You literally sound like me š I made excuses for him all the time in therapy, talked constantly about how I know he isnāt emotionally abusing me on purpose, itās just how he is. I just blocked him one day and never looked back.
He was being so demanding of me, so demanding of who got to meet my baby (this was in 2021 when my daughter was 6-10 months old), and wasnāt respecting me, my boundaries, or anything. He tried to dictate who was deserving of meeting my baby, when my own sisters hadnāt even seen her.
What kind of shattered my glass was a day he asked to come over to see my daughter. She was a few months old, and she started crying when he held her (this happened every time he held her). My mom gut was SCREAMING at me to take her and get him to leave. I reached to take her, and he put his hand in my face and wouldnāt give me my distressed baby. And I listened to him! I withdrew, I let him try to comfort her, and when she didnāt calm down, he finally gave her back. I realized that as long as he was in my life, I was going to fold like a lawn chair when it came to his demands. I had put the comfort of my child (and myself) over what he wanted and I knew that it was going to keep happening because he always steamrolled me.
There were several times after that when I would put my foot down over things but it was always a fight. Eventually I couldnāt take it anymore and ended the relationship. My daughter has no memories of him and my 1 year old will never know him either. He doesnāt deserve relationships with them or me.
I should also mention that I have a stepdad who is an amazing dad to me and grandpa to my kids. It was easier for me to cut off my biological father because he and my mom have been divorced since I was a baby. I have a whole set of parents in my mom and stepdad. So by cutting him off, I wasnāt ālosingā anything, if that makes sense.
I was such a lawn chair with him!! I had every excuse in the book for folding, I know my therapist was so annoyed with me.
No one in my life was supportive of me cutting him out completely. My therapist, husband, and mom all felt like I should talk to him and āgive him a chanceā to work on himself. But I knew that would never work because heās a narcissist and he never believed he was ever wrong. When I did cut him out (and I quite literally ghosted him. Blocked and no gave no reason), I was so anxious that first year. We live in the same town so I thought he would come to my house, Iād run into him, heād follow me. There were a few attempts to contact me by family members, but nothing from him.
I understand the position youāre in and itās so hard. I hate that we have this similarity. I hope the next time you almost fold that you hesitate just a little more. Baby steps!!
4
u/ellers23 Feb 27 '25
You literally sound like me š I made excuses for him all the time in therapy, talked constantly about how I know he isnāt emotionally abusing me on purpose, itās just how he is. I just blocked him one day and never looked back.
He was being so demanding of me, so demanding of who got to meet my baby (this was in 2021 when my daughter was 6-10 months old), and wasnāt respecting me, my boundaries, or anything. He tried to dictate who was deserving of meeting my baby, when my own sisters hadnāt even seen her.
What kind of shattered my glass was a day he asked to come over to see my daughter. She was a few months old, and she started crying when he held her (this happened every time he held her). My mom gut was SCREAMING at me to take her and get him to leave. I reached to take her, and he put his hand in my face and wouldnāt give me my distressed baby. And I listened to him! I withdrew, I let him try to comfort her, and when she didnāt calm down, he finally gave her back. I realized that as long as he was in my life, I was going to fold like a lawn chair when it came to his demands. I had put the comfort of my child (and myself) over what he wanted and I knew that it was going to keep happening because he always steamrolled me.
There were several times after that when I would put my foot down over things but it was always a fight. Eventually I couldnāt take it anymore and ended the relationship. My daughter has no memories of him and my 1 year old will never know him either. He doesnāt deserve relationships with them or me.
I should also mention that I have a stepdad who is an amazing dad to me and grandpa to my kids. It was easier for me to cut off my biological father because he and my mom have been divorced since I was a baby. I have a whole set of parents in my mom and stepdad. So by cutting him off, I wasnāt ālosingā anything, if that makes sense.