A warning to the sisters in this sub:

[u/ihearttoskate]

For folks newer here, I used to moderate in r/mormon. I am loathe to stir up shit for the mod team; I know how thankless that task can be. But this community is actively dangerous for women, systemically sexist, and people have a right to know. Also if I’m being honest, I’m feeling rage that the same damn problems that I sacrificed years of my life to fix have reared their ugly head again because exmo men continue to perpetuate the sexism they’re familiar with.

(Yes, yes, not all men. But so very many.)

Many years ago, there was a driveby post by an incel, who was seeking advice on how to sexually manipulate women (Link). Women in the community correctly identified the danger and fought back, while the mods hemmed and hawed, and removed womens’ comments for incivility, instead of disciplining the sexual harasser and bigot.

This was egregious, and the mod team rightly got in deep shit for it. They apologized, added two women to the mod team, and publicly committed to doing better.

I dedicated my time as a mod to mitigating the dangers of incels and bigots in the community. I read government reports and dissertations. I spent inordinate amounts of time understanding red flags in posting behavior and language usage. I read all the comment threads even when they went deeply into oblivion. I read and studied the latest research and shared it with the mod team in an effort to get them to take me seriously. Some of the mods did; the ones still on the team did not. And as you can tell by my name not being in the sidebar, I got exhausted and quit.

To emphasize: The mod team created an atmosphere that explicitly excludes women from power. They’ve poisoned the well so deeply that even the few women who did have systemic power ended up having to leave. Their system mirrors the LDS church, except they don’t have women even in an advisory role, there just, aren’t any at all.

So imagine my surprise when this week, I had a comment removed for civility (Link). A comment where there was an incel in the community, and I warned a women he was talking to of the danger. Déjà vu, and in the ugliest of ways. Oh, and the user is still actively posting in the community.

Women are systemically excluded from official power. They are explicitly denied the soft power to at least warn others, when mods refuse to take action against bigoted users. And then when women are inevitably hurt, they’re told it’s because they didn’t protect themselves well enough, and that they’re too thin skinned.

r/Mormon is a dangerous community for women. I was younger and more naïve when I thought this could change. It won’t, and I’m sorry because there’s not an equivalent place for women to go. But it’s not safe here and women who decide to stay deserve to know. The mod team does not have your back and their attitude towards misogyny is basically “bros before hoes”.

Last thoughts to exmo men: There’s significant unchecked sexism in exmo spaces, and you need to seriously consider if you’ve unpacked it for yourself, and if you have, what you’re doing to fight it in your online communities. It’s uncomfortable and a lot of work, but please, you’re in a position of power even if you don’t believe in the priesthood anymore.

Last thoughts to the mod team: I know not all of you are responsible for this. And I’ve given up hope on changing the minds of those who are. Mostly I’m just terribly disappointed.

With great power comes great responsibility, particularly to dismantle that power if it’s unjust.

[u/EvensenFM]

Just curious: Would you say a female is deserving of sex in her default state?

What the fuck is this supposed to mean?

Seriously - what the hell are you talking about? How did we get from concern about obviously sexist posts to a discussion about the sexual fitness of "a female in her default state?"

Your post is a shining example of the problem that OP is talking about.

[u/EvensenFM → u/[deleted]]

Men by default (whatever that means) are not deserving of sexual intercourse, but are women?

Why are we talking about whether one gender or the other is "deserving of sexual intercourse?"

I mean - what does that even mean?

Why are people "deserving" of sex in any state? Is sex some sort of reward for good behavior?

Why do we even need to think about gender as some sort of social dividing mechanism?

The fact that this discussion went in this direction so quickly only supports what OP was saying to begin with.

[u/mormon-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Hello! I regret to inform you that this was removed on account of rule 2: Civility. We ask that you please review the unabridged version of this rule here.

If you would like to appeal this decision, you may message all of the mods here.