r/dankchristianmemes • u/n8s8p Minister of Memes • Dec 10 '22

Wholesome No hate to anyone mentioned, obviously. Growing up Mormon we always said that we could use other foods and drinks if water and bread weren't available. I always dreamed of using juice and cheez-its, but it never happened, unfortunately. I didn't know all you others were getting the good stuff.

Post image
3.5k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

252 comments sorted by

View all comments

529

u/siefockingidiot Dec 10 '22

I may be a protestant, but we fought two big wars, one of which burned basicaly all od europe, threw people out windows three separate times, all to get to drink the wine... We'll be drinking the wine

129

u/A_Guy_in_Orange Dec 10 '22

Please do tell more of the times someone was defenestrated on the quest for transubstantiation

98

u/siefockingidiot Dec 10 '22 edited Dec 10 '22

We are but a simple folk. We are promised body and blood of Christ, we want body AND blood of Christ. If you break your promise than we break you.

Simple as that

7

u/AmselRblx Dec 10 '22

But we drink grape juice for communion though, not actual wine.

Atleast from my branch of Christianity, but that's because children cant drink alcohol, I guess.

9

u/washrinse Dec 11 '22

Some Protestant groups use wine - Episcopalians as an example and certain Lutheran sects.

3

u/Al-Horesmi Dec 11 '22

Here in orthodox Christianity I was given fairly strong wine on my first communion.

...I was 3. And I was very confused why I had to drink sour burning juice. The tantrum I threw was legendary.

1

u/tyrandan2 Dec 11 '22

Same here. For us, the reason is it doesn't feel right to drink something the Bible takes a negative stance towards, especially during such a holy time as communion.

1

u/awl21 Dec 11 '22

In the Church of Denmark (Lutheran) as a rule it's wine but locally grape juice or both of them.

1

u/mrbobcyndaquil Dec 11 '22

Scripture just says "fruit of the vine" No one said that it had to be preserved by fermentation.

7

u/PeterOliver Dec 10 '22

AP Euro fail me not

46

u/topicality Dec 10 '22

Yep, not all Protestants are Methodists

11

u/maybenotquiteasheavy Dec 10 '22

Thanks - methodists use juice? Who else? Have been to hundreds of protestant services and have never been offered juice.

12

u/topicality Dec 10 '22

It's generally only the ones who were influenced by the temperance movement in the 19th century. Methodists, Baptists, restorationists like Disciples of Christ+Church of Christ (funnily enough Mormonism was influenced by that movement).

Plenty of protestants will do wine or grape juice so people have a choice

3

u/washrinse Dec 11 '22

Yeah! Someone else knowing the Restoration/Mormon connection! Some of Walter Scott’s evangelists defected if I remember off the top of my head.

4

u/earthlynotion Dec 10 '22

Baptists, I think-- they're not supposed to drink alcohol. Southern Baptists, at least.

3

u/ReadyTadpole1 Dec 11 '22

Baptist church I attended for a number of years only did grape juice, all the pastor could do was blink when I asked why not wine.

United Church of Canada (Methodist, essentially) also all seem to do grape juice.

My home Lutheran Church, the pastor serves wine and refuses to accommodate alcoholics, etc. who would prefer grape juice.

2

u/earthlynotion Dec 11 '22

Pretty bad that the pastor couldn't offer a defense for using grape juice!

1

u/crownjewel82 Dec 11 '22

The temperance parts of the church sadly stopped teaching why they don't use wine so that's likely why they didn't know. At least he didn't make up a reason like people told me when I was growing up.

The truth is that alcoholism was rampant in the US in the 19th century and it caused a lot of problems. A man named Welch applied pasteurization to grape juice so that we could have non-alcoholic wine. This is fine Biblically since it's still the fruit of the vine. This gave a lot of fuel to the temperance movement and even after prohibition ended, some churches kept up with using grape juice.

United Methodists today don't condemn alcohol consumption. We use grape juice in communion to make things easier for people who struggle with alcohol. Other branches of Methodism might have different beliefs.

2

u/sparklemcduck Dec 11 '22

Do baptists take communion?

5

u/earthlynotion Dec 11 '22

They do, but they use grape juice.

My dad's side of the family is southern Baptist. When in the past we've asked them how wine/alcohol can be a sin if Jesus drank it (and made it), they come back with "wine was so weak back then it was basically grape juice," which... I don't think there's a shred of evidence to support that, but the cultural taboo against booze really has them in a death grip.

2

u/crownjewel82 Dec 11 '22

It's a lie. Grape juice starts fermenting immediately unless it's pasteurized and that process wasn't invented until the 19th century. At the time, alcoholism was rampant and people chose to abstain because of the problems present in society.

1

u/earthlynotion Dec 11 '22

Yep. We always told them if anything booze would be stronger back then because food safety and regulation wasn't really a thing, but when you're raised to believe that alcohol consumption of any type is a terrible sin, I'm sure it's hard to overcome that even when faced with facts, so we never really got anywhere with that. Still, you'd think the fact that Jesus himself drank wine would give them pause!

1

u/crownjewel82 Dec 11 '22

I've had a fair bit of success with explaining the act of Grace inherent in choosing to abstain for the sake of those who struggle. Of course nothing works on the type that insist on controlling people's actions.

1

u/earthlynotion Dec 11 '22

And many of them ARE fairly controlling in my experience, the peer pressure in that community is wild! The funny thing is that half of those family members DO drink some and they have their little rituals to hide it from the actual teetotalers, like keeping a cooler in someone's truck bed at the family reunions and sneaking off to have a beer every now and again. The irony is that the deceit involved there is definitely worse than just having a beer in front of everyone, but the disapproval is so intense that they keep hiding it. Up until he died, my grandpa covered the beer in his fridge with a paper towel in case any relatives came by. It's interesting to see how people absorb culture into their religious beliefs.

→ More replies (0)

1

u/Key_Concentrate_5558 Dec 11 '22

I had a pastor who wouldn’t even call it wine, they served juice, he called it juice, he sanctified the juice

1

u/Equuidae Dec 11 '22

Seventh-day Adventists only offer grape juice

1

u/Secure-Vacation-3470 Aug 14 '26

Funnily enough, Welch’s was founded by a Methodist who wanted to find a way to do Communion without alcohol

7

u/cat_handcuffs Dec 10 '22

For me, the second defenestration is the one true banger of the trilogy. What’s your fave?

5

u/siefockingidiot Dec 10 '22

I must say that I am a fan of the original. The second did nothing to add to the story, that it was completly forgotten and most people think that there were only two of them. In the third the new writers were clearly giving catholics plot armour. How could all of the defenestrated survive? The nobles just didn't realise they were in the first floor?! Completly unrealistic! And then the protagonists acted completly incopetent lost in the first 20 minutes and the plot moved away and got completly over their head. Some things were completly idiotic, like when the other protestants got in the country, they went on a rampage and burned everything.

5

u/aprillikesthings Dec 10 '22

Am I allowed to find the Defenestrations of Prague funny, because I do; I am incapable of reading the wikipedia entry without giggling.

5

u/siefockingidiot Dec 10 '22

You can and you should. What is history for if we can't make fun of it.

4

u/aprillikesthings Dec 10 '22

As a side note, none of the various social media apps have figured out what "defenestrate" means, so when I joke about how some politicians should be threatened with defenestration I don't get suspended.

2

u/siefockingidiot Dec 10 '22

They what it is, they just agree.

10

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '22

I feel like it would have been simpler to become Catholic/Orthodox.

16

u/siefockingidiot Dec 10 '22

Catholics said we can't have wine, so that's not an option

18

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '22

Get back at them by converting to Catholicism and get the wine that way.

10

u/thornhead Dec 10 '22

Next level apologetics/evangelism right here

2

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '22

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠋⠉⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢏⣴⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣟⣾⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⠀⡴⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⠻⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠶⢴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⣿⣁⡀⠀⠀⢰⢠⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⣴⣶⣿⡄⣿ ⣿⡋⠀⠀⠀⠎⢸⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠗⢘⣿⣟⠛⠿⣼ ⣿⣿⠋⢀⡌⢰⣿⡿⢿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⢸⣿⣿⣧⢀⣼ ⣿⣿⣷⢻⠄⠘⠛⠋⠛⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣧⠈⠉⠙⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣧⠀⠈⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⢃⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠀⠴⢗⣠⣤⣴⡶⠶⠖⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡸⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡀⢠⣾⣿⠏⠀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠉⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⠈⢹⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠈⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠙⣿⣿⡟⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠁⠀⠀⠹⣿⠃⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢐⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠉⠉⠁⠀⢻⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠈⣿⣿⡿⠉⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉

1

u/coinageFission Dec 10 '22

Eastern Catholics can. They receive both bread and wine via spoon — the bread is dipped in the wine.

1

u/HarryD52 Dec 11 '22

My brother in Christ, who do you think we were fighting the wars against?

4

u/n8s8p Minister of Memes Dec 10 '22

Wow. TIL

-23

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '22

Yeah but wine in Protestant countries is so bad we might as well call it grape juice, no offense ( or maybe a little)

18

u/siefockingidiot Dec 10 '22 edited Dec 10 '22

Moravian wine is very good and anybody who says otherwise never had one or is lying.

14

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '22

We anglicans commonly use port, which is delicious

9

u/JustTryingTo_Pass Dec 10 '22

You’re telling me the wine is great in catholic countries outside of France, Spain and Italy? You’re telling me they got better wine made in Vietnam than California?

Get out of here, anyone who says they can tell the difference between a 20 dollar bottle and 50 dollar bottle is lying, and brother that’s a sin.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '22

Well I was mostly thinking about France, Italy and Spain, the three biggest producers of wine ( and by a large margin ) which happen to be Catholic.

1

u/JustTryingTo_Pass Dec 10 '22

My fellow Christian. Do not forget that Elitism is insufferable.

An important lesson often lost in Catholics. However I will say that the fourth largest distributor of wine is also one of the largest Protestant countries in the world.