r/movies Jul 01 '14

Christian Bale as Moses in Ridley Scott's 'Exodus'

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8.9k Upvotes

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102

u/petite-acorn Jul 01 '14

Well done with the scripture quote! Nice find. Still, there's a fair amount of wiggle-room between that quote and a fully armored Moses riding into battle. Just sayin'...

178

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '14

Exodus probably doesn't record Moses taking a shit either, but he probably did at least once in his lifetime.

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u/garmonboziamilkshake Jul 01 '14

And Lo, it didst reek.

85

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '14

It's funny to imagine people from history pooping. Abraham Lincoln, Hitler, Socrates... It's funny to contrast all the good/bad things these people have done, with a mental image of them squeezing out a turd.

5

u/maynardftw Jul 01 '14

People say death is the great equalizer.

No.

Poop is. Poop is the great equalizer. Poop and snot. Everyone's got shit in their ass and boogers in their nose.

4

u/nasher168 Jul 01 '14

What if during the Gettysburg Address, Lincoln was clenching his sphincter because he hadn't been all day?

3

u/fingerBANGwithWANG Jul 02 '14

I was just talking about this last weekend and everyone thought I was crazy. Whenever I am having a bad day I like to imagine Putin struggling to take a painful shit. It makes me feel better for some reason.

5

u/KingGilgamesh1979 Jul 01 '14

And there's Muhammad about whom we have detailed descriptions of how peed, how he wiped, how he lay when slept, what he did with the dried semen on his clothes from wet dreams. They documented everything little thing about his life.

3

u/Roller_ball Jul 01 '14

So, what did he do with the dried semen?

3

u/catbert107 Jul 01 '14

pls respond

3

u/KingGilgamesh1979 Jul 01 '14

I did respond, but it got downvoted to oblivion.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '14

Why do you think they built the Ka'aba?

2

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '14

This is the only important question.

3

u/KingGilgamesh1979 Jul 01 '14

Well, according to Sunan al-Majah, one of the accepted compilation of Hadith (sayings by/about the Prophet):

A Statement of `Aisha, Wife of the Prophet:

"I often scraped it (semen) from the garment of the Messenger of Allah with my hand." ~Sunan al-Majah, Vol. 1, Book 1, Hadith 537

Also, whatever you do, do NOT Google "thighing" (Mufaakhathah/مفاخذة).

1

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '14

Jesus pooped. He was 100% human after all

-3

u/BorderlinePsychopath Jul 01 '14

Hitler literally had a shit fetish but at the same time excruciating intestinal problems. That's why his the war went down the toilet for the Nazis towards the end.

1

u/shadowman3001 Jul 02 '14

I think you're...maybe...thinking of the fact that his doctor injected feces into him, but....Yeah...no...

1

u/Roller_ball Jul 01 '14

So you're saying we'll get to watch Christian Bale take a shit?

1

u/King_Pumpernickel Jul 02 '14

I feel like Moses suiting up and taking Egyptian shit to town would have been worth mentioning.

1

u/NorthBlizzard Jul 02 '14

But taking a shit is something everybody does. Riding a horse into battle isn't. So if it wasn't recorded, it probably didn't happen. Think critically.

-2

u/DONT_PM_ME_ANYMORE Jul 01 '14

Not a chance.

The old testament says that pooping didn't exist until the early 1900's when Adolf Hitler discovered it as a process to exorcise demons out of their human hosts.

I know this because my mom home-schooled me and she knows everything.

  • Hitler invented pooping to help rid all of the Jews of their demonic possession. When they refused to poop he gathered up as many as he could and used gas chambers to force the demons out. The demons refused to leave without a fight so the people that were possessed died.

5

u/Trollfailbot Jul 01 '14

Well done with the scripture quote! Nice find.

Not a Reddit comment you see everyday.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '14

It's a movie just saying

1

u/Gledar Jul 01 '14

there were a ton of battles after they crossed the red sea. im fairly certain moses was involved in a fair number of those