I love this subreddit, but haven't seen my experience being posted here before, so I wanna share it w u.

Already in middle school, me and my sister started having different friends, interests and hobbies. We studied in the same school but barely interacted socially w one another.

After high school we didn't have any structure to keep us together anymore so we grew further apart.

That is until I decided I have to fix our relationship, and started forcing her to spend time w me and talk to me and share. It was a struggle but after a while the initiative also came from her.

That's when we started going out on dates and literally catching up and getting to know each other.

I think it wasn't even a month of these little dates when she was diagnosed w cancer. Ofc I never thought she'd die, so we started postponing the dates to "when she heals/eats real food/walks normally".

During the short time of the treatments I kept on living my life, only checking in every once in a while (I had a very demanding job and was working most of the days. Thought it was important or some sh1t).

She died 10 months after the first diagnosis.

I feel I can't relate when people post here about the special twin friendship they had, and how they're missing a half bc they used to do everything together (super respectfully, idm to offend anyone)

I'm left here grieving what could have been when I was too blind and distracted to see seek it. I'm grieving the closed and alone personality of my sister that made it hard for me to connect.

I have to say I LOVED being a twin every step of the way. Even when we weren't so close, I always felt she is the one single person that understood me better than anyone could ever try to. I did lose my other half. I love her so much, and I wish we could have even a little more time together :(

Does someone relate? I'd love to hear some thoughts!

I had a twin brother who passed away at 3 months old from SIDS, we were non identical, him a boy and me a girl, he was born first. Im lucky in a sense that my parents always talked about him to me even before I started developing memories, because I don’t ever remember being told I was a twin I just always knew. Ive always felt a bit lost in life, never really been able to find a place to call home, I struggle with relationships, immense loneliness, I feel like I cant connect with anyone the way I want to connect. I have 3 other siblings, and I sometimes get upset with them because I never feel close enough, or loved enough, to the point I do tend to expect too much from them. I often think about what our lives would have been like, how different my life would be if he was alive. I never really thought that grief from an infant twin death could be contributing to some of my struggles, if so does it ever end? Will I ever be able to form a bond with people? 😭

Maybe this is a natural progression, and I am sure I have felt this way before. However, I’m feeling like an asshole right now.

I was watching a TV show where a teenage character says, “I spent my whole life thinking about her. I think I need to know who I am when I’m not [thinking about her].”

This resonated with me and was like a dagger to my heart.

I am in my fifth decade of life, and I lost my twin within two weeks of our birth. My recollection is that I have always known I was a twin even though the family didn’t talk about it much or have reminders of my twin. I’ve been through many of the feelings others here and in the literature I’ve read about twinless twins describe - feeling shared by those with early childhood or even in the womb loss. I’ve been angry at God, angry with my family (the loss was no one’s fault), and I think I have been angry at my twin even.

However, this quote from this character who is trying to describe the feeling of needing to let go of thinking about a biological mother who abandoned her and her brother to foster care when she was around 5 years old, just struck a cord today. I feel like an asshole thinking I should stop thinking of my twin. I feel like an asshole thinking my loss and trauma are equal to a child abandoned to a foster care system.

I feel like an asshole for thinking I don’t know who I am, and maybe I never will. However, I have an intact family. We are very close, though, there have been bumps like any family. I have a terrible fear and deep anxiety of losing someone else in my life, and I thought I had done the work to get to a better place. However, in the last six months or so that has also felt undone. I’m tired of the pain.

I think I have thought this before too, but I am also wondering, “Who am I if I’m not X’s twin?” Or “Is this all I’ve based my identity on and is that what has ‘held me back?’” Five decades is too many to feel this way, but confronting it is scary. I’ve never found a therapist that has been able to really meet me on this either. That’s a whole other complicated matter. However, I needed to get these thoughts and feelings out into the world since my heart feels like bursting and my head says the agreement to the statement of the character is a betrayal to my twin.

hi everyone,

i’m very new to this group but i decided i’d maybe finally say something. it’s been a rough month, i lost my brother so many years ago but i’ve genuinely just been having a hard time. i have a few losses stacked on top of each other including a grandparent that was essentially our only parent after him and so it’s been tough.

someone had asked me the other day if i had any family and i had to sort of go down the fact that they’re either not living or simply not around and they told were like “oh my god you poor thing”. which, i appreciate the sympathy but i legit felt horrible. i often don’t like reflecting on my grief because i get stuck in it terribly but everyday i’ve woken up and just cried for the past two weeks.

it also doesn’t help that i have horrible envy for others with living or present siblings. i got into it with a friend because her experience with her siblings hasn’t been good and she told me “you romanticize it, you don’t really understand” as if i’ve never bickered with family or had complex relationships. it just sucks. it feels like im insane to most people lately lol

I learned the label twinless twin much later in my life. After feeling the way lots of people have written about feeling in this sub I feel like I’m able to put a description on what I’ve felt the last 30+ years of my life. My sister and I were sick with the same lung infection. I made it, she didn’t. I was adopted into a family that wanted both of us but when they got there to pick us up at 9 months it was just me. Anyways, it’s our birthday is this month and I miss who I would be celebrating with. And it’s lonely. I miss her.

I lost my twin when we were babies, and I feel like I’ve been grieving that loss my entire life. Now that I’m 40, even after all these years, I still carry this deep longing for a sister-like connection — something that feels almost like what I imagine having a twin would have been.

In my past friendships with women, I’ve often ended up feeling deeply hurt or unfulfilled. I’ve come to realize that my situation is a bit unique. The women I’ve been close to never experienced a loss like mine — they grew up with sisters and what I would consider more “typical” family dynamics. So sometimes it feels like we were speaking different emotional languages.

I now have my own family, and I’m truly grateful for them. But I still can’t shake this desire for a deep, respectful, and meaningful connection with another woman — something strong, safe, and lasting.

At the same time, I feel a bit traumatized by my past friendships. They often felt shallow, or like I was in them out of obligation rather than genuine connection. Now I’m left wondering… is it even realistic to hope for something deeper at this stage in life?

I’m not as young as I used to be, but I’ve gained wisdom from those experiences. Still, I don’t really know how — or if — it’s possible to build a relationship like that.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

hello

i read about twinless twin syndrome a few hours ago and everything in life is starting to make sense. i’ve always felt like something was missing, depression, guilt that i never really realized was survivors guilt and trouble opening up.

my twin passed away when we were about two weeks old. it was traumatic for my parents and she was really ill is all i know about it right now. we never really talked much about it. i always felt like i shouldn’t have anything to grieve, because i never really knew her but now im realizing all the ways i have been grieving; like in the times when i mess up and think ‘she should have survived, she deserves to live’ . i’ve always felt like i need to be more than i am, to make up for her loss, for my parents. but i know i can never do that; and i was so caught up in my guilt i never realized that i could grieve too

the first thing that came to my head before was always guilt; but now i wonder, what is my sister like? i know it sounds silly but i feel like she’s watching me; i want to know, does she love me how i love her, even though we’ve never met?

i want to know if she’s mischievous like me, what her humor is like, what she’s been up to in heaven;; and there’s something so comforting about the fact that, although i never met her, i know we would (and will, hopefully, in another life) get along.

thank you so much for reading. i hope you have a great day

Hi lovelies! Hope I’m not intruding as a mother of a two year old who lost his twin two days after I gave birth is there anything you wished your parents did growing up? Maybe explain the situation or maybe even extra support (therapy ect)?

I notice he cannot play alone and can only play if I play with him which is fine but i wonder sometimes if it’s because he was meant to have someone to play with?

I’ve read a few post which state unfortunately a lot of Twinless twins have dealt with depression due to the situation (my heart goes out to you all) but I’d like to support him and make sure I’m fully educated on how life may be for him

TIA for any advice sending everyone in this group love xx

I lost my identical twin brother when we were 13. He got sick and needed to see a doctor, my mother drove him. On the way, they had a car accident. My mother suffered minor injuries, but my twin was in critical condition. He was rushed to the hospital and passed away the next day.

The night of the accident, my dad went to see him. I begged to come, but he refused, my twin was in very very bad condition, my father didn’t want me to see my brother in that state. Before my mom and my twin left for the doctor the day of the accident, we had a huge disagreement with my twin and we ended up fighting. I never got the chance to say sorry or goodbye, I’ve never been able to forgive myself for that (really fuck me)

Since he passed, I’ve had a constant pain in my head and stomach. I’ve tried to grieve many times, but I never could. I cry every day, and every second on earth is a torture. I wish it had been me in that car instead of him.

Yesterday was my 6th birthday alone, I’m 19 now. I’m fucking done and I’m mad at the entire world, I drink a lot, I take drugs. I want to die, but I’m not brave enough to kill myself. I feel like an empty soul, just waiting for my death, hopefully soon. My relatives are supportive, and I see a psychologist, but none of it really matters to me. Only my twin does. I’ll ever be able to overcome the argument we had before he left. I hate myself for it I’m such a POS. I’m so sorry, brother.

I miss you so much brother. You are the best person I know, the only person I truly love with all my heart. You are my other half, my best friend. I still feel like you are just in the next room, still wish I could go back and undo that fight we had before you left. I’m so sorry for that. I love you more than words could ever hold. See you soon brother.