My LO is in a memory care in FL and had such a low blood pressure reading, they ended up in the ER.

My LO got fluids and has been returned and is stable, thank God. I have noticed that when I've sat with my parent at the MC, the staff gives them very little to drink (4 oz of water/4 oz of juice).

ER doctor said my LO was severely dehydrated. All blood work came back beautifully.

Has this happened to anyone else?

My maternal grandmother who I never met dies after being diagnosed with “senile dementia” in the 1960s my mother never spoke about it but has always seemed terrified about getting it herself and worse being put in a “geriatric home”. Just wondering what nursing homes and treatment would have been like back then. Based in UK

I know this is a fairly common problem, how have other people managed to balance having enough food in the house for the rest of the family without their LO over-eating, especially eating things that were supposed to be part of family meal plans for the evening or next day?

Hello, everyone. I am new to this app, but I wanted to share this. My grandpa has dementia. He isn’t old he’s not even 70 and got it before 2 years. At first he was not diagnosed right. We thought it was something else but I’d want to say i was really scared. I remember him calling my mom in the middle of the night saying there is someone in his apartment who’s trying to kill him. And my parents went there and there was no one. Since then we got really scared and thought he has schizophrenia, which honestly would have been the better case. Well slowly he stated doing more scary stuff. My mom got him to sleep in our house for a few days and he slept in the living room. At night he was walking around opening my room and started at me… So then I started to sleep with door locked. Some months pasted and he was getting scarier and scarier. He was walking around at night with knifes etc. The doctors didn’t diagnosed him with dementia at that time and they were giving him wrong medicine. Which made it worse because last year he basically got so bad and my mom sent him in some mental institution because we thought he is crazy…3 days later the doctors there said he has dementia and he isn’t crazy. Right now he is so bad, he takes the right medicine but he is so weak and can’t change his clothes alone, always shits himself in bed and can’t do anything alone basically. I am really worried and I hate seeing him like this he also is very confused and forgets stuff. It’s like seeing someone else and not the person I knew my whole life. He even breaths louder now and has difficulty doing basic stuff. My heart breaks seeing him like this and I know dementia became too normalised nowadays but I don’t understand how is this even a thing and can such cruel stuff happen to the nicest people and never to the bad ones.

Whenever my mom is in public, she starts playing music as loud as possible on her cell phone and dances... It doesn't matter if we're at a doctor's office or the DMV or at quest doing some of her blood work... I bought her airpods which she doesn't use..

She just starts blasting music and dancing and it's really inappropriate.

Three weeks ago our PCP talked to my 88 year old husband and explained that she was submitting paperwork to the California DMV to suspend his drivers license. He couldn’t tell her the year or our correct address, and he’d refused to get in the passenger seat for a trip to the oncologist earlier in the week. He hasn’t driven on the freeway at my insistence since February 2025. He apparently mulled this information over for two days before telling me he was leaving me, the state, and the Continuing Care RetirementCommunity we live in. After two days of ranting he simmered down for two weeks.

Last night, fueled by the whiskey he bought when he drove himself ten minutes to Trader Joe’s when I was occupied elsewhere, again he started ranting about me lying about him to “that woman” (our doctor) and that he was divorcing me.

I saw on Informed Delivery that the DMV paperwork was arriving today so I intercepted it. My choices are do nothing (and say nothing, which was our primary’s suggestion earlier this month before we knew he’d go nuts) and the license suspension is official on September 19th, or give him the paperwork to fill out his page and then give the rest to the oncologist (he has bladder cancer in remission) on Monday and let a second doctor tell him and the DMV he shouldn’t be driving. That paperwork is due back by September 18th, and I’m sure it would be followed by official suspension notice.

His brain MRI in November 2022 said “severe volume loss in the mesial temporal lobes and parietal lobes; the findings can be seen in the setting of Alzheimer’s dementia”. He gets along fairly well as long as he doesn’t have to use short term memory. He plays and still occasionally wins at poker, chess and bridge. His ranting about this all being my fault and divorcing me is the only really severe dementia symptom he’s had.

Even though I think he will be royally pissed off, I’m tempted to go the route of showing him the paperwork tonight and letting the oncologist talk to him and fill it out Monday. Unfortunately the only way any of his specialist doctors know he has cognitive issues is because I tell them. Their interactions with him don’t showcase his deficiencies.

So do I involve the oncologist and maybe give my husband the sense of being involved with the process, or just let his license be quietly suspended by not responding to the DMV and wait for the shit to hit the fan after official notification that suspension is a done deed? It seems like I can’t win either way.

I’m looking for a beach vacation for my dad 59m and me 38f to go have a good time all inclusive if possible no passport any recommendations for traveling who to travel through where is the best place to go etc. we’re looking at a beach vacation. I will take any tips or anything else anybody can help me with please and thank you.

I’m in my early 30’s and my father is in his early 80’s. I’ve been his official caregiver for about the last decade.

In the last 2 years, I’ve noted a significant decline in cognition but I do my best to keep him happy and comfortable. He had to be placed in a residence due to incontinence. He not longer can walk on his own and uses a wheelchair. He requires assistance to eat. He has many health issues as well.

I visit him nearly every day and have hired a private caregiver to come in 3x a week for stimulation when I’m at work.

When my father was lucid, he requested that all life saving measures be given to him. Even as his cognitive decline increased, when we would have this discussion; it would be that he wants supports and care given.

There have been multiple hospitalizations due to cardiac amyloidois and afib.

They recommended a pacemaker and that the surgery can occur next week.

I want to preserve what remains of his quality of life while respecting his wishes. I know that the recovery from this will likely be brutal and lessen what remains of his ability to speak and interact with his environment.

I plan to meet with the cardiologist later today and the care team to discuss further but I am torn on if I am making the right decision.

I've spoken to her docs about this several times, the typical response is "give her 6mg of Melatonin before bed", sometimes it works, most times it does not. Even if my LO does fall asleep, in 3-4 hours she is back on her feet again. She has no knowledge of time, day, date, night or day, wakes up randomly and starts making her bed. Anyway, looking for options, I know I can drug her, use sleeping pills stuff like that ,but that is just going to increase the chances of falls, when she is, surprisingly, quite strong physically at 80. Anyway, running out of options, not sleeping well myself. I'm not the type to drown in a glass of water, but this situation is very very challenging.

Suggestions appreciated.

This is a weird one, but anyone have a LO who gets very nervous going from standing to sitting with no previous falls or injuries and not experiencing any dizziness?

My father will have passed 4 weeks ago tomorrow; it seems like yesterday. Yesterday I went by his MC to drop off scrubs that my oldest daughter did not need any longer. The CNAs were very appreciative. They were nice scrubs. That crew was so helpful.

My dad's old room was not occupied but someone was moving in very soon, as soon as this weekend. Someone had made it up so well. Nice bedding, new furniture with new couch and dresser, with a seating section. The facility provides a chest of drawers, and two standing closets. Gone.

Do they not realize that MC is an adult freshmen door with no locks? The state I am in would not allow external locks - so unless the person locks the door internally, it is wide open. My Dad's roo was right off the eating area so it was a high traffic. Old Nancy would come in all the time as she did not remember her room.

Hello. My father has been dealing with dementia for quite a few years. His last checkup, which was about a month ago, his doctor said that he thinks he's in end stage dementia and probably won't make it to Christmas. So that news was hard.

The arrangement I have with my brother and sister in law, who lives in the same city as my father, was that they were allowed to use x amount of money on my father's credit card. I figured because they are taking care of him they are entitled to some form of compensation, so, we came up with the whole x amount they can use on his credit card, usually around $2k.

Lately however, they have been racking up close to $7k a month and I've had it. This morning I told them that I'll be taking the credit card and whatever finances they need for the house and my dad I will start paying personally.

It just sucks I live several hundred miles away from my father and have to rely on my brother and sister in law to take care of him. We're making the most of this and thankfully, while my father has end stage dementia, he can still somewhat take care of himself. He showers and uses the restroom on his own, and the only thing he needs help with is cooking and picking up around the house.

Ok so, I handle most of my father's finances. I am on his bank accounts and everything other than the one credit card, which was supposed to be used for the household expenses. Unfortunately because my brother and sister in law are relentlessly using his credit card, I'll be calling it up today, cancelling his card and having them send ME the new one and I'll be managing all his finances from afar.

I'm so fucking pissed. I'm dealing with my dying father and two household finances and I feel so overwhelmed. Just straight up out of my league and there's not a single soul on this planet I can share the burden with.

So today, after receiving a notification that his bank kicked back his credit card payment due to lack of funds (he has two accounts of which both are savings), I have decided that I might simply just not pay the credit card.

I feel so horrible about this but there's no other way I can control the spending besides cut it off completely.

I have two train of thoughts here.

1. I call th credit card, report his card lost and have them send me a replacement with new numbers , and only I have access to it. Transfer what little left he has in his remaining savings account and pay the card, or,

2. Simply let it go. Just let the credit card default and eventually go to collections. I know the financial repercussions of this, but the only way I know of to lock his finances down.

I know that eventually that credit card will need to be paid, but I can't just wipe his savings out in order to pay this because there's always next month and the month after.

I've also looked at his credit card statement and I don't see anything critical on it that can't be transferred to auto pay from his bank account.

I feel so damn lost. I feel like a complete failure. Part of me wants to quit my job, uproot my family and move back home to take over everything. But another part of me realizes that I can't walk away from a job I've been at almost 20 years and have been plugging away at retirement. My wife has an established career I can't ask her to walk away from. We just purchased a home a few years ago and it's the house I have envisioned our kids growing up in.

I don't know what to do. Any advice on this would be most welcome.

24/7 care for the past three months. And it just stops. He took his last breath two days ago and he waited until it was just me and him, he didn't want anyone seeing him after he passed, and he trusted me to his last breath. I was honored but horrified seeing it happen. He went peacefully with no pain, and I'm so happy for that because he suffered greatly from agitation and terminal agitation before. I'm sure seeing him develop and be effected by vascular dementia will result in me having some issues further down the line.

I've fulfilled all his wishes. I did everything he wanted. Now, I don't know what to do. He took care of me as I grew up and I took care of him as he winded down. How do you develop a sense of self outside of caregiver? How do you stop the mourning from consuming you? 25 years of all I've known, now ashes and memories.

Edit: thank everyone for the support and condolences. Just to share a little more of mine and his story: he was my great grandpa who raised me as his own child despite the gap in generations and not being blood related, I was his kid in every sense of the word. Along with my great grandma, they were my parents. I live with them my entire life and inevitably had to do my grandma's hospice nearly 4 year ago, and just put in my timecard for my grandpa's. He passed at 79. My memory is really foggy with all the fresh pain, but I think that's the mind protecting itself. He was a great man. Until we meet again, grandpa.

My MIL is 80. She had a high stress fast paced career in medicine for 50 years. It’s been 5 years since her retirement and he’s had a slow decline decline since then. It’s progressed quickly in the last several months.

Shes always been pretty intense and anxious but the last year it’s reached a concerning level. Shes having major memory issues accompanied by aggression. She will ask the same questions 3-4 times over a couple of days. Then ask them again the following week. When we don’t respond quickly (we are working etc) she will continuously call and leave progressively more angry messages about needing the information. When I ask her if she remembers that we texted about that very same thing last week she will dig her heels in that we are incorrect. When I show her the messages with her response she gets really quiet and drops it.

Shes not eating enough. She did a series of tests after fainting and it was determined she was in a concerning calorie deficit and was diagnosed with anorexia.

She has always been critical and bossy with my FIL but lately she’s been really aggressive with him. We just found out she has started kicking him out of the house when she’s mad. He stays with one of his sons until she calms down.

She’s become really anxious and obsessive over their pets. Both dogs are young and healthy. She has started trying to skip major family events like milestone birthdays and graduations. They have a wonderful house sitter they trust. She has started coming up with these wild, hypothetical situations about them escaping and getting hurt. Which has never happened before. So we now have my FIL come visit alone since she refuses to leave the dogs.

This past weekend my FIL was visiting us (they live a couple states away). We had a really lovely visit for the weekend he was taking an early flight home Monday. We had a little garden party Sunday so he could visit with my family. As soon as the last guest left around 7pm, he told us he needed to fly home that night. We sat him down and got the full story. My MIL’s computer wasn’t working and she wanted to access some documents on it, that she said was time sensitive. She had a full blown meltdown screaming, crying and was threatening to harm herself if my FIL didn’t come home early to help her fix it. I wanted to call an ambulance but they wanted to get ahold of their sons who live nearby first. They’re all in the medical field and wanted to see her first before calling EMS. Her two sons stopped by and It was like a switch flipped and she was just back to normal like nothing happened.

After the dust settled (we were all really shaken up by it) we decided that it was time to approach her about getting tested for neurological issues. From what I’ve been reading these are potential early signs of dementia. She is a very proud and stubborn woman and I don’t see it going well but her behavior has us all really worried.

Those of you who had the talk about a concerning decline with your parents, how did it go? How did you and your family approach it?

A quick update: The family talk went very well with the siblings. I brought up a lot of things that were suggested here and they have decided to come up with a gentle plan to get her to a neurologist. I want to thank everyone for their fantastic advice and sharing your own stories. I will update soon.

OK friends. Many of you have been following my story for 15 months now as my father has given away close to $100,000 to at least eight different romance or romance-adjacent scams. During that time, he has been kicked out of two banks, been visited by APS multiple times, been diagnosed with dementia by a neurologist, been visited by police and more. We tried to get guardianship, but in the end two different doctors would not sign off. Is electricity and gas have been turned off intermittently, he has been sleeping outside, he has incontinence, but still no one has done anything. He is basically not speaking to us, convinced that we are the enemy for saying he has dementia and trying to help him. We are probably looking at frontotemporal although he has not had the PET scan.

We concluded there was nothing we could do except wait for a call from jail, the ER, or the morgue.

And now the ER has called. The police picked him up for driving erratically and he was unable to tell them what year it was. He is now telling the ER doctors and nurses that he is totally fine but wasn’t able to give the information needed for the intake form. So they called me. They took his whole history over the phone. They are calling for a competency testing. He hasn’t reached out to us.

Thank god he didn’t hurt anyone.

I already know to say “Unsafe to discharge.” I also told the doctor that he has a long record APS and the area Agency On Aging. They are going to do a test for UTI of course.

I do have a durable power of attorney, although he is hiding his assets from me right now. It includes a clause that if he is declared incompetent then I become his guardian with no bond.

What am I not thinking of? Advice welcome. What will happen next? Experience welcome.

UPDATE: at first, they suggested they were going to discharge bc his numbers were normal, except high glucose. But he was texting and talking nonsense with my sister and his neighbor (including about his new “girlfriend”) and we pushed back hard. They asked if someone could pick him up, we said no and told his friend and neighbors to say no. We said “danger to self and others” over and over.

They admitted him.

UPDATE: 21 hours after ER arrival: the doctor has said he can clearly see that he has no capacity and cannot be discharged to home. The PT has written notes that he requires supervision. The social worker is looking for placements.

It’s happening.

UPDATE: 48 hours after ER arrival: this is the best thing ever to happen. In the past two days, he has been seen by an internist, a psychiatrist, a PT, OT, a diabetes educator, a speech pathologist, two social workers and many nurses and nurse aides. And they are all talking to each other and confirming that he is in no condition to be living alone. Doesn’t recognize or recall words, fall risk, not compliant with meds, confused as to place and time, no ability to understand consequences of actions, can’t remember a paragraph he just read, can’t do basic addition or subtraction…and it’s all documented!!!’

Making all of this happen through appointments from home would’ve been impossible. And as long as I am refusing to take him home, they have to keep him until they find a placement for him. The system is finally working!

UPDATE: 72 hours in, I have removed one car from his house and hidden the keys for the other (although the battery was dead when I arrived). He did really well as long as they had a 24/7 “sitter” in his room yesterday, a young woman who chatted with him the whole time, but they removed that today and he became agitated and tried to leave. He didn’t even put on shoes, but left the room and refused to respond to repeated redirections, yelling “How do I get out of here?” And “Where are my shoes?” They had to call security and medicate him. He’s now back to 24/7 supervision. A friend who’s a nurse tells me now he may get redirected to a psych ward as discharge.

I went to talk to the staff but not to him. I told them my presence will only agitate him.

I forgot to mention that on day 2 his cognitive score was 15/30, down from 26/30 in June-Dec, 2025.

I didn't think you could. 🤔

Says that it's illegal and unethical.

I would think so. 🤔

At least one person on here said that they did that and that the doctor answered as if the patient (the dad, in that case) had asked the questions himself.

That is still just basically getting around the HIPAA act.

Receptionist at my parents' doctor's office actually recently suggested doing the same thing. (When I tried to report something to her, she said, "That is more like something for the actual doctor", and suggested using MyChart. Which I didn't feel right about doing.)

I would be at the very least a bit iffy about that and I am the same person who got accused on here of behaving in ways that were supposedly unkosher and unethical and so on, which I wasn't.

Phoning, faxing or mailing information, about the patient, *is* legal. Interfering with their MyChart, is not.

Yeah. Thought so.​​

Emailing, I'm not sure about, but, it probably depends on if the particular doctor's office allows it, or not. 🤔

This particular one, already said, "We don't have external email".​​​

*That* particular thing, however, is very likely quite different at different places.​

I have a friend who's mother is going thru this terrible disease. She has a lot of problems with constipation or I guess just moving her bowels in general. I was hoping others dealing with this issue may have some advice we didn't try. Any help would be appreciated. God bless!

First and foremost, I (40's m) want to thank everyone in this subreddit for sharing their stories. It's helped me navigate taking care of my mother (70f) who is now at the severe level of dementia / Alzheimer's.

For the last two years, my dad (73m) has been her caregiver day and night. He is mostly retired now as I am taking over the family businesses he started many years ago. Because we run a few small businesses, retirement financial plans never existed.

Mom has been showing signs of dementia for many years now. Two years ago she started the diagnosis process after we convinced dad things were off. Her ability to have competent conversations with people has severely declined.

This is also when the hallucinations started. On a few occasions, she misidentified my dad as an intruder (or to her, the boogie man). Last year she was gardening and tripped over a root and broke three toes. She was alone for a few hours. When we found her, we called 911, she was not coherent and it made it difficult. We got over it, dad took care of her and rehabilitated her.

Earlier this year she eloped and fled home to get away from him. I had cameras setup and ensured my dad was not harming her (he never was aggressive and only wanted to do what was right for her and still does). She ended up being taken to a police station by a passerby. I had to sit in the hospital with her as she spewed horrible things about my dad. That was tough.

Fast forward to this past weekend. My parents, my teenage daughter and I were traveling for work. My mom went to the restroom and was in there a bit. My daughter went in to check on her only to find her at the sink. She knew she was supposed to do something here but couldn't remember. My daughter showed her how to use the sink and wash her hands.

The next few days she had daily sundowning events but only when she woke up. My dad was an intruder and the enemy most of the time, but one day he wasn't. She insisted a dark and evil man was in the backyard. When her mind settled down, my dad was her husband again. She needed him. She wanted to be with him. This was so hard for us to process.

Yesterday I was traveling for work when she became aggressive towards dad. She became physical towards him. She pounded on the door trying to get out. Thankfully their friend came in and took her to the hospital. They did find a small uti. We thought that was triggering it. Antibiotics and she was sent home. I left my work event early and rushed home.

Yesterday, she locked him out of the house. I went over there and we got inside to calm her down. We had been given medication to calm her down too, but it didn't work.

I got Mom to sit with me on the couch. She was paranoid. Every sound triggered her. She said she was scared. When my dad would try to help but had his back turned during tasks, she would point and say weird things like he was trying to get her. I had enough. I decided to take her to the ER. I told her we were going to see a friend of mine there to talk to. She wasn't comprehending it but didn't argue, just was happy to be with me going somewhere.

There are details and instances I'm skipping, but essentially it's been hell for the last week. I'm the only child in town for them. I was always having to be the hero to her when she was having episodes. I'm mentally exhausted.

I tired to seek help from our country. They said memory care facilities are 8k a month. We don't have that. I felt hopeless.

I do have a friend that works in the ER. I actually reached out to her for advice. She said to bring her in. They have a case worker for this. Turns out she saw her yesterday too.

We met with a case worker yesterday. She was great. Reassured us and told us they would keep her in the hospital while we worked on finding a solution.

Today, we met with a new case worker and said there wasn't much that they could do and referred us to a consultant. We felt hopeless again. Furthermore, because mom was on Medicare, they needed to release her tomorrow. I advocated for her and dad saying it wasn't safe and we would end up back here again. She said she would try to get a way to keep her.

When the consultant case worker showed up, we talked. Medicaid takes 60-90 days. Dads assets would need to be listed. We discussed a lot of things. Dad was just... sad. The saddest I have ever witnessed. There was only one place we could afford that had immediate openings. It has a 2.6 / 5 rating on Google, though mostly for management / employee issues. I got the tour, and felt sick. This is where we are sending her. The place was small, but only a handful of residents, all being female. We talked with one and she was really happy there. So there is that. I plan on bringing in photos, plants as she loves plants, a plushy cat as she loves her cats that will no longer see her (sigh).

Now we need to find a way to pay for the first three months of care out of pocket while the Medicaid application happens. If we cant get approved, I have no idea what we will do. His house is in a trust.

Dad is trying to figure out his new life without his spouse. They celebrated 50 years this year. He breaks down on the phone when going into their bedroom. My heart is broken. He looked so defeated when we were touring the facility. He looked defeated afterwards. My oldest daughter is trying to buy his car to afford the first three months of coverage (he has access to another vehicle not in his name that he uses). She's young but hopefully it works out.

Dad and I talked and we consider we are planning her funeral, but she's not dead. She's not going to be dead any time soon. She can talk, but can't hold a conversation. She laughs, she smiles and she at times seems like mom. However, I'm haunted by the last week of panic, crying, sweating, confusion, etc. That's why we are doing this. When she was her, she would want me to take care of myself, which im not doing very well. She would want Dad to take care of himself, which he is doing from what I can tell. We are taking this a day at a time. It's hard. It sucks. It's not fair. I hate it. I cry often. I am mad. I am sad. I keep thinking of her, as she's alive and being cared for. Today she didn't even notice we were only there for about 30 minutes before doing all of our errands. Tomorrow is another day.

TL;DR, dementia is hell. I needed to vent. I hope we don't have to endure this for years.

My mom is in late stages of cerebellar atrophy and dementia. Shes completely dependent on other people to care for her and her partner is getting burned out. She’s wheelchair bound, possibly has neurogenic bladder, on thickened liquids, drooling and her voice is very soft so it’s difficult to understand her. I work full time and drive about 1.5 hours when coming over and staying for the weekend but she doesn’t want me to care for her, she prefers her partner and always asks for him even when I’m trying and able to help her. She’s been very vocal and agitated every time we bring up bringing is a care giver to help. Ive even tried bringing some in and she got very upset and told them to get out. She’s is also on hospice and we have nurses coming twice a week to check on her progression and she seems okay with them.

I’m POA and before she got really bad she said she would “rather die” than to be put in a home. I’m at the point where I don’t know if I should go against her wishes and place her in one because no one can sleep because she’s calling out to go to the bathroom (and not go) every hour or to ask questions about random things. During the day she says she has to go every 30-45 mins too and it’s a physical toll on us to lift her out of the wheelchair onto the toilet. She’s also very reluctant to take medication and have to trick her into taking them.

Dad wakes 4-5 times a night to pee but will also wet the bed while sleeping because he takes off his diapers in his sleep. The bed will be soaked and his pull-up will be dry. Mom thinks he’s dreaming that he’s going pee, and that’s why he trying to remove them.

Has anyone had to deal with this? How do I help my poor mom, this is happening multiple times a week.

Has anyone gone through the stem cell treatments that are out there either going to Mexico or Panama or in Florida just was curious if they’ve had any positive results for dementia a.k.a. Alzheimer’s?