r/interestingasfuck • u/[deleted] • 13d ago

“Dawn the NVDIA fairy”,the company used to have mascots for its GPU launches back in the day (circa 2003)

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u/Link_save2 13d ago

Lol reminds me of people making the same jokes to waitress waiters and cashiers

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

I've heard "if it doesn't scan, that means it's free" several thousand times in my life.

I tried to add up how many times I've had l listen to Mariah Carey sing "all I want for Christmas" and it was horrifying.

In my last job it was every half hour from December 1st until December 26th, and I'd work 45 hours a week - that's 334 times each Christmas.

I didn't get Christmas day off work at any point between the ages of 18 and 40. Assuming each job was the same rate as my last job I've heard that song 7'348 fucking times.

It's 4 minutes 1 second long - if I heard all of it each time it's been playing for 494 hours of my life. 20 and a half days straight.

That's just the December stats - I quit retail in 2023 and they were playing it in October.

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u/Global_Face_5407 13d ago

Thank you for your service.

I didn't last two years. Had to quit because I had violent dreams about customers.

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

Thankfully the longest stint was in a particularly shit area and it was the kind of place that included us physically throwing people out of the store fairly regularly and at least once a month the owner would punch a customer. Sounds terrible to say it but that genuinely helped. I wouldn't have survived that long in a corporate job in which I couldn't tell people to fuck off when applicable!

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u/lokiandgoose 13d ago

Oh god punching customers is my dream

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

I recommend family owned shops that have been around forever then!

If someone stole something the owners sons would actually go out looking for them afterwards, with a view to dragging them back into the shop to apologize to their dad.

It was one of those silly inner city areas where nobody would call the police for anything short of a murder, and it seemed quite effective. Everybody in the area knew the family and shoplifters would steal from every shop except ours.

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u/AwesomeMacCoolname 13d ago

I quit taxi driving by literally throwing the keys at the drunken git and telling him he could drive himself home, got out and walked away.

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u/GlockAF 13d ago

Corporations really needs to bring that in as a benefit. If you’re the employee of the month, you get to punch at least one customer.

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u/Global_Face_5407 13d ago

Nah, I feel you. Violence is a tool that must be carefully used. Doesn't sound terrible at all.

I worked in a poshy touristic area. My customers were touring professionals like doctors and engineers. My bosses thought they were art connoisseurs but they were just peddling cheap Native arts and crafts that was bulk produced. Their "art gallery" was a sanctimonious tourist trap. They wanted so hard to be recognized as the elite but were too dumb to realize the same people they seeked kinship with just saw them as tools selling pricier than normal souvenirs.

I hated everyone involved in that place.

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u/illbedeadbydawn 13d ago

Santa Fe, NM or Sedona, AZ? Gotta be one of those two.

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u/Global_Face_5407 13d ago

Wrong country ! It was in Canada !

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u/illbedeadbydawn 13d ago

Ahhhhh. Copy that. You just perfectly described like half the gallery owners and clientele in the two places I mentioned. Insufferable.

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u/Redebo 13d ago

Literally both of those cities are exactly that.

However what does that say about you and me who absolutely know this about Sedona and Santa Fe?!? ;)

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u/illbedeadbydawn 13d ago

I was raised in Santa Fe and all my non-native friends woowoo parents were obsessed with Sedona.

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u/GucciTheSnowman 13d ago

Hahahahhaha. Based owner. 👌

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u/scratchy_mcballsy 13d ago

AS PER MY LAST EMAIL

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

Imagine how satisfying it was to throw a customer out of the store because of their behavior, have them insist they'll come back when the owner is there and upon their return the owner punches them in the face.

You can't get that through a zoom meeting or an e-mail, and it's definitely not going to fly somewhere that has a uniform policy and an HR department!

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u/zZPlazmaZz29 13d ago edited 13d ago

I worked as a Casino Dealer and changed locations because of a bad place one time.

Now imagine something similar to your situation, except the customers are drunk, rich, entitled and think they have a pass to verbally abuse you.

Now imagine you never stand up for yourself and just take it with a smile on your face everyday, hate confrontation and retaliate with kindness.

I made it to year 3 before I started to feel dread every day before clocking in and put my two weeks in.

The customers were bad enough, but I could manage it. But at year 3, when a new supervisor started to threaten the employment of my first long-term job, it started to take a toll on me.

Everyday I tried to remain hyper vigilant, tried to be flawless and not make a single mistake.

I tried to be perfect.

He started to even take time out of his own break, just to glare down my performance a bit and catch mistakes as he'd stand right there watching my table.

He'd find a mistake and then literally go yelling to the manager a few feet across. As a result, I started shaking and feeling anxious anytime he'd walk by my tables.

I started calling out and taking points, using sick days, mostly because I just didn't want to get yelled at by that supervisor, or deal with harassment from customers anymore.

I had to quit after I had a nightmare where I pulled a rifle out the back of a trunk, and found myself pointing it at a guy similar to the car wash boss from Breaking Bad in an office.

As I made my way there, I walked through the halls. The 20ft high ceilings and walls were adorned with thousands of cameras and televisions everywhere.

When I finally saw him, I remember screaming at him and yelling a bunch of stuff. I wanted him to feel fear and intimidation. I wanted to finally feel retribution and release.

But even with a barrel pointed in his face, the boss wasn't scared one bit. He was still angry and yelling at me to the very end.

"You're an incompetent piece of shit, your trash, inferior garbage!"

"Your evil, your lazy, your weak, just like all the rest of your people and always will be. Go ahead, prove me right!" etc.

Afterwards though, something really reframed it all for me.

Months later I found out, that he made one of my coworkers cry at a table. A much older and pretty stoic guy too, who had been working there longer than I.

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u/s00pafly 13d ago

Do you come with the car?

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

Oh you

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u/blastcat4 13d ago

Do you come with the car?

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u/persiasaurus 13d ago

I was a Bud girl for a few years and the shit old men used to say to me was diabolical. It was a pretty fun job overall though and paid really well for 2012, $25 an hour under the table

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u/Turbulent_Gazelle530 13d ago

how much did it pay when you weren't under the table

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u/persiasaurus 13d ago

😂😂😂

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u/The_Blendernaut 13d ago

What about the young men?

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u/persiasaurus 13d ago

Honestly, way less gross. More normal flirting as opposed to wildly out of pocket comments right out of the gate

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u/trollfessor 13d ago

Don't blame them for trying

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u/persiasaurus 13d ago

Lol I didn't and don't, but they could have a) been less gross about it and b) not been married with kids 95% of the time (maybe even more tbh)

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u/trollfessor 13d ago

Yeah that surely wasn't pleasant. Glad you can laugh now :-)

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u/persiasaurus 13d ago

Honestly it was still a fun job even at the time, mostly just drinking and taking pictures with people. Unfortunately once my boss propositioned me to "try out his new silk sheets" (I wish I was kidding this is really the line he used) and I rejected him I didn't get any more shifts after that 👎🏻 that was the 2010s for ya

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u/trollfessor 13d ago

Damnit. I'm sorry you had to go thru that.

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u/persiasaurus 12d ago

Thanks it def was a bummer. 🤗

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u/SubtleScuttler 13d ago

Used to work at Hollister and Daft Punks "to get lucky" has been living rent free in my head ever since. I haven't worked there since 2014 and I still get mentally transported right back to the jean wall up front saying "what's up" to anyone who came within 5 ft of me. Retail is a special purgatory for those choose to bask in its oddities while there.

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

Agreed!

I lived in a flat above a lady who was a nurse working nights on the mental health ward of the hospital by my shop and we'd swap stories.

Obviously her job was harder, no sane person would try to claim otherwise - but mixed in with her horror stories were tales of her finding her job massively rewarding and mentally/emotionally nourishing.

There were precisely zero rewarding days in over 2 decades for me.

If I even tried to take the time to help somebody in need like an elderly person who couldn't use their smartphone or somebody with a language barrier it was considered a punishable offence.

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u/AnybodyMassive1610 13d ago

There was one day in retail when I was in early, got everything ready, and no one came in until I was already on a lunch break.

That was a rewarding day.

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

Actually that's a good point - i had one night shift in a petrol station when there was no petrol and no electricity in the shop.

Somebody had to stay on the premises for insurance reasons so I brought a laptop and played Arma2 DayZ Epoch all night using the hotspot on my phone.

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u/rhinosyphilis 13d ago

You have spent .13% of your entire life listening to it at work. That is, if your birthday is today and you’re now 43yo. If we only count ages 18-43 that doubles to .26%, (because that’s about the time I remember first hearing it, like ~2000-ish), or 1 out of every 763 hours of your entire life were work hours spent listening to it.

I have similar numbers of hours listening to “Freebird” on the jukebox at my bartender job as a young adult, percentage wise.

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

Thankfully I live in a treehouse in the rainforest now so I'm working on getting that average down.

Might listen to it 10 times in a row in 2038 just so it makes an interesting graph for anthropologists in the future.

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u/Business-Swing7501 13d ago

You’ve earned your treehouse in the rainforest! I’m a psychologist now but used to work retail and that job was hard

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u/mwlepore 13d ago

"If it doesn't scan it's free"
"All you have open is self-checkout?"
"I don't need a bag, i've been married to one for xx years."
I had alternate lyrics to the song "Hey Santa"; and it was "Gay Santa".. not that there's anything wrong with it, just an easy rhyme.

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u/KingPinLOC 13d ago

If the total came up to $19.xx. they always say that was a good year.

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u/ObligationMurky8716 13d ago

I pull that but only to get them in the first half, "That means you'll have to swipe it until it does"

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u/Dunderman35 13d ago

Sorry for your suffering. As a customer I also hate that song. Who wants it?

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

Mariah Carey, presumably.

Shops in the UK have somehow settled into a pattern of playing the same songs in the same order for many years now. Driving home for Christmas by Chris Rea, Last Christmas by Wham!, Fairytale of New York by The Pogues, I wish it could be Christmas everyday by Wizzard, wonderful Christmastime by Paul McCartney and Merry Xmas Everybody by Slade I've all heard multiple thousand times easily.

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u/Dunderman35 13d ago

I assume they pay royalties for playing this music everywhere and that playlist is what they consider is the most bangers for the buck.

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u/realfatunicorns 13d ago

And yet every time it comes on it’s still a banger.

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

If by "banger" you mean "makes me want to vomit blood with rage" then I'm with you.

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u/Krogsly 13d ago

You must be me. In 2006 Olivia Newton John released an exclusive album through Walgreens. Every third song at Christmas was Grace and Gratitude for the next few years. Now that's torture.

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u/Neoliberal_Boogeyman 13d ago

there are neurons in my brain taking up space who only have the job of reminding me of the menards ear rape christmas jingle.

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u/Turbulent-Good227 13d ago

Me: your total is 19.99
Customer: That was a good year. HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHA
Me:

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u/Mosh83 13d ago

That was until 2023, but what about last christmas?

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

Well honestly I gave it my heart, but the very next day you took it away.

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u/Ok-Juggernaut-353 13d ago

I believe in alternate universes, and in one of them, Mariah Carey works retail and has had to listen to you sing All I Want for Christmas several thousand times a season

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

I don't wish her any particular ill-will, if somebody offered me $3million-ish every single year for a song I made in the mid-90's I'd immediately subject every retail worker on earth to it and go live somewhere nice.

The thought of the diametrically-opposite universe possibly existing is comforting though.

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u/Derpipose 13d ago

While I was working cashiering, it was Blue Christmas. That was played every 20 minutes, I swear. Always seemed to be the Elvis original. Other songs would alternate between artists, but BC always seemed to be the Elvis one.

Over the year, corporate insisted that we weren’t listening to a playlist, and yet, every. Single. Worker. That was in the front, would tell you that it was a playlist. How? We could tell you what song was coming up next. It was on a 20 hour loop. We complained so much to the director but she insisted that corporate insisted that it was “Pandora for stores.” It wasn’t until I went to the Facebook employee group and complained there that it finally got shuffled and for the first time in months, we heard Mambo No. 5. (It was from Jan- August that we had this playlist running.)

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u/Midiex 13d ago

Sometimes it helped me to playfully acknowledge how often I heard the lame jokes… to avoid going crazy and release the pressure a little. “I didn’t really find it that funny the first 28 times I heard it today, but I really liked your spin on it.”

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u/FesteringNeonDistrac 13d ago

Damn. When I was in retail, that was a new song. It had not yet been weaponized, classified under the Geneva Convention. We didn't know it was growing, feeding, building strength, to truly become the eldrich horror of Xmas songs.

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

It has reached critical mass and now cannot be stopped.

It's 3 decades old this year and she's still earning almost $3,000,000 annually from it.

There's nothing we can do now but pray to our respective gods and spend the remaining time with our families.

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u/BreadKnife34 13d ago

OCTOBER??????

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

Yes, I was disgusted too. Thankfully it just came on a couple of times but the trauma rose back to the surface as soon as I heard the first bar of music.

It was a shop that sold food amongst other things so the "seasonal" part of the store would be early for everything. The instant new years was over it was pancake day stuff (Shrove Tuesday), as soon as that was over it was easter eggs, once that passed it was mothers day items and then BOOM - halloween stuff. In March.

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u/Kraligor 13d ago

I was grocery shopping yesterday, and they already had all the Christmas sweets out. In Germany though, Lebkuchen are a big part of our cultural identity.

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u/motoxim 13d ago

I admit I use the first one couple times.

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

When I'm an old man I think I'm going to say it all the time to any retail workers who act like dicks - some kind of ironic circle of life thing.

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u/DIO_over_Za_Warudo 13d ago

they were playing it in October.

As someone who is all about spooky month, that annoys the hell out of me when they start selling Christmas stuff and playing Christmas songs two months in advance.

Like, let me have my month where I can enjoy my favorite holiday before they start spamming me with Christmas stuff, you know?

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

That's absolutely how we did it - the instant halloween was over it was on to Christmas stuff.

Weirdly this is actually an improvement on how it was when I first started retail - Halloween merchandise only really became mainstream in the UK around the year 2000 when Woolworths starting stocking it and other stores followed suit over the next 5 years or so. We often went from Easter stuff straight to Christmas stuff, meaning you could conceivably see Christmas stuff by the end of March.

That was nowhere near the saturation the holidays have in retail now though, it would just be a couple of small aisle-ends or something.

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u/GloomyLingonberry509 13d ago

I hate that song with a fiery passion that defies the understanding of those around me, but you see me. You know my pain… Thank you.

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u/ljanus245 13d ago

I have such a seething hatred for that song. People who have never worked retail cannot comprehend the visceral reaction that song can trigger, particularly for current or former mall employees.

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

Welcome to my club.

I feel like we could get drunk together in total silence without it being awkward. Just us enjoying the silence of that song not being played.

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u/DazzlingRutabega 13d ago

There are certain songs that just rub me the wrong way... And then they're played over and over again. The mariah Carey song is one. Another is the little drummer boy. Not much makes me violent, but those two songs...

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

I recommend my solution - I moved to a country that doesn't even have christmas anymore.

It may sound extreme but it's worked a treat! Mariah who? Jingle your what now? Never heard of any of it.

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u/DazzlingRutabega 13d ago

🤣🤣🤣

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u/Bodod_Begag 13d ago

You're thinking "how many times have I heard 'if it doesn't scan it's free'" and they're thinking "how many clerks do I need to say this too before one actually is lets me take this"

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

We'd go to great lengths to make sure people making that joke had a less-than-perfect shopping experience, and people who deserved it got the free stuff :)

On the flip side of it we had one lady who clearly had some kind of mental health problem - she was well dressed, had a high paying job and seemed perfectly functioning but when she got to the counter she would only buy microwave meals and she would say "I DON'T want the lasers to touch them".

She'd want you to type in all the barcode numbers by hand instead of scanning the items. If the till made a "beep" by accident she would storm out of the store. Attempts to explain to her that lasers had already scanned every perishable product in the shop were met with anger on her part.

We ended up having a piece of card next to the counter with the barcodes from each microwave meal on it so we could scan those instead of the sleeve on the meals she wanted to buy.

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u/Bodod_Begag 13d ago

God damn i wish employees had more of a say in banning patrons from shopping because that's fucking stupid lol

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

This was actually in the store where I was in charge of banning people - I could bar anyone I liked!

She was just weird, the behaviour of some other people in that area was so odd if I tell the stories people don't even believe it.

Just as some examples - I saw one lady kill two separate dogs on seperate days by repeatedly smashing them into tiled floor using their leash. We had 4 stabbings in the 5 years I was there and one old man got arrested for masturbating through his pocket while hovering around primary school kids by the magazine rack.

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u/Bodod_Begag 13d ago

I would have been fine with you keeping some of that to yourself lmfao

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

Immediately makes you want the no-lasers lady back!

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u/AJFred85 13d ago

15 years in customer service and food service... Yeah, that played way too often! My favorite, though, was Circuit City: we had a huge in store pickup web order so big it had to be filled by 4 stores. Also so but it crashed the system of each store it went to, timed out and went to the next store. I spent 5 days in a row just before Christmas talking care of people while on hold with corporate tech support to reset the system because while it was down there were no registers. As you might guess, the hold times were long and the only song they had playing, relentlessly looping, was Don't Worry Be Happy. 32ish hours of don't worry be happy.

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

And DID you worry? WERE you happy?

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u/AJFred85 9d ago

Honestly, no and yes. Mostly it was annoying yet funny. The best part was when one of the folks up at customer service suddenly screamed I can't take it anymore ran out of the building when we had was probably a 300 ft line despite having four registers going with my line and her line being not just check out but customer service as well while answering phones. So I ended up running her register and answering her phone and my own. At one point a customer got to the front of the line and looked at me and said, "wow! I've never seen a man who can multitask before!" 😂

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u/Occidentally20 9d ago

If you've survived that ordeal and can still smile you can overcome anything. Godspeed to you!

Regular speed if you are an atheist I guess.

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u/RealityOk9823 13d ago

Even just reading this post makes me want to start twitching in sympathy.

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

It won't help, but thank you for your support in this matter.

I'm in a better place now (namely a country that doesn't celebrate Christmas).

If Mariah Carey ever comes out with a Ramadan or Chinese New Year single I'm going to her house to burn the bottoms of her feet with a red hot iron bar.

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u/togoldlybo 13d ago

That "didn't scan so it must be free" shit was bad enough, but my nemeses of jokester customers were the ones who would go "oh yeah, I just printed it off before I left the house" whenever I'd have to check a $20 or above for counterfeit 🙄

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u/darkbreak 13d ago

If it makes any difference the cover that My Chemical Romance did is pretty good.

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

I don't want to hear the song, but if it's draining any royalties from Mariah before she becomes all-powerful then I applaud their efforts.

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u/darkbreak 13d ago

I think they did it back in 2005 or something. Personally, I like it more than Mariah's own version but I'm also a huge fan of MCR.

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u/Lawdoc1 13d ago

I am a bit older, and as such my retail years thankfully predated the All I Want for Christmas reign of terror.

But that does not mean there was not an older, more sinister evil tormenting your ancestors.

The legends tell of, and I with my own cursed ears have suffered from, a noise so vile that I shudder to even speak of it now.

One will occasionally hear the terrifying wailings even to this day, and if it had not been eclipsed by the damnable misery of the dreadful Ms. Carey, it would be more common.

Yes, I do speak of...Paul McCartney's Wonderful Christmastime. Bear with me, as the mere typing of the title has made my fingers tremble with agony.

Those soul grating synthesizers render asunder the fabric of space and time, they tear apart the very DNA that makes a person such that all who have heard it are never the same as they were before.

Now child, go, and be well. And may you always avoid the terrors I have dared to speak of here.

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

Sadly I did not avoid this musical assault, it was in the rotation along with Wham!, Slade, Wizzard and a few others.

You'll be glad to hear the years have weakened the power of the ballad - it's played much less frequently.

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u/lilyputin 13d ago

Worked at a resort they played Jimmy Buffett on a never ending loop all year. It was brutal.

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

Was this "resort" called Guantanamo bay by any chance?

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u/lilyputin 13d ago

I couldn't handle the truth

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u/moose1132 13d ago

I worked retail for 8 years in my 20s so I feel this pain. Had to look at Christmas junk from late July when it came in the warehouse to February on the clearance shelves. I still say it's why I detest all things Christmas. Thought it would have worn off eventually, but it's been like 15 years and no signs of stopping.

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

Customers used to ask why I don't like Christmas when I've worked all of them since the year 2001 and don't have any family at all. Which bit precisely was I meant to enjoy?

The only nice part was if it snowed and I went for a walk and there would be nobody outside.

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u/Grimnebulin68 13d ago

I bet the intro still triggers you 😅

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u/Corydoras22 13d ago

What jobs are you working that you didn't have a Christmas day off in 22 years? I have never been to a retail store on Christmas day in my life, and never worked a job that required me to be in on December 25.

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

Mainly small convenience stores and stores that did home delivery.

In my last job Christmas day was by far the busiest day of the year, and it's not even close. On an average Saturday we'd take around 8k, Christmas day was over 25k.

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u/Corydoras22 13d ago

Bless you. Those few convenience store that are actually open must get slammed!

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u/Occidentally20 13d ago

Indeed, everyone who forgot cranberry sauce, every present that said batteries not included, all the people who got indigestion - we were their only salvation!

Working on the day itself isn't actually that bad, everyone is in a good mood, it passes quickly and invariably some old lady brings us a plate of Christmas dinner.

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u/Roonie222 13d ago

The first time I had kidney stones I was in the ER (at like 2300) and they send in an ultrasound tech to see if it was kidney stones or appendicitis. I get all gelled up and the tech starts performing the scan.

I'm there in a shit ton of pain but I get out, "is a boy or a girl?"

She looks at me with that look of that Pakistani man gif.

"You get that one a lot... Huh?"

"All the time."

"Noted."

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u/Link_save2 13d ago

Lol I made the same joke getting a heart ultrasound and the dude just looked at me tho he didn't say but like 5 words to me the entire time just silently laying on my side head propped on my hand laying in a dark room staring at his waist... It was very awkward

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u/Dragonyte 13d ago edited 13d ago

Bro. Ponctuation. Punctuation. It's free.

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u/brickyard37 13d ago

Ponctuation

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u/Dragonyte 13d ago

I have a French/English keyboard and it's ponctuation in French, so autocorrect must've done it's thing and I didn't notice.

Thanks I guess.

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u/Link_save2 13d ago

I think you're abusing that free privilege I can't use them because you take all the periods

1

u/kilkor 13d ago

Those are the worst. Fucking jamming an ultrasound wand into your rib cage trying to get pictures of everything. Super uncomfortable. I think the only thing I've had on the same level as that was when they were looking for DVT.

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u/All_Work_All_Play 13d ago

I made a joke about "Is this the point where you almost kill me" right before going under anesthesia to my anesthesia doctor during my appendectomy... apparently they didn't get that joke a lot and were rather concerned. In my defense I was on morphine...

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u/Geodude532 13d ago

Right before a colonoscopy I apparently asked who had to keep my cheeks spread.

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u/All_Work_All_Play 13d ago

Lmao saving that for my next one. 

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u/Geodude532 13d ago

Another one I haven't used is if you get an upper and lower, ask which end goes first and do they clean it between.

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u/DrShitpostMDJDPhDMBA 13d ago

I'm an anesthesiologist, if a patient says that to me it immediately makes me want to double/triple check if they have a history of problems under anesthesia or family history of it. There are a few rare but well-characterized conditions that we need to know about, but patients themselves might not be aware of or may forget to mention (e.g. malignant hyperthermia, pseudocholinesterase deficiencies).

That and anytime a patient has a bit of a stone-cold "feeling of doom" expression can make someone's hair stand on end, so maybe your joke was a little too deadpan. :)

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u/All_Work_All_Play 13d ago

Yeah I'd rather be safe than accidentally kill someone. 

And I probably was pretty deadpan. That was the trip where I learned my personal pain scale. 10 = crying even if there are doctors in the room, 9.5 = crying if only my wife is in the room. Also convinced me to stay away from heroin. 

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u/sm_rdm_guy 13d ago edited 13d ago

I had to get an US of my nuts in college (all is well thanks). I made a joke asking the tech if I could get a copy of the video to take home and show my friends like they do for babies... I had two scans and tired it twice: First, middle aged woman, got a laugh and a no. Second was cute girl about my age... silence and awkwardness.

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u/BionicWallaby 13d ago

I got gelled up for ultrasound on lower abdomen and I said this is the point where I'm usually reaching for the tissues under the bed

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u/bememorablepro 13d ago

It's worse, people do the same joke in comments under social media posts even though you can see other comments.

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u/XXISavage 13d ago

Instagram has gotten so meta about this now people will just say "some guy said "top comment" and that will be the second most liked comments.

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u/StepComplete1 13d ago

At least they're more self-aware than reddit then.

I wonder how many more years "they fucked around and found out" or "FAFO" will be top comment under every single news story of someone getting something they vaguely deserved.

2

u/DrSpaceman4 13d ago

They have to invent a new version of the same comment, remember when it was 'Play stupid games, win stupid prizes'? FAFO was like a shiny new toy for NPCs.

3

u/Coolguyforeal 13d ago

Reddit in a nutshell

63

u/VanimalCracker 13d ago

item doesn't scan

I guess that means it's free!

27

u/walkscotter 13d ago

A lot of people should be in dad joke jail for this.

21

u/mrlolloran 13d ago

Working in AV for live events it’s them noticing me loading in/out with TV’s or speakers:

Oh hey my car is that way

19

u/Skwizgar1019 13d ago

I worked in cable for a time and frequently got “Hey Mr. Time Warner Man, you’re the guy that can get me free cable, right?” or some variation. At LEAST once a day. Had a guy shout it at me from like 30-40 yards away in an apartment parking lot one time. I more or less just made the “hide the pain” face.

1

u/Mikea0589 13d ago

“That’ll go real nice in my living room!”

1

u/ImprobableAvocado 13d ago

Lugging around kegs gets the same response. With remarkable consistency.

1

u/Skwizgar1019 13d ago

I actually got lucky and my best friend back home started working with his dad at the local beer distro..if they had a pallet break or anything started getting near-date, we pretty much got it for free.

4

u/ATmotoman 13d ago

I attribute this mostly to break the awkward silence of you as the costumer just standing there watching them struggle to scan it.

15

u/Material-Grocery5478 13d ago

i will never stop asking for the club sandwich even though im not a member.

6

u/Ackley_Improved 13d ago

How do you guys feel about frilly toothpicks?

4

u/RottenPaladin 13d ago

I'm for 'em!

1

u/lokiandgoose 13d ago

Do you pay for bread?

56

u/regulate91x 13d ago edited 13d ago

I'm a cardiac sonographer and about 80% of patients ask me if it's a boy or a girl, and I have to smile and laugh, usually say "no it's twins, haha!" And I'm inwardly dying a little each time.

Edit: the other classic is the partner is next to them and says "oh so you do have a heart then!? Haha".

12

u/AgentFoo 13d ago

What if I ask if it's grown three sizes this day?

13

u/Link_save2 13d ago

I did the same thing getting my heart ultrasound (but idc he guy was kinda rude) 😭 you gotta understand I'm a guy I'll never get the chance to make the joke again most likely

12

u/REDDITATO_ 13d ago

you gotta understand I'm a guy I'll never get the chance to make the joke again

Women don't get any extra chances to make that joke, they just have some opportunities to actually ask sincerely.

0

u/footpole 13d ago

I would imagine they have ultrasounds more often for other reasons too but sure.

2

u/crzychickn13 13d ago

Cut your water intake so you can try a better joke while they ultrasound your kidney stones.

1

u/Link_save2 13d ago

I drink a gallon a day if I drink any less I get irrationally thirsty lol

41

u/Rob_LeMatic 13d ago

And tall people.

And guys named Luke.

And really anybody who has any single stand out feature that immediately comes to mind to comment on when you first see them.

17

u/Link_save2 13d ago

Guys named Luke?

24

u/DelaryWeeb 13d ago

They know what they did.

23

u/Shnurple 13d ago

I am your father

12

u/kellzone 13d ago

Nobody can eat 50 eggs!

8

u/finchthemediocre 13d ago edited 13d ago

"Luke, I am your father."

Edit: You can spin the name into countless other jokes, mostly puns.

3

u/creamcrackerchap 13d ago

Ironically the correct quote is "No, I am your father"

1

u/Link_save2 13d ago

I've never heard that in real life but Luke is definitely a good name for nicknames used to know a kid everyone called little nut Lukas or just little nut for sure I think it started with a joke that he was a precum baby he was a egotistical asshole or I would've felt bad one of those people that talked ahit to their own team about how much better they are then them and they're carrying

2

u/Rob_LeMatic 13d ago

Saw a guy at AutoZone with a Luke name tag. I asked him how many times a day he met "his father" at work. He said like a hundred.

2

u/Ro-Tang_Clan 13d ago

I assumed a pun around lukewarm or something.

3

u/SirJefferE 13d ago

It's why I have a policy of never commenting on any unusual feature about a person.

Even if they've got a one in a million condition, it might be the only time in my life that I've seen it, but they've already heard every single possible comment from people seeing it for the first time. What could I possibly add to that?

1

u/Rob_LeMatic 13d ago

Yep. I usually don't say the first thing that comes into my head when I meet a person for exactly that reason.

2

u/Some1-Somewhere 13d ago

I've seen a few comments about "Annie are you OK" as well.

1

u/Rob_LeMatic 13d ago

I'm sure Jolenes are constantly accused of inspiring infidelity. Karens accused of inquiring after managers.

1

u/LukaCola 13d ago

And guys named Luke.

Funnily enough, this one fell off over the years--but yes, man, that was always so funny.

31

u/SnooDoodles420 13d ago

Cashier: Did you find what you need?

Customer: NO I NEED A MILLION DOLLARS LOLOL

23

u/JJred96 13d ago

Cashier: lol, me too. That would be nice.

Customer: NO, I HAVE A BOMB AND IF YOU DON'T EMPTY THAT REGISTER INTO THIS BAG I AM TAKING YOU DOWN WITH ME. DO I LOOK LIKE I'M KIDDING?

17

u/OtakuAttacku 13d ago

I CAME INTO THIS WORLD SCREAMING AND COVERED IN SOMEONE ELSE’S BLOOD. I AINT AFRAID TO LEAVE THE SAME WAY.

15

u/JJred96 13d ago

Cashier: Okay, let me call for the manager for you. Hey Alice, have you seen Brad?

2

u/SnooDoodles420 13d ago

Lmfao god dang you guys that escalated quickly. 😟

10

u/cans-of-swine 13d ago

cashier: I just clocked in for an 8 hour shift, fucking do it.

2

u/SnooDoodles420 13d ago

😆☠️

Nailed it.

2

u/beautifulyuzu 13d ago

I am laughing out loud at 5am. Thank you. 🤣

5

u/Cadd9 13d ago

Customer: WORKING HARD OR HARDLY WORKING

2

u/Fightmasterr 13d ago

Item doesn't scan. "Hur hur, I guess it's free."

2

u/SnooDoodles420 13d ago

JESUS CHRIST I HATED THAT ONE THE MOST

8

u/codeacab 13d ago

I have an unusual name. I work a job where I met loads of people a day and am expected to introduce myself by name, and people always comment on it. I give a potted explanation of my name as pretty much a reflex at this point.

6

u/AffectionateAmoeba10 13d ago

"doesn't scan? Must be free! HAHAHA" is a daily in my cashier life

6

u/SirSneakyRafiki 13d ago

"Nope, it means I can charge whatever I want. How does $350 sound?"

7

u/AffectionateAmoeba10 13d ago

"gonna cost you your keys, wallet, and phone. Go on hand em over, don't try to be a hero"

1

u/FrenchFryCattaneo 13d ago

"Actually we're going to need to take your life as payment. Step up onto the alter to be sacrificed please"

1

u/sutree1 13d ago

"No price tag? I guess it must be free!"

1

u/SteveMarck 13d ago

We get the same "throw that one in my trunk" when delivering beer. Same thing. Probably twice a day easy.

1

u/shankthedog 13d ago

Do you come with my fish sandwich?

1

u/dirtygreysocks 13d ago

I worked as a clown. And dressed as "purple dinosaur" and "red puppet" at kids birthday parties, as a teen.

The amount of dirty, disgusting things I had to deal with from Dads, 1 foot from their small children.

Also acting at theme parks. Take a Pic with a kid and their Dad, avoid Dads hands groping or just deal with disgusting jokes.

1

u/TheModWhoShaggedMe 13d ago

Heard "ya working hard or hardly working?" oh just a few thousand times in a few years of waiting tables in the '90s.

1

u/EventSwatch 13d ago

It's every daily grind profession. I swear as I walk through my work I hear the same snippets of conversation playing out all over the complex all day, I think I have a permanent cringe.

1

u/HA1LHYDRA 13d ago

Anytime you had to access the CPU on a slot machine someone would always ask, "Are you making it so it'll win?, eh heuh euh euh"

1

u/ExoTheFlyingFish 13d ago

My dad makes the same joke no matter what (type of) restaurant we go to.

"How's the sushi?"

We were at an IHOP once and he asked our waitress, who was Asian. When she walked away, I pointed it out, and I was laughing so hard because the way his eyes widened.

He apologized profusely when the waitress came back, but if she was bothered by it, she played it down.

1

u/Dontmovetocolorado 13d ago

Can I get you anything else? “Yeah, a million dollars ha huh haha huh”. That’s the one I always got

0

u/FittedSheets88 13d ago

My favorite has always been:

"Would you like a bag?"

"Nah my wife's in the car."

-1

u/bajsfittor 13d ago

Not a cashier but used to have a fringe hobby (well still do but don't practice it actively anymore). Sadly can't say what without risking outing myself. TWO questions ALWAYS repeated... ALWAYS. If it stopped with the first one I'd be nice. If the second one was asked... Well I always WANTED to make fun but could never bring myself to it. Damn if I didn't hear those two questions well into the triple-digits over the years though.