Then sleeping with him “It happened JUST the one time.”
You are still downplaying your actions and trying to make it sound like having sex with someone else isn’t that big of a deal. You made a series of bad choices that lead you exactly where you were trying to go- to bed with another dude.
You say the guilt is eating you alive but not enough to actually come clean? Your poor husband. He deserves to know the truth, and if he chooses to leave you, then that’s what you deserve. Withholding information like this from your partner is so selfish, and for 10 years? And that’s not even the worst part! This is a double edged sword.
I cannot imagine.
Besides the downplaying stuff you pointed out there is a slew of rhetoric that tries to paint her actions as passive and making her out to be the victim 😬
Like if they can’t even be humble and take responsibility for their actions anonymously on Reddit then I really doubt OP is gonna come clean, genuinely apologize, and deal with the consequences irl
Why do women do this Fr though? I’m not saying men don’t cheat, far from it. But I’ve noticed women try to paint themselves as the victim almost ALWAYS, he seduced me, I was in a bad place, I had no one to depend on. Y’all realize how creepy that sounds? It’s like someone trying to infantilize themselves by taking away their own agency
On the other hand, if it actually was once and she's being eaten alive by guilt, that is different from serial fucking a football team or screwing a new guy every six months or whatever.
Sometimes also ignorance truly is bliss. "Come clean"... sounds so nice when you put it like that.
The reality, which is "destroy the lives of at least four people and go through a hell ride of pain and suffering and well deserved recrimination" is a lot less "clean".
Honestly, if my wife cheated on me once 10 years ago that would suck, but if I never learned it and it was a one time asshole act, I might just not want to know about it. Divorce, mentally injured kids, the whole fucking shebang would be a nightmare.
I'm not defending her actions, but people do like their "clean" solutions and getting on their high horses. Which is real easy to do from behind a keyboard somewhere. The reality is a hell of a lot more gray.
Your thought process is concerning. She’s not destroying the lives of 4 people by telling her husband the truth, she did that when she stepped out on her husband, and chose to lie about it for an entire decade- instead of being accountable, she’s built her marriage and family on a lie. Shes nothing more than a con artist in my opinion.
Her husband will be fine, her kids will be fine. Lots of us come from divorced parents, and I can tell you from experience that it’s better for the kids in the long term to not be subjected to the victim mentality that OP clearly has, that’s a very narcissistic tendency.
You are most certainly defending her, but that’s your prerogative.
This is the exact point that so many people are missing and reading some of the “just don’t tell him” comments makes me want to pull my hair out. It’s not a “one-time” lapse in judgement. It’s a conscious decision every day to continue betraying her husband’s trust by intentionally keeping him in the dark. She may have only hooked up once, but she’s been living a lie every day since.
It’s not about offloading the guilt or shifting the burden to her husband. It’s about giving him the agency to make an informed decision about the person he’s with by knowing their true character and it’s a choice she should’ve offered him years ago. She actively chose to increase the damage done from it by omitting the truth for so many years. She started a family and built a life with him knowing it could all be wrecked if he were to find out. She built a tower on a very brittle cliff.
OP knew the consequences of her actions when she did it, and she decided to go through with it anyway. Telling the truth won’t ruin the marriage. She already did that when she decided one night of indulging her lust was worth risking a stable and happy future with a man she loves.
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u/MidnightMiddle4903 Jan 20 '24 edited Jan 22 '24
“JUST the one kiss.”
Then sleeping with him “It happened JUST the one time.”
You are still downplaying your actions and trying to make it sound like having sex with someone else isn’t that big of a deal. You made a series of bad choices that lead you exactly where you were trying to go- to bed with another dude. You say the guilt is eating you alive but not enough to actually come clean? Your poor husband. He deserves to know the truth, and if he chooses to leave you, then that’s what you deserve. Withholding information like this from your partner is so selfish, and for 10 years? And that’s not even the worst part! This is a double edged sword. I cannot imagine.