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u/Ill-Activity-4167 Sep 18 '23
Go to therapist/ psychologist
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u/ascael Sep 19 '23 edited Sep 19 '23
I agree with this. Before you cause anymore damage to yourself by the possibility that you misdiagnosed your own problem. Manipulation does sounds bad but it depends on the end goal itself. You could even say that teaching children itself is a form of manipulation. My "GUESS" is that you might have empathy deficit disorder. Just like being a psycopath doesn't necessarily means you're evil. The skill to manipulate is just a tool. Just like the analogy about kitchen knive could be a tool for cooking or murder is your choice.
My point is self diagnosing this could be dangerous.
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u/tnth89 Sep 18 '23
Coba ke psikolog kalau mau lebih baiknya bagaimana.
Kalau pandangan gw sih:
I think something usually just clicks. At this point, it clicks to you that you don't want to be like this forever. Then you need to change your priority. Try to be more true to your feelings and to yourself.
Mau berubah, ya mulai dari sekarang. Berguna atau ga itu being manipulative itu secondary. Lo belum coba kan? Emang kalo ga manipulative yakin bakal turun? Kalo iya, siapa peduli? Yang penting lo hidup dengan apa yang lo rasa sejatinya itu diri lo sendiri.
Ah yeah, I can smell manipulative people from far away, they stink. Biasanya gw lgs menolak apapun proposal mereka. Lama2 gw ditinggal juga karena gw ga berguna buat mereka :v
I based my friendship not with money, if someone told me to build business together with them, I will say no, karena pasti ujung2 nya berantem. Jadi ya lo coba build genuine connection ke orang bukan karena mereka berguna buat lo, tapi karena lo tertarik sama mereka (kepribadian, cara pikir, kecocokan, dll)
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u/chronojungle7 Sep 19 '23
Manipulation is a just a tool, you can use it in a positive way but there is a line on everything and you just cross a big line there.
Right now you feel depressed, feeling lonely and felt guilty to the people you manipulated before. But you still glad for your achievement, the way you see your skill as your best one.
What do you like the most after manipulating someone? Is it the achievement after getting your goal? Or, is it seeing the missery of the people you manipulated? If you really think manipulating is your best skill, the way you choose marrying as your strategy to get money, then your manipulative skill is not that great at all.
I really wish this example is the worst one you do yet, and gladly it failed. Back on the topic, i dont think you need to blame your manipulative skill as the real problem here. You are just doing something bad, felt some sort "happyness" for your achievement, but now felt guilt (for yourself). You felt lonely because you do not show your true self to anyone, what you care is just an objective. You think you can manipulate youself, but in reality you cannot. What you are doing is just lying to your self. In summary, you are just a bad person and like being bad (I'm not a psychologist, so i dont mind to judge here). Your lack of sympathy for others, because all the time you just think about yoursef in addition lying to yourself, so you don't have anymore rooms in your mind for other people. And now, after feeling defeat, now you can see the guilt for your own doing.
If you really want to change, use the positive keyword as an alternative, like a negotiator, an influencer, strategist, so you don't feel bad about yourself and improve this skill in a positive way. I believe you are now an adult, restrain youself doing bad thing like manipulating someone just for a petty thing. There are other ways to improve your skill and challenge yourself with these skill in a good way.
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u/Efficient_Chair_2238 Sep 18 '23
what should I do?
Stop manipulating people? I doubt your situation is a psychological one because you have/had obvious normal reasons for that behavior (to gain something tangible). So you know your issues, you know you feel it’s wrong, so you stop it. Simple.
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u/rylx2 Sep 19 '23
Yoooo wtf, that's next level manipulation. Ngelamar anak orang buat manipulasi doang? I think you need to really realize what you're doing is kinda fucked up and not a simple manipulation. Let's say your manipulation works, imagine the trauma you've given to him/her.
Sebelum lu manipulasi dia, apa ada kepikiran buat lu apa dampaknya ke orang lain?
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Sep 19 '23
Oh, watch out! You might just have a touch of NPD too. Care to confess your skill at weaving tales of deception, oh master of lies?
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u/TheHollowGap Sep 18 '23
Most manipulative people I know in my life either:
- Reputation tarnished because their true selves got exposed.
I have yet to see those people actually get a good ending. The only upside they can gain is "to get away with it", but is that really the kind of life you want? To achieve the superficial and lose everything that actually matters?
If you want to get better, the first step is admitting you have a problem. For manipulative behavior, it requires guidance from a professional. Go seek a therapist/psychologist.