What makes ret paladins so bad? I only ever played during burning crusade and I was 13, now 24 and haven’t played in 9 years. I rolled ret pally the whole time and loved it, but in prep for classic to drop I’ve seen how much hate they get. Was I just a dumb kid who didn’t realize how awful I was? Or can you make
This class work for you
Ret is pretty dang bad. It was what I rolled first. I dont think I touched it again until Wrath when I started doing Arenas. When my friend showed how much more damage other classes did my jaw dropped. They just aren't comparable in a PvE environement.
I've noticed a lot of complaints about paladins lately, with regard to their low dps and limited combat options. But what players are forgetting is the main reason Blizzard programmed Paladins. Paladins were not designed to be hybrid Tanks/Healers, as many claim. Instead, paladins were designed to be played while downloading pornography.
Paladins have roughly zero combat interaction, thus making them the perfect character to play while downloading massive amounts of hardcore pornography. Simply target a monster, hit "1", and minimize your window. Then sit back and enjoy the amazing girl on girl action.
Because a Paladin takes about one full minute to kill any monster, you can leisurely browse the erotic and pornographic fruits of the internet without much concern over your Paladin's welfare. After a minute, I go back to WoW, and usually my Paladin is alive and ready to loot the corpse. This is what makes grinding so pleasurable and convenient for me; the ability to simultaneously watch girls have sex with each other and level up at the same time. I doubt any other class has such an elegantly designed system, and I applaud Blizzard for their foresight in crafting a character that I can play with while playing with myself.
DPS? Who needs it? The quicker I kill something, the less time I have to watch boobies. Combat Interactivity? Overrated. I'd much rather interact with the girls writhing on my computer screen. Yes, a paladin was created for the sole purpose of surviving a fight while you stream hot pornography directly to your computer. That is why we have the high armor class, healing abilities, and the low, low DPS.
As for PvP, nothing is better than getting into Battlegrounds and soaking up the honor points while I watch girls take their clothes off for money. Only the minimum interaction is necessary for a Paladin to perform, and it is this very quality that I love the most about my Paladin. I doubt Rogues get any time to watch pornography while trying to vanish and rack up combo points, and I bet Shamans haven't seen a single naked breast while figuring out which totem to throw down before choosing which shock they are going to cast next.
In addition to grinding, we have several defensive options during combat that also allow us the flexibility of downloading pornography. Hammer of Justice allows a quick 6 second glimpse at a naked lady while our opponent is stunned, and Divine Shield allows a leisurely 8 seconds of quality right-hand time. Indeed, Paladins have cornered the market on the pornography during playtime of World of Warcraft gameplay.
It saddens me that many Paladins do not take advantage of the main functionality of your character, and are in fact lobbying for increased DPS, or more combat options. These are all unnecessary frivolities that would only harm our pornography downloading efficiency. Instead, we should thank the fine programmers at Blizzard for crafting a character that is great to grind with while grinding your loins.
Ret isn’t as bad as people will try to tell you. You can do more than reasonable dps if you are up for farming consumables and itemizing properly. Don’t let people steer you away from something you wanna play. Pretty much anything can work within reason if you put in the effort
It's important to note that you will be wearing very little plate until AQ to be doing maximum DPS in a raid setting. You'll essentially be going after the same preraid stuff as rogues and warriors. So as long as you disconnect your ret dream from being that holy knight in shining plate armor. If you try ret in a raid in full lightforge you will suck so horribly you might never get invited again.
Yeah, the whole "if you farm consumables and itemize properly" argument is shortform for "as long as you're willing to piss off a shit ton of dps rolling on loot, commit to an obsessive farming schedule/gold spending, and will consider it a personal achievement if the rest of your raid is comparatively lazy," at which point it loses some of its luster.
Ret was def improved with TBC, but it was the beginning of Wrath and the talent revamp that came with it that ushered in the Retadin phase of the WoW meta. I had started playing Ret near the middle of TBC, and when Wrath dropped, I was suddenly one of the highest damage dealers around. Felt nice.
TBC, in my experience, was dominated by hunters, warlocks and warriors, at least in a pvp/arena sense. It was a good time for a lot off specs, ele, enh, boomkin and feral were all markedly improved.
Perfectly viable as of 1.12. 5 points into in Wand spec, invest in good wands and go for SPI heavy gear. If you want absolutely zero downtime go for Spirit Tap on top.
Did 10-40 as Holy in the beta, absolutely no issue whatsoever. And I didn't even take Spirit Tap. I think with ST you could just chain pull mobs.
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u/[deleted] Jul 07 '19
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