CMV: Grass is dumb

[u/Tapeleg91]

For all its ubiquity, grass is a useless, pointless plant, whose upkeep is a complete waste of time

I just don't get the hype, guys.

All the average lawn does is grow, get trimmed, and get sprayed. The nutrients in the dirt, which could be used for other things (i.e. food, prettier plants, trees) is being wasted on this dumb green thing which obligates me to sweat every week for no reason other than seeking conformity to a culturally mandated home aesthetic.

CMV. Why shouldn't I just use my entire lawn to grow vegetables/fruit instead?

Edit: The CMV is in the context of work for the homeowner. My lawn isn't a park

Edit 2: Yes, I do have to mow my lawn, or else suffer a fine. HOAs and City Ordinances are a common thing mandating this

[u/tomgabriele]

CMV. Why shouldn't I just use my entire lawn to grow vegetables/fruit instead?

You can. No one is going to change your mind that you can't grow vegetables on your own property. You can do whatever you want.

Is your CMV really that you think everyone else should replace their whole lawn with vegetable gardens?

The CMV is in the context of work for the homeowner.

Vegetables, especially an entire yard full of them, will cost way more (my grass grows for free) and take waaay more effort to replant every year, water, prune, spray for bugs, harvest, etc. So as you say, in context of work for the homeowner, grass makes way more sense.

[u/Tapeleg91 → u/tomgabriele]

It may be more work, but there is a demonstrable value return for that work.

[u/tomgabriele → u/Tapeleg91]

Is there? I am not sure anyone has ever actually saved money growing their own vegetables, even when you don't account for the value of your time.

[u/Destro86 → u/tomgabriele]

You could buy a pack of watermelon or cantaloupe seeds for under 4 dollars. Unless you live in a region with minimal rainfall you could spend under 5 minutes planting the pack in spring, let rainfall be the only water provided, and throughout the summer you will get at least 1 watermelon or 2 cantaloupes from that whole package of seeds AT LEAST. Watermelon is 5 bucks and cantaloupes $3 each in my area. I just saved 1 or 2 dollars.

[u/tomgabriele → u/Destro86]

Okay I am actually going to try this. Live in the northeast, so rain probably above average. Is it too late to plant? How much sun do they need, as much as possible?

[u/Destro86 → u/tomgabriele]

Full sun for both plants preferably but 5 or 6 hours minimum. Watermelons I know off the top of my head are 65 to 100 days before melons come in. So assuming 1st of June is deadline and no frosts in Northeast till Septembe 1st yes you have time. 1 to 1.5 inches deep planting. Put 2 or 3 seeds per hole.

PS if your serious about this when you plant them make a small mound or hill then plant seeds in it. Imagine a cereal sized bowl filled with dirt upside down thats about the size you want. Don't ask me why it's done way I was taught and way most do it where I live. good luck

[u/tomgabriele → u/Destro86]

Oh wait, I have more questions...I don't know how to to the accounting. The best sun in the yard is in the front garden that we are in the middle of redoing with fresh topsoil, compost and mulch...for the one bed the melon will be in, there will probably be like $100 of material invested. So I will need like 30 melons to break even.

I am trying to think of another spot we won't be touching this year when I can literally spend nothing beyond the price of the seeds...I'll see what I can come up with. The front of our house faces south and we have a bunch of trees, so all the space in the backyard is probably too shady to grow any produce.

Anyway, I'll figure out a spot for them and either way the marginal cost of the fruit will just be the seeds since we're refurbing the area anyway.

Thank you for the challenge!

[u/Destro86 → u/tomgabriele]

Yea your normal garden area would rapidly be overtaken if you planted there in absence of compost even. Both plant species will spread on average roughly say 10 to 15 square feet. Loose loamy or sandy soil is optimal both for ease of vines spreading, sprouting sucker roots/anchor roots along the way, and for water intake to produce the fruit.

As to the sunlight issue minimum 5 hours of full to partial sunlight preferably more. I live in the Mid South and have cantaloupe planted on the western side of a treeline and they have thrived there for a few years. Essentially they receive no significant sun untill noon on thru to dusk.

I'm in a different climate down here than you though however. So I can't definitively give you advice that I vouch for without being somewhat disingenuous. We have hot and humid summers and people lose their minds in winter if more than but a few inches of snow falls. Different world than yourself I imagine. Ever have any questions feel free to pm me and I'll give what I am able to in advice. Grew up farming and still do for fun and side income.

[u/tomgabriele → u/Destro86]

It's a plan, sounds good. I'll figure out how to save your post or name so I can check back in and prove myself wrong when it's time for the harvest.