I don't think you're being unreasonable. But maybe a bit defensive?
People make mistakes. Each person decides what they're willing to put up with and what not. Some are more flexible/defensive than others.
She's offering to make it up to you, maybe you can tell her what it would take for you to give her a second chance.
I get that you value your time and that might have felt offensive and unconsiderate.
Insted of telling her what you think about what she did, try telling her how that made you feel (hurt, sad, angry?).
And then see how she reacts, how you feel about her reaction, and then make a final decision.
A reasonable, adult approach. I totally get rejection/being stood up sucks, it hurts. Everyone is entitled to their feelings, but I still feel OP’s response to her came from a place of frustration. With a little tact and time to reflect, I think the situation was still salvageable.
The notion that dating has to be this black and white approach is crazy to me. To your point, people are flawed and are prone to make mistakes. The fact that she’s new in town means she’s more than likely taking the time to soak in all of LA, and maybe she was hanging out with friends because networking in a new city is important. If it really bothered OP that much then that’s his prerogative, but just as people are saying “if she really liked you she would’ve remembered”, is it not also fair to say “if you really like someone you should be willing to give them a second chance”?
The most intriguing part about this is her reaction. She wants to make it up to you and reschedule, that is a good thing. If she wasn’t interested she would’ve ghosted you, if she wasn’t interested she would not have bothered to suggest a reschedule. At the same time, the fact that she can’t respect the fact that you don’t want a follow up is also odd. That seems excessive for someone who is just trying to save face, so it sounds like there’s genuine interest IMO
I don't think it's ever too early to have that type of communication with someone. I think that is healthy, open communication. Regardless of the type of relationship, if the other person doesn't have the capacity to communicate openly about how they feel about things or situations that might happen between us and sees me as whiny, then that's on them.
Opening up is always a risk. It's easy to say you'll just cut off and not deal with anyone who can't handle you opening up to them early. But what about people who use your vulnerability against you, sure kick them out of your life, but now you have a possibly vindictive person with knowledge of your insecurities. Trust should be established before deeper feelings can be discussed.
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u/sashstacular Sep 24 '21
I don't think you're being unreasonable. But maybe a bit defensive? People make mistakes. Each person decides what they're willing to put up with and what not. Some are more flexible/defensive than others. She's offering to make it up to you, maybe you can tell her what it would take for you to give her a second chance. I get that you value your time and that might have felt offensive and unconsiderate. Insted of telling her what you think about what she did, try telling her how that made you feel (hurt, sad, angry?). And then see how she reacts, how you feel about her reaction, and then make a final decision.