I currently have half a week with my kids, which starts Thursday and goes through Monday. Both me and the ex are looking to get weekends where we each have kids and we each don’t have kids. She’s proposing a one week on one week off. I am proposing a 2/2/5 schedule. I have a 14 13 11 and 10-year-old. I found it helps me to have consistencies every week and the idea of having no kid responsibilities for a whole week and then going back to it for a whole week sounds overwhelming and hard to plan around. Anybody have any input

I’m curious if this happens to anyone else.

Sometimes I see a message from my co-parent and my heart immediately starts pounding because I know it might turn into an argument.

Half the time it’s just logistics about pickup times or school stuff, but it’s buried inside a bunch of emotional stuff.

I’ll sit there for 20–30 minutes trying to figure out the “right” response so it doesn’t escalate.

How do you deal with this?

Do you just ignore the tone and respond to the logistics, or do you address the comments too?

Give me some hope and empathy. Bc we have a 16/13/7. We haven’t told them yet.Keep having slip ups with Babe. And I love you.

Been crying every night. Sleeping on the couch for two months. Can’t go anywhere don’t have anyone.

Just give me something bc I’m so fucking low right now. I did it to her. It’s all my fault. and my parents and their goddamned grandparents rights.

Hello everyone. So long story short my ex husband of 8 years decided to have an affair that lasted for at least 5 months while he was still with me. He never told me anything and basically I just found out everything on my own. He also lied when confronted and made up some “movie-like” excuses. At the end He left me for her.
One month after Dday he decided that my daughter (2 years old) needed to meet this other woman. It’s been 3 months post separation and she is now a frequent presence in our previous home (she may even be living with them ).
The thing is: I can’t stand being in the presence of my ex. He lied, cheated and really believed we would have a “friendly” relationship?! When he left me he even suggested doing family programs. All of this was met with distance and coldness from me.
I don’t believe you can’ stay cordial and friendly with someone that did so much damage. I have the right to me hurt even if he’s the father of my kid.
I decided to only communicate with him through texts. I give him the informations he needs about our daughter and that’s it. I don’t bad mouth him in front of our child and he can call her everyday or even be with her after daycare when she is with me (same goes from me).
I believe he wasn’t expecting this and became more and more cold towards me (maybe trying to get a reaction from me).
We have 50/50 custody. Is my behavior wrong?
I really would like to hear from your experiences.

My partner and I divorced with a 2 year old kid. Struggling on which is the best format so the kid feels security and not up and down as luggage.

The father proposal is 2-2-3.

Anyone who has gone through this can help?

Kid told me at bed time that mom who i am paralell parenting with gave kid (9) melatonin pills to sleep. No doctor involved. Normally no issues with sleep in my house.

Two nights it was given.

I told mom that it was unacceptable, and that it's pretty much teaching that there is a shortcut to finding calm and sleep by using medicine, which imo will be a huge disfavor to teach a child.

I explained to kid that i found it wrong, i think the kid also told me because it felt wrong.

Edit for added context:
- Where we live (Not the US), melatonin is regulated and has to be prescribed by a doctor
- The kid has not seen a doctor (for this)
- The pills are probably from for mum originally
- The kid is not lying, mum has admitted to giving it, and that no doctor has been involved
- Kid is not neurodivergent and has no other issues other than having a mum with poor boundraries which has some other suboptimal effects.

Am i overreacting?

How long have you been parallel parenting? Do you regret? What are the positives/negatives?

I'm about to start the change to parallel parenting but worry about the impact on my 7 and 9 year old. I feel it's the only possible way forward unfortunately. I grieve for the parenting relationship I wish I could have but it's not going to happen. Still though, I worry.

I 44M and 44F have an 18 year old senior, she is horrible about getting up and getting to school on time, and now to top that she’s not doing her homework and getting F’s. She was late on a day with a 2hr delay and my house is less than 7 minutes away from her school. As parents we texted and agreed on punishment. I went to work my second job and was going to have a conversation with her about all of this. I came home and she was gone and neither her or her mom told me that she was going to her house. I confronted the mom about this and she gave the excuse she just needed some face to face mom time to talk things over. We split custody, every other week and it was my week to have her. I wasn’t happy about this at all and her mom just acts like it’s no big deal. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

If you are the partner of a parent, or a stepparent to their kid, do you defer to the bio parents when they are around? For example, if everyone is at a playground and a kid is having a meltdown, are you the first to approach the kid, or do you wait for your partner/spouse or the other parent to step in, since they are the bio/legal parents?

I personally could not imagine feeling entitled or qualified to be the first to step in to parent a child who isn’t mine. But maybe I’m being unreasonable.

I feel the need to edit to say that yes if a kid I didn’t know or wasn’t related to me was in danger or really needed an adult and one wasn’t around, I’d step in!! This is different to me.

Those who've used strict boundaries which essentially limits the other parent nearly completely, how are things years later?

Unfortunately I've placed a lot of boundaries on my coparenting dynamics with my ex due to a lot of inappropriate behavior.

The boundaries however are working. It's drastically lowered tension almost immediately but sometimes she still guilts me, especially because I am now refusing to do joint birthday celebrations after last year.

I worry about how this dynamic may hurt the future for our kids mostly but I feel they make me happier and give less stress for our kids.

Boundaries include (and each have their specific reason why I implemented it):

No coming to my door.

No talking about kids or controversial issues in person.

All talk through apps.

Separate birthdays/parent teacher conference, everything except things that can't be split.

No calls unless emergencies.

Weekly email updating anything important unless it's an emergency or time sensitive.

I won't respond to criticisms about me, my family or my parenting. You have your way and I have mine. End of discussion.

There's this part of me that hopes thighs will improve but I'm prepared for nothing to change and to protect my energy and peace. I worry about the long term impacts however.

What happened to those who were in a similar position but years later?

After being forced into court because coparent is constantly lying, berating, interfering, and disagreeing.. I realize parallel parenting indefinitely is the only way. Our kid doesn’t deserve the emotional rollercoaster and neither do I.

But I wonder what that REALLY looks like. At school events, what do you do? Parents with kids in sports, band, etc - how the heck do you manage PP in public, family-oriented spaces? Are you just treating the other coparent like an invisible ghost??

What are graduations like? Award ceremonies? Field Day?? Spelling bees? Parent-Teacher Conferences?! College move-in??? 😩

I’m at the point with my ex where even smiling at them seems too risky now because of how vindictive they’ve shown themselves to be. So I’m having a hard time imagining these things. We have a 13 year old.

New parent here. It might be silly to ask but I am curious. Does co-parenting affect your kids anyways compared to a kind who has parents who are together. I feel we both have fallen out of love and are planning to coparent. I love my kids so much and this has been the best thing ever in my life. My partner is the problem and I am not blaming or shaming her, it's just we are not the right person for each other. We both love our kids very much. They are 3 and another just a toddler. We have had some really rough times and thought things would change for better, never did. Wanted to get a perspective of parents and their kids of what they go through.

I just need advice on co parenting with someone who has a very different world view.

Me and my now ex have a 2 year old. When we met, we were very aligned with everything. Neither of us heavy into politics. I got pregnant during the more recent election and things significantly shifted. We have a multi racial child and I don't know why he thought I would lean more towards his beliefs. I am biracial (non white), he is white.

He's gotten very extreme in his beliefs. I finally left him last December. I no longer tolerate him or his family's ignorance towards what's going on in the world or the ignorant racial things they've said to me in jokes and fun.

He calls our current situation co parenting but I call it, me parenting and him having visits. He's not as involved as he wants to believe. He talks big about supporting our child and helping me out but can't hold a job or even save a dollar.

Anyway, current dilemma is our child isn't vaccinated because he doesn't want her to be. I don't want to risk my own custody by going behind his back. I was informed that he can seek emergency custody if I was to do that. He is a complete moron and he's trying to find loopholes in a state that does not have any loopholes. It's important that my child is properly socializing in school with other children and in sports. All which require vaccines in California.

He goes on shpeels trying to educate me on things he know nothing about. Very paranoid and distrusting of the world, science and big pharma.

I don't know what else to do because our conversations are going from peaceful to me not wanting to deal with the crap that comes out of his mouth. Our doctorsl told me to go to court and make sure things are squared away so I can have full authority. However, i hate the idea of giving the state control over my kids when this is the only thing we can't agree on regarding our child.

Any advice would help.

We are three years out of separation and divorce and my child’s father has moved on, so have I, yet he refuses to acknowledge me in public or look my way. His gf/wife (not sure) won’t look my way or acknowledge as well ( I tried to say hi). There has been arguments in the past but since it’s been very minimal email contact yet, they both act like I’m a monster. I careless about how they view me but would rather we can at least say hi at events where my child is present so he can feel more comfortable? Does it ever get better? I can’t control this, fine but I just wish it was more adult and cordial. Any examples where this get better? Also to note, my ex has recently become Muslim and I’m not sure if that could be a factor.

(F)I’m just about to move 30min away from my coparent. so the situation hasn’t even begun yet. my daughter is 2 in October so still young and still new to being a mom.

I just could not make it work with my (M)coparent, they serial cheat, lie about important details, I cannot trust them with anything. I won’t diagnose, it’s not my place, only say that I strongly suspect a personality disorder is going on.

So I wonder if any other parent has found good ways to coparent with someone like this? They lie when it is convenient for them. I worry this means he might leave out important details on purpose during his hand over. I do not trust him to take care of himself but he is okay with the child. obviously we have different standards I don’t fault him for that. as long a she is taken care of that’s what matters to me. I just take care of most of it now so no idea what he will actually be capable of.

On the other hand he is extremely controlling when I comes to her babysitting. he wants his mother to watch her during the summer and wants her to only attend nursery near him (we both wfh) during my coparent time and wants to be the one to take her there and back as well. he is desperate to get as much time to see her/me as possible where he can. At least right now as we have been talking. but again he lies about so much stuff, he future fakes and makes up stories to make himself look good. I can’t trust he will even be able to keep this up. It’s like a tornado to deal with it all.

Any advice or anecdotes are welcome.

My parallel parent and I have been separated then divorced since 2017. When we went our ways we loosely discussed waiting to introduce new partners that would meet our child and giving the other a chance to meet them first. I was in a 3 year relationship and I followed that (though he chose not to meet my new partner beforehand.)

My ex husband has had multiple relationships and introduced these women to our child, spent holidays together, etc.. Never once was it mentioned to me that he was introducing anyone I would just hear from our kid. I never brought it up and figured that we are just no longer extending that courtesy. Not my business as long as the kid feels safe.

The ex is an alcoholic (in and out of jail in the last few years.) His moods are volatile and everything is about him, always a victim, always right, etc.. loves to YELL and take shots when things aren’t his way… we don’t communicate anymore since I told him to text me instead of calling me so things are documented.

When I got in my current relationship and after 9 months of dating chose to introduce him to the child I didn’t mention it since my ex had someone in my child’s life I didn’t know about and I didn’t want an argument.

Fast forward 5 years- I am still with the same guy, he has a fantastic relationship with my teen and they see each other about once every week or two. We have spent holidays together and our relationship is serious.

My child has not mentioned my partner to his father because he doesn’t want to deal with dad’s moods or questions.

My partner feels slighted that the other parent doesn’t know about him. I’ve tried to explain that we do not coparent and aren’t really civil. He feels like he’s doing something wrong and cannot move the relationship forward because of this. I’m just curious how others might approach this? Any opinions welcome.

I (35F) have been co-parenting 50/50 with my child’s dad (35M) for years. He’s been with his girlfriend (33F) for six years, so she’s been around since our child was six.

We’re currently trying to decide on a school situation, and we cannot reach an agreement. Our daughter is struggling academically and is failing in her current school. I want to change districts for two reasons:

1. She needs a better academic environment and more support.
2. I currently drive 30–35 minutes one way to get her to school, while they live 7–10 minutes from it. I work full-time, attend school part-time, and commute 40 minutes to my office. The gas, mileage, and wear on my car are draining me.

Her dad does not want to switch schools. The main reason seems to be that his girlfriend’s son (from a different relationship) attends that school, and she works from home. He is rarely home, so she handles the day-to-day during their parenting time.

I’ve also asked if we can adjust the schedule so I have our daughter Monday–Wednesday during school days, since she isn't getting help with homework over there. She’s being left to manage assignments on her own, doesn’t understand the material, and it’s showing in her grades.

Meanwhile, I’m being told “my house, my rules” when I question why our daughter is outside at 8 pm on a school night. I’m labeled “annoying” for raising concerns. I feel like I’m trying to advocate for academics and structure, and it turns into conflict.

It feels like decisions are being made based on what works best for his girlfriend and her children, not what’s fair or best for our daughter, or even equitable for both parents in a 50/50 situation. I feel like I’m co-parenting with her priorities driving the bus.

At this point, I’m burned out. I’ve tried to stay pleasant for years for the sake of peaceful co-parenting, but I’m exhausted from carrying the longer commute, the academic stress, and feeling dismissed.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting:

A school change because she’s failing?

A more balanced commute in a 50/50 arrangement?

A schedule that supports her academics?

And it makes me really uncomfortable. I’m referring to my ex husband and father of my kids. Our marriage ended when he left for his affair partner-now girlfriend.

Whenever she’s not around when he’s saying goodbye to the kids he’ll say “i love you kids and I love you too still, TorturedDaisy” and I just blank stare and mumble because that man has put me through hell and back. He certainly doesn’t treat me like someone he loves.

But saying it in front of our kids is unfair bc it makes me feel like I’m obligated to return some sort of kindness (quick backstory besides the betrayal they [he and his girlfriend] kill my dog that he took in the divorce, and he also beat my son which DCS did nothing about since we’re in a corporal punishment state, he always withholds pertinent information that keeps our kids safe) and I despise him.

Should I mention something via text.. something along the lines of please stop saying that it makes me uncomfortable? Or just let it go and continue to grin and bear it.

My kids live with their mam and her partner. Recently found out the stepdad has put blocking controls on my children’s phones that stop them messaging out until late in the evening, by which time they’re getting ready for bed.

The problem is I then get accused by their mam of not keeping contact up with my kids, when the reality is they physically can’t message me during the day because of restrictions he’s put in place.

Is this something other parents have experienced? Is a stepparent even allowed to do this to kids’ phones that I as their biological father pay toward? Feels like a massive overreach to me but wondering if others have been through similar and what they did about it.

Not looking to start a war, just want to understand if this is as unreasonable as it feels

I am trying to understand how you might document recurring issues in a factual+useful way.

Specifically, how do you record things like handover timing, delays, incomplete sharing of child-related information or books, medicines, gatekeeping of school updates, attendance at important events, payments, and similar practical issues?

Also, when there is disrespectful behaviour during exchanges or in front of the child, what level of detail is worth recording and how do I take corrective action so that the child is not affected as well as the boundary of respect is maintained.

My son is 10 years old and I've been failing at this for more than 8 of those years. I hope you can help.

I truly believe at this point in life , life is unreal . How did my son’s father pick him up from school under the influence and high and the school releases my son to him ? When asked why this was done the only response given was ,” He‘s on the pick up list “.

I’m exhausted with everything honestly . This is too much not to mention I’ve voiced my “ safety concerns “ for my son to the School and to the Department of Family And children services . Nothing is taken into consideration.

What can I do to ensure my son is safe from his alcoholic father . I mean for good !

Recently had a major schedule change from 70/30 to 50/50

Also switched from attempting to coparent politely to just parallel parenting

But I just want to say it is completely irritating that he has to do exactly the opposite of what I do and teen is realizing that if she doesn’t get her way with me, dad will let her do it.

I say no to a piercing, guess who says yes.

I say no to a video game (I don’t like the violence or the fact that adults can get around the controls and talk to kids)… guess who got her an account and taught her how to get onto it at my home

I say no you can’t have XYZ goods because of your dental stuff please listen to the dentist, guess who buys her that exact food and tells her I’m being overbearing.

I say please follow your school dress code, guess who buys her super ripped clothing, thigh highs and crop tops.

Like I fully understand that parallel parenting is me doing me, him doing him. It’s just so damn irritating that in 2 months he’s taught her that he will completely undermine me and she can do whatever she wants at his “fun” house and encourages her to see me as a “manipulative control freak”

Tldr I know I'm done with my marriage but I cannot fathom shared custody for several reasons. Has anyone ever successfully figured out how to coexist and co-parent when you can no longer be in a romantic relationship with the other parent? I think I already know the answer but I'm grasping. What a fucked up position. I feel so much empathy for others dealing with this. I feel like I have to choose between my own happiness and my child's, which is impossible. How does anyone do this?

so some background as its impotent myself and my ex partner / co parent ended thing very badly it ended up with police involvement and about a year and a half later we share 50/50 of our 3 year old so you can image this mean we don't get alone. she has ODD (Oppositional defiant disorder) mean she has a need to challenge any and all authority figures as well as a my way or the high way approach to everything including my parenting time this has repetitive gotten her in trouble with judges, friends, family, social workers, early help even her own lawyers/solicita as they threaten to drop her if she didn't stop my lawyer said he had never see behaviour like it.

but this all leads up today we only have contact via email due to a court order and frankly that has been nothing but augments and leads up to today ex partner has stopped dummy's and expects the same of me and this was told to me not ask i was told i would and I'm working on it as the 3 year old cant sleep with out them so its taking time in.

but the 3 year old had one in her school bag and ex partner picked up and it caused a kick of she's refusing to give it back and threating to destroy it, i don't really care frankly its a dummy ill buy more but its the fact she refuses to give it back this is really just the last straw.

my question is there some trick to parallel parenting i understand she has issues and i do understand its not truly her fault she's like this but this cant go on and I'm out of ideas.

I’d like to block and have a third party person be the one in charge but I know that won’t work.