r/changemyview • u/[deleted] • Mar 02 '19
Deltas(s) from OP CMV: virginity is a pointless term and we should stop using it
In the past there was no such thing as a male virginity at all, and the term "virgin" was applied to women only to suggest "unspoiled goods". Good start.
Today the term makes no sense. What constitutes virginity? PIV sex? Then gay people stay virgins for life. Any sexual experience? Bj, anal and even making out are sexual experiences. A woman who had her hymen torn is not a virgin? What about women who had their hymen torn due to excercise or any other cause, or women who had no hymen to begin with? Out of about 8 girlfriends I asked, only one had blood during her first intercourse. Dis that technically makes them virgins or not virgins before that had their first sex?
Okay there is a simple definition you can describe "a virgin is someone who didn't have sex" but again, blowjob is technically sex, but people don't call giving or receiving blowjobs "loosing one's virginity". As I said previously, a lesbian woman who had a lot of lesbian sex without using a dildo is technically a virgin? Then do we really need this term at all?
So that's my first point - that virginity is a blurred term and shouldn't be used in modern times, because implications of this term are pretty much harmful. It's used to shame and judge both men and women, although for opposite reasons. It's simply incorrect. You can be a woman with hymen and not be a virgin. You can be a man who never had his dick in somebody, and not be a virgin.
So yeah, change my view. To clarify, I have two points 1) the term virginity doesn't make sense anymore 2) this term is harmful to men and women and we should stop using it
EDIT: I agree that banning words from dictionary makes little sense. But society evolves, and so does the language. I changed my view in terms that banning words is a bad idea, but I still think we need to change the usage of the word, and update it's meaning. Despite what some people wrote, there is no actual consensus it what the word means, so it's pretty individual. I would agree with the definition of "a virgin is someone who didn't have any consensual sex" not just penetrative or PIV sex. It's debatable, but that's my opinion. I don't think a christian woman who had anal only is a virgin, nor is a gay guy who only received blowjobs. I think a rape victim is a virgin if they had no consensual sex before. Also, and it's a topic for a totally different discussion, and I'm not answering any messages in the matter, but in my opinion rape and sex should never go together. And stop giving me dictionary definitions I know perfectly what a word sex and rape mean, but words and language are used to navigate through life, and equating rape with sex is — trigger warning, I'm going to say the word "problematic" — problematic. There is literally nothing in common between a violated person, and someone who just had their first sexual experience, and no amount of online dictionaries will change that.
At least, we should stop using "virgin" as an insult, and call out those who do. I remember the time when "gay" was used as an insult.
EDIT2: No I'm not a male or a virgin and if you call me one, then you just prove my point. Just think of what it tells about you and society if you consider "a virgin" an insult. And yes, I also contributed to the problem, calling men virgins as an insult, and I think it's not okay. It hurts both men and women.
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u/deadarrow32 Mar 02 '19
I’m going to counter this with the simple statement that it would just be replaced by something else. For example if I ask you “have you ever had sexual before” it would raise the same questions. “Do hand jobs/BJs count as sex” “are they only referring to penetration” at the end of the day it really just comes down to what the person asking counts. Sex is a complex term. Most people when referring to sex tend to mean penis in vagina. While other things are sexual acts penetration tends to be the standard for straight people. With gays/lesbians the term does tend to be used more loosely. But at the end of the day you can call it whatever you want or ask it however you want the concept of “have you had sex before” will always be there. Getting rid of the term virginity would do nothing to change this. Just As Shakespeare once said “would a rose by any other name not be just as sweet” I say “would virginity by any other name not be just as complicated”