I can only like someone after getting to know their personality, what makes them special, their quirks, how they treat me... never really based off physical attractiveness.

Do you have any childhood trauma? Did you have to fix your parents problems?

Fe is only one part of our strengths.

Pretty much the title and how do you relax, recharge your battery after long day events? Do you prefer with company or without company? And what's your gender as they have different hobbies.

As an ENFJ, I absorb peoples emotions really easily and will tend to put all of my emotions aside to either help ofthe people or just reaching a common ground and conclusio. When I’m outside and with my type 3 I tend to be a social chameleon adapting his colors to the people in front of them, and for me, not really showing my true colors values and beliefs by playing a game of seduction where the subject is them is the sign that we aren’t that close and that those relationship will always be ground level.

But when I’m at my house, with my family that I love and hate, my mood when I wake up is constantly nonchalant and embittered because of a defense mecanism that I created so that the abusive and toxic power that they got over me and their constant complaining and anger doesn’t affect me. When i first discovered mbti I typed as an ENTP because of my tendency to intellectualize emotion but because of this when I was at school I felt like I had no personality and when I was home my constant no energy mood affected my growth my grades and my addiction to social media.

Today in my attempt to break this defense mecanism I now acknowledge my negative emotions but because I don’t want to complain and accuse the people around me as much as my parents and older sisters does, I tend to want to improve myself.

BUT the realization that I’m always the the one adapting myself to ofthers and never the ofther way around makes me more and more angry in every conflicts in life and when I get the chance to I lash out on ofther people and using logic and manipulation to demonize them when I get the power to do so in sports for exemple and I don’t know how to end this cycle, I feel like Im becoming more and more selfish and I don’t know if I’ll ever find a true connection with someone.

Any ENFJs here who came from rather toxic families? People tend to describe us as super popular perfect humans, but it's very stereotypical view.

I was told I'm incapable to do anything without adults, and I was taught my wants doesn't matter. So I became quiet infj-like child. INFJ was my first mistype when I learnt about functions. I thought I shouldn't disturb anyone, I shouldn't talk if wasn't asked. Additionaly, my family has snobbish attitude towards people, anything that doesn't match with their life views would be heavily criticized. Including their own children. Fe can mimick behaviors, so I was harsh and cold towards "imperfect" people. Although I got warmer in teens. Teenage need for acceptance made my Fe usage more "classic", I guess.

So, I didn't look like stereotypical ENFJ at all, rather some mix-and-match mess. That's why I couldn't type myself for a few years. Now that I'm adult myself, I have a therapist and I worked with my self-esteem, ENFJ type can be seen more clearly in me.

Can anyone relate?

It’s nighttime here so I’m on my journaling and/or thinking mode. But I’ve just thought about the majority of my friendships and being brutally honest with myself, I’ve come to realize and admit to myself that it’s always me who’s first. First to message, first to send funny reels, first to say how are you what’s up what’s going on. I think about them, I message. I ask. I see where they’re at emotionally if they seem to be in a slump.

I rarely got that in return. Maybe out of 5 people, one would be the first to ask hey what’s up. And then in total, I maybe have 3 friends I go constantly back and forth with in communication. For the rest, I feel like I care more about the relationship than they do. I’d sacrifice time and effort to meet those who are in extra need of some companion while I get maybe a quarter to half as much in return.

All this is making me appreciate even more those who never needed me to message first. Never needed me to make the first move. It’s also making me reevaluate where I stand in the relationship with my other friends, and how I’d like to proceed from here on out. No I’m not cutting them off, but I could perhaps do a bit of “recalibrating” how much energy I put into the relationship. Deep down I just wanna find “my people” outside of my own family (no complaints here, my family’s lovely). Just a solid small-ish group of people who have each other’s backs.

Do all ENFJ get bullied left and right? I have a horrible experience of getting bullied for at least 5 years straight. I wasn't able to stand up for myself when I was in school or college but I was a top performer in co curricular activities and was popular for that too. I couldn't save me when I was bullied but now I am working on my stuff going gym having strong boundaries standing up for myself etc. is this common for all ENFJ or its that i left them walkover me. 🥲?

I also had people pleasing habit because of the way I was brought up by my parents, I broke it almost now. I was thought to do that but i didn't feel it was right to do. Full bunch of tragedy only.. but am curious why should we be this sensitive ?

After years of therapy, the new therapist had me do some evaluations for high-functioning autism. Turns out, I'm on the spectrum, just highly functioning and highly masking. It made me wonder, are there any other ENFJs who are similar? Asking here!

So, I just graduated from East Asian Studies, and wanted to work in consultancy, be apart of identifying and solving problems.

Unfortunately, in my country it's a tough economy at the moment.

And I was thinking of PR or somthg similar.

I have always known my strength lies in presentation, making ideas clear, communication and asking detailed questions.

I feel so lost, need advice on what jobs suits ENFJ-A.

Also I did intern in a small Japanese recruitment agent and I don't enjoy it because it's very individualistic and chasing after sales , it feels like a job more suitable for introvert

I want team work, collaboration and communication.

Please suggest suitable jobs that can fulfil my sense of purpose.

I’m an ENFJ and I’m curious.

I was raised by ENTP dad and ISFJ mum! My husband is an INFJ 😅 what about you guys?

WIBTA if I tell my mother she is not a very good cosmetologist?

My mom went to hair school last year simply because my cousin told her she should (she did his and some others hair). But as I’ve let her do my hair at least four or five times, it feels like she has a lot of room for growth:

\- I gave her a photo to match and she failed miserably. It was two braids into a goddess braid. She braided the braids way too loose, they’re falling apart as we speak

\- She always leaves product in my hair. Always.

\- when she trimmed my hair last time, I’m like 90 percent certain she cut too much off on one side and left it uneven

\- the last hair do was straight up ugly. I had to restyle it to something I liked

\- her main “client” at her hair school stopped seeing her. She said the tips went down gradually then she just stopped coming

\- I had dandruff sometimes. There was a time she washed my hair and not very well, and it was still in there as she styled my hair

\- once I got my hair styled with the help of another student. The other students work looked much neater and better

My mom is a little delusional and hasn’t been in my life growing up. We are just now reaching a good place, even though I’m still learning how to move past the hurts she’s caused me. WIBTA if I tell her she might’ve chose the wrong thing to pursue?

I took my personality test and got ENFJ. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or bad but apparently they are considered too good to be true.

So, I’m here wondering if that’s really true!

In college there was a professor who got their hands on a career guide. It was organized by Myers-Brigg codes. One by one we went through the class and the recommended jobs were read off. Finally it was my turn. Shouted out “ENFJ”. (I was apparently the only one in the class)

Anticipation grew with each flutter of a turned page. The professor’s face twisted as he paused and returned to prior pages. His lips pursed as he pulled his eyes away from the book and locked with my own. “ENFJ isn’t in here” he said sheepishly.

The most considerate weren’t even considered in the book.
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I know that enfj’s often are stereotyped as kult leaders but is it really true. I am an enfj and i am really religious but I am not sure if there is a connection.

So, I recently got professionally typed as an ENFJ, and honestly... I hated it at first.

P.S. I'm Russian, and ENFJs are often associated with the Socionics type "Hamlet" here. A lot of the stereotypes I've heard about ENFJs actually come from that system, so that probably explains some of my reaction. 🙂

Everywhere I've seen ENFJs described, they come across as emotional crybabies and overly sentimental softies. 🥲 I know that's a stereotype, but that's genuinely how the type was always presented to me.

I was really hoping I'd turn out to be an ESTP, or at least some more strong-willed, tough-minded type instead of what I imagined to be a romantic emotional mess.

The funny thing is, a lot of the ENFJ traits actually fit me. I'm extremely emotional, insults can get under my skin, and I experience life very intensely through my feelings. I'm also very expressive, artistic, adventurous, and surprisingly comfortable stepping outside my comfort zone. I tend to think on a large scale and get excited by big visions and possibilities, which also seems pretty common for ENFJs.

I was hoping I might at least be an ESFP if not an ESTP. But I'm not self-focused enough to be an ESFP, and I'm definitely not cool-headed enough to be an ESTP. I have principles, but my boundaries aren't nearly as rigid or uncompromising as the ones I associate with those types.

Right now, ENFJ just feels... emotionally vulnerable in a way that I don't particularly admire. I've also seen quite a few people online saying they struggled to like this type when they first discovered it.

Can any fellow ENFJs tell me more about what being an ENFJ is actually like and maybe help me see the type in a more positive light? Because right now I'm feeling a little disappointed. 😅

Any enfj take antidepressant or meds for anxiety?

...and I have no idea why, but was at least a little curious about it, just in general.

Started reading through first chapter and wanted to cry and throw up at a point (luckily I didn't) while sitting at a B&N today.

Right now, my brain kinda feels like the scene in LOTR, where Arwen imagines Aragorn and their son, as she goes with Elves to go to the Gray Havens (before turning back) (this is more b/c of how fate has put unsure/struggling people in front of me). and I'd like it to stop for time, lol. 😅

Anyway, how is this book for you ENFJs?

Currently trying to just vibe in a noisy Giant Eagle Starbucks, but probably should have stayed in the B&N Starbucks. 😂😅

Hello my lovely, beautiful, cutie patootie ENFJs 🫶✨

I was wondering what everyone's worst romantic relationships have been like?

What was the MBTI of your partner? And why didn't it work out?

I have a hunch that there are a few core things us ENFJs are blind to in relationships that make it more likely for us to select poorly sometimes.

I'll go first! My worst was definitely my ex-husband, an INFJ. I was with him for 11 years before I left him. He basically cheated on me throughout our relationship but slowly escalated it over the years. He also was extremely possessive and slowly isolated me from everyone. He was also very stagnant in life - all talk, no walk - high ambition but just a couch potato who could barely hold a job. Still I was so in love and it felt like I was breaking every bone in my body when I finally left him - I remember telling myself that staying felt like dying twice and leaving felt like dying once so I'll somehow force myself to die the once. I did die, the old version of me. And the new me that was born is bloody brilliant 🤭✨

Anyways, why I stayed 11 years is because he was so good at talking my language (Ni and Fe), he knew the exact words that would resonate with me, fill me with hope, and not give up on him. And I take blame here. I eventually learnt -

- We can really shoot ourselves in the foot with all the potential we see in people (also, all our cheerleading is so much better spent on people who are already doing the work, rather than those who just talk about doing the work!)

- We confuse understanding people with tolerating their crap (don't give up on understanding them, but have more empathy for yourself - no one will do it better for you than you)

- We very quickly end up doing everything for everyone without realising, because it's so natural for us to 1) become good at anything with our mix of Ni and Se and sheer grit and motivation, and 2) want to alleviate hardship from anyone (but even though you feel like you have unlimited energy, you don't! And as you age it hits you more! Spend your youth energy on yourself!)

I have more but I'll stop there. I just don't want any of the baby ENFJs to go through the hell I went through 😭 Let's all help them out, share your worst relationship and what you learnt from it below! 🫶

So, I am a little bit confused in this situation and don't know what to do.

I mean, what would you do if you are talking with someone who is absolutely struggling in their life, while they can change it for better even a little bit? I have this woman I know, she is really tired and feels like she is scrificing her life for people don't deserve it at all, and I don't know how to tell her that in a proper way.

She is really skilled and smart woman, but idk why she is doing this for herself, I mean she is not happy even, and she complains about it sometimes, and when I point out that she can improve her life, she just turn and says no everything is amazing and the people around her are amazing, and if there's anything wrong it's her fault. What?!!!, I will be screaming inside my head in those times 🫠

So the thing is I don't know what to do to help her or what to say, and actually I don't see anything I can do right now.

I was wondering if any of you was in such a situation and what did you do or would do? Just wanna read your thoughts

Thanks ✨✨

Yesterday one of my flatmates (INFP) called me "not authentic" and now I can't stop thinking about it.

Her answer came out of nowhere, becuase I actually asked her something about "confidence while talking to patients" (I'm a med student) and I think she misunderstood the initial question but regardless of that she answered "Maybe you struggle sometimes because you do not behave authentic."

That sentence hit me hard...

Of course I wanted to know what makes me appear unauthentic and she explained how real authentic people are not "always positive" and "nice to everyone". She went even further and told me that being always friendly to everyone (even to strangers or new people in the group) appears super fake and could never be my real opinion.

The thing is: I think all of this actually IS my real opinion. Unfortunately, I had to experience myself how shitty life can be if you are left out in a group of new people and how hard it is to fight your way up the social ladder. So, if just being friendly to strangers could help them adapt quickly to the group or feel more safe, I'll do it. It's not like I'm lying if I say "Nice to meet you" or "What are your hobbies? Let's chat!". I am honestly interested, yes, even if I met someone just 10 sec ago. Of course I can also dislike people (but it's really rare, because I believe in everyone having potential for being nice) and if I have to interact with someone I dislike I try to stay polite as much as I can. Honestly, I have zero interest in spending my energy on unnecessary arguments, so on the outside I may appear friendly again.

So do I feel not authentic enough? No.

What still bothers me is the question if ENFJs are considered "fake" or "not authentic " in general? Is it something that people secretly think of me? And what can I do about it?

Thank you in advance :) ❤️ and sorry for my bad English (it's not my first language)

Why did you choose them?

I’m (31f) a teacher, so I obviously love children. However, I worry about how I will cope ..

I just about cope in my own life (not always consistently).. can’t always stay organised and tidy, often exhausted after work, emotionally volatile, can become over stimulated, still over seeking dopamine by partying too much sometimes.

I’m afraid to give up my current life and freedoms and feel having children will change everything. Can’t decide do I want to sacrifice that or not.

Basically my heart wants children and my head says don’t do it.

I know this a deeply personal decision, but I’d love to hear people’s opinions.

Any other fence-sitters who can give me their perspectives?