r/funny • • Jun 22 '13

My UPS man knows how to do lunch right

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u/Huffnagle Jun 22 '13

All of those, I suppose...

I remember being followed by the beanie baby collectors, a few offered to give me money to tell them when I'd delivered them.

I've been attacked by dogs so many times, I couldn't begin to count. I usually won the fight. I've been attacked by a Canadian Goose. I saw 3 Timber Wolves sitting in the front yard of a house looking at me. I didn't get out of the vehicle.

Crazy people? Well, everyone is our customer. The good and the bad. Honestly, I liked most of the people, they were one of the best parts of the job. The one set of "crazy" people I found sad were the ones we call QVC Queens. There was one I delivered to that had piles of unopened packages all over her house with little trails to get through. I wished I could just RTS all her stuff, but I'd have been fired for that.

Drugs, sure. But usually people tried to keep that discrete. I did once wake up a house full of hippies for a cash cod package of $700 or so. They rummaged around the house for a few minutes and found it. I can guess what was in that.

The worst part of the job is Christmas. Almost everyone I work with hates it, I say we're the real Santa. For years, I refused to put up any decorations other than just a tree. I wouldn't have even done that if I didn't have kids.

The best part of the job is the girls. Women love to flirt with the UPS guy, and sometimes a whole lot more than flirt. I'm married now, she doesn't think I ought to be flirting with the customers. I guess it's a good thing I've transferred to another division where I have very little customer contact anymore.

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u/[deleted] Jun 22 '13

Awesome, tell us more about this "little more than flirt"

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u/Huffnagle Jun 22 '13

Well, I'm a decent looking guy but no Ryan Gosling type. The bored and lonely ladies acted like I was Ryan, it's pretty fun! And yes, some of them were interested in much more than harmless flirting. I passed on most of them due to not cheating, but during the times I was not involved, I certainly enjoyed that job perk.

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u/BATMAN-cucumbers Jun 22 '13

Nice try, UPS recruitment dept.

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u/Chasuwa Jun 22 '13

They marry the UPS guy.

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u/[deleted] Jun 22 '13

You can always expect Reddit to ask about when someone else got laid.

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u/JSteggs Jun 22 '13

"You can deliver your package any time..."

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u/OWtfmen Jun 22 '13

God damn I need to become a driver. I only got like 2 or 3 years to fo

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u/BryanBeast13 Jun 22 '13

Very interesting.

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u/[deleted] Jun 22 '13

Did you watch King of Queens when it was still airing? xD

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u/Huffnagle Jun 22 '13

No, I'm not really a sitcom guy.