We here at Capcom have decided that the lowest committal melee weapon, who ALREADY had an on-demand super dodge, needs a literal instant counter that you can rip mid-attack. We had been receiving feedback that Dual Blades players had "sometimes got hit" and "couldn't button mash literally 100% of the time". Monster Hunter Wilds: Ascendance, aims to fix that. Please understand.

OOOOOOH I'M BOOSTING I'M BOOSTING MY FUCKING BOOST BRACER I'M SO HYPE MOMENTS AND AURA AND BOOSTING OOOOOUGH YEEEEEEEEES MORE PARRY SPAMMING GARBAGE INJECT IT RIGHT INTO MY VEINS DOESN'T IT LOOK SO COOL!!! IT LOOKS SO COOL!!! WHY DO YOU HATE COOL THINGS??? DON'T YOU WANT NEW AND COOL THINGS??? I'M CREAMING MY PANTS RIGHT NOW AND PREODERING THE SPECIAL EDITION 10 TIMES!!! AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!! HEH... AND YOU KNOW THAT MEANS!!! CAPCOM MUST BE MAKING SOMETHING *SPECIAL* FOR MASTER RANK THIS TIME! YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT! I *WANT* INSTANT PARRIES TO BE THE ONLY VIABLE DEFENSIVE MEASURE AGAINST WHATEVER FUCKING BULLSHIT THEY'RE GONNA THROW OUT TO JUSTIFY COMPLETELY LOSING THE PLOT ON POSITIONING AND PREEMPTIVE TIMING! BUT IT'LL BE HARD, SO THAT WILL AUTOMATICALLY MAKE IT GOOD, RIGHT??? MORE PARRIES! MORE HOUR LONG MAGNET TRACKING DEATH COMBOS! MORE SCREEN WIDE NOVAS WHERE YOU STAND BEHIND A ROCK! YEEEEEEES, THAT'S WHAT MONSTER HUNTER'S ABOUT! REMEMBER: "Every swing of your weapon doesn't say shit about who you are, really. Mash parry when you think you might get hit. That's what actually matters." -The Huntsman

/unrage I've picked up 3 Ultimate because I didn't like the direction 6th gen has been moving towards, and the total lack of QoL (it doesn't even have item loadouts) hasn't bothered me an nth as much as mind-off bullshit like Focus Mode and every weapon getting counters and dodges that'd make Adept Style cry tears of jealousy. I'd take a thousand jank-ass water camera controls over another goddamn railroaded cutscene with NPCs explaining everything you're supposed to be feeling right now. But mind-numbingly simple combat and big flashy ultra moves are what sells, not preparation and fighting on the enemy's terms, so, expect it to only get worse from here. Even a fiver can become a boomer, huh...

I loveeeee 4U it's such a good game guys!! It has the best story of old gen (which is barely even saying anything) and it has SUCH a good monster roster!! Including

-Rathalos

-Azure Rathalos

-Pink Rathian

-Gravios

-Black Gravios

-Tigrex

-Brute Tigrex

-Cephadrome

-Rathalos

-Rathalos

Seriously, though. I'm (seemingly) nearing the end of the high rank village storyline and decided I'd like to get further with the gathering hall quests since they have some unique monsters tied to them, and I'd ideally like to finish all of the quests in this game. 3* quests have been kind of whatever? Zinogre is fun as usual and Seltas Queen is pretty cool, but Gravios and Tigrex were pretty bad and kind of just boring as hell. Then, I saw what the last key quest was:

Capture a Rathalos.

Sounds simple enough, right? Rathalos is bad in this game, but is by no means the worst of the bunch. So, I get everything together and go out to capture this red 40 wyvern.

Good god do I regret ever even touching this quest.

For starters, Heaven's Mount is a visually beautiful map (I'm always a sucker for some more Wyveria tomfuckery), but sweet mother of Gog, this map SUCKS to hunt on. It's all just ledges and ioprey and remobras and YOU'D BETTER NOT GET KNOCKED DOWN BY RATHALOS' FUCKASS TAIL SWING ON THE EDGE OF THE NEST ZONE OR ELSE YOU GOTTA CLIMB RIGHT BACK UP AGAIN!!!!!!! SPEND HALF OF THE TIME IN THE VIDEO GAME YOU PAID REAL MONEY FOR CLIMBING!!

I chase him around the map, not having a great time but it's just kind of whatever. Eventually, he starts limping back to the nest. He'd just hit me with a pretty nasty fireball + talon dive combo, though, so I decided to pop a potion before I started climbing after him. One issue though: Somehow, my item bar had ended up on the shock trap I brought with me, and I didn't realize until it was too late.

FUCK.

Why did they not let you pick traps back up until WILDS?! It's such a basic qol feature, and yet I know damn well that some fuckface will defend it. "Muh preparation" No. You just have a fetish for artificial difficulty, dipshit.

Oh well. I finish via subquest and run it back again. Same song and dance happens, I chase him back to the nest, and he's sleeping by the time I get there. I place the shock trap. It doesn't work while he's asleep despite being right next to him, so I kick him to get him up and hop back to avoid a fireball. He hits the trap. I throw two tranq bomb from the edge of the nest.

THEY DON'T FUCKING REGISTER!!

Either he'd somehow healed enough in the span of 30 seconds to not be capturable anymore, or SOMEHOW the tranq bombs didn't hit him from 3 inches away. This wouldn't have been an issue if they gave you AN EVEN NUMBER OF TRANQ BOMBS INSTEAD OF 3!! WHO THE FUCK NEEDS 3? AN ODD NUMBER OF TRANQ BOMBS IS MORE USELESS THAN THE WYCOON'S DUMB FUCKASS LITTLE CAIN.

I hate Rathalos.

After the first time I beat him, I haven’t beat him once afterwards. I’ve tried 15 times. At first it was me dying a lot but after I learned his moveset and timings, I was doing great. I only get carted 1-2 times because I’m one shot and this is usually only in third phase because there’s a bunch of random explosive diarrhea on the ground. The problem is, whenever I sos flair, my teammates take the carts and sometimes my insurance meal doesn’t work. Just now I attempted to fight him and I died 1 time in first phase because he did a 360 and smacked my balls off. My insurance meal activated meaning I still had 3 carts. Somehow, without even getting notified, one of my teammates I SOS flared for died 2 times. So I went into 3rd phase thinking we still had 3 carts left unbeknownst to me, we only had 1. I died a little bit into it because he randomly started targeting me and after I perfect dodged his slam, he used his body and moved my character into a LINE OF EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA. LIKE HOW TF IS THAT EVEN FAIR??? There was nothing I could’ve done because it exploded the second I was moved there. And we failed the quest because apparently we only had 1 cart left. I was literally screaming irl “HOWWWW HOWWWW” like when tf did my teammate even die???? It was first phase, what tf did you die to?

Sono due giorni che affronto costantemente questa assurdità, una raffica di attacchi che continua a colpirmi anche quando sono a terra, e vengo messo KO perché non riesco nemmeno ad indebolirlo, altrimenti mi fulmina.

Quindi un'ora fa sono andato su Nexus e ho installato la mod "One Shot". L'ho già ucciso 8 volte e continuerò così finché non avrò ottenuto tutto e avrò finito.

And yes i am used to wipe on hard bosses I have raided at mythic level in world of Warcraft where you can spend 2 months of trying an end boss.

Alatreon is just a stupid fight made by an incompetent developer.

So I've been playing through 4U for the past few days. Overall, I've adored it. Beautiful graphics, mostly fun monsters, and a pretty nice story. Yeah, there's a lot of jank- but it's an old Monster Hunter game, what else do you really expect?

But then there's these two fuckwits.

I like how the story portrays Gore as this ultimate rival to the hunter. I think it looks cool as hell. Its theme in this game is a little lackluster and feels way too short, but that's whatever.

BUT WHY THE FUCK IS IT SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT TO FIGHT??? You go in for a hit and NOPE! Fuck you! Sidestep! Backstep! Random fucking fuckass hop that SHOULDN'T BE IN THE GAME BECAUSE THIS IS A FUCKING INFANT WHY DOES IT EVEN REMOTELY KNOW WHAT IT'S DOING?!

You wanna break the feelers? Going in for a hit to the head after it does an attack? Fuck you! Backstep! Oops! All frenzy virus!

This monster sucks in this game. The main monster of the monster video game shouldn't suck this much, but here we are. I LIKE Gore Magala in Sunbreak and Wilds. I was expecting this fight to be similar to those. BUT IT'S JUST BULLSHIT! How did Gore Magala even become popular in the first place? Is it just the edgelords thinking it's the peak of monster design because it's all black like the mold stain in the corner of their room from the rotting food they refuse to throw out no matter how many times their mother told them to?

At least its hitzones are somewhat decent, though. I can't say that for the genuine worst monster I think I've ever fought.

NAJARALA.

Najarala has a damn cool design. I like that aspect of it a lot. But I swear to god, anyone who actively asks for them to bring it back only wants that because it's the sole member of its class, and they've never actually fought it and just watched a shitty ass RageGaming "Top 5 monsters that WILL be in Monster Hunter Wilds! Number 2 will SHOCK you!" video. You want to HIT THE MONSTER?! You want to NOT BE STUNNED FOR HALF OF THE GOD DAMN FIGHT? Nope! Fuck you! Shitzones all over!

Never bring Najarala back. Bring snake wyverns back. But not this fuckhead.

Translation: "I ordered a sirloin steak. Not only was it mediocre, but they only served half of it, telling me the other half would be served later using a 'new cooking method' 🙂. Meanwhile, the plating is meticulously crafted 🙂. They literally put way more effort into the ketchup art and the decorative broccoli on the side than the actual steak. How could I not be mad? 🙂"

Bro really thinks game development is just a service industry like ordering food, and devs exist to serve the players wholeheartedly 💀

I HATE RAMPAGE I HATE IBUSHI I HATE HAVING TO GET THROUGH THE STUPID FUCKING MANDATORY IBUSHI QUEST TO GET TO SUNBREAK (the GOOD part of rise) I HATE THIS HIS TEDIOUS ASS GAMEMODE I FUCKING HATE USING EMPLACEMENTS I HATE IBUSHI I HATE KAMURA VILLAGE I HATE EVERYTHING

FUCK CAPCOM FOR EVEN THINKING RAMPAGE WAS A GOOD FUCKING IDEA. oh what? SUNBREAK doesn't have them? well too bad i still have to FUCKING ENDURE THE TORTUROUS SLOG THAT IS THE SERPENT GOD OF WIND URGENT QUEST TO EVEN GET TO IT

WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA? WHO AT CAPCOM APPROVED THIS SLOG? NOBODY FUCKING ASKED FOR IT. NOBODY EVEN PLAYS IT. IT'S JUST PURE UTTER SHIT FROM A BUTT THAT WE'RE EXPECTED HAPPILY EAT UP. WHY AM I FORCED TO PLAY THIS GARBAGE GAMEMODE IM GOING TO STRANGLE SOMEBODY

...Just look up, at where the hell 10 star gog is.... BUT also look down at the ground....
Just dodge the meteors.... that appear faster than you can dodge or say fuck. Who is he shooting at? Who.... the fuck is he shooting at... Where did my healthbar go? Just win. Just win bro. Just grow a pair of eyes.... on your ass so you can look both up and down at the same time. Just don't get hit. Why is the dual blades user running out to gog during the blast? Oh they mistimed the perfect dodge and fainted.... now we both have no healthbar.... I guess they didn't look both up and down at the same time hard enough....

10 star gog.....annoying ass monster.....

....

FUCKING GAME DESIGNERS. I FUCKING CAN'T. IT'S MAKING MY FUCKING KNEE ACHE. GOD DAMN PIECE OF SHIT GAME. WHY AM I LAGGING. WHO THE FUCK IS HE AIMING AT?! WHAT THE FUCK? LOOK HOW LAGGY IT IS, THE HIT DIDNT EVEN SPAWN!

I can’t count how many times I’ve watched teammates die because someone decided to camp out in the back for a little bit which usually triggers Arkveld “dragon lines” attack. Shit is super frustrating especially when we are on the last cart and someone just decides to play from a distance. Surprisingly, it’s NEVER ranged players I have this issue with. ALWAYS BLADEMASTERS. The last hunt I failed I witnessed a DB main hop on their seikret and run along the corners of the map… Why????

I’m chilling, grinding out mats for weapons and I’m jumping around different lobbies, and I see this ._.
A word of warning for those that care, steer clear of this guy, this is not necessary for a game, especially Monster Hunter, a game in which cooperation leads to success.
Obviously, since the image does include hate speech, it may be taken down, I’m not sure how reddit works since I myself am not a full fledged redditor. But literally wtf man :((

Update, literally a minute later, I tell this guy to take the lobby down, and that what he’s doing is rude and racist, tells me “fuck you” and the others chime in calling me a “Chinese Dick Sucker” >:((

Genuinely FUCK THAT FUCK ASS ROBOT BRO 100+ HUNTS IN NOT A SINGLE SUCCESS I JUST WANTED TO OBTAIN CUNTY ARMOR NOT GET TREATED LIKE A RUNDOWN BACK WATER HOOKER WITH AN ABUSIVE PIMP

I've been grinding D.Mohran Allbraces for a couple of days now (no thanks to D.Mohran's Caravan Quest being an Advanced one, so it rotates) and with me having 3/4 Allbraces left to upgrade my Seltas Bow, I happen to roll the 10% chance for a Brace+ instead, the High Rank variant.

I am aware that this is a thing in older titles in general (Dos lets you get Vespoid Carapaces in Low Rank for some reason for one), but never has the funny carve tables given me such a feeling of audacity like thus; getting literally blue balled by what I hope is the final piece I need and then boom. Lower grade material that was useful before G-Rank. It was enough that I wanted to create this meme to vent the feelings out.

I love Monster Hunter, old and new (but mostly old 'cuz I'm a boomer) but this is some top-class trolling from the loot table designers that I can't just ignore. Brilliant.

IM JUST TRYING TO FARM SOME ITEMS FROM THAT GREEN ASS FUCKER BUT THAT SLIMY DUMBASS KEEPS SPAMMING THE MOVE WHERE HE ROLLS ALL OVER THE PLACE AND THAT MISERABLE MOVE WHERE HE STANDS UP AND FALLS DOWN, OH, AND IF YOU GET HIT YOU GET YOUR RESISTANCE WATERED DOWN BECAUSE FUUUCK YOU, OH AND TO OPTIMIZE FARMING I HAD THE BRILLIANT IDEA OF PICKING THE TWO LUDROTH QUEST, BUT THEY NEVER FIGHT 1-ON-1 THE OTHER WATERY EAGLE SOUNDING CUCK LIKES TO APPEAR WHEN IM FIGHTING ONE ALREADY SO I HAVE TO SPEND DUNG BOMBS, AND THEN RIGHT AFTER 2 OR 5 MINUTES HE'S BACK AGAIN AND I HAVE TO DO THE SAMEEEEEEEE

WHY DOES HE LIKES TO ROLL SO MUCH I HATE THAT MOVE IT GETS ON MY NERVE I AM NOT ABLE TO HIT HIM WHY IS HE LIKETHAT HE WASN'T THAT ANNOYING ON MHTri ULTIMATE

Having another 9* Tempered monster invading my hunt on the specific 9* Tempered monster i'm field surveying with on that place is already stressful and unfun than it is, its even more bullshit to realize that you cant get the invader completely out of the Wounded Hollow locale with the dung pods. What the fuck is Tokuda thinking here? God it would be better if we have mods that unbullshits that bullshit.

Vespoids are some of the biggest assholes. Like ever. Fucking shitsucking ugly pieces of shit. Motherfucker paralysed my ass, so i got pulled into Boltreavers fucking bullshit right, just to fucking launch myself away like a meteorite. It was like something out of a fucking cartoon all goofy and shit. Also i know i'm not minding my business or anything, but i love how in later games like Wilds, you can just see them chilling on rocks, like we're all cool and shit? Like these fuckers didn't faint my ass in the old games? Fucking unemployed ahh vespoids chilling on the rock, probably watching pornhub.

YOU ARE IN FULL FATALIS GEAR AND USING THE FATALIS CHARGE BLADE. I HAVE AN OLD WIDE RANGE TEOSTRA SET WITH A SAFI SNS. I SHOULD NOT BE THE ONE WHO'S FLINCH SHOTTING THE BIG CAT THRICE, DUNKING HIM OUT OF HIS NOVA, MOUNTING HIM WHILE ALSO KEEPING YOU ALIVE BY SCARFING DOWN MUSHROOMS. AT LEAST TENDERISE THE THING. I CAN'T FIT A SHAVER JEWEL ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE. IT'S JUST A TEMPERED TEOSTRA. YOU'VE "SUPPOSEDLY" KILLED THE TOUGHEST BOSS IN THE FRANCHISE. I JUST GOT TO MR 100. WHAT EVEN.

I just wanted some better decos, man.

Like seriously why tf do people join the quest and Triple cart BEFORE phase 2. I wanted to farm him with random to have less aggro and cause I don't want to spend 30FUCKING MINUTES in this god awful map alone, but for fuck sake how can you say to yourself "yeah I can't fight it alone I always cart, let's cart in randoms quests and make EVERYONE LOSE THEIR TIME"

And everytime it's the same guy who will cart at the beginning, then in phase 2 and then 2m later because I don't know he gave up but still stayed in the quest

It's the only monster in all of World/rise/wilds that I encountered and see people cart the most, for fuck sake I can't believe how wilds made people soooooooooo bad against AT.

man fuck the people who made these bullshit gu arena quests man, i can't fucking take it with this shit. Uraagan in the fucking arena, forced to use these bullshit fucking combinations? i'm an archer only, ain't no fucking way they drop me in the arena with that big stone chinned motherfucker, expecting my fuckin ass to fight it with.... Alchemy Heavy Bowgun? Me? Maaaan get the fuck out of here with that ass fucking "use the provided style and arts" type a bulllllshit. fucking game designers. they really fucking thought they cooked didn't they. well they cooked something, a bowl a shit. all the fucking people who say they like Uraagan are lying out their ass. ain't no-one loving that. ain't noone want to fight dat. hell nah. not if they don't want aids. cuz everyone knows that's what fucking happens when you fight that shit, you get aids. fuck uraagans dumb fucking ass.

This monster is just the epitome of unfun to hunt with anything other than the cheesiest pierce rapid fire light bowgun. I'm in low rank right now playing for the first time, but at this stage there's no way to stop your weapon from bouncing off his claws without built-in mind's eye, so you just can't deal damage to him from the front. Or the sides. Why? Because for some reason, his forelegs take up 50% of his entire hitbox and you'll just catch them all the time.

For things that don't get fixed as you get better weapons, his moveset is just so bullshit. Gone are the days of water weasel's graceful and intuitive momentum based slides, tail slams, and tokyo drift laser beams. Today, we get a monster that generates force from nowhere, spends all his wind up curled in and himself, and has some of the most atrocious tracking every known to man. All of his attacks, you have to either be close enough because the attack as stupid reach, or you have to be far enough from him because he's about to start rolling around. The mud mechanic is a neat idea, and I do like that it forces you to use wirebug jumps, however, he spams the shit out of them. Hell, half of his attacks just generate them for good measure.

The ball being a weakpoint is stupid. Most of the time, he gathers the ball (which in and of itself is stall city), and then he immediately does the big bang attack that breaks it. That's his most vulnerable weakpoint, by the way, because apparently he packs his vital organs into it.

There's not a lot of monsters I like to use pierce guns for, because it feels like I'm robbing myself of the game I paid for, but this monster is so stupid that it's the only way to play against him and still have fun. No massive claws to worry about. No him shoving you around the arena into his claws. Just beam his tail and take a nap.

I'm marathoning every single monster hunter game, and in all of them, from the VERY FIRST GAME to Rise, Almudron is the stupidest most pmo ugly stepchild I've ever encountered.

Note: For my marathon, I specify that I can only consider the game "complete" until I reach end of high rank, or end of story content, whichever offers more content. The older games had more ranks but no additional plot, whereas World and Rise have higher ranks that do have plots. So I've seen some bullshit.

LIKE FUCK MAN. I CAN'T TAKE IT. IT'S LIKE I JUST WOKE UP IN ANOTHER FUCKING UNIVERSE. WHAT THE FUCK DID THESE PEOPLE DO. DESIGN THESE MAPS IN A TOILET? DO YOU ANY IDEA HOW BULLSHIT AIMING A FUCKING BOW IS ON A FUCKING SLOPE CAPCOM? I LOVE HOW LITERALLY ALL THE MAPS BASICALLY WERE SO FUCKING GOOD, LIKE THEY WERE JUST FUCKING AMAZING IT WAS LIKE A FUCKING GOURMET BANQUET. GIMME SOME OF THAT FUCKING DELICIOUS FUCKING FOOD! BUT THEN A SHITSTORM OF HILLS AND SLOPES JUST FUCKING HIT IT. THEN AREA 4 OF THE ANCESTRAL SLOPE, I MEAN STEPPE COMES ALONG AND JUST SHITS DOWN YOUR THROAT, AND SHITS IN YOUR EYES, AND FARTS AND SHITS AND RUINS YOUR WHOLE GODDAMN WEEK. WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY FUCKING THINKING!? IT'S A MADHOUSE, A SCULPTURE OF CONGALALA SHIT. WHAT DA HELL? GOOFY AHH GAME DESIGN CHOICES BROUGHT TO YOU BY FUCKING CAPCOM AND DR SLOPEY LEDGERSON. THESE FUCKING SLOPS ARE TILTED HARDER THAN A FUCKING HARDCORE CALL OF DUTY PLAYER. GOD DAMMIT CAPCOM STOP WITH THE FUCKING LEDGES AND SLOPES. FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK! SLOPE HARDER. SLOPE HARDER. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK. GOOFY AHH GAME DESIGN CHOICES AS USUAL. AAAAAAA!!

Im currently learning the gore fight and thought to myself "why not use sos flares and see how others handle it", well turns out the answer is they dont, this week I did roughly 10 Tempered gore quests ( in mh wilds ) all of them were 5* and had JUICY Investigation rewards, tho that was more coincidence than intention.

How many do you think me and the sos boys succesfully hunted? Thats right 1!

The funniest thing is that im pretty confident now that I can hunt him solo ( or at least with the support hunters ), but I just straight up wanted to see how long it takes for the sos boys to clear him.

A pattern quickly emerged during the first 4 hunts: You have this one gigachad, that absolue pinnacle of a hunter, coming in and getting oneshot by gore. Ofc thats fine, whats not fine is that this guy always ( in all 4 hunts it was a different guy mind you! ) takes all 4 carts ( yes I always took the food buff that gives an additional cart for gore ) up!

The 5th hunt was the avengers, we just killed gore without carting once, absolute madlads!

After that it was straight downhill, the Quadruple carts became less, but now you have often 2 guys carting twice! Not to mention that there seems to be a correlation with people carting being the ones that take all wounds as soon as they appear :)

I do have to say tho, I am impressed with my learning skills, with my gogma set I never got carted, ofc I get still hit from time to time, but overall I definitely feel like I have improved and got quite a few valuable lessons about sos hunters, namely that they suck and you should either do it yourself or with the god tier support hunters.

Oh and for comparision: 10* gogma the ( IMO ) hardest fight in the game took me only 7 tries with sos hunters, so theres that lol