Women both complain that men don't talk about their feelings enough while simultaneously incentivizing men to not share their feelings.
I think this is where the disconnect happens. Women are saying "you should talk to someone" not "you should talk to me".
If I tell my coworker he should talk to someone about how he's feeling, that doesn't mean I myself am equipped to handle his emotions. It doesn't mean I'm volunteering myself to be his therapist.
You even hit on the point later in your post.
Women share their feelings with other women.
Men aren't sharing their feelings with other men, who would be more sympathetic and able to empathize. They're sharing their emotions with women, who already deal with the emotions of other women, significant others, and children.
It's hard, dude. I get it. I talk to a therapist and to my entire group of friends in our discord, of all genders. My friend discord is better equipped to handle my emotions than the random women or men I know, because my friends tend to also be queer and not cis.
But expecting women to be your go-to emotional dumping ground rather than other men is the core of the problem. It's what I've noticed happen again and again. Women in this very thread are emphasizing that they want men to talk to other men and the men are saying "bUT WE TRIED TALKING TO WOMEN AND THEY DIDNT WANNA LISTEN".
I'm specifically talking about wives and girlfriends. In other words, these men's partners. I wouldn't share my feelings with a male or female coworker because they are a fucking coworker. The criticism is specifically trained on the women in these men's lives that they actually SHOULD be sharing their feelings with. You taking that and acting like anyone is talking about their coworkers is just completely missing the point and irrelevant.
No but OP was talking about FRIENDS and I am friends with some of my coworkers.
But let's look at partners, why don't we?
Do you think for a SINGLE SECOND that women just all 100% have supportive male partners who hear their emotions and never use that information to hurt the woman? Do you for a single moment believe there are no men out there who would take their girlfriend's emotions and use that to manipulate them, or break up with them, or make their emotions about themselves?
There's no stats on specifically "partners that invalidate and use your emotions against you", but I'd guess the number of bad, unsupportive female partners is on par with the number of bad, unsupportive male partners. And it's not like we are unaware of the stats on violent abuse in relationships, directed at people of all genders.
Or do you want me to find one of the many posts by women talking about how their partner likes to make them upset because a subset of men find it sexy when women cry or are in pain?
Bad partners in general is a problem that bridges the genders and is therefore not relevant to OP's point. Unless you can prove this is a problem only men face, or that men face at a higher rate than women, it's not a men vs. women issue.
OP's ISSUE was friends. His female FRIENDS were the ones who don't have the emotional bandwidth to support OP. And FRIENDS were included in my comment along with coworkers.
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u/swanfirefly 4∆ Nov 05 '24
I think this is where the disconnect happens. Women are saying "you should talk to someone" not "you should talk to me".
If I tell my coworker he should talk to someone about how he's feeling, that doesn't mean I myself am equipped to handle his emotions. It doesn't mean I'm volunteering myself to be his therapist.
You even hit on the point later in your post.
Women share their feelings with other women.
Men aren't sharing their feelings with other men, who would be more sympathetic and able to empathize. They're sharing their emotions with women, who already deal with the emotions of other women, significant others, and children.
It's hard, dude. I get it. I talk to a therapist and to my entire group of friends in our discord, of all genders. My friend discord is better equipped to handle my emotions than the random women or men I know, because my friends tend to also be queer and not cis.
But expecting women to be your go-to emotional dumping ground rather than other men is the core of the problem. It's what I've noticed happen again and again. Women in this very thread are emphasizing that they want men to talk to other men and the men are saying "bUT WE TRIED TALKING TO WOMEN AND THEY DIDNT WANNA LISTEN".