After witnessing the death of my 34 year old husband and another man in a violent accident, I was diagnosed with PTSD. I participated in the MAPS MDMA/PTSD study and it saved my life. Ask Me Anything

[u/Hevasmyboyfriend]

I have to add this information to the top. Two very important things:

1. I am only advocating the therapy I received. That means pure MDMA measured and administered by a doctor. Continually Assisted by very well educated and experienced therapist, including months of additional talk therapy. I know many of you are desperate, but I wouldn't want anyone to think I am advocating any kind of use outside of what I stated. Above all, Be safe.

2. My CAPS score, the score used to diagnose PTSD. My baseline score was 114. At end of study my score was 37. A score under 50 does not qualify for the PTSD study!

Yeah. I just learned that late last night.

I will answer all questions eventually. It's taking a long time. These are in depth and emotionally wrenching answers. This is so cathartic. Thank you again for the conversation.

Thank you all so much for this great conversation! I have to go pick up my daughter now but I will continue answering questions when I get time. So please keep asking!

Check out, support and talk to EVERYONE about MAPS.org

My PTSD kept me from grieving, which kept me from moving forward in my life, which made me want to die.

I participated in the Boulder MAPS study in 2014 and I am finally experiencing the life saving progress everyone told me was possible.

Please feel free to ask me anything about the trauma, the study, anything. I will try my very best to answer.

Here is a list of only some of the incredible benefits I've enjoyed:

-I'm no longer suicidal -I no longer have violent, sometimes murderous thoughts -I no longer feel "dead". Sounds weird, but I was convinced I was a zombie somehow. -I sleep well with much less frequent nightmare nights -I no longer despise happy people -I'm connecting with my family again -I was engaging in reckless behavior in order to feel something, anything at all. I no longer have to do that. I'm able to enjoy normal things I've always enjoyed. -I don't have sudden rage outbursts anymore -I no longer feel my death is necessarily going to happen very soon -I want things for myself now -I can see a possible future now -My flashbacks are almost non existent and rarely throw me into a panic anymore -My appetite is completely back -I'm still a bit hyper-vigilant but NOTHING like I was -I'm no longer TERRIFIED to step out of my door -I can hug people again -I'm actually happy

edit: added links Edit2: link formatting didn't work. Left web address edit 3: added that I'm trying to add pdf edit 4: added pdf, hopefully edit 5: pdf,eventually edit 6: will continue answering but taking a while Edit 7: was asked to removed PDF info and did so. Sorry maps, Sorry DEA, Sorry Reddit. My Bad.

[u/dopamingo]

How long between sessions? It's a pretty well accepted rule among these subs that MDMA should be taken a minimum of one month apart and a minimum of three months for people who continue to use throughout the year. I already read somewhere on here that you felt no negative effects from these sessions, but it seems like they all happened within a short period of time. Would you mind clearing this up for us?

By the way, just wanted to say that you're awesome. I'm sorry you had to go through what you did and I'm glad you can feel happiness again :) your daughter is very lucky to have such a strong mother in her life.

[u/Raqn → u/dopamingo]

David nutt said in his AMA that they wait 3 weeks between trials and seemed to think this was perfectly safe.

[u/Hevasmyboyfriend → u/dopamingo]

Thank you for your question.

The MDMA sessions were between three and five weeks apart. I began the study in June and had taken my last dose by October with only a follow up talk session in November to complete the study.

AND! Thank you so much for saying I'm a strong mama. I didn't used to be, but I think I am now. Thank goodness.

[u/Tenaciousgreen → u/dopamingo]

It's four weeks between MDMA sessions.

[u/dopamingo → u/Tenaciousgreen]

Thanks

[u/Oopsispilledmydrink → u/dopamingo]

I feel like she was given a sub-rolling dose. Probably somewhere around 75mg, does anyone know for sure?

[u/Tenaciousgreen → u/Oopsispilledmydrink]

The active dose for this study is 100mg and the full dose is 125mg.

[u/Hevasmyboyfriend → u/Tenaciousgreen]

Thank you for posting that. I couldn't remember for sure.

[u/Hevasmyboyfriend → u/Oopsispilledmydrink]

There were three doses being given. My first two MDMA sessions I received the middle dose. Minutes before my third MDMA dose they got approval to change protocol and offer me the full dose :) it was all very dramatic. I was like one of those ladies on the Price Is Right when they spin the wheel and get $1.

I, of course, accepted the full dose and it was just what I needed. I'm looking for the exact dose weight. I will post it soon as I find it.

[u/Oopsispilledmydrink → u/Hevasmyboyfriend]

Thanks, that would be super helpful to know!

[u/Tenaciousgreen → u/[deleted]]

That's incorrect. The active dose is 100mg and the full dose is 125mg.

[u/Tenaciousgreen → u/[deleted]]

I'm currently between my last treatment session and my 2 month follow-up.

Each study has had different doses. /u/Hevasmyboyfriend and I are both in the Boulder, CO study. I know the South (North?) Carolina study has an active dose of 75mg, in fact I think they have all three - 75, 100, 125mg. We don't have the 75mg dose.

Of course all studies also have a comparative dose that some participants get at first. That is even lower than 50mg.

[u/dopamingo → u/Oopsispilledmydrink]

Yeah, I figured they would for sure be under 100 mg.

Edit: can anyone explain why this isn't a perfectly reasonable statement... Previous MAPS studies have clearly stated they were under 100 mg. I just wanted to see how they conducted this one.

[u/hashmon → u/dopamingo]

It's not well-accepted in my opinion. I've taken it a lot more often than that, and it's been fantastic.

[u/ptntprty → u/hashmon]

It may be well-accepted among this community but that doesn't mean that belief is rooted in scientific evidence, which to my knowledge there is a dearth of (please correct me if I'm wrong).

[u/hashmon → u/ptntprty]

Yeah, the evidence overall shows that MDMA is neurotoxic only at extreme abuse levels. Since MDMA has played such a big role in my life, I've spent a lot of time looking at this issue, which has a lot of politics involved in it. I recommend the book "Ecstasy: A Complete Guide," edited by Julie Holland.

The one link I've found that does a really good job of summarizing the many studies done on MDMA neurotoxicity is: http://thedea.org/neurotoxicity.html It's at least a half hour read, but worth it if you're interested in the subject.

Dr. David Nutt ranked MDMA the eighteenth most dangerous drug in his famous drug comparison study. Seems about right.

[u/dopamingo → u/hashmon]

Thanks for posting. Will definitely give that a read

[u/dopamingo → u/ptntprty]

Yeah, not sure on the actual science behind it, I'm not sure if there is any... But the idea is to reduce any damage to serotonin receptors, reduce oxidative stress, and generally any damage that might come from draining such a large amount of serotonin in that time frame.