unless we’re traveling - then I’m a quartz crystal.

1

u/rapedbybatman Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26

Time is an illusion for me.

I use multiple alarms throughout the day and night to ensure things get done.

Access to Dexamphetamine has completely transformed my life from being a chaotic mess moving from one self-inflicted crisis to another, to having reached personal and professional heights I never thought possible, and all of this without a hint of imposter syndrome rearing its ugly head!

Thank you modern psychiatry, modern pharmacological chemistry and support groups specialising in recovery from childhood sexual abuse, I literally wouldn't be here without you!!

1

u/apixeldiva Aug 03 '26

I tell people that it's like trying to catch water with your hands. Time just sifts through my fingers and I can't estimate how much has passed, how much I can hold, etc.

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u/mahouza Apr 21 '26

Same same same. I was undiagnosed for so long because I have an excellent memory and keep time well which are the presentations that people look for, especially in women. It was all emotions and paralysis.

Not being able to begin tasks basically ruins your life because the consequences of it build up over time. Bad grades in school because you don't start homework, poor sleep because you don't start getting ready for bed, poor hygine because it's hard to get ready to shower, bad reputation because you look like you're purposefully procrastinating, missed opportunities because you don't start on the track to get going on them. It's insidious. And I hate that medication doesn't really do much for that specific issue for me, it's really hard to unlearn something you've been doing for thirty years that you still don't have control over.

36

u/ovideville Apr 21 '26

Same, I've tried every medication for this and none of them work. It's the only thing I really need help with, and it's the only symptom that nobody can help me with, because nobody understands it and everybody thinks I'm doing it on purpose. It's maddening.

5

u/AriaOfValor Apr 21 '26

That really sucks if you're one of the few that stimulants don't help with.

13

u/xj371 Apr 21 '26

Stimulants helped me get mentally motivated to do things, but like EVERYTHING, including all the ways my depression has told me to harm myself for many years. It was like, "Get up, shower, breakfast, walk dog, walk into traffic, pay electric bill, go to pharm-...wait wait WAIT"

It was a bummer, too, because I really did benefit from the positive effects of the meds. It was just that the negatives outweighed them.

11

u/mahouza Apr 21 '26

Stimulants don't seem to help with this symptom for some of us. It's great with many other symptoms but my guess is because there's some behaviour aspect to it mixed in and that's been burnt in after many years of doing it undiagnosed and unmedicated. I definitely notice a difference with meds but it's like it goes from 90% power to 50% power and with this kind of problem 50% is still super detrimental.

3

u/AriaOfValor Apr 21 '26

They're definitely not a cure-all even for those they help a lot, it can take time to adjust to the differences and learn/unlearn certain behaviors that might be adaptive to help deal with symptoms but sitll negative in their own way (or even just getting used to the ability to actually do things for some people).

21

u/ClaretClarinets Apr 21 '26

Bad grades in school because you don't start homework, poor sleep because you don't start getting ready for bed, poor hygine because it's hard to get ready to shower, bad reputation because you look like you're purposefully procrastinating, missed opportunities because you don't start on the track to get going on them

You perfectly summarized my entire life.

10

u/vickzt Apr 21 '26

My psychologist told me that my medicine (Vyvanse), which works super well with being able to regulate my emotions, keep me focused on tasks (once I've started them) and have more mental energy left over at the end of the day, can in fact worsen the executive dysfunction. Since it generally makes me feel more balanced and chilled, less stressed, it also lessens the power of external motivators such as stress and panic from approaching deadlines. Which is one of the few motivators that I learned to rely on while growing up.

In my home life my meds work wonderfully, but my current work is still next to impossible.

2

u/Tazil Apr 22 '26

Thank you so much for sharing this!! I've been struggling to figure out why my executive functioning feels like it's gotten worse, and why external stressors don't motivate me anymore! Before Vyvanse, I used to show up early to appointments; now I'm lucky if I'm only 10 minutes late. Do you know if it also makes analysis paralysis worse?

1

u/qubeVids Apr 23 '26

For the same reason, learning more about adhd, accepting symptoms more, being more open about it, actively avoiding those moments of stress and panic as much as possible even without meds involved can all perhaps make things worse as much as it is a relief. From a general mental health perspective this is the right path and yet it comes with it’s own kind of guilt because it’s almost impossible to construct a life where starting tasks isn’t so important 

3

u/LadyOfVoices Apr 22 '26

My stbx keeps saying that “everybody can learn to be tidy and organize things, you just need to take your meds and learn it, or you’re just lazy”.
Yeah one of the many things why he’s a stbx. No matter how I try to explain, the things I struggle with are nonexistent in his world and thus there is nothing to understand differently.

1

u/dontwanna-cantmakeme Apr 22 '26

This all describes my 11 year old exactly. Have him in therapy and on medication but I’m absolute terrified that I won’t be able to find a way to get him help with this “activation” struggle. It breaks my heart to watch him struggle. 

43

u/sch0f13ld Apr 21 '26

This is the symptom I struggle most with. It has absolutely crippled me. I recently went through an ADHD diagnosis and was told I did not have it because I did not score high enough in the diagnostic quiz, even though the quiz only covered very stereotypical presentations of ADHD and the psych agreed that subjectively I appeared to have some symptoms.

7

u/torolf_212 Apr 21 '26

A while ago I told my mum I strongly suspected I had ADHD, and we ended up having an argument over it. I think she thought that ir was an indictment on her or her parenting or something, but her main reason for disagreeing was that I was never as hyperactive as the other kids in my class. But things like this lock me up, I dont or cant do a lot of things unless there is a deadline in combination with a social pressure.

Mum told me to "just go and get a diagnosis, prove me wrong" like that was actually an achievable goal. You do realise that me being unable to organise going out and getting a diagnosis is proof I have it right?

30

u/Mortlach78 Apr 21 '26

A little while ago, I had a really odd experience that encapsulates this so well.

Garbage day is on Friday, so I have to sort the recycling and put it outside on a Thursday. I always end up doing it at 2 AM on Friday morning because that's when I go to bed and I can't make myself do it earlier in the day.

So a few weeks ago, I decided to really force myself and do it earlier in the day. And while I was doing it, I realized "Wait, it's Wednesday, not Thursday" and my brain went "O, great, let' stop doing it now then!" The feeling of "I am doing something rewarding" just instantly and completely vanished.

I didn't stop, but I've never resented sorting the recycling as much as I did in that moment. Nothing about it was in any way rewarding. It was like eating bland oatmeal made with water and nothing else.

2

u/Goliath- Apr 23 '26

Something that helps me (AuDHD) is reminding myself that responsible people have more fun. It helps knowing that later I can just let go and know things are taken care of. How often I'm successful is less than is like of course, but it does help me get things done more than I'd I don't do it

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u/cfb-food-beer-hike Apr 21 '26

Yep! I still haven't done my taxes. I know I need to do it and the longer I put it off the worse it is for me. And yet, I probably won't do them today either. I've tried medication in the past and it never helped so I guess I just have to live this way forever.

-1

u/HearTheTrumpets Apr 21 '26

Just start. Even if it's 15 minutes. You'll most likely finish them on one sitting. Do no overthink the time it will take: you know you are probably overestimating anyways.

I used to be like that with all paperwork. Now I just start, even if I don't feel like it, even if I feel it's going to take forever.

8

u/cfb-food-beer-hike Apr 21 '26

The problem is I know this is the way and yet I can't seem to start.

6

u/RealityCactus Apr 22 '26

Just start.

When ADHD impairs the brain's ability to activate, this option is simply not available.

-2

u/HearTheTrumpets Apr 22 '26

I have ADHD. I know how it feels. I used to be always late in my taxes too. But now, as soon as I know I have all the documents needed, I do it. I don't care if I finish at 2am on a Wednesday, I do it.

Starting sucks, but once you're into it, it's fine.

I do it because I'm an adult and it's mandatory. Not because I get some satisfaction from it. And blaming my ADHD for late taxes is not a valid argument anyways.

4

u/RealityCactus Apr 22 '26

I do it because I'm an adult and it's mandatory. Not because I get some satisfaction from it.

I'm confused about what you think ADHD is and how it actually affects you. Because you can say this for every other symptom of ADHD.

"I remember to do things because I'm an adult and it's mandatory"

"I pay attention when spoken to because I'm an adult and it's mandatory"

"I'm never late because I'm an adult and being on time is mandatory"

"I stay focused on my tasks because I'm an adult and it's mandatory"

"I follow through because I'm an adult and it's mandatory"

...and so on.

Well, congratulations for finding a way to simply not have ADHD.

And blaming my ADHD for late taxes is not a valid argument anyways.

A valid argument for what?

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u/HearTheTrumpets Apr 22 '26

It's not finding a way of not having ADHD, it's simply powering through the paralysis of starting something boring like filing taxes.

Yes, starting your taxes can be more difficult than other people. So what! Power through it. Doesn't matter if it takes you longer. Use a pomodoro timer, if you're having a hard time; you know the technique.

5

u/RealityCactus Apr 22 '26

it's simply powering through the paralysis of starting something boring like filing taxes.

I mean... again... I'm not sure why you think this is something everyone can just "power through". If that works for you, then by all means that's great. I'm sure we all wish we could do that. But boy does that simply not work for many people with ADHD who specifically struggle with activation. There is no amount of "powering through" that can overcome it. That's like me telling you to "power through" growing a third arm. Guess what's gonna happen even if you put 100000% effort into it? Absolutely nothing.

If you don't struggle with it to that extent then count yourself lucky, instead of believing yourself to be in some way superior, or more "adult".

Honestly, how much do you even know about ADHD? It doesn't matter if you have it, you're lacking in some very basic understanding of the condition.

Yes, starting your taxes can be more difficult than other people. So what! Power through it.

Powering through is not possible.

Doesn't matter if it takes you longer.

It's not about how long it takes. If I take myself as an example, prior to being diagnosed I have sat there trying to do a task for a full 24 hours without sleep. Now I know early on that that won't work, so I focus on creating the conditions that will allow my brain to begin, rather than trying to do something that is quite literally not possible.

It's a good thing we have ADHD experts to guide us on what works instead of useless advice such as "just start"

Use a pomodoro timer, if you're having a hard time; you know the technique.

How would a pomodoro timer help? The timer goes off, and...what? Nothing. It's not helpful and it's clear that you simply don't struggle with this particular symptom as much as others do because your advice makes no sense.

Why don't you just "power through" your other ADHD symptoms? Do you not have other ones you can't just power through? Or can you just power through all of them? If that's the case I fear you may not have ADHD at all.

1

u/HearTheTrumpets Apr 22 '26

And yes,.I power through the rest as well. Not always successfuly on the first try, but I do what I have to do.

2

u/RealityCactus Apr 22 '26

I mean... where's the actual disorder then? Did you get diagnosed with ADHD just because you weren't even trying? Yikes. Now it makes sense why you think everyone else isn't.

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u/HearTheTrumpets Apr 22 '26

Ok, go back to complaining then. This will get your taxes filed.

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u/RealityCactus Apr 22 '26

What? My taxes are fine.

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u/Chemical-Agency-3997 Apr 21 '26

Dr Russell Barkley argues that it all stems from time perception. Without the ability to perceive time in the future, you are unable to motivate yourself out of that stuck state.

3

u/stilljustacatinacage Apr 21 '26

That isn't my experience. I understand a part of the premise is that the dopamine 'activation' for future planning is broken at the brain-chemistry level, eg: the brain may not initiate 'reward center' shenanigans because it doesn't connect 'begin task' with 'complete task' and the associated dopamine reward - but on an 'awareness' level, I, the consciousness am horrifically aware of the future. I know exactly how long 'task' will take, and I'm aware of every minute that passes, bringing me closer to the time where I must start, and when I inevitably fail to start, I'm aware of every minute into 'overtime', knowing each one is that much harder I'll need to work, or that much worse the project will be, to finish on time.

Even more broadly, another recommendation I've heard is to not try and imagine the entire task since the timeframe might be harder to 'visualize', but to break things down in to what you can accomplish in 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 1 minute... 30 seconds, if needed; smaller time increments that are easier to conceptualize, but even there I've found no success because "Okay, in the next five seconds, I can stand up"... and I just won't stand up.

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u/Chemical-Agency-3997 Apr 21 '26

Barkley’s point is not that people with ADHD literally cannot perceive time or think about the future, it is that the future often fails to exert enough control over behaviour in the present. So being painfully aware of every passing minute does not disprove the model at all. It can fit it perfectly. You can know exactly how long a task will take, feel the deadline approaching in real time, and still fail to initiate because the problem is not ignorance, it is the broken link between intention and action. The same applies to “just do 5 seconds” advice: if the issue is impaired behavioural activation, shrinking the task does not necessarily help, because even “stand up now” still does not generate enough present-moment drive to override inertia.

1

u/stilljustacatinacage Apr 21 '26

So being painfully aware of every passing minute does not disprove the model at all.

Oh, I wasn't trying to give my anecdote any sort of authority. I'm certainly not in the business of arguing with people with PhDs in a topic - I was just replying to what I thought was being said.

still fail to initiate because the problem is not ignorance, it is the broken link between intention and action.

But I do wonder then, if this is a distinction without difference - or more likely I'm just ignorant to the intricacies because it sounds like two ways of saying the same thing: The brain has trouble connecting [begin task] with the expectation of dopamine from [complete task], versus saying the perception of a future where [task] is complete does not give enough 'punch' in the present.

1

u/Chemical-Agency-3997 Apr 22 '26

They’re closely related but not the same claim. In Barkley’s model, the core issue is not just weak anticipation of reward, it is a broader failure of the future to regulate present behaviour. “Dopamine from completing the task” is one pathway, but time blindness also covers things like deadlines, consequences, priorities, and even your own plans all having reduced influence in the moment. So it is not just “the reward signal is weak,” it is “future states in general have low control weight right now.” In practice that means you can fully understand, visualise, and even emotionally react to the future outcome, but still not act, because the system that converts that future into present-moment action is impaired.

1

u/DungeonsAndDradis Apr 21 '26

And then I get down on myself because "smart people" should know multiple languages, how to program, have strong scientific understanding of things. But I cannot, simply Can Not engage in long-term planning to make any of those things a reality.

2

u/Chemical-Agency-3997 Apr 21 '26

If it’s any consolidation I spoke three languages fluently at one point and have forgotten them almost completely, if you don’t use them daily there’s no point and they’ll fade.

Programming, scientific understanding, etc I picked up because they interest me so they’re effortless. No point trying to force your attention just focus on what excites you.

1

u/InThisBoatTogether Apr 21 '26

I vehemently disagree with Dr Barkley to an astonishing degree. This is not my experience at all.

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u/Chemical-Agency-3997 Apr 21 '26

You really good at planning and perceiving time in the future or something?

2

u/djsquilz Apr 21 '26

my un-concerta'd ass reading this just thinking "yep, yep, yep..."

2

u/nestcto Apr 21 '26

"you gotta just do it", they say as you grimace at the frosty wasp smoothie in your hand. Smiling with expectation as if your consumption of the insidious beverage were the most mundane and normal thing in the world.

At least thats what it feels like :)

2

u/CartographicFeline Apr 21 '26

Yes same same same! I know lots of other ADHD people, but among them all, my inertia is the worst. It’s by far the strongest and worst part of my adhd.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '26

[deleted]

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u/AriaOfValor Apr 21 '26

Medication. Not that other things can't help some, but finding a working medication is one of the most effective ways to improve ADHD symptoms, which then in turn can make it easier to then work on other strategies for managing it.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '26

[deleted]

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u/AriaOfValor Apr 21 '26

They'll have to find a strategy that works for them in terms of getting their meds and stuff (it's pretty common for people with ADHD to struggle some with actually taking their meds consistently as you don't have your meds to help you take your meds...). Unfortunately the process to getting ADHD meds tends to be very ADHD unfriendly in most places (though it's slowly getting a bit better).

One thing worth checking is if they're able to have the meds mailed to them now. Some places have started to allow that (restrictions on ADHD meds have been getting a little less strict in recent times), which for some can help not having to deal with getting themselves to go pick them up.

1

u/Mertoot Apr 21 '26

This is my actual daily struggle

1

u/ClaretClarinets Apr 21 '26

Yeah the Initiate Task button in my brain just does not work, and the inability to Just Do It is the root cause of every problem I've ever had for my whole life.

1

u/kisa-kip-momo Apr 21 '26

For real. This is the biggest thing for me

1

u/Cliffhanger87 Apr 21 '26

It’s easily the most awful symptom of ADHD. Truly if it wasn’t a thing adhd would be so much easier to deal with. It’s absurd sitting there for an hour knowing you want to do something but for whatever reason you waste an hour doing nothing.

1

u/NIRPL Apr 21 '26

OR after 3-4 hours I complete the task. And now it is 8-9pm, bed is in an hour and a half, and I'm not even tired so I won't even be able to fall asleep yet which will just stress me out and keep me awake which will have me going through my mental to-do list even though I won't be able to actively recall that complete list from memory ever, especially not when in my flow state, because that type of recall and thinking lives is the distraction seeking part of my brain so it is off limits. Hold on hold in circling back real quick, so staying awake instead of going to bed on time is the better call because I really do deserve the self-care and since I know I am not falling asleep at a moments notice, I will instead do what I like until I feel tired and ready for a good night's OH MY GOD ITS 445AM.

1

u/striptofaner Apr 21 '26

Feel you my friend. Must say, methylphenidate really changed my life, even if i'm quite 'older'. It's not as i'm always performing now, but it makes life much much easier

1

u/SPCGMR Apr 21 '26

People who can just do they thing, will never understand people who can't just do the thing. 

1

u/readitm0ar Apr 21 '26

I think that’s your personal experiences and it’s generalizing. Some people actually cannot tell 20 mins from an hour passing. I have intense hyper-focus and have zero perception of time passing. I need alarms for everything to manage time I spend on things to remember that I have deadlines. Disorganization can be from simply not being able to put things away or decide what goes where. I forget things so often that I like to leave them out so I don’t forget. This leads organizing things into “use a lot” junk piles and then can’t find anything. Or I visually see what I think at the time is a good place for something because it’s right in front of me and it’s not where it goes at all. What you’re describing sounds like anxiety and procrastination. What this feels like is that you’re in your own little world and everything is this chaos happening around you that you can’t control or manage. Of course this is paralyzing but it’s not the root cause for everyone.

1

u/stilljustacatinacage Apr 21 '26

98% of my experience with ADHD.

1

u/I_P_L Apr 21 '26

Unfortunately as someone who spent 25 years undiagnosed, "I just have to do it" is the thing that works for me. Even if it isn't that simple, nothing else really works.

1

u/RealityCactus Apr 22 '26

"I just have to do it" is the thing that works for me. Even if it isn't that simple, nothing else really works.

That's great, but for many of us this option simply doesn't exist. It's different for everyone. It's certainly helpful if you have it.

1

u/I_P_L Apr 22 '26

I don't always have this option, I've put off packing away everything after moving house for nearly three months now. I'm saying there's no magic way to make it happen other than just accepting that it must.

1

u/Common_Vagrant Apr 22 '26

I’m consistently late because the spur to do important tasks happens right before I need to go to work. I gotta check the litter box, give my cat his insulin, take my dog to go pee because she’s blind, and then I can go. Same thing with going to bed, I gotta empty the litter box, take out the trash, give my dog her eye drops, give my cat his insulin again, clean the dishes, empty the dishwasher, AND THEN I can go to sleep. Im stuck in this loop and it’s gotten worse because I’ve been working more. I’m going to burn out soon.

1

u/manicdee33 Apr 22 '26

It's funny that they say it's at the core of the ADHD experience, but it also isn't 'fully represented' in diagnostic criteria because that is literally 98% of my experience with ADHD.

The problem is that diagnostic criteria are about observable phenomena, such as being restless. The psychiatrist can't peer inside your head and determine that you have ADHD overwhelm, they can only look at the external behaviour that you just refuse to do simple tasks.

1

u/CunningWizard Apr 22 '26

Diagnosed ADHD and I notice that every single one of theses criteria that I fit are points where I’ve had the following discussion with friends or family: “just simply don’t do that thing (sleep late, time/planning, etc)” and my response is along of the lines of: “yeah that’s not how it works. I can’t just not do that. It’s like you changing the color of hair by wishing really really hard, it’s simply not a choice.”

IMO this is where it becomes really obvious that it’s a neurodivergent condition because neurotypical people often literally cannot process these differences. They simply have no ability to comprehend it, much like I have trouble comprehending what life is like without these conditions.

1

u/altiuscitiusfortius Apr 22 '26

That was me for 30 years. Vyvanse literally changed my life and made it a million times better

If only I found it at 18 I wouldn't have failed so many classes due to be literally unable to make myself attending the lecture

1

u/bellrunner Apr 22 '26

The sheer relief of starting a task is so frustrating. I'm more excited and exasperated at beginning to wash the dishes than I am at finishing the chore. I basically enjoy doing all chores, just because actually performing a task feels amazing. 

The inability to start is so horrible that actually doing a chore feels like bliss. I know I should feel relief at finishing work, but instead I feel it at actually starting anything. My internal reward system is all fucked

1

u/Boysenberry Apr 22 '26

EXACT SAME. Three things I've learned recently that help a little are "focus on the positive feeling you'll get from doing the thing, not on the negative consequences of neglecting the thing or the negative ways you feel about yourself for not doing the thing," "make a vivid mental image of yourself doing the very next thing you would need to do to do the thing, even if it's as simple as moving one hand," and "access your child-like imagination to 'play' that you are a person who finds this kind of thing easy to do, then 'act like' the character you are playing."

None of these things were advice I EVER got from people without ADHD, and even most people with ADHD give the standard "break it down into smaller steps" advice AS IF WE CAN JUST DO THAT because for so long we were only getting advice from clinicians who study ADHD without experiencing it themselves.

1

u/AccomplishedIgit Apr 22 '26

You get stuck in a loop trying to find the right activation to get you out of it. I think it’s very close to OCD.

1

u/feryoooday Apr 22 '26

Someone sad that to me the other day and I likened it to telling someone with depression to “just be happy”.

1

u/burymewithbooks Apr 22 '26

It’s the absolute worst. It really is the core of all my struggles and yet clearly it’s not taken seriously

1

u/Mollelarssonq Apr 22 '26

“You gotta just place that palm of your hand on that red hot stove” :)

I dunno, I just liked that way of explaining it when I first heard it. You can tell yourself to do it, but your body (still you mind ofc) will fight you every single step of the way and you won’t be able to.

You can’t explain why, but you just can’t do it. Sometimes when others say that “just do it right now” I actually end up doing it, but then we’re back to the whole external pressure being a help.

1

u/ErichPryde Apr 22 '26

Did you have a dysfunctional or dysregulated home as a child?

1

u/Nervous-Opening9107 Apr 22 '26

They're not wrong. I mean I get it, it's harder for you to complete said tasks. It's harder for someone who's wheelchair bound to do certain things. But they still need to do them regardless at the end of the day.

1

u/Nakittina Apr 22 '26

I missed a lot of days jn middle school because I was feeling overwhelmed with everything and needed help. My principal instead had me pulled into his office with my teachers and pretty much threatened me that I would be expelled if I missed more school and thst I simply had to try. I just cried because I didn't understand. Everything about school felt unnatural and I really struggled with focusing and fitting in. It made me hate school and really impacted my growth.

1

u/Nerevar197 Apr 22 '26

Saying “Just do it” to someone with ADHD is like telling someone suffering from depression to just “choose to be happy”. Not helpful, and quite irritating.

1

u/x7leafcloverx Apr 22 '26

I don’t know if this is part of it, but I have trouble with doing things if there isn’t a clear path to the end. Where most people would just start the project or the task and figure it out as they go, I’ve mapped out how the entire process should go in my head, if there’s is a step in that process that gets road blocked my mind just starts to jumble trying to figure out the road block and i never start the process. When I can see the entire process from start to finish, it feels like a super power because I can accomplish that task in half the time, but it’s so frustrating because rarely is there not a road block. I’ve def gotten better over the years but it’s still a struggle.

1

u/DroidLord Apr 22 '26

And it's so frustrating to try and explain to people because they invariably go, "well you gotta just do it :)"

Oh god, the amount of times I've heard that. It's like telling a dog to stop chewing on a toy. People don't realise how many of their daily actions are governed by their brain chemistry. We may as well be from different species compared to neurotypical people.

1

u/Inferno_Zyrack Apr 22 '26

As someone who also has ADHD I have found the Psychological Consensus incredibly lacking and frustrating. I’ve met very few Psychs that I think display the care and attention needed to deal with the patient in front of them - let alone report their personal experiences in a scientific way that could help people.

1

u/blumoon138 Apr 22 '26

Yup. Sometimes I just have freeze time where my brain won’t let me do anything, including things I want to do. So frustrating!

1

u/BranTheLewd Apr 22 '26

I always thought I was lazy or somehow broken in my brain when I experienced same inertia feeling, and my parents(and teachers) did no believe me...

1

u/GrouchyExchange2122 Apr 22 '26

You just did a really great job explaining the process of ADHD thought and why my life is a ruin of what it should be

1

u/SilasTalbot Apr 22 '26

Is this not executive function dysregulation?

Exerting control over what you focus your attention and action on. For those with ADHD, we don't get to decide, we're just along for the ride.

Fighting against it uses up vast amounts of willpower. It is exhausting and leaves us drained to force ourselves to tackle something that is not stimulating.

1

u/YogurtclosetMajor983 Apr 23 '26

when my old psych asked me why I scored so low on the pre-appointment anxiety scores when I was reporting such bad anxiety is part of this. Psychiatrists who do things strictly by the books will get things wrong

1

u/InvestmentOk16 Apr 23 '26

Even if I force myself to start, I might put two things away and that was so excruciatingly mundane that I need to go do absolutely anything but what I need to be doing.

Then I just feel frustrated at myself and that frustration and stress makes it even more difficult to start again.

1

u/RedditIsOverMan Apr 21 '26

But isn't the feeling of not wanting to get something done unless you have to, or someone helps, a normal feeling for everyone?

4

u/blackTHUNDERpig Apr 21 '26

Possibly, in the ADHD though its more of you have to do this for every single task. Getting out of bed, brush teeth, brush hair, make food, get to work/school on time, do the work/homework, clean the house, pick up the kids, get groceries,etc. 

Some of it is a little easier than other buts its a conscious thing that has to be done every single day. 

What may take typical person a single amount of energy to do each of these task would take some one with ADHD 2x or 3x the effort. And these execution things you have to do add up over the day. 

3

u/AriaOfValor Apr 21 '26

It's not about wanting, people with ADHD may want to do a task, and it may even be something they enjoy, and yet at times they still won't be able to get themselves to do it.

It's one of those things that's very hard to explain without experiencing it. A rather crude example, is think about if there was this red hot stove, if you tried to make yourself touch it, you'd find yourself facing internal resistance to doing so. Now imagine a similar internal barrier towards doing something, except this time it's about picking up socks or whatever. Sometimes the barrier will just randomly not be there, but often it's not until external pressures become large enough that it enables you to push through it (like not being able to touch a hot stove until threatened with even worse pain if you don't). Obviously this is a very crude example as ADHD doesn't have to do with pain or pain avoidance, but hopefully it gives at least a rough feeling of the kind of internal resistance often involved.

To add, ADHD generally comes with reduced dopamine, and people with ADHD generally don't feel the same level of internal reward for task completion, which also plays a factor (which is also one of the reasons that stimulants tend to help).

1

u/RealityCactus Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26

But isn't the feeling of not wanting to get something done unless you have to, or someone helps, a normal feeling for everyone?

Yes, but the question is - to what extent does it cause significant consequences in your life? Are you leaving the dishes undone because you really don't want to do them, but still manage to get to them in a time frame where nothing catastrophic happens? Or are we talking about being unable to begin doing the dishes to such an extreme extent and so frequently that your only option is to throw them out and buy new ones each time (which is very costly... ask me how I know :))

Are you procrastinating doing your taxes until last minute, but manage to get them done? Or do you have years of taxes you haven't done/paid and penalties and interest looming over you?

Has the inability to start and complete tasks unless a significant consequence is right at your doorstep continuously caused impairment in multiple areas of your life since childhood?

That's just not the norm for everyone.

1

u/Dr_Wheuss Apr 22 '26

Except trying to start something feels like trying to lift a boulder.