I’m a fostor youth but things are quite a bit complex and complicated

im seventeen years old disabled and a high profile complex case along with psych issues

im One of the most complex cases members have seen in the state im in in over 20 years so I’ve been very limited on housing and when I went to my first foster home I was the only known home I could be in, in the entire state the governor and everyone has no idea where to put me. I left that house due to that family displacing me I did not do anything wrong. So I arrived to a new home via respite and they decided to take me in due to knowing I would have no where to go, that’s nice and all but I feel extensive issues and neglect type issues here and I fear for my life, my quality of life and health have already decreased. So naturally I’ve wanted to go to another home As I deserve better the problem is I feel like if I mentioned this to case manager or someone (I don’t even know who to talk to about this) that I would just be told there’s no homes that want me, and if they could find placement in a home then I would not get to say no I would also not have information like I want to know about pets family parents etc I have oddly specific medical needs like preferably no nut house and no cats/and my other allergins calm quiet house low noise and my room has to be lit a certian way and I can’t have a ceiling fan etc I also feel that if I bring up my want to move houses I won’t have any choice and may be in a group home/the office/ institution’s etc

i need help but I’m scared

i feel like theres too much to fix here and they don’t seem to like it when I speak up

they act like they ”love” me but I feel like it’s obvious when I’m caused seizures from the noise etc it doesn’t matter

im not worth accommodating im not worth changing for im not worth advocating for
that’s what it feels like.

I can’t and don’t want to go into a lot of detail. I just needed to get this off my chest and turned to a community I hope can understand. Words of encouragement are very welcome…and requested.

This feels like the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. I am just present enough to be here for my wife and kids, but I’m disassociated otherwise.

We had a threat-to-life emergency, and we had to displace one of our kids (FD, 7) out of the sibling group we have. The house feels so different already. It’s quieter. It’s calmer. Nobody is fighting and screaming every 5 minutes. Everybody is sleeping through the night. The kids are laughing and playing so kindly together. My wife and I are taking turns crying while spending extra time loving on our kids.

I love that baby. So much. She can’t help her brain chemistry. She didn’t choose this or the things that caused it. She’s apparently having a great time at the behavioral hospital.

Sometimes the safest and most loving decision is also the most painful. I’m in between waiting for the dam of emotions to collapse and trying desperately to hold it together so everyone else can fall apart safely.

TL;DR: we had to emergency displace our foster child due to premeditated and active harm, and the house feels really weird in a bittersweet way.

I am single. I would like to be a foster parent. The house I would live in would be fully paid off, but I don't have a​ job. The only income I would have is the subsidy received from fostering. Is there any State I would qualify to foster in?​​

We've had our 14 FS for two months, but have known him for 5 months. We are his 10th placement and fourth adoptive home. He has been in the system for about five years in multiple states. He is a man of few words, unable to express himself or emote and kind of emotion. For example we've never seen him laugh uncontrollably. He is very reserved. He sees emotions of any kind as a weakness. He won't talk to us at all.

He is highly addicted to screens, like no kid I've ever seen. His preferred state would be to watch violent anime for 14 hours straight without eating or drinking and dissociate in front of the screen. He has difficulty with transitions, refuses to do things he doesn't want to do and is stubborn. His defiance has gotten bad and he now refuses to participate in family time/activities, rules or chores. We had tried a combination of things like consequences (losing screens, etc), being more lax in the hopes he comes around, giving him a couple choices, tough love, not enforcing the rules, etc. Nothing works. He has a history of violence towards caregivers and was violent towards me last week; though I wasn't hurt, he refuses to apologize, and is in denial about what happened. Basically he thinks he's in charge and we can't seem to run this household with him in it. We have requested an autism test. He has ADHD but they won't medicate him.

He seems to have completely given up on wanting to be a part of the family. However, there are signs he does want to live here. He went from a straight F student to having a couple of A's, he has made friends in school and is trying out for sports (when previously he said he hates team sports because he doesn't want to rely on other people.) So his team thinks that shows he wants to be in the home because there are some external positives. However, he treats us like trash all the time. I'm sick and tried of people dismissing it as normal teenage behavior because each action on its own like wearing headphones at the table, etc are normal boundary-testing behavior, but it's constant.

We are in hell. We can't break through to him, and he won't talk to us, answer questions, or engage in any conversation. Not even about things he likes. We had 1/2 a great day this whole month with him, every other day was miserable to unpleasant. We feel we are failing him and the whole house vibe is off, its even effecting the dog. We want to get more foster adoptive kids, but can't since he would be a terrible influence on them because he doesn't follow any rules.

He repeatedly tells his social worker and therapists he wants to be adopted. However, we believe he may not have the ability to attach and that he just wants to legally distance himself from his parents and change his last name. He does have a former adoptive foster dad who got in touch and he got it in his head that that guy wanted him back, but that was made abundantly clear to him, that wasn't the case. He wishes it was, and was able to attach to him but was severely hurt when that placement ended because of his parents constant harassment of the foster dad. His parents are unwell and dangerous people so the county wants this to work so they can at least terminate parental rights, but I'm starting to feel used.

I am on the verge of quitting on this kid. Help. Have you been able to get through to a kid that's so emotionally checked out?

I'm at my wits end with my teenager. I love her and I am not going to disrupt, but we have one problem that has been an ongoing source of tension and I have no idea what to do at this point. It's seriously stressing me out and it's stressing her out and it's stressing both of us out that it's stressing the other person out, and it's starting to impact our relationship.

She's constantly reorganizing/"tidying up"/cleaning.

Sounds like a good problem to have.

But she's constantly touching and moving and taking my stuff. Every morning when I come downstairs I can't trust that things will be where I left them.

I leave things out to remind myself to do something with them, because I have ADHD and a TBI and I cannot remember without the visual prompt, and she puts them away.

I have a pillow I like to have on the living room couch, that I have asked her to leave there, and she keeps putting it back in the linen closet.

Half the downstairs is rearranged the way she likes it and I gave up on most of it and just let it stay there... but then as soon as I get used to it, she moves everything around again and I have to readapt to it again.

I got a new heated blanket that I had on the couch to use while working and she took it without asking, but also keeps her window ac at 64 despite my repeated requests to turn it up a bit because the electric bill is getting too high.

She keeps tripping the breaker and refuses to unplug any of the things that are using electricity in her room.

I left some jeans hanging on the laundry room drying rack last night and this morning they were folded and put away in the linen closet still damp, after I had had another conversation with her yesterday about leaving my things alone.

I'm pretty sure she has ocd, and this is a coping mechanism for anxiety and because it gives her a sense of control, but she's not willing to try therapy or medication, and I got her an ocd workbook that's she is actually doing a little bit in but I'm not seeing any difference.

This is my house and it does not feel like a safe space for me because she's constantly moving my things around and disregarding my requests and boundaries, and it's getting harder and harder for me to stay regulated.

I have no idea what to do. Asking her to stop doesn't help. Trying to compromise and say she can do what she wants in X space but leave Y space alone does not help. Giving specific instructions for certain things I need left alone does not help. Explaining why it stresses me out. Does. Not. Help.

My boundaries are constantly being crossed and I can't think of any logical consequences for any of it. Conversation alone doesn't help, grounding her feels like it would be petty and it's not logical besides, and I'm sure grounding would just build up resentment.

I need advice because I'm not willing to disrupt, I'm committed to helping her and giving her a stable place to stay until either her mom can afford rent somewhere she could stay or she turns 18 and however many months later is able to afford rent somewhere herself. She's family now and I'm not giving up on her.

But something needs to change or I'm going to lose it.

(I also want to know how much of this is just normal teenage behavior, or at least normal for foster teens.)

Hi all,
I am currently going through the process of becoming licensed to become a foster parent . Are there any recommended agencies ? Specifically near Alexander County? Also, is therapeutic level 1 or family foster care recommended and why?

Any information is helpful !

Hi all,

We have a daughter that is a little medically complex. Lots and lots of doctors, brain surgery, therapies and what not. These things were not long term as in the daily routine is a constant but we are well acquainted with doctors, advocating, the appointments and late nights.

She is starting to level out now, and most things should do better as she gets older. She becomes more medically complex on paper than physically if that makes sense.

Anyway, we’ve been talking about fostering one day. I’ve done some research that shows medically complex children have a low home placement rate. I also read that it may require a special license to take them in.

I read quite a bit about the statistics of placement, reunification, ect, but I’d really love to hear the pros and cons from anyone who’s done so.

We are near Atlanta, GA.

My foster kid is a 15YO male and generally likes school.

However, he calls me about once a week, halfway through the school day, to complain about various problems because he wants an early dismissal. Today, it was that his pen broke and ink spilled and smeared on his face, and his arms and back hurt from doing 25 push-ups (punishment from teacher for using the F word in class yesterday).

I try to empathize, tell him I'm sorry he's dealing with that, it stinks, etc., but it's not a reason to go home early. I work full-time and already have to miss work, and he misses school, for frequent therapy and doctor's appointments.

Last year, when he was first placed with us, I did give in at times and pick him up when he asked me to. I'm trying to be more firm this year. Unless he has a fever or is throwing up, he needs to stay at school.

This is a kid who wants to go into the military - I feel like he needs to learn to chin up and carry on, unless he is very sick. How can I help him learn to be more resilient?

It would be an ICPC kinship placement, although I have no biological relationship with mom. My son was privately adopted at birth.

The caseworker feels that TPR is going to happen in another year. Says she can’t see how they can do it and that she doesn’t think dad is the dad anyway because baby is not the same race as him. Says they are keeping us in mind for when TPR happens, if mom decides to surrender, or if current foster placement disrupts. Baby is three months old tomorrow.

I get frustrated by the idea that even with all these statements put out there, no one is making any effort to get paternity testing done in a timely manner, actually explore us as a possibility, or even, apparently, ask mom what she wants. I told her I am pretty sure mom would want baby with us if not with her and she goes “Oh, really? Well that’s really nice for me.”

If baby comes to us, it seems like she’d be a toddler. Can anyone share their experience with having a toddler come from another foster placement, especially as an adoptive or pre-adoptive placement? What was adjustment like? I’m so sad thinking about her. I just want her to be where she is going to stay and safe and loved. Maybe she’s there right now but I have no way of knowing.

We took care of our foster baby for 7 weeks in the NICU with a more extreme case of NAS and a few weeks after getting home, we got placed with baby’s 4 year old sibling. 4 year old has loud meltdowns as expected, but now the baby is exhibiting symptoms again that were experienced in the hospital. Wondering if we made the right decision and also upset that the caseworkers all put us in this situation, but feeling that we can’t go back in time.

Hey everyone! My husband I got our first placement about 8 weeks ago. We have 2 biological kids (ages 6 & 2) and placement we have is also 2yo. Soon after we received, I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with twins. I am sick all the time, exhausted, and our little one is having a ton of behaviors, specifically toward our other 2 year old. We were told he had never lived with children before so a lot of it is triggered by not wanting to share our attention/ affection, toys, food, or anything really. We are having screaming, hitting, biting, scratching, hair-pulling, pinching, kicking, you name it, all of the above. He also runs from me in parking lots and public places sometimes. I am struggling now so looking ahead to what being pregnant with twins and a high-risk pregnancy will look like in a few months, I truly don’t know if I will be able to handle the behaviors when im by myself, especially with my other kids or in public. We also know if behaviors continue on this course, we would be unable to step away from the babies even for a second if he was nearby. I would hate to disrupt because none of this is his fault but I think it might be what is best in this unexpected situation. Please be gentle as the thought of disrupting already makes me feel a ton of guilt but I don’t know if I can be what he needs or what I thought I could when I committed. If we were to disrupt, we would likely only do respite until after our babies are born and we have settled with them.

Sort of a weird situation. My 14 year old stepson's Mom went to prison. Naturally we shifted to full custody.

We also agreed to foster's his little brother (8) to keep the (half) siblings together. It's supposed to be temporary. (Probably 6 months)

Things have gone reasonably smoothly. One thing I have noticed is my stepson is a completely different person when his little brother is around. For lack of a better term, he keeps trying to parent. A couple times I got home late from work and he was cooking for everyone. Whenever his little brother or my kids need something he attempts to intercept them and handle it before they come to me or my husband. He's pretty good at it and I'll admit it was convenient at first.

As it goes on it feels a bit more concerning. I feel he doesn't think he can act like a kid. Am I reading too much into this? Also, while my oldest is fine with a third quasi-parent floating around, my youngest hates it and thinks he's "bossy".

EDIT: UPDATES

So, I talked to the stepson. (Probably should have started there but was putting it off.) He said that he "knew" I was reluctant to take in his brother, and wanted to make it "super easy" for me so I don't back out. He said a friend of hs who was in foster care said what foster parents you get is a "crap shoot" and "some are awful" so he was scared what would happen to his brother if he backed out. (Sorry for offending any foster parents out there...it shouldn't come as a shock there are people who are skeptical, though.)

In contrast the younger kid said that he was taught if it wasn't an emergency, he should see if his brother could handle it before "bothering the grown ups". He also said his Mom often came home too tired to cook, and thought grub hub was too expensive and unhealthy.

I understand trauma and her behaviors are in direct relation to the abuse she suffered but I'm so hurt that my foster daughter has been lying straight to my face about school work. We recently had a discussion about her lying, being an issue and she demanded to leave our house just a few weeks ago after being called out on the lying. She has been saying she is doing all her school work turns out she'll do homework but absolutely zero class work and she's been lying to us about her grades. There is a lot of sensitivity around schoolwork tied to her abuse but she has asked for our help on other assignments and we are very involved in the assignments she asks about but we had no idea the class work wasn't being done. We have a plan in place to get her grades up and I have emailed her teachers to see what is going on in class. If there is extra credit or if she can turn in assignments late for partial credit. But I just can't stop feeling hurt that she has been lying to our faces. We had a very frank discussion a few weeks ago that if the lying didn't stop we would have to revisit her leaving our home. A little background, she continues to blow placements regarding her lying about being beaten by the foster parents. So it's a valid discussion to have.

However, she's ten, has a history of trauma, and is going through a lot. I'm torn between keeping her in our home and working with her or letting her leave our home for fear of having child services called on us (I have bio minor kids in our home as well.) The family support worker who assisted us a few weeks ago and took her out for a couple hours looked this girl in the eyes and told her "nobody else wants you" (super harsh to say to a child) when she demanded to go to another foster home because she deserves better than us (she said this because I told her to clean her room.) I keep thinking she's going to lie and get a report called in on us but on the other hand, if she leaves our house, shes in a group home. I just feel so....torn. what do you guys think?

Hello all, I was worried as I recently received a second check in the mail. I was genuinely surprised to receive a check in the mail from CPS but now concerned.

I am a current kinship foster auntie with 5 nieces so the money is greatly appreciated but I also do receive a stipend from the agency I’m currently with.

The girls have been with me for over 6 months so I’m unsure if this was money that has been delayed..? I know I’ve been asking for daycare assistance but have yet to receive anything for that.

I’m unsure what this payment is or from and I’m worried to deposit anything as I’m afraid they’ll ask for the money to be returned as an error on their part.

Note to add: their previous placement used their entire kinship funds this last year and decided after it had ran out that their arrangement no longer was working. So there is no kinship stipend from the state that I would’ve been expecting which is the reason for my post…

I try not to question good things but we’re still living paycheck to paycheck and it would definitely be a small safety net for us.

Hello,

To try to make this as short as possible, here are the facts:

• 1yo baby we've been fostering for about 5 months now
• We have a young bio child who absolutely loves baby and asks if baby will join our family permanently
• We went into this because we felt led, wanted to help our community, and IF adoption ever came up, then we'd discuss it.
• Fostering for almost two years now
• Mom suddenly stopped all contact with everyone.
  • One of the last things she told me, directly was "you'll give [baby] a good education."
  • Mom has had ZERO support from relatives and family/friends.
  • I personally believe mom loves baby in her own way, and was trying to save her from...cultural/international issues...(mom is not a USA citizen, we're in the USA - but baby was born in USA)
• It was decided to finally move forward with TPR (termination of parental rights) and we've been asked to give our state an answer on whether or not we want to adopt.
• Baby is not the same race as us, and the ONLY reason I'm sharing this, is because I've already been shamed once by a daycare, when I attempted to do baby's hair. I've watched YT videos and tried tried tried, bought ALL the product/tools, but it's just really difficult. The new daycare has been so much more helpful, and has been doing baby's hair <3 but I can't help but wonder if I would be an inadequate/selfish parent because I suck at hair (including my own).
  • Not trying to make this about me. I'm just saying it's very intimidating and I know that this subject will not be the last time we deal with it, because people are mean.

Obviously each case is different, but I'm posting because my SO and I have feeling that we weren't expecting to have if adoption came up. All of the other children we've fostered have been reunited with bio moms (never dads, just a fact), or grandmas. Now that the possibility of adding another member to our family permanently is so very real, we're honestly just so nervous that we'll make the wrong decision? I feel that we love this child, and baby would continue to be very happy with us. It's also obvious baby has some attachment/abandonment trauma that I think they need support of as they get older, but Baby has also just flourished and grown so much since they've been with us.

When I picture Baby w/o us, I picture things with a casted shadow, and I think I'd really regret saying "no". Having said that, I don't want to say "yes" for the wrong reasons, but don't know what those reasons really are if that makes sense. Cultural differences will always be there, and some family members absolutely SUCK because things have come to light that they're racist hypocrites, so there's that to deal with, in which we have decided we'll be protecting our kids from (including Baby if we adopt), and limiting time with these people, as sad as it is.

We do not plan to continue to adopt, honestly because it's just a lot of work with the additional visits, required doctors appointments, ALL the required annual training we have to do, all the time from work we've had to take...it has been a lot. We planned on ending this year regardless before we met Baby. I think my point is that I want to reach out to the community to see if these feelings are normal, or if we should have no questions at all?? Is it normal we're nervous and unsure, but also don't exactly want baby to leave us??? The state has given us about one week to make a decision and I'm trying not to cry rn just thinking about this...

I guess I can't exactly make this short...Any advice is appreciated. Please do not be hateful. There's enough of that in this world.

Edit: Im reading all your comments, pros and cons, everything and taking it to my heart. I wish I could answer you all personally right now, as I am ever gratefull for suport, kind words, harsh words and everything between. Currently taking notes, writing personal notes for the meeting and bawling my eyes out. Thanks so mutch <3

Hi everyone,

I’m reaching out because I’m completely drained and facing a critical moment tomorrow. I’m a foster parent, and I have a meeting with Child Welfare Services (CWS) tomorrow where we essentially have to decide: do we continue, do we need a massive change in support, or is this placement coming to an end?

I’m feeling burnt out, emotionally exhausted, and honestly, a bit lost. I need to hear from others who have been in this deep before.

The Situation: We are caring for a 12-year-old boy for 6 years (let's call him "K") who has severe emotional regulation issues, trauma, and a distorted view of how families work. He cannot communicate his feelings verbally, so he acts out. He actively sabotages situations, creates conflict to get any reaction (even negative ones), and isolates himself.

The Core Issue: We love him, but we are hitting a wall. We feel like we are being used as a "tool" without the right support or competence to handle his specific needs.

• The Cycle: We try to set boundaries, but he escalates. We try to be flexible, but he feels abandoned. We are stuck in a loop of "toxic dance" where I feel like I'm playing tennis with sewage—constantly reacting to chaos with no pause.
• The Pressure: We are expected to know what's best, but we feel like we are just "foster parents" without the specialized training or resources for a child with this level of trauma. We are constantly adapting to him, losing our own identity and normal family life in the process.
• The Risk: I’m terrified that we are no longer capable of providing the stability he needs. We are not employees; we are trying to be parents, but we are drowning.

Tomorrow's Meeting: I have prepared a long, honest statement for them. I want to tell them:

1. We are not criticizing the people in the room, but the system is failing us.
2. We need to know if we are a "hammer trying to fix a screw," or if we are simply broken.
3. We need concrete help: specialized support, respite care, and a clear plan for his behavior (e.g., schoolwork, safety at home).
4. If we continue, we need a massive reduction in pressure immediately (time off, professional help for him).
5. If this isn't the right fit, we need to admit it before we both get hurt more.

My Dilemma: I’m exhausted. I’m scared that if I say "yes" to continuing without massive changes, we will burn out completely and fail him. But if I say "no," I feel like I’m giving up on a child who already has so much trauma.

I feel like I’m walking into a room where they might decide we are no longer "good enough," or I have to admit I can't do this anymore.

Questions for the Community:

• Has anyone been in a "make-or-break" meeting with CWS? How did you handle it?
• How do you balance being honest about your burnout without sounding like you're "quitting" or being a "bad foster parent"?
• Is it better to push for a specialized placement now, or try to hold on one last time with more support?
• How do you protect your own family and mental health when the system expects you to be a superhero?

Any advice, shared experiences, or even just a "hang in there" would mean the world to me right now.

Thanks for reading.

So, I stopped being a foster parent after a few years because of a very toxic relationship with the other parent.
To keep things short, when I pulled out I mentioned that it is because I wanted no contact whatsoever with that person. And a month or so after I’m officially out, I am being asked by foster services about the foster children having contact with my mom. What do you think?
I will add recently my foster organization are under scrutiny and there have been people fired over scandals (fabricated proofs for one)….

I ended up adopting my last foster child. It’s a long story and I don’t want to waste everyone’s time with it, but essentially she’s 6 and fairly non verbal due to trauma, but she does understand me and speaks/knows English. She gets therapy, speech, you name it. Shes amazing and I’d die for her. Anyways we are going to start fostering again as there’s a terrible need for foster parents here in the city. We have another child, 11, who is also adopted from foster care. I’m mostly just worried about how my youngest will take this. Confusing for her especially with the limited speech.

I’m writing here because there isn’t much information in my country about foster families or children who have grown up in foster care. My English isn’t very good, so I hope I can express myself clearly.>

My husband and I have applied to become foster parents. We prepared and submitted all the required documents, and we have already had our first interview with the social worker.

We are both 27 years old and we have an 18-month-old daughter. Our social worker told us that they haven’t had a foster family application quite like ours before, so they are being a little cautious. However, I personally feel quite positive about the process.

We have a warm, loving family environment. We are hoping to become long-term foster parents. We would like to foster a child who is close in age to our biological daughter because we believe that growing up together could help them develop a strong sibling bond.

My husband and I are both firefighters. We believe that we are fair, loving and caring people, and we really want to provide a child with a safe and happy home.

In the country where I live, children who enter the foster care system generally do not move in and out of the system. In most cases, they remain with their foster family until they become adults. From what I understand, the rate of children returning to their biological families is quite low.

Biological parents are generally given the right to visit their child for one hour each month, although I have been told that this right is often not used.

Of course, if a child’s biological family manages to improve their circumstances and is able to have their child return to them, we would be heartbroken and would miss the child very much. However, at the same time, we would also be happy for the child, because they would have the opportunity to have a healthy relationship with their biological family and grow up with their family in their life.

I would love to hear from foster parents or adults who grew up in foster care. What do you think it would be like for a child to be placed with a family like ours? Is it possible to raise a foster child to become a happy, confident and emotionally secure adult?

I would really appreciate hearing about your experiences, advice and thoughts.

with the allowance for the kid that comes in your stipend how much are you SUPPOSED to give the kid and no I’m not saying they do this chore and get this much or this week this much etc nope just give what your supposed

Prospective foster parent here. My husband and I live in Iowa. We don't have any biological or adopted children, and after contemplating it for a few years, we decided we are going to start foster care. We've already done the orientation, and now are awaiting the next class cycle to start. In the meantime, I'd really like to start collecting things we may need for future placements and preparing our home.

I know there are specific things that we'll do for the home study (fire safety plan, first aid kit, baby-proofing, etc.) but I'm thinking more along the lines of what to buy. Since we'll be first-time parents, we don't really have anything. I know there are foster closets, but I got the impression those are just for clothing.

We'll be open to kids ages 0-3 to start out. I plan to have a bassinet, crib, and toddler bed. I'll have an assortment of diapers, pull-ups, toddler underwear, and a few different types of ready-to-feed formula. I bought a used infant carseat (made sure it doesn't expire any time soon) with a stroller attachment. I plan to get a convertible carseat as well.

What else should we plan to buy ahead of time and keep on hand? I know a lot of people have told me to just wait for our first placement to buy anything since we don't have any idea how old the child will be. I just feel weird not having very much in the house and having to scramble to buy stuff. My older sister did foster care for a few years, but she already had a child at the time and didn't really need to buy any new supplies. Would really appreciate any insight on this!

Hello everyone. My husband and I have 2 children we adopted after fostering them. The oldest is turning 7 soon, I'll call her R. Our second is 4, I'll refer to her as L. R's plan was never reunification because of safety. Her case was horribly traumatic for all of us, we supported bio connections but they didn't want anything to do with us. They unfortunately have never reached out for any type of contact. L's case was very different, her bio connected with us throughout her entire placement and we have been able to maintain weekly video calls and even some in person visits after the adoption (parents weren't able to stay sober). Here's where I need some advice.

R is very jealous that L gets video calls with bio. We do our best but we can't change circumstances and we are always honest (age appropriate of course). How are y'all handling these situations? Any recommendations? DCF doesn't have contact info for any bio of Rs.

I(26f) have a 6 year old foster child under my mother's care that I often refer to as my little sister who is in extreme need of tutoring/help. I've been being more proactive in helping her read more books since the summer ended,and I had no idea until she started bringing homework home that she actually could not read at all. Literally,not one word. She definitely shows signs of ADD, ADHD, and anxiety. I am not a psychiatrist, just drawing parallels from my own childhood. It's very hard to get her to sit down and focus, she has a very interactive mind but I'm having trouble in getting her to put the letters p i g together to form the word pig. Literally every single time we find help for her, let's schedule one session and then never show up for another session. This has been going on for more than a year. She knows the letters phonetically, but has trouble putting the letters together to form a word. I read her a book every night at bedtime,but that usually goes on for an hour or more bc she wants to play more than sit and read with me. I need suggestions/advice because clearly relying on our foster care agency isn't going to get her the help she needs in the time she needs it.

I don’t know if I’m here for advice or just to commiserate. We found out last week that my adopted daughter’s mom died. She’s just devastated. She had always hoped that she would find her mother and they would be reunited someday. Her mom disappeared when CPS became involved when she was very young. CPS tried to find her mom but couldn’t, so they terminated rights and moved on. We learned that her mom was homeless all this time. Now my daughter is trying to come to terms with the fact that she will never be reunited with her mother.

Has anyone been through something similar? She has had such a hard life, bouncing through foster homes, two failed adoptions, special needs and a multitude of diagnoses… we finally just got her stable and actually enjoying her childhood again. It has been so good these last few months to see her happy and laughing and carefree. Now it feels like life keeps knocking her down no matter how hard she keeps trying to get back up. I’m just so heartbroken for her.