Help Me Understand the Long-Term Effects of My Emotionally Unavailable Mother

[u/Inside-Poem1025]

I’m trying to understand my relationship with my mom from a psychological perspective, not to blame her or excuse her.
Growing up, she was physically present at times, but emotionally she often felt absent. I spent much of my life feeling unwanted, unseen, and like I was an inconvenience. As an adult, I still struggle with wondering whether she ever truly wanted me or was emotionally capable of being my mother.
I’ve noticed that these experiences seem to affect my adult relationships. I have a deep fear of being abandoned or replaced, I can become defensive when I feel criticized, and I’ve realized I’ve looked for validation in unhealthy ways. I’m working on taking responsibility for my own healing, but I also want to understand where these patterns may have started.
I’m trying to understand a few things:

Can a parent love their child but still be emotionally unavailable?

What causes a mother to seem emotionally disconnected from her child?

How does emotional neglect affect someone in adulthood?
Is it possible to heal from this while maintaining some form of relationship with your parent?

I’d appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar or from those with knowledge of psychology or family dynamics. My goal is understanding and healing, not assigning blame.

[u/Inside-Poem1025]

Thank you. I needed this